Miscarried my ex's baby

[ChickiePops]

I didn't want to tell him I was pregnant until I had had my 12 week scan to make sure everything was alright.

It is certainly not a cry for attention. This is something that has happened, that has connected the two of us and let me with an attachment to him. As I never got closure from the breakup of our relationship, for me, telling him got it out in the open, and in my own head, I could then try to draw a line under it.

 

I don't really care if he believes me or not, I know the truth and that's all that matters. but I would like to think he knows me better, and knows I wouldn't lie about something like that.

 

I'm just saying..if I were him, I'd be furious.

[LuckyxGuapa]

I'm just saying..if I were him, I'd be furious.

 

Why would he be? I don't mean anything to him, he doesn't care about me, or what happens to me, he's proven that, so why would he have any right to be furious??? I sent him that message, for myself, for what I needed to do, to have some sort of closure. I needed to get it off my chest, to break that attachment towards him that I felt because of it, & draw a line under it all.

 

I'm gone, baby's gone. What I told him this morning will not have effected his day in any way shape or form, he will still have gone about his business, because what I have to say and what I go through, is irrelevant to him. He couldn't care less.

[amaysngrace]

I don't know why somebody would be angry with you for contacting them about miscarrying their child unless they're a complete and total tool.

 

Which he very well may be.

 

I think he's probably in just a different place than you are because he hasn't been thinking of you all this time while you've been forced to think of him because you were carrying his baby.

 

So he got to move on while you didn't.

 

He's not acting very nicely though. You've been through a loss and no matter how he feels about you or what he has going on in his life he should at least be kind but it doesn't sound like he is.

 

And if he's angry at you over this he is doubly unkind.

[ChickiePops]

Why would he be? I don't mean anything to him, he doesn't care about me, or what happens to me, he's proven that, so why would he have any right to be furious??? I sent him that message, for myself, for what I needed to do, to have some sort of closure. I needed to get it off my chest, to break that attachment towards him that I felt because of it, & draw a line under it all.

 

I'm gone, baby's gone. What I told him this morning will not have effected his day in any way shape or form, he will still have gone about his business, because what I have to say and what I go through, is irrelevant to him. He couldn't care less.

 

You're not irrelevant to him. That is number one here. You're clearly still very upset about the break up, and I'm sorry about that.

 

But...

 

What if a guy you dumped came to you after the break up and told you that he had had cancer but that it was gone now. Wouldn't you think he was fishing for attention and sympathy whether you believed him or not? Can you admit that there's a chance you might not?

 

You chose not to involve him in the pregnancy when you were pregnant, therefore he never had a chance to care about it. If you had involved him from the beginning (as you should have), he may have been able to support you and form an attachment to the pregnancy. You didn't allow that. I understand why you didn't, but do you see how it's pretty unfair of you to expect him to care about something he had no knowledge of? Can you see why it would be hard for him to believe at all?

 

I promise I'm not trying to be mean..I'm actually trying to help. I know it feels like he doesn't care about you, which is why I'm trying to show you his perspective.

 

Feelings do not disappear overnight. Of course he still cares about you. But whereas your pregnancy and miscarriage made you feel closer to him, to him, you telling him about it means one of several things - you didn't care enough to tell him about the pregnancy, you're purposely trying to hurt him, or you're straight up lying and desperate.

 

That's why he blocked you. It's not because he doesn't care or because he hates you or anything.

 

Now hopefully you can begin healing. Him blocking you was a blessing in disguise.

 

And to the poster who called me a tool..aren't you supposed to be super Christian or something? That's not a very nice thing to say..I can't imagine Jesus liking that comment!

[LuckyxGuapa]

You're not irrelevant to him. That is number one here. You're clearly still very upset about the break up, and I'm sorry about that.

 

But...

 

What if a guy you dumped came to you after the break up and told you that he had had cancer but that it was gone now. Wouldn't you think he was fishing for attention and sympathy whether you believed him or not? Can you admit that there's a chance you might not?

 

You chose not to involve him in the pregnancy when you were pregnant, therefore he never had a chance to care about it. If you had involved him from the beginning (as you should have), he may have been able to support you and form an attachment to the pregnancy. You didn't allow that. I understand why you didn't, but do you see how it's pretty unfair of you to expect him to care about something he had no knowledge of? Can you see why it would be hard for him to believe at all?

 

I promise I'm not trying to be mean..I'm actually trying to help. I know it feels like he doesn't care about you, which is why I'm trying to show you his perspective.

 

Feelings do not disappear overnight. Of course he still cares about you. But whereas your pregnancy and miscarriage made you feel closer to him, to him, you telling him about it means one of several things - you didn't care enough to tell him about the pregnancy, you're purposely trying to hurt him, or you're straight up lying and desperate.

 

That's why he blocked you. It's not because he doesn't care or because he hates you or anything.

 

Now hopefully you can begin healing. Him blocking you was a blessing in disguise.

 

And to the poster who called me a tool..aren't you supposed to be super Christian or something? That's not a very nice thing to say..I can't imagine Jesus liking that comment!

 

I appreciate your message, and I know you make sense. It's not that I didn't want to involve him in the pregnancy, it was complicated. We had had a massive argument at the beginning of March, where he told me to never contact him again. I left him alone. It was at the end of March, that I went to the doctors because I had been feeling dizzy. They took bloods, and it's from that that I found out I was pregnant. I have PCOS, and so my periods are irregular, so I had never even noticed a missed period. I was already 9 weeks gone when I found out. As the pregnancy had been discovered by bloods, I never bothered taking a pregnancy test. I messaged my ex and told him I needed to speak to him and could we meet up, and he ignored my message. This is when I decided to leave it for now, and in 3 weeks I would be having my 12 week scan. Once I have a scan picture, I can get in touch and tell him what's going on. It never got to that because I miscarried at 11 weeks. So it's not that I didn't involve him in the pregnancy, or chose to not tell him, I myself was only aware that I was pregnant for 2/3 weeks out of the 12.

[NopeNah]

I appreciate your message, and I know you make sense. It's not that I didn't want to involve him in the pregnancy, it was complicated. We had had a massive argument at the beginning of March, where he told me to never contact him again. I left him alone. It was at the end of March, that I went to the doctors because I had been feeling dizzy. They took bloods, and it's from that that I found out I was pregnant. I have PCOS, and so my periods are irregular, so I had never even noticed a missed period. I was already 9 weeks gone when I found out. As the pregnancy had been discovered by bloods, I never bothered taking a pregnancy test. I messaged my ex and told him I needed to speak to him and could we meet up, and he ignored my message. This is when I decided to leave it for now, and in 3 weeks I would be having my 12 week scan. Once I have a scan picture, I can get in touch and tell him what's going on. It never got to that because I miscarried at 11 weeks. So it's not that I didn't involve him in the pregnancy, or chose to not tell him, I myself was only aware that I was pregnant for 2/3 weeks out of the 12.

 

Look...IMO What's done is done.. Just leave him alone from here forward and get on with your life without him. Sorry for your loss and not to sound heartless or anything, you are not going to be tied to this guy any longer. You can now move on to the next adventure(s) that life has instore.. Take care of yourself and be the best you!

[ChickiePops]

I appreciate your message, and I know you make sense. It's not that I didn't want to involve him in the pregnancy, it was complicated. We had had a massive argument at the beginning of March, where he told me to never contact him again. I left him alone. It was at the end of March, that I went to the doctors because I had been feeling dizzy. They took bloods, and it's from that that I found out I was pregnant. I have PCOS, and so my periods are irregular, so I had never even noticed a missed period. I was already 9 weeks gone when I found out. As the pregnancy had been discovered by bloods, I never bothered taking a pregnancy test. I messaged my ex and told him I needed to speak to him and could we meet up, and he ignored my message. This is when I decided to leave it for now, and in 3 weeks I would be having my 12 week scan. Once I have a scan picture, I can get in touch and tell him what's going on. It never got to that because I miscarried at 11 weeks. So it's not that I didn't involve him in the pregnancy, or chose to not tell him, I myself was only aware that I was pregnant for 2/3 weeks out of the 12.

 

Well this explains a lot.

 

I still stand by what I said..it's not that he doesn't care, it's more likely that he did not believe you. Which may or may not make you feel better.

 

Either way, it's done now and there's no reason to try to contact him again. Good luck in your healing in every sense of the word.

[hestheone66]

Sometimes when we talk to our girlfriends we may come to a conclusion (like telling him), that seems sound. However run it past a group of guys and they'd probably say that discussing it with your gfs is where it stays. Let's face it, guys hate talking it over if it involves deep emotions his blocking of you doesn't nec mean he isn't upset or wishes things were different, it may just mean that he sees discussing it for whatever reason, as futile.

[privategal]

If telling him was something you had to do for you then hopefully eventually it will bring you peace that you mentioned it regardless of his horrible way of handling it, he will have to make peace with himself and I hope you can now make a new start, maybe even move away and begin a new adventure. To ignore anyone is abusive, though I guess if he asked for NC then he was at least clear he was done for good but this would have been a time for him to be polite. Blocking was his way and that's called conflict avoidance. Google it. But waste no time analysing him, be glad he's in your past.