LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 hi everyone, Such a long story but will try and keep it brief. Was seeing my ex for about a year. We broke up last Christmas. Stupidly I went round to his one night when he was drunk in January. At the end of March, discovered I was pregnant. Didn't know what to do, thought he wouldn't believe me, so was waiting till my 3 month scan to tell him, least then I would have a scan picture as proof. Never made it to 3 months, as I miscarried at 10 weeks. Kept myself to myself and dealt with it in my own way. Last week, I finally opened up about it to a few close friends who didn't know, and they seemed shocked that I had never told my ex. My ex hasn't been nice to me at all since we broke up, but after that conversation with my friends, I wondered if not telling him was the right thing to do. Ever since the miscarriage, I'd say, I've still felt some kind of attachment towards him because of it. And I'm pretty certain that the nasty arguments that came after January were a factor in me miscarrying. Last night, I couldn't sleep and was awake for the whole night, going over and over in my head if I should tell him. Would he want to know? Is it fair to tell him? Do I even owe him anything? I have a pretty big heart and an even bigger conscience and I just knew that if I never told him, it would always be there, in the back of my mind. Plus, I'm still having a hard time moving on from him, maybe it's because I haven't had closure and this issue, for me, is still circling round my head. This morning, I decided to let him know. I would of have rang him, only I know he wouldn't have picked up. The only thing I'm not blocked on, is whatsapp. So whatsapp it was. I sent a friendly and calm message, just telling him what had happened. I wasn't telling him to gain anything, but that something was just telling me it was only fair to let him know. I said that this issue was still very much in my mind, and for my own sanity, I needed to get it off my chest. He read the message, didn't reply, and blocked me pretty much straight away. I wasn't expecting anything different to be honest, I had asked myself how I would feel if he didn't reply or if he would block me, but made the decision to go ahead and tell him. it's his choice whether to respond or not, but as a 35 year old grown man, I just feel a bit disappointed with him. Thoughts anyone?
Bialy Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Let sleeping dogs lie. He doesn't want to communicate with you at all. 1
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I understand this, and he won't ever hear from me again, but it doesn't stop me feeling a bit disappointed in him.
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss. Thankyou x 1
JewelD Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I mean, what were you really expecting? There's a difference between telling someone something because they need to know and telling them because you want them to know. It sounds like you blame him a little bit for it since you cite your arguments as a possible reason for the miscarriage (kind of a long shot there, honestly). Did you believe because it was such a serious topic that he would suddenly talk to you again? What is there for him to say except "sorry"? Now if you had told him before the miscarriage, you may have gotten a different response, but at this point, it's not really an issue that the two of you need to deal with together. You obviously expected something or you wouldn't be disappointed with him. It's possible that the news made him upset. Idk how the relationship ended, but I can see why a person would be upset about having to grieve the loss of a baby they did not even know about. It's not shocking for you because you knew for 3 months while he had no idea. It's also possible he thinks you're lying to get back in touch with him. It's crazy, but many women do it. It's not going to make you feel better to vilify him, just understand that the relationship is over and you should not expect anything from him anymore. 3
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I mean, what were you really expecting? There's a difference between telling someone something because they need to know and telling them because you want them to know. It sounds like you blame him a little bit for it since you cite your arguments as a possible reason for the miscarriage (kind of a long shot there, honestly). Did you believe because it was such a serious topic that he would suddenly talk to you again? What is there for him to say except "sorry"? Now if you had told him before the miscarriage, you may have gotten a different response, but at this point, it's not really an issue that the two of you need to deal with together. You obviously expected something or you wouldn't be disappointed with him. It's possible that the news made him upset. Idk how the relationship ended, but I can see why a person would be upset about having to grieve the loss of a baby they did not even know about. It's not shocking for you because you knew for 3 months while he had no idea. It's also possible he thinks you're lying to get back in touch with him. It's crazy, but many women do it. It's not going to make you feel better to vilify him, just understand that the relationship is over and you should not expect anything from him anymore. I appreciate your reply. In regards to him thinking I'm lying, honestly he can think what he wants. I know the truth. I wasn't expecting for him to talk to me, but I think getting blocked, after telling him something, in my opinion, quite important, is harsh. I didn't message him for a "chat".
