It's Been a Year- A Retrospective

[Charlie99909]

Hi there, many of you have read my previous posts stemming from October and even from April and May. I check in occasionally when I'm feeling weak or even missing my ex. I used to feel like I would never get over her. To be honest, I couldn't see her again on a bet. It would still hurt. I do have ways to go still, but I have reflected on the past year. I've seen how much I've improved myself and wish to pass on some musings.

 

1- Take into account everything you read here. Everyone here has been through it once or a few times before. It happens to us all. