Weird ghosting situation?

[aries85]

I've been dating this guy for about a month, and we've gone out on several dates. We've also been texting pretty much every day since we started seeing each other, mostly with him initiating. We even talked on the phone for a little bit earlier this week and everything seemed to be going great (pretty typical). A couple days ago we were having a conversation over text and suddenly he just stops replying mid conversation around evening time. I figured he just got busy or something so I left it alone and did my own stuff. The next day, no word at all from him. It's now been 3 days since I've heard from him.

 

Now I know it's not a long time, but isn't it weird for someone you're dating and talking to constantly to stop mid conversation and go radio silent after? It wasn't even one of those things where you text each other back every couple of hours, we were having a full back and forth conversation with at max a couple mins between each text. I know he might be just super busy, but even when he has been in the past he's at least sent me a text before bed or texted me (on his own) saying he's sorry he hasn't been talkative because he's busy. So I don't think he's a flaky or ghosting guy. Either way, who ghosts mid conversation?? I thought maybe I said something that rubbed him the wrong way, but I don't think so because it was a pretty light conversation.... Even if I did, wouldn't a mature person say something and not just ignore and never speak again? Unless I'm completely off in judging guys, he seems like a mature enough guy to not get butt hurt over something and give the silent treatment (he's 25 btw).

 

So I really don't know what's going on! I know there's that whole thing that if a guy starts to fade away, you don't contact him and you pretend you have such an awesome and busy life that you don't even notice it, all that stuff. But would I do that in this case?? I know he didn't just drop dead because he's still active on social media, so that's ruled out. Anyone have any idea what might be going on? And what I should do?

[Larryville]

He found something/someone better.

 

You folks seriously need to stop over hyping these initial early encounters, conversations, texts, emails, dates ect.

 

Don’t know how many people will read this but if you plan on dating, you meet someone and it SEEMS awesome at first, still always assume that until you have that major relationship talk whoever you are conversing with is still window shopping, you matter how great you think you are, no matter how great you think they are. We all do it.

 

Do you folks actually think that wow you met someone, first date all was great with you and they just dropped everything and all other options for YOU?

 

but isn't it weird for someone you're dating and talking to constantly to stop mid conversation and go radio silent after?

 

No not weird, less drama, humans are inconsiderate!

[katiegrl]

He found something/someone better.

 

You folks seriously need to stop over hyping these initial early encounters, conversations, texts, emails, dates ect.

 

Don’t know how many people will read this but if you plan on dating, you meet someone and it SEEMS awesome at first, still always assume that until you have that major relationship talk whoever you are conversing with is still window shopping, you matter how great you think you are, no matter how great you think they are. We all do it.

 

Do you folks actually think that wow you met someone, first date all was great with you and they just dropped everything and all other options for YOU?

 

 

 

No not weird, less drama, humans are inconsiderate!

 

LV, don't you think it's a bit odd though ... that he would suddenly decide to ghost in the middle of having what sounded like a fun, light texting conversation with the OP?

 

This is one of those situations where one has to wonder if something happened to him while he was texting.

 

OP, have you tried calling him again or texting to find out what happened?

 

I understand ghosting but think it is very strange to just suddenly drop off like that in the middle of havinga nice fun convo.

[aries85]

LV, don't you think it's a bit odd though ... that he would suddenly decide to ghost in the middle of having what sounded like a fun, light texting conversation with the OP?

 

This is one of those situations where one has to wonder if something happened to him while he was texting.

 

OP, have you tried calling him again or texting to find out what happened?

 

I understand ghosting but think it is very strange to just suddenly drop off like that in the middle of havinga nice fun convo.

 

I haven't tried contacting him yet. I'm thinking about it but I'm afraid of coming off as needy or panicked.

 

Normally I would assume he lost interest, but it really was in the middle of a back and forth conversation. He was telling me about his day and how he wished I was with him right then. And then all of a sudden nothing.... I'm pretty sure he's alive though....

[kidm]

Just text and ask him if he's ok. That doesn't come off as needy or desperate. If he doesn't respond, move on. If he does, you can decide what you want to do from there but I don't know why anyone would disappear mid convo and be silent for however many days unless they had an emergency (and are also upset you didn't even bother to check up on them) or he's not interested.

[hippychick3]

I wouldn't ask him anything. He's clearly okay if he's active on social media.

 

In fact, I would find this behavior so rude that I wouldn't even bother responding if he were to text me again.

 

Rude and odd people are everywhere. At least you didn't waste more than a month dating him and it didn't sound like it was that serious. Just move on.

[stillafool]

Hello Aries85, what sign is he?

 

Why don't you just make a quick call and ask him if he's okay? If he says yes just tell him you were concerned because the conversation ended so abrupt and you didn't hear back, so you are checking to make sure he's okay. When you find out he's okay politely end the conversation.

[Redhead14]

I haven't tried contacting him yet. I'm thinking about it but I'm afraid of coming off as needy or panicked.

 

Normally I would assume he lost interest, but it really was in the middle of a back and forth conversation. He was telling me about his day and how he wished I was with him right then. And then all of a sudden nothing.... I'm pretty sure he's alive though....

 

If you call him or text him once, it's not going to come off as panicky or needy, just concerned, especially after 3 days. If you called him 10 times since then, that would come off as panicky or needy . . .

 

But, frankly, after 3 days of not hearing from a guy I had been dating for a month, I'd be put off. Let him contact you and decide then if he's worth your continued interest.

 

There is one possible, likely reason this happened though, his girlfriend or wife caught him texting you . . . I'd leave it alone just because I don't know what's going on. If you don't know what to do in a particular situation, it's usually best to do nothing.

[aries85]

Is it rude? I know it's common for people to get busy and stop replying mid conversation, my friends and I do it all the time with each other, but we just understand that the other person got busy. But I feel like it's a different case with someone you're dating. So I wouldn't be over reacting for getting mad at that?

[aries85]

If you call him or text him once, it's not going to come off as panicky or needy, just concerned, especially after 3 days. If you called him 10 times since then, that would come off as panicky or needy . . .

 

But, frankly, after 3 days of not hearing from a guy I had been dating for a month, I'd be put off. Let him contact you and decide then if he's worth your continued interest.

 

There is one possible, likely reason this happened though, his girlfriend or wife caught him texting you . . . I'd leave it alone just because I don't know what's going on. If you don't know what to do in a particular situation, it's usually best to do nothing.

 

That's good advice.

 

I'm pretty certain he doesn't have a girlfriend because I've stayed over at his apartment a couple times, both weekdays and weekends, because I live far away and it's easier to spend the night. And we know each other's schedules pretty well since we've been talking 24/7 for a month.

[katiegrl]

I wouldn't ask him anything. He's clearly okay if he's active on social media.

 

In fact, I would find this behavior so rude that I wouldn't even bother responding if he were to text me again.

 

Rude and odd people are everywhere. At least you didn't waste more than a month dating him and it didn't sound like it was that serious. Just move on.

 

Oops, missed that he is still active on social media! So obviously nothing happened to him.

 

OP, my opinion has changed, and he is just rude.

 

As hard as this is to do, try and just move on.

[Larryville]

LV, don't you think it's a bit odd though ... that he would suddenly decide to ghost in the middle of having what sounded like a fun, light texting conversation with the OP?

 

K I’m telling you it is not that odd TODAY.

If we were having this conversation years ago I would agree with you. But people today suck and I’m telling you this from experience, has happened to me some time ago, this is exactly why in another thread I am very aware of the type of person, traits how conversations go and going back to profile types.

Again people suck not much more than that.

[Redhead14]

That's good advice.

 

I'm pretty certain he doesn't have a girlfriend because I've stayed over at his apartment a couple times, both weekdays and weekends, because I live far away and it's easier to spend the night. And we know each other's schedules pretty well since we've been talking 24/7 for a month.

 

Well, if he knows your schedule, he'll schedule other women around your schedule . . . talking 24/7 for a month is a drop in the bucket in terms of knowing someone . . .

 

because I live far away and it's easier -- It would be easier for him to be able to juggle dating partners too.

 

Just leave it be. Let him reach out first, if he's going to. Listen carefully to what he tells you about all this and whether or not it's sincere, understandable, logical, what have you and asks you out again, you decide for yourself what to dothen. And if he comes back without a mention or explanation, you tell him you're moving on because the lack of communication has caused you to lose the connection you had with him.

[Zippy2000]

To suddenly stop mid convo is a bit of a mystery.