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I wasn't expecting for him to talk to me, but I think getting blocked, after telling him something, in my opinion, quite important, is harsh. I didn't message him for a "chat". He sounds heartless and selfish. I think you did the right thing by letting him know though, since it does involve him too. Concerning him is a whole other animal unfortunately. Some people are just unkind and uncaring. I hope you're okay. 1
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 He sounds heartless and selfish. I think you did the right thing by letting him know though, since it does involve him too. Concerning him is a whole other animal unfortunately. Some people are just unkind and uncaring. I hope you're okay. Thankyou for your reply. Like I said, I didn't tell him in the hopes that it would start us talking, however, I am upset that I was blocked, without even an acknowledgement of what I had just told him 1
JewelD Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I appreciate your reply. In regards to him thinking I'm lying, honestly he can think what he wants. I know the truth. I wasn't expecting for him to talk to me, but I think getting blocked, after telling him something, in my opinion, quite important, is harsh. I didn't message him for a "chat". Still, that's terrible news to just throw on a person in the midst of a breakup. It sounds like you wanted him to attempt to comfort you in some way, but you're not considering that he is probably feeling very upset, maybe even angry about this entire situation. and it would be a very understandable emotion. Maybe blocking you is how he is dealing with his own emotions. He obviously already wanted distance bc of the breakup, so it's not surprising. 2
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 Still, that's terrible news to just throw on a person in the midst of a breakup. It sounds like you wanted him to attempt to comfort you in some way, but you're not considering that he is probably feeling very upset, maybe even angry about this entire situation. and it would be a very understandable emotion. Maybe blocking you is how he is dealing with his own emotions. He obviously already wanted distance bc of the breakup, so it's not surprising. Thanks for your reply. This guy has been nasty and cruel to me for months. He does not care about me one bit, he has no heart, therefore, I really cannot imagine him being upset about me miscarrying our baby.
doyathinkso Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Sweety, he won't care. Stop pining for the dirtbag. Move on. 2
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 Why DID you tell himl? Because I would rather him have heard it from me, than from someone else. We have friends in common, and well, people talk don't they.
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 Sweety, he won't care. Stop pining for the dirtbag. Move on. I know he doesn't care, his actions have proven that. He is a dad already to two kids, he prides himself on being a father and loves his kids - I'm his surprised that he could block me with no response.
JewelD Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Because I would rather him have heard it from me, than from someone else. We have friends in common, and well, people talk don't they. I don't see why you would be telling that kind of news to people who are still friends with a man who treated you like crap, as you say. Regardless, you had a strong feeling of what his reaction would be and his reaction was exactly that. I agree with doyathinkso, you used this news as a means to get in touch with someone who made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you. He did not need to know nor did he need to hear it from you in particular. 1
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I don't see why you would be telling that kind of news to people who are still friends with a man who treated you like crap, as you say. Regardless, you had a strong feeling of what his reaction would be and his reaction was exactly that. I agree with doyathinkso, you used this news as a means to get in touch with someone who made it clear he wanted nothing to do with you. He did not need to know nor did he need to hear it from you in particular. I didn't tell the news to a mutual friend. I told my news to A friend. As I said. People talk. People gossip. Whilst I appreciate you taking the time to reply, with respect, whilst I am doubting whether it was right to tell him at all (hence me coming on here!) I am NOT questioning myself over whether it was right that he was told by me or someone else. Of course it should have come from me. In regards to only messaging him to get back in touch, I'm sorry but you are wrong. At the end of my message, I told him that he would not hear from me again and that I respected his wishes to have nothing to do with me, if I had wanted some kind of big reconciliation, would I have not left it open??? Like I said earlier, I didn't message in the hopes for a chat, I messaged him to tell him something. My point being, that whilst I wasn't expecting an exchange of pleasantries, I was disappointed at being blocked! 1
kidm Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I didn't tell the news to a mutual friend. I told my news to A friend. As I said. People talk. People gossip. Whilst I appreciate you taking the time to reply, with respect, whilst I am doubting whether it was right to tell him at all (hence me coming on here!) I am NOT questioning myself over whether it was right that he was told by me or someone else. Of course it should have come from me. In regards to only messaging him to get back in touch, I'm sorry but you are wrong. At the end of my message, I told him that he would not hear from me again and that I respected his wishes to have nothing to do with me, if I had wanted some kind of big reconciliation, would I have not left it open??? Like I said earlier, I didn't message in the hopes for a chat, I messaged him to tell him something. My point being, that whilst I wasn't expecting an exchange of pleasantries, I was disappointed at being blocked! So you would be fine if he read it, never responded but didn't block you? You sent him the message hoping he would read but wouldn't block you? 1
amaysngrace Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 He sounds very insensitive to what you've just been through. Try not to take personally what bitter people say. Some people are just miserable and they love to spread their misery around. Being a dad should make him more sensitive to what you've been through, I would think, but not everyone is wired the same. You should take extra good care of yourself right now and know that things do have a way of working out for the best. 1
JewelD Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I didn't tell the news to a mutual friend. I told my news to A friend. As I said. People talk. People gossip. Whilst I appreciate you taking the time to reply, with respect, whilst I am doubting whether it was right to tell him at all (hence me coming on here!) I am NOT questioning myself over whether it was right that he was told by me or someone else. Of course it should have come from me. In regards to only messaging him to get back in touch, I'm sorry but you are wrong. At the end of my message, I told him that he would not hear from me again and that I respected his wishes to have nothing to do with me, if I had wanted some kind of big reconciliation, would I have not left it open??? Like I said earlier, I didn't message in the hopes for a chat, I messaged him to tell him something. My point being, that whilst I wasn't expecting an exchange of pleasantries, I was disappointed at being blocked! And you think it's likely your friend would gossip about your miscarriage? Regardless, you're upset because someone who treats you like crap has again treated you like crap. If you didn't expect anything and didn't want to talk, then why do you care if he blocked you? You were already blocked on everything else. My point was it's just odd to expect different behavior from someone who has, according to you, been consistently cruel in the past. and even if he was not a cruel person, he probably still would have been flabbergasted at this news and not delivered a response you would have necessarily liked. 1
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 So you would be fine if he read it, never responded but didn't block you? You sent him the message hoping he would read but wouldn't block you? In my opinion, when someone blocks you, it is their way of saying f**k you. After what I had just told him, to then block me, was disrespectful. So yes, I would have been fine with reading and no blocking. I've just told you something that is quite distressing and a sensitive issue, and then you kick someone when they are down? This is what has disappointed me (getting slightly sick of repeating myself) NOT who told him, why he was told, when he was told or how he was bloody told. The point of coming on here was to say, you know, this happened, and I told my ex. He didn't reply but the pisser of the matter was, I was blocked. I find it disrespectful and makes me a bit disappointed in him, especially as he is already a dad. As a man of 35, I would have expected something slightly better. End of.
ChickiePops Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Because I would rather him have heard it from me, than from someone else. We have friends in common, and well, people talk don't they. Friends who gossip about your miscarriage are not friends...and why would you tell friends knowing that they might talk to him? I'm sorry for your loss, I really am, but telling him really does sound like a cry for attention. You easily could have proven the pregnancy to him when you were pregnant..pregnancy tests are only a few dollars..but telling him after the fact was definitely a cry for attention. He probably didn't believe you, and I don't blame him. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I truly do feel bad for you. 2
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 Friends who gossip about your miscarriage are not friends...and why would you tell friends knowing that they might talk to him? I'm sorry for your loss, I really am, but telling him really does sound like a cry for attention. You easily could have proven the pregnancy to him when you were pregnant..pregnancy tests are only a few dollars..but telling him after the fact was definitely a cry for attention. He probably didn't believe you, and I don't blame him. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I truly do feel bad for you. I didn't want to tell him I was pregnant until I had had my 12 week scan to make sure everything was alright. It is certainly not a cry for attention. This is something that has happened, that has connected the two of us and let me with an attachment to him. As I never got closure from the breakup of our relationship, for me, telling him got it out in the open, and in my own head, I could then try to draw a line under it. I don't really care if he believes me or not, I know the truth and that's all that matters. but I would like to think he knows me better, and knows I wouldn't lie about something like that.
Bialy Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 This is a terrible situation and I'm sorry for your loss, but honestly and truly... You dodged a bullet! I'd go so far as to say he's doing you a favor by blocking you completely.
Author LuckyxGuapa Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 This is a terrible situation and I'm sorry for your loss, but honestly and truly... You dodged a bullet! I'd go so far as to say he's doing you a favor by blocking you completely. He really is, but it just sucks that someone who you once got along with, now dislikes you to the point of blocking you on everything. Clearly, in his eyes, I am not worth anything.
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