preraph Posted August 21, 2016 Posted August 21, 2016 She must be pretty irritated that you and the parents are still talking. I'd be mad as a wet hen and that might account for some of her acting out.
Author geronimo Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 You need to believe that she is done with you. The onus is on YOU to not wait around anymore and hope for something to happen. If she wants to reconcile, she knows how to reach you. Checking her social media accounts here and there is impairing your own healing. Focusing on your life and following through with the things you want to do, like going to the gym consistently, and taking dancing lessons, won't change anything if you're doing it all for her. If you're doing it for yourself, it'll improve your physical health. It'll improve your emotional health. It'll place the focus on YOUR health, on YOUR well-being, and reduce/remove your focus on her. You say that doing these things probably won't change anything--sure, they will. Maybe you meant they won't change anything with HER, in which case you're likely right. Telling yourself that doing certain things to improve yourself/your life probably won't change anything is self-sabotage. You say you can't afford therapy right now. Fair enough. But you can try a dance lesson. Dancing is therapeutic. I'm sure you can try a first lesson for free or at a discounted rate. Try one and see how you feel. You can also go to the gym, or simply go for a walk/short jog. Exercise is therapeutic, too. Don't want any longer for her; it only lengthens your suffering. You only have one life to live, and maybe you don't know it, but the person you've really been waiting for is you. Make the best of reconnecting with yourself. Make the best of the life you have before you. Take care. Thank you! I agree with what you're saying. And definitely when I was going to the gym and dance, it was mostly for me but gym part was so that I can get in better shape and become more appealing to her. But I'm still so lazy that I gave that up too lol. But yea I need to move past it but its just been so hard idk why. I have stopped checking her SM for the past few days and I'll try to keep it up, hopefully it'll help. It just sucks realizing the fact that she might be completely done with me even though last time we met she kinda made it seem like she wasn't. I guess I gotta look at her actions and not her words. Seems like she might have broken up with her bf (they might have gotten back together, idk) but either way I was hoping that if she was ever done with him, she would realize how good of a bf i was to her and would come back, cuz I did treat her like a princess. But it sucks cuz most girls always get stuck on the guy that hurts them instead of the one that treats them well.
Author geronimo Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 You've got it all wrong. Sitting around moping about a girl who's been gone for almost two years won't change anything. Accepting reality and focusing on yourself and your life will change something: YOU. I have been trying, honestly! I don't want to sit around and mope, but almost all my thoughts lead back to her and every conversation I see myself comparing to the time I had with her.. Its also cuz she was my first love/RS so I know thats why it has such a big impact, but i wish i could just move past it and find somoene else.
Author geronimo Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 Letting go happens over time. At this point, it's normal to feel that you can't let go. If you keep on going to the gym and doing other activities, you will move on at some point. But you can't keep up with her on social media. Social media is so destructive after a breakup. It can really hold you back. You have to give this a lot of time. Thankyou! Yea i just wished it would happen already. There are times that I feeel better, and if you see from my activity on LS I did go through a pretty good patch where I wasn't missing her as much and thinking about her all the time, but I seem to hit it again and hard.
Author geronimo Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 I'll be blunt: You can't move on because you don't want to. Moving on is difficult, but it's impossible until you actually want to. You might be right... I don't know how to get myself out of that place. I just keep wishing she would come back to me. It just all feels so unfinished. and I still have so much love for her
Author geronimo Posted August 24, 2016 Author Posted August 24, 2016 She must be pretty irritated that you and the parents are still talking. I'd be mad as a wet hen and that might account for some of her acting out. Idk what you mean? I'm not incontact with any of her family. I did have her mom on fb for a while but earlier this year I decided to cut all ties with her so i deleted all her family and friends off of my SM.
Blanco Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 I have been trying, honestly! I don't want to sit around and mope, but almost all my thoughts lead back to her and every conversation I see myself comparing to the time I had with her. Well, it's time to stop that. It's understandable after a breakup, but it's been nearly two years. At this point, you are living in the distant past by comparing people you interact with now to someone who hasn't been with you for two years. Its also cuz she was my first love/RS so I know thats why it has such a big impact, but i wish i could just move past it and find somoene else. Most people here had a first love and it wasn't their last love. That means they had to deal with getting past that first love. It's hard, but it's not impossible, which it seems like you've subtly convinced yourself it is. Listen, it's not about finding someone else. It's about finding yourself; who you are. If you think you need to find someone else to really move on from your ex, then you're just setting yourself up for a life of codependency where you're not able to find joy in life unless you're in a relationship. Yes, finding someone new can be what extinguishes those final lingering feelings for an ex. It shouldn't be the only thing that helps you get over the ex, though. 1
Blanco Posted August 24, 2016 Posted August 24, 2016 You might be right... I don't know how to get myself out of that place. I just keep wishing she would come back to me. It just all feels so unfinished. and I still have so much love for her It's funny. You say you don't know how to get out of that place, but then you unintentionally follow that up with obvious signs why you are in that place. "I just keep wishing she would come back to me." "It just all feels so unfinished." "I still have so much love for her." It's important to own your feelings. It's also important to identify when those feelings become self-destructive. - She's not coming back. You wishing she would is pointless and akin to wishing a deceased loved one would return. - It's finished. It's been finished for two years. She's moved on to someone else. She has given you literally no indication, overtly or subtly, that she has any interest in reuniting. That's about as finished as finished gets, my friend. 1
Recommended Posts