 

 

Maybe he met someone else online (if you met him online on a dating site0

 

 

Maybe he dropped his phone and it broke

 

 

Maybe he lost his phone.

 

 

I guess we will never know until we give it time.

 

 

I d say if you havent heard from him on over a week he has ghosted you for good.

[Larryville]

To suddenly stop mid convo is a bit of a mystery.

 

Zip I’m telling you people disappear much more today because as people are losing the ability to communicate and folks just frankly devalue other humans.

 

This is from a much longer article, did not want to link but the basics here:

 

There are many psychological reasons why someone ghosts, but at its core, ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict. Which means, at its heart, that ghosting is about wanting to avoid confrontation, avoid difficult conversations, avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

 

Avoiding conflict reinforces anxiety

 

Most people don’t look forward to tough conversations, and breaking up certainly falls in that category. Fear of disappointing someone, looking like the “bad guy,” or dealing with someone’s direct anger can cause anxiety. But the more you avoid conflict, the more anxiety builds over time.

Each time you think about having a tough conversation, your anxiety and fear of conflict take over, and you avoid the conversation to suppress your fear.

 

The more you back down from your anxiety, the more likely you are to avoid anxiety-producing situations in the future. In fact, a frequent ghost is probably avoiding conflicts throughout their relationship. And many of the issues they avoid are likely problems that might have been sorted out through open communication.

 

This is why I said I can tell these types from a mile away, everything from how they initially communicate, the things they say, certain things they divulge. People don’t just ghost for the heck of it, is a pattern that develops with someone over time. Also goes into why some people are so flaky and what I’m finding is the older folks get (especially types that have never been in any real meaningful relationships) ghost and flake often.

[Redhead14]

Zip I’m telling you people disappear much more today because as people are losing the ability to communicate and folks just frankly devalue other humans.

 

This is from a much longer article, did not want to link but the basics here:

 

 

 

This is why I said I can tell these types from a mile away, everything from how they initially communicate, the things they say, certain things they divulge. People don’t just ghost for the heck of it, is a pattern that develops with someone over time. Also goes into why some people are so flaky and what I’m finding is the older folks get (especially types that have never been in any real meaningful relationships) ghost and flake often.

 

They ghost and flake because they don't have the ability to connect emotionally enough to people or sometimes just a particular person. It's a coping mechanism for dealing with possibly stressful situations so they avoid it all together. They are also unable to empathize or understand how their behavior would be hurtful to another person so it's easy to do.

 

If you've been ghosted by someone, you've dodged a bullet. Most of the time people who do this have a pattern of doing this. Not only with dating partners, but friends and acquaintances even family members sometimes. There are stories out there about women, mostly, who have gotten into long relationships with men who would disappear for a week or so and would come back strong and do this often over the course of the relationship. One day, however, she never hears from him again. He just disappears after years of being together with not a peep out of them.

 

These women, of course, weren't really tuned in and/or so blinded by her love for him as to ignore, excuse, accept the behavior instead of moving on.

[leogirl876]

I had a guy do that to me where we'd be texting a conversation and then he'd disappear! Then reappear a couple days later and then he finally stayed disappeared. The stopping conversation in mid text drove me bonkers and I started getting really angry at this person, like who the hell does this? Like HELLO, answer my question!!! I don't know why someone would do this, it's either manipulation, control issues, committment issues or who knows, it's not normal that's for sure. So, if I were you, I'd forget this guy, he may pop back in in a few days, but will eventually totally disappear. Save yourself the sanity!

[Larryville]

Red: you are correct about dodging a bullet the only thing it has done in a negative way for me is that while I would never flake or ghost on anybody I'm just extraordinary skeptical of any and everybody I come in contact with especially with online dating.

Are used to try and convince myself that I can take occasional breaks from online dating to keep from getting too annoyed by the people I meet but I'm finding that it doesn't really make any difference I just assume everybody is screwed up:D

[longjohn]

I've been dating this guy for about a month, and we've gone out on several dates. We've also been texting pretty much every day since we started seeing each other, mostly with him initiating. We even talked on the phone for a little bit earlier this week and everything seemed to be going great (pretty typical). A couple days ago we were having a conversation over text and suddenly he just stops replying mid conversation around evening time. I figured he just got busy or something so I left it alone and did my own stuff. The next day, no word at all from him. It's now been 3 days since I've heard from him.

 

Now I know it's not a long time, but isn't it weird for someone you're dating and talking to constantly to stop mid conversation and go radio silent after? It wasn't even one of those things where you text each other back every couple of hours, we were having a full back and forth conversation with at max a couple mins between each text. I know he might be just super busy, but even when he has been in the past he's at least sent me a text before bed or texted me (on his own) saying he's sorry he hasn't been talkative because he's busy. So I don't think he's a flaky or ghosting guy. Either way, who ghosts mid conversation?? I thought maybe I said something that rubbed him the wrong way, but I don't think so because it was a pretty light conversation.... Even if I did, wouldn't a mature person say something and not just ignore and never speak again? Unless I'm completely off in judging guys, he seems like a mature enough guy to not get butt hurt over something and give the silent treatment (he's 25 btw).

 

So I really don't know what's going on! I know there's that whole thing that if a guy starts to fade away, you don't contact him and you pretend you have such an awesome and busy life that you don't even notice it, all that stuff. But would I do that in this case?? I know he didn't just drop dead because he's still active on social media, so that's ruled out. Anyone have any idea what might be going on? And what I should do?

 

Have you tried calling him on the phone and asking what's going on? If I were you I'd try that and if there's no response to that after a few days it's time to block his number and relegate him to the arsehole bin. Either way there'd need to be a good explanation for going quite that long as is. That is assuming he wasn't hit by a bus, arrested in a drugs sting or caught by his wife/gf or maybe he found someone else?

[ff12343]

Larryville,

 

You are spot on in everything you have said. Completely spot on. This is absolutely the case with online dating. You are just a "swipe". You have zero value and it truly is usually the younger crowd with zero empathy that does it.

 

I speak from experience. I had a younger female once show me her matches on a particular non-tinder app. Over 100 in 1 day. Imagine your ''worth'' when it comes to that?

 

Generations coming out of college today do lack communication skills and do NOT understand certain key things. Online dating to ghosters is just "a hookup and bounce" type of deal. No explanation needed. Maybe you get a few more dates out of it from what I see but that is all.

 

 

(I signed up on this site because I fell for a girl that ghosted me.)

[Larryville]

I speak from experience. I had a younger female once show me her matches on a particular non-tinder app. Over 100 in 1 day. Imagine your ''worth'' when it comes to that?

 

You know FF I always wonder about that, I mean the volume of emails that women supposedly get, I know they did the OK Cupid study thing but I’ve often wondered I scroll thru profile pics and I see some women’s pics and often times the pic don’t match the words or something just isn’t right about the profile.

Me, I’m not trying to contact a woman that I absolutely know either I would not be interested in (not just about how good looking she is) or she likely would not be interested in me lifestyle, music choices, race, income, dress, education, age, kids or not… point I’m making is there are not that many freaking woman I’m bothering to contact. Is it that some dudes are just so thirsty that they freaking email every damn woman breathing just to see if something sticks? Do people just cease to disregard their standards or preference just to BE with someone.... ANYONE!

 

Also, if I see a “really” attractive woman and even if the material in her profile seems cool I also try to process how long has that woman been on that site and if she is on other sites and if she has the choice of meeting “hundreds” of guys and can’t find any decent dudes I’m thinking what is wrong with her? Before I decide to even bother contacting I ask myself do I want to stand in that line?

[aries85]

Hey guys, I have an update for anyone who wants to know what happened!

 

I did end up texting him right before the weekend asking if he's okay (figured it was the most harmless thing to say). He replied back saying it was a busy week and he just got to his parent's house. I knew he had a trip planned that weekend, I just figured since we were talking so much and things seemed to be getting more serious, he would at least shoot me a text when he was leaving the state.

 

Anyways we talked on and off during the weekend, and he did kind of mention wanting to see me, but didn't ask about a specific date so I just brushed it off. And he texted me a couple of times today (he's back now).

 

But I'm still not sure how he feels about me. I have that uneasy gut feeling, but maybe I'm just being paranoid. So I've decided to wait until maybe Wednesday or Thursday for him to ask me out on a proper Saturday date. What do you guys think, is Thursday too late or Wednesday asking for too much? Or does it even really matter??