BoatingBabe Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 I had a long discussion with MM today about a love triangle at work....There has been a lot of drama, but I somehow got dragged into it...because I am friends with both girls. So, I started venting to him..and told him the story, but at the SAME TIME...I told him how I have no respect for cheaters and for the guy who started an affair before breaking up with his gf...and how i'm going to stop talking to them and just keep to myself.. I sent the message loud and clear how upset I was about it and how it goes against my core values... I ran into him later and he had a pissed look in his face....He also left without his usual good bye. Maybe this is what he needed to hear, Maybe he got it and will leave me alone???This was a way of rejecting him, without actually rejecting HIM....using the other situation to get MY feelings on the subject across... What do you think?
johan Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Might have had an effect. How you act toward him is more important than what you say.
westernxer Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Maybe he doesn't like the taste of his own manure...
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Maybe he doesn't like the taste of his own manure... LOL..I wonder if he'll have the intestinal fortitude to take his medicine ....
SweetSerenity Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 He got the message loud and clear. I think that was a very clever way for you to do it too.
johan Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 He got THAT message. I think the other messages he gets from you are equally important. They shouldn't be mixed. You seem to think being friends with him is ok. If you like him enough to be friends, then you must like him enough to be more. At least that's how I see it and so does he. That action contradicts your words. You said you wouldn't associate with that other cheater, but you are associating with him.
Owl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 He got the message...but I'll bet you a quarter that he's back at your office door inside a week. Odds are good that (unless he's smarter than the average bear) he's not going to take your 'hint' for long...he'll convince himself that you didn't mean HIM. When/if that happens, and he comes back to your door, tell him point blank that you're not interested, and to stop harassing you. That's probably going to be the only real way it'll work.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by Owl but I'll bet you a quarter that he's back at your office door inside a week. He was back today, making stupid jealous comments about me talking with my boss and then another male coworker....I ignored him..I wasn't my usual friendly self with him either.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Originally posted by Owl but I'll bet you a quarter that he's back at your office door inside a week. He was back today, making stupid jealous comments about me talking with my boss and then another male coworker....I ignored him..I wasn't my usual friendly self with him either.
Owl Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 So BB, when are you going to bust his chops?!?! I've told you and told you...most guys like this will ONLY respond to a direct, point blank, NO!!!! Realize this too, my friend. You are also responsible for this situation to a degree...you allowed it to continue this long because of the feelings it generated for you. You had the chance waaaaayyyy back when to tell him to get lost, but you've not done so. Its up to you. No one can make you do anything. But realize it's your choice to let things go on, which means its your choice to live with the consequences of whatever happens at work as a result. Regardless, good luck to you.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 Today he saw me checking out a couple of new guys at work....So he goes , Want me to hook you up? in a sarcastic manner (this is not the first time he does this). I said NO THANKS, do I ask you to hook me up?..."I'm just a friend and trying to help" Well, I don't want your help. He responds "It's okay, you have me, you don't need anyone else" I said, NAH, I don't take sloppy seconds...but nice try. He smiles and goes OUCH...Again, this conversation happens in front of a group of people....What a jerk!
Owl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 BB- Again...don't give him little hints, don't be subtle. Tell him NO...go away...I'm NOT interested in you at all....if you don't leave I'm going to call your boss....if you don't leave I'm going to call your wife... He'll even try to find a way to convince himself that you didn't mean any of these things for a while, but honestly its the only way you can get a jerk like this to stop. If he keeps this up, he could end up putting YOUR career in jeopardy.
westernxer Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I think it's time you grew a pair and told him to kiss off. This is getting pretty old already.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 11, 2005 Author Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I think it's time you grew a pair and told him to kiss off. This is getting pretty old already. Kiss off and don't respond to my posts if you're gonna be an a**h***...Alll of our stories are PRETTY OLD. So step off...I don't want your stupid input.
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I think you like it when he bugs you... You also have a hard time swallowing your medicine. I'm here to keep you honest... wait, I think I see him approaching your desk right now.
westernxer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 It's not like you can't end this right now, but perhaps you don't want to.
RecordProducer Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I don't get this. You've never had anything to do with this guy sexually, but he hits on you, right? So you want to get him off your back? How about be straightforward with him that you are not interested in him instead of judging someone third? When you tell a man you don't want him because of this or that, he still thinks you might desire him but teh obstacles stop you from sleeping with him. MM who cheat on their wives see things as she wants me vs. she doesn't want me. If he believes you want him, you can't explain to him your moral-value system. Just make it clear for him that you're not interested in him. And don't flirt with him.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 12, 2005 Author Posted July 12, 2005 Well today my bf came to visit me at work, I pointed him out. Needless to say, the MM got some big time dirty looks from him (he's a cop and in great shape too). MM did come up to me later in the day to ask a work related question, but said nothing about my "visitor " and I KNOW he saw my bf in my office and he knows my bf is a cop, so he knew exactly who he was. I didnt see him again all night. Perhaps this is what he needed...cause if looks could kill, MM would be dead. Not sure if this will scare him off..but I"m sure it shook up his fantasy about he and I.
Owl Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Again, why not just lay down the law with him point blank?!?!?! "That was my BF, who I love very much. And THAT is why I have no interest in you. I would appreciate it if you stopped coming by my cube, and stop pursuing me. I don't want it. Please do not do it again." That simple. Thoughts?
New_Wife Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 What you are talking about is called Sexual Harassment. Heard of it? If you condone it, you are sending a BAD message. I second the posts that recommend the broken record approach. Day 1: I do not appreciate your comments, please do not come to me with issues unrelated to work. Day 2: I do not appreciate your comments, please do not come to me with issues unrelated to work. Day 3: I do not appreciate your comments, please do not come to me with issues unrelated to work. If you continue, I will have no choice but to speak to management. Day 4: I have told you that I do not appreciate your comments, and requested that you do not come to me with issues unrelated to work. I am going to speak to managment today. This is not rocket science, my friend.
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe Not sure if this will scare him off..but I"m sure it shook up his fantasy about he and I. It won't.
shygurl Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer It won't. BB very clearly strikes me as someone who's getting a real ego buzz by having this coworker having the hots for her. She loves every single minute of it, despite her protestations to the contrary. I think her hot cop BF coming to work really gave her a thrill, to see this other guy all peeved and likely jealous. It's all a game. If a woman didn't want the attention and advances of a MM in the workplace, she'd tell him to quit being an a$$clown and keep it strictly professional - and she wouldn't spend time out of this short life posting and posting and posting about it. *yawn*
westernxer Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Tell me about it... I used to work with women like this.
Author BoatingBabe Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl BB very clearly strikes me as someone who's getting a real ego buzz by having this coworker having the hots for her. She loves every single minute of it, despite her protestations to the contrary. I think her hot cop BF coming to work really gave her a thrill, to see this other guy all peeved and likely jealous. It's all a game. If a woman didn't want the attention and advances of a MM in the workplace, she'd tell him to quit being an a$$clown and keep it strictly professional - you may be right...but I'm still fighting it.
Owl Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 BB- I'm sorry that I've harassed you so much to end this...it's become very obvious to me that you truly have no desire to end it...that sadly, you ARE into the ego rush that you get from this MM's visits to you. I won't post to you again on this. What you do from here us up to YOU...if you have no intent to change, then nothing I say or anyone else says will make a difference. Good luck to you regardless.
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