Whatdoido225 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Basically when he has alcohol he mentions her. Spoke about her picture on facebook(he isn't friends with her so must of looked for it or seen it through mutual friend) Then when I questioned him he got angry and said "do not mention her name to me again" Why react so angry and we bring her up? Why even think about her?
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) In vino veritas. Meaning, what you talk about after alcohol is what you're thinking about when sober. He's obviously still thinking about her. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. He is clearly NOT indifferent about her if he gets angry when you mention her name. He obviously has some unresolved feelings going on here. Is this the same woman he was with while you were "on a break" for 9 months? Or the one you caught him cheating with when he came back? Edited August 12, 2016 by PegNosePete
Zahara Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 You're asking why even think about her? You know your reality with this man. This isn't surprising.
Silver_star Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Yes, I agree with PegNosePete. He has unresolved feelings for his ex. Even if you are angry about him having feelings for his ex and tell him it's inappropriate he will still have thoughts about her, and may still care for her forever, but drunkenly commenting about her pictures and being angry with you is abnormal and shows he is still pining after her and is defensive about it. I think the only thing you could do to make him think about YOUR relationship is to offer him some solitude to get over her. Don't you deserve someone who is 100% into your relationship? 1
stillafool Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Basically when he has alcohol he mentions her. Spoke about her picture on facebook(he isn't friends with her so must of looked for it or seen it through mutual friend) Then when I questioned him he got angry and said "do not mention her name to me again" Why react so angry and we bring her up? Why even think about her? Because he's still in love with her and the alcohol brings it to the surface.
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 He doesn't love you. That much seemed obvious from your other thread where you made it sound like you essentially forced him to move in with you because of the unplanned pregnancy. It's a tough spot for you to be in, but think of it this way: Do you want your daughter growing up and having your loveless relationship be her primary model of what relationships (appear to) look like? 3
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Reading a bit of your other thread, I kind of question how accidental this pregnancy was.
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 OK, about midway through your other thread now. You, quite frankly, deserve this. You trapped this guy by coming off the pill and not telling him, then pretending it was just an accident when you got pregnant. And you admittedly did so to ensure he would stay. Despicable.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 I really don't want to dig up the other thread,I just wanted to make some sense out of him mentioning her and getting angry at me mentioning her.
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Why not? It's totally relevant to this situation. He probably mentions her because she's the one who wanted/wants to be with. He's only with you because you got pregnant on purpose (though you deceived him into thinking it was an accident). He doesn't love you. By the sounds of it, he doesn't even like you all that much. Quite frankly, I don't blame him. You intentionally trapped him so he "couldn't" leave you again and now you're watching him slowly kill himself; you're cutting him off from his friends; you obstruct him spending "too much" time with his family; you think only of how YOU feel about this sham of a relationship. It's disgusting. 3
Zahara Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) I really don't want to dig up the other thread,I just wanted to make some sense out of him mentioning her and getting angry at me mentioning her. It's relevant to the other thread. He fell for this woman, felt he had to leave her because he didn't want to jeopardize access to his daughter/stay with you. He still has unresolved feelings for her and likely gets mad at you for mentioning her because of his resentment for you. Edited August 12, 2016 by Zahara 3
Author Whatdoido225 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Regardless of the situation I just think him mentioning her when drunk is pathetic ..he is that drunk he's just rambling on. People move on everyday and forget. I find it heartless and just inconsiderate to me.
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 No, what's pathetic is duping a man into impregnating you just so he has to be in a relationship with you. What's pathetic is bringing an innocent child into the world so that you can have a relationship with a man who doesn't love you. What's pathetic is cutting off a man from his friends and family. What's pathetic is staying in a relationship with someone when they have told you they DON'T love you. What's pathetic is letting someone shoulder the bulk of the financial responsibilities while the other person works a few hours a week. What's pathetic is letting a man wither away from alcoholism and depression and be more concerned with whether or not he loves you. I pray I never date a woman with your twisted sense of entitlement and lack of consideration for anyone or anything that does not benefit them. 3
Author Whatdoido225 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 No, what's pathetic is duping a man into impregnating you just so he has to be in a relationship with you. What's pathetic is bringing an innocent child into the world so that you can have a relationship with a man who doesn't love you. What's pathetic is cutting off a man from his friends and family. What's pathetic is staying in a relationship with someone when they have told you they DON'T love you. What's pathetic is letting someone shoulder the bulk of the financial responsibilities while the other person works a few hours a week. What's pathetic is letting a man wither away from alcoholism and depression and be more concerned with whether or not he loves you. I pray I never date a woman with your twisted sense of entitlement and lack of consideration for anyone or anything that does not benefit them. He had been in a relationship with me for many years
elaine567 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 When sober, he censors what he says to you, so he doesn't mention her. He thinks before he speaks. With alcohol his inhibitions are loosened, so he just comes out with the first thing on his mind and that unfortunately for you is her. We thrashed all this out for 17 pages on the last thread with everyone almost to a man, telling you of his feelings for her and that he is self medicating with alcohol as he is depressed and miserable staying with you. I am not sure what else we can say. 1
Zahara Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Regardless of the situation I just think him mentioning her when drunk is pathetic ..he is that drunk he's just rambling on. People move on everyday and forget. I find it heartless and just inconsiderate to me. I think you're delusional and in denial as indicative in your other thread as well. People don't just move on and forget when they're in a situation that reminds them everyday of where they don't want to be. 2
Blanco Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 He had been in a relationship with me for many years Which he left and only came back to after his relationship with the other woman fell apart. And by the sounds of it (hard to keep straight, since you seem to be intentionally confusing about certain details), you two weren't in a relationship when you decided you were going to go off the pill and NOT tell him. Your motivation to get pregnant was fueled by nothing more than wanting this man in your life and knowing that your best bet to do that was to carry his child. Only problem is you failed to consider that people who are entrapped by another person usually don't feel warmly for them, let alone love for them. You were determined by any means necessary to keep this guy in your life. Well, congrats. You did it. Only downside is that doing whatever it took to accomplish this just ensured that you will share a life with someone who doesn't love, probably doesn't even like you all that much, and will long for another woman if he doesn't drink himself to death first. 1
ChickiePops Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Blunt answer- He mentions her because he loves her and wants to be with her but you threaten him by telling him you'll take his kid away so he stays with you because you give him no choice even though he's clearly miserable. 1
AT15 Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 This woman that he mentions may come back for him, get pregnant and this man will leave you and your shared daughter to have the loving family he really wanted. This scenario happens all the time. You didn't set him up, you set yourself up. I feel sorry for your daughter, she is just being used.
Author Whatdoido225 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I guess I have to hope in time it will fade and he will stop thinking of her at all. Maybe when he knows she's moved on or he realises it's pointless to even think about her(which it is) He chose to give her up so it was his own doing. I won't say her name again and hopefully he won't.
stillafool Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 I'm curious, how does it feel to be with a man who doesn't love or like you but is only there through manipulation and his child. What do you hope to gain from this? You do know that one day he will leave you even if the woman he is in love with is not available. You will forever be a reminder to him of why he lost her and it's doubtful he will ever stop resenting you for it. He will have a relationship with his child with or without you so you can't use this child to hold onto him forever. If you manipulate him to stay with you he will eventually get sick and die from alcoholism and you will grow old and bitter fast. This is no life to give your child. You say that he had been in a relationship with you for many years - so what? People fall out of love and in love with someone else all the time. Most people accept break ups and move on. They don't hold someone hostage just to keep them. You should be ashamed of your actions. 2
Author Whatdoido225 Posted August 13, 2016 Author Posted August 13, 2016 I didn't come back on here to start talking about previous posts. I just wanted to know why he would be mentioning her when drunk. I didn't understand why after not seeing her for months she would be in his head for him to mention her
Densel Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 Love is love. It doesnt matter how long they broke up. He still loves her that is why she is still in his head and heart. He needs to talk about his feelings and being drunk is the only way of expressing himself. When sober, he needs to be a good boyfriend in front of you. Both of you are living a lie. It's time to wake up. Are you really happy watching him being upset over his ex? Is he really happy being with you?
Zahara Posted August 13, 2016 Posted August 13, 2016 (edited) I guess I have to hope in time it will fade and he will stop thinking of her at all. Maybe when he knows she's moved on or he realises it's pointless to even think about her(which it is) He chose to give her up so it was his own doing. I won't say her name again and hopefully he won't. It may fade but it doesn't mean that he won't set his sights on other women. So, don't count on this affair being the first and the last. He chose to give her up not because he wanted to but because he had to -- two different things. Yes, his own doing -- you did say that you'd make his life hard in terms of seeing his child if he left. Yes, don't say her name. And if he doesn't, that will make it all go away. Incredible. Edited August 13, 2016 by Zahara 1
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