Saw my ex on tinder today.

[mrsteve921]

So saw my ex on tinder today, i guess it didnt work out with her ex she dumped me for. She has blocked my number, facebook, steam and skype to i think. The story is long and you guys can read my other thread if you dont know (its like a novel long lol).

 

Ive been trying to move on, its been hard. I still think of her everyday and miss her a ton. I have said some very mean things to her when i found out she cheated on me, and lied about a ton of stuff after breaking up. Al though so has she, ive tried to improve myself, i have a job now, which is going great, might even get moved to full time, got my license a few weeks ago. I have improved drasticly.

 

Ive been reading up on co-dependancy and realised alot of atleast my faults in the relationship. i realised i was totally co-dependant on her and needed her to make me feel happy and good about myself. Damn now im getting of course again so to speak.

 

Anyway ive been NC for a little over a month, last contact seeing her out with her ex a little over a month ago. Me messaging her sister, asking for their adress so i could mail the last of her stuff. Also told her that i saw them out the day before and she avoided eye contact and just walked by while giving a..i guess forced smile (maybe that was crossing a line).

 

This basicly ended with her contacting me and we got in an argument and she told me to leave her family and her alone and she was gonna block my number now.

 

Now here i am i just saw her on tinder a few hours ago, and i caved. I decided to try and add her on instagram, to my suprise she accepted and reqeusted to follow me also.

 

I know i shouldnt have done that, i know i also shouldnt want her back after what she did to me, and i to her i guess. But i still love this girl. Ive learned from my mistakes i will not start bombarding her with messages, reaching out all the time acting needy, no i will continue my life as ive done before, be me, the happy me. Let her come forward to me, to unblock me from facebook etc. (if thats even gonna happen). But i hope that since last we spoke she wanted nothing to do with me at all and now she accepted this request and let me ever so small back in to her life. I know i shouldnt get my hopes up but i cant help but feel atleast she doesent hate my guts anymore and never wishing to speak to me again.

 

I guess what im asking, am i delusional? I know social media doesent mean much at all in the end. All i can do is wait, not get my hopes up. What im asking here is what do you guys think?

[JewelD]

Yes, you are a bit delusional.

 

Even though she blocked you from almost everything and you see she has moved on, you still sent her an ig request. You are still being needy.

 

The only reason you think you are now miraculously capable of being a strong independent person is because she has given you the tiniest bit of validation by accepting your request.

 

Social media means very little. If you really want to heal and change, you need to do no contact. Legit nc.

[mrsteve921]

Yes, you are a bit delusional.

 

Even though she blocked you from almost everything and you see she has moved on, you still sent her an ig request. You are still being needy.

 

The only reason you think you are now miraculously capable of being a strong independent person is because she has given you the tiniest bit of validation by accepting your request.

 

Social media means very little. If you really want to heal and change, you need to do no contact. Legit nc.

 

I might not be even close to being a strong independant person i realise there is a long way to go. But before this i had no idea i was even like this. But ive been going to a therapist to help me with those issues.

 

The thing is what i dont understand if she truely wanted nothing to do with me at all, to never hear from me. She would have just ignored the ig request? I mean just over a month ago she never wanted to hear from me again, then why accept the request? thats all im saying, now i wont actually expect anything untill she actually reaches out to me. Which probably wont happen, i realise that.

Edited August 12, 2016 by mrsteve921

[JewelD]

I might not be even close to being a strong independant person i realise there is a long way to go. But before this i had no idea i was even like this. But ive been going to a therapist to help me with those issues.

 

The thing is what i dont understand if she truely wanted nothing to do with me at all, to never hear from me. She would have just ignored the ig request? I mean just over a month ago she never wanted to hear from me again, then why accept the request? thats all im saying, now i wont actually expect anything untill she actually reaches out to me. Which probably wont happen, i realise that.

 

She's probably just bored.

[heartbroken6]

I also just found my girl using Tinder, but she is not my ex (but soon to be).

 

Anyways, it is great you are getting help.

 

My suggestion: work on yourself. Workout. Excel at your career, your passions, your health (mental and physical). Be the best you that you can be. Then go find a better girlfriend.

 

With the Internet, there are great resources to improve yourself. Go on YouTube and look up Corey Wayne. He is upfront and knows what he is talking about. There are other relationship coaches you can follow as well. Or read the classic "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" or any other relationship book. Try to understand women. Then go out and have a great life.

[Marc878]

She cheated on you and dumped you. Now you're looking for more of that?

 

Really?

[mrsteve921]

I also just found my girl using Tinder, but she is not my ex (but soon to be).

 

Anyways, it is great you are getting help.

 

My suggestion: work on yourself. Workout. Excel at your career, your passions, your health (mental and physical). Be the best you that you can be. Then go find a better girlfriend.

 

With the Internet, there are great resources to improve yourself. Go on YouTube and look up Corey Wayne. He is upfront and knows what he is talking about. There are other relationship coaches you can follow as well. Or read the classic "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" or any other relationship book. Try to understand women. Then go out and have a great life.

 

I have actually through the last few weeks starting to watch alot of his videos trying to apply his teachings about relationships/women, though they seem kinda gamey to me but hey. This is what im trying to do improve myself, live my life.

 

I guess what im hoping is she starts to notice this and one day reaches out. Then do the whole "Great to hear from you, how about we get together for dinner or something and catch up" and take it from there.

 

 

 

She cheated on you and dumped you. Now you're looking for more of that?

 

 

Really?

 

I dont want more cheating no, But i dont know man i guess it sounds stupid but i really love this girl. I want to atleast try and make it work, maybe its foolish to even think she still feels anything for me, that she cares for me at all.

 

I know the cheating of her was wrong, whatever the reasons where, the cheating was a choice. She could have talked to me about the issues instead, like most couples do. I realise it would require alot of effort on both sides to make this work.

[lolablue17]

The thing is what i dont understand if she truely wanted nothing to do with me at all, to never hear from me. She would have just ignored the ig request? I mean just over a month ago she never wanted to hear from me again, then why accept the request?

 

"Why accept the request?"

 

I'll tell you why - She wants you to do exactly what you're doing now. Spinning around in circles, wondering, torturing yourself with questions like "what does she mean?", not moving on.

 

So in this game are you gonna lose or win? Do you want to win? Move on. She's in the singles game, you're in the singles game. You're role is to never pay any attention to her. She's a cheater and a liar. Let her be someone else's problem.

[Lifeissomething]

Stop, just stop.

I read your other thread in its entirety and you're being ridiculous (sorry).

You have to get over it and move on. You can vent, you can hurt, you can cry, but in all the ways that you aren't doing.

 

Stop thinking she's coming back, she isn't. She's 19 bro, I'm going to be harsh but she's probably not going to ever think about this relationship again. She has so much growing to do and that will involve relationships that come and go. You were a part in her life, but she's decided to start a new part.

 

You've been dealt a pretty clear and obvious hand of where she stands. She's done with you, has been explicitly clear by forming you she never really loved you, to cheating on you, and all the post breakup actions. You're out. While many pine over uncertainty and little to no sense of closure of where there ex stands, you have all the cards revealed. Take them and accept them.

 

Please don't take offense, but you come across a bit immature with your thought process. Which is okay, we have ALL had similar thoughts and thinking patterns, it's apart of growing up. For example, you wanted to work out things, have done things differently, you throw a hell of a lot of blame at other parties (her, her parents, your choices that she made for you ie. the weed, etc...), but have not once thought: what about her? It's hard to tread into this territory, but you have to.

 

She didn't want any of this. You have to stop projecting your little fairy tale as universal and what's best for both parties (the other being her), because bud, this isn't what she wanted. Not at all from what it seems. So why bother, there's nothing you could have done.

 

So you can sit there grasping at everything, telling yourself "Yeah but I love this girl, I want her back!!!" (welcome to life, it's unfair and we don't' always get what we want), pining over ghost's of past, and projecting your world into reality, all of which will continue to make you embarrass yourself, feel like crap, and most importantly not heal. Stop it.

 

Move on. Stop trying to date and focus on yourself. And, I don't mean this "I am focusing on myself, I got a job, I got a license, blah blah blah!" (all of which is fantastic, keep it up!) I mean long term changes--I mean a year from now being a different person and addressing your own issues. But I'll also give you a tidbit, she won't be apart of it. She's gone man.

 

But hey man, it's life. Sucks that your heart is broken, but it also sucks that you've made so little progress in healing, over a duration of a few months. Start coming to terms with reality and move on.

[NopeNah]

I have actually through the last few weeks starting to watch alot of his videos trying to apply his teachings about relationships/women, though they seem kinda gamey to me but hey. This is what im trying to do improve myself, live my life.

 

I guess what im hoping is she starts to notice this and one day reaches out. Then do the whole "Great to hear from you, how about we get together for dinner or something and catch up" and take it from there.

 

 

 

 

 

I dont want more cheating no, But i dont know man i guess it sounds stupid but i really love this girl. I want to atleast try and make it work, maybe its foolish to even think she still feels anything for me, that she cares for me at all.

