When Would You Feel Comfortable Getting Your Parents Involved?

[WonderKid]

Just wondering. Because I've talked about this with my mom on many occasions. She gets upset whenever she hears of me seeing a woman and my sister seeing a woman but she doesn't. I tell her that I'm not a fan of bringing every woman I encounter to her; especially if I know it isn't going anywhere. My sister lives with me so that's a difference.

 

Plus, I learned from my last RS that my mom was a little "too involved". Her and my sis are overprotective but my mom is more protective. I introduced my last GF to her early in the RS. But now I think the next time I should wait a little longer even if we established ourselves as a couple.

 

What do you think? What's your way of doing it? And how do you handle if your folks are getting too involved in your RS?

[Gaeta]

They get too involved in what way?

 

I don't speak to my family about my relationship issues so they have nothing to bite into to get involved.

[WonderKid]

I guess in various ways. I guess that is a way to keep them at bay is not discussing. I guess where I messed up at is venting to them one day. I guess I'll say having biased opinions, or trying to dictate a few things.

[RecentChange]

I don't involve my parents in my dating and love life matters, at all....

 

They have met exactly two boyfriends, the guy I dated for close to two years in high school, and the man I married.

 

I have never discussed any relationship issues with them.

 

 

Everyone in between? I don't see why parents would need to be involved at all.

[Gaeta]

I guess in various ways. I guess that is a way to keep them at bay is not discussing. I guess where I messed up at is venting to them one day. I guess I'll say having biased opinions, or trying to dictate a few things.

 

This is something we all learn eventually that we don't vent to family. You have friends for that or online forums.

 

If you say 1 negative thing about your girlfriend your family will never forget, even 20 years down the road they will still remember it while you and her have made peace about it long ago.

 

This time around try it. Only speak positive about your relationship and your girlfriend.

[WonderKid]

Yeah I definitely slipped up venting to a family member like that.

[summertitparadise]

I will only let my family knows if I am sure that she's my another half.

[Bialy]

As a general rule, my family doesn't meet anyone I'm dating unless it's serious. And even then -- I don't actively want that to happen. It helps that my family lives four hours away. I could easily develop a relationship without the worry that they will run into or meet someone I'm dating.

 

I ask for advice from my family - particularly my mom and aunt. That can be a good and bad thing. They offer some very good advice, but there are other times when they plant seeds of doubt in my mind. I'm still learning where to draw the line and I only speak with them when I really need some perspective.

[PrettyEmily77]

Informed that there is someone in my life and giving occasional advice or their opinion? Yes, fairly early on (only those in my close family who want to know). I don't mind, I don't have to take said advice or opinion although I always appreciate it - that's kind of what families are for anyway, to me.

 

Involved in my private affairs to the point of telling me what to do? No.

[Redhead14]

Just wondering. Because I've talked about this with my mom on many occasions. She gets upset whenever she hears of me seeing a woman and my sister seeing a woman but she doesn't. I tell her that I'm not a fan of bringing every woman I encounter to her; especially if I know it isn't going anywhere. My sister lives with me so that's a difference.

 

Plus, I learned from my last RS that my mom was a little "too involved". Her and my sis are overprotective but my mom is more protective. I introduced my last GF to her early in the RS. But now I think the next time I should wait a little longer even if we established ourselves as a couple.

 

What do you think? What's your way of doing it? And how do you handle if your folks are getting too involved in your RS?

 

I am an advocate for not involving the family until the relationship has solid legs under it. Family can put pressure on things -- negative or positive. Negative pressure or attitudes, what have you, can erode the relationship if it's not strong enough to weather that and positive pressure could push the couple more quickly than they are prepared for.

 

There's no harm in waiting a little while. Err on the side of caution.

[Tribble]

I guess it depends on your relationship with your parents. I see my Mum as a friend most of the time. I wouldn't share everything with her but we talk often. So if I'm spending a lot of time with someone, she'll hear about it as they'll come up in conversation. I've also told her about guys I'm just sleeping with and I'm sure most people keep that information from their parents!

 

 

In terms of a bf, I wouldn't confirm (although I'm sure she'd suspect) I was with anyone until I knew it was going to be fairly serious. Once I was properly seeing someone, she'd want to meet them so I'd need to be prepared for that first. But for me, I have to have a good while of friendship before it progresses so I'm fairly comfortable with the person and feel like I know them well. My Mum doesn't really interfere. She'll offer advice if it comes up in conversation.

[Tribble]

I also think she'd be quite upset if I hid it for a long time. More because we have a history of sharing. I'd also be concerned if I felt a need to keep it from her. Like something was wrong or not quite right.

[Redhead14]

The OP doesn't need to nor should he keep it from her. He can talk about it but with confidence and sure footedness. Let her know he's an adult and not seeking her approval, per se, but excited about this new person and wanting to set the stage for including her in his life more.

[MissBee]

My parents and I have pretty good boundaries re my life and my life choices. They don't insert themselves at all really, and more or less trust I can make my own decisions. I also live in a different state from them so it's unlikely they would meet anyone I'm dating until it's very serious or has been long-term.

 

If I'm seeing someone it's normal for the person to come up in conversation and that's usually the extent of their knowledge of them. Only one boyfriend in my adult years has met my parents, it was early on actually and he so happened to attend a Christmas party of a family friend, it was a big party, and my family was there so he was introduced. They may have seen other guys I was dating like when they came to pick me up or something, but I never made it a point to introduce them and it made sense, as many of those relationships were short-lived.

 

I think what's normal depends on your existing relationship with them, but as an adult, you set the tone for your relationship with your parents at this point. They may get huffy if they are used to no boundaries, but they can learn to adjust. I like for a man to be close to his family, but the last two guys I was with were extreme momma's boys, like it was unhealthy, one even told his mom about our sex life (mortifying) and it's now a turn off and red flag for me if I feel like a man doesn't have boundaries with his mom.

Edited August 15, 2016 by MissBee