brianls Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I asked a girl out twice and both times she bailed with legitimate excuses. First time she had to go to florida and the most recent one shes going to new jersey to surprise her parents with her siblings. Both known to be true facts through seeing it on her social media....at least for the florida trip...we'll see about this most current plan she had made. Both times ive asked her out she agreed easily and said yes to going out. But then they fell through. She texted me late last night saying "You're gonna hate me lol. We have to reschedule Saturday. my brother sister and I are driving to new jersey for the weekend to surprise my family. I didnt know until this evening" Then I replied "Lol don't worry about it. That sounds like an awesome time tho! i'm not one to get bitter so easily. But promise me next saturday?" Then she never replied (given it was 11pm and she may have passed out). Anyways....the next day at work when i saw her. we worked together throughout the day and not one word was spoken about rescheduling or her even giving me a response to my last text... I DID give her a cold shoulder in the morning when she first came in cause i was honestly annoyed she didn't respect me enough to give me a reply. So i'm planning on asking her ONE LAST TIME next week to see if she will finally be able to come through for this date. But idk how to go about it now. its been so sloppy that i feel like once the date happens it would be like i'm prying her for a date.......even tho she had legit reasons to bail both times. I wish girls would just be honest. either that or i'm just overly paranoid. what should I do?
JewelD Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Don't ask her again. She cancelled both times so it's on her to reschedule. If she doesn't, then she must not really want to hang out with you as much as you want to hang out with her. 6
jen1447 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 If sth stinks it's usually rotten, so let it go. 2
pidgeon1010 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Something like that happened to me where I was truly interested in a guy but had to cancel on him a couple of times (one of which was last minute). I proposed a new date/time. I think the onus is on her to reschedule. You've done your part. 2
ASG Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Me being who I am, I would contact her next week to propose a new date. And then see where the chips fall. If she doesn't reply/doesn't come through, you stop messaging her. If she says she's busy but doesn't suggest another date, you simply say "cool, let me know when you're free", firmly putting the ball in her court. If she's interested, she'll bite, if she's not, you move on I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I do this with everyone, friends included.
bachdude Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 She cancelled twice without a counter offer and even didn't respond to your alternative plan for a date. So you have asked her out 3x now. For me, I would assume she has low interest level until I saw something to the contrary, like a counter offer. I wouldn't ask again until she either accepts your last offer or counter offers. 5
DramaInPajamas Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Never ever ever keep asking someone out if they aren't accepting and dont call them out on it, that would just make you look desperate. Leave her to it. 4
smudge21 Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 The fact she's had reasons not to see you, but then never made another plan or asked you out later is a big red flag for me. I know it can be hard to walk when you start to have feelings for someone and want to keep trying, but all you'll end up doing is losing any and all respect she has for you. Walk now, and don't turn back. If she reaches out to you, be blunt that you thought she wasn't interested as she never made an effort to get together. You've done your part, now it's up to her. In the meantime, don't wait around. Go shopping elsewhere. 1
elaine567 Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Is this the coworker who is "out of your league" on your last thread? She is also your subordinate at work. She has cancelled twice on you and did not respond to your third offer, and now you want to ask her out again??? Take the hint. I think you should listen to what she is telling you here, unless you want to be accused of harassment. 1
phineas Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 dude, you are are looking desperate. Stop chasing & stop wasting your time. She isn't interested. 1
Author brianls Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 How can I spark interest in her? I'm given an opportunity most guys that chase her don't have. I know its bad enough we work together but I have to capitalize on the opportunity. Maybe she'll see more to me over time and if I ask later down the line again maybe she'll truly be up to it. What can I do to do this? To catch the interest of a girl you really want?
JewelD Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 How can I spark interest in her? I'm given an opportunity most guys that chase her don't have. I know its bad enough we work together but I have to capitalize on the opportunity. Maybe she'll see more to me over time and if I ask later down the line again maybe she'll truly be up to it. What can I do to do this? To catch the interest of a girl you really want? If there was any interest to be sparked, it would have happened when you asked her out twice. There's nothing to capitalize on, if you continue pursuing her you will become a nuisance to her and she may tell other people in the office about it. You don't want to be labeled as the office stalker. Put all of this effort into a new woman who doesn't flake on you. 3
Author brianls Posted August 17, 2016 Author Posted August 17, 2016 Even if both her excuses were real?
smackie9 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Giving her the cold shoulder? stop being so petty. You just made it worse for yourself being all sore about it. You want to attract her more? don't ask her out again, be chill about it, give her a little space between you. To be desirable is to be less available. 2
JewelD Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Even if both her excuses were real? That's not important for the simple fact that she did not try to reschedule. If you liked a person and you had to cancel on them, wouldnt it be your first priority to reschedule with them as soon as possible? She didnt do that so that tells you that not only is she not interested, she's kind of a jerk to not even touch base with you about it. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 You can't spark interest in her - it's there or not plus it can wain at any time. I don't think she ever had a 'lot of' interest otherwise she would have offered other times to go out. You gotta leave this one be. 1
elaine567 Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Even if both her excuses were real? Both her excuses were real because she is probably a nice girl and is not the type to make things up, but she didn't go can't make it Saturday, but I'm free all next week did she? Being asked out by the boss is awkward. She probably wanted to say no right away but felt obliged to say yes, but in the cold light of day was very glad of the opportunity to say no, due to "events" but then you asked again... so she had to put you off again, due to "events" but then you made her a third offer!!!! at that point she decided that radio silence was her best bet. People who are interested, tend to act interested. Mutual interest is not something you go "meh" about, she is just not interested enough in you to make any effort to see you or even talk to you now. 1
angel.eyes Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 Even if both her excuses were real? And then she IGNORED your THIRD date request for the following Saturday. No excuses given the third time. She just outright ignored the request, and when she had to spend a whole day working with you afterwards, didn't bother to respond or even mention your outstanding date request. Persistence when it's not clear is good. But here, she's just not interested. No biggie. Not everyone we like is going to reciprocate our interest. Recognize when that's the case and refocus on someone else. You're wasting your time and energy with her. Treat her like any other co-worker and keep moving.
preraph Posted August 17, 2016 Posted August 17, 2016 If she wanted to make another date, she'd have done so. She would have said, "I'm back Sunday night. How about we go out Wednesday night?" She isn't interested and you are putting her in an awkward position at work by not taking the hint to shut it down.
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