 

I know the cheating of her was wrong, whatever the reasons where, the cheating was a choice. She could have talked to me about the issues instead, like most couples do. I realise it would require alot of effort on both sides to make this work.

 

Dude....print this response,of yours,out and read it..EVERY MORNING!! Is that who you want to be? Some has been,maybe if so and so didn't pop into my life type guy? C'mon, "Man"(I put man in quotes because you're not currently acting like one)...I remember when I first came to this site in search of "why"..guess what? There isn't one.. Get on with your life,without her in it.

[NopeNah]

Also... Youtube videos of complete and utter douches about women??? If a female can't accept who/how you are...Then peace out! It's not a game to most.. I know you're young,but the sooner you realize that life does NOT revolve around having someone by your side the better off you'll be. Having someone who would never cheat, respects and admires what you bring to the relationship is where it's at! Even then there's no promise that it's going to last. That whole 'free will' thing is a mutha!

[mrsteve921]

Stop, just stop.

I read your other thread in its entirety and you're being ridiculous (sorry).

You have to get over it and move on. You can vent, you can hurt, you can cry, but in all the ways that you aren't doing.

 

Stop thinking she's coming back, she isn't. She's 19 bro, I'm going to be harsh but she's probably not going to ever think about this relationship again. She has so much growing to do and that will involve relationships that come and go. You were a part in her life, but she's decided to start a new part.

 

You've been dealt a pretty clear and obvious hand of where she stands. She's done with you, has been explicitly clear by forming you she never really loved you, to cheating on you, and all the post breakup actions. You're out. While many pine over uncertainty and little to no sense of closure of where there ex stands, you have all the cards revealed. Take them and accept them.

 

Please don't take offense, but you come across a bit immature with your thought process. Which is okay, we have ALL had similar thoughts and thinking patterns, it's apart of growing up. For example, you wanted to work out things, have done things differently, you throw a hell of a lot of blame at other parties (her, her parents, your choices that she made for you ie. the weed, etc...), but have not once thought: what about her? It's hard to tread into this territory, but you have to.

 

She didn't want any of this. You have to stop projecting your little fairy tale as universal and what's best for both parties (the other being her), because bud, this isn't what she wanted. Not at all from what it seems. So why bother, there's nothing you could have done.

 

So you can sit there grasping at everything, telling yourself "Yeah but I love this girl, I want her back!!!" (welcome to life, it's unfair and we don't' always get what we want), pining over ghost's of past, and projecting your world into reality, all of which will continue to make you embarrass yourself, feel like crap, and most importantly not heal. Stop it.

 

Move on. Stop trying to date and focus on yourself. And, I don't mean this "I am focusing on myself, I got a job, I got a license, blah blah blah!" (all of which is fantastic, keep it up!) I mean long term changes--I mean a year from now being a different person and addressing your own issues. But I'll also give you a tidbit, she won't be apart of it. She's gone man.

 

But hey man, it's life. Sucks that your heart is broken, but it also sucks that you've made so little progress in healing, over a duration of a few months. Start coming to terms with reality and move on.

 

heh i guess im hoping she will change her mind or something? i dont know man. Ofcourse if i wasent good for her, towards the end. maybe this is better. Its just saddens me that i never got to do something about it. I mean i thought she was happy and all was good. Never got the chance to fix things.

 

Also the whole throwing around the blame, yes i blamed the weed, while it helped getting me into that situation in the end it was my own fault, not hers i should have just said no, instead of letting her make the final decision.

 

Also something i need to work on, not letting people override me like that.

 

However the whole parents thing and most of the blame, these things where her words not mine, i wrote what she said to me. The only thing i really blamed her for, was the cheating, the lying, and me "ruining her life, becouse i made her sloppy, when i did all i could for her to do her things(i mean i couldnt force her), i dont know if that dident come through? or if i missunderstood?

 

Maybe i wasent healthy or "good" for her. I have no idea, its funny i went along with most of her ideas, things she wanted to do, didnt "forbid" anything let her do what she wanted basicly, which ended up with her starting to slack off with her responsibilites. So by letting her stay home, instead of going to her classes, bought her icecream, chocholate, soda all those things, made the foods she wanted. All of this in the end made me/relationship not good for her, all i did was trying to make/keep her happy heh.

[Blanco]

There's nothing to fix. She's 19. Eleven months is just about right when it comes to the typical length of a relationship for someone that age. She's done and you need to be, too.

[stillafool]

She's 19 and she's not going to look back. TBH, why should she? The world is her oyster at her age.

[cclemon]

I didn't read the whole thread, but I'm currently using tinder despite the fact that I love my ex and want her back. For me, it's just a distraction to support me on this phase of post break up. Maybe this is the case for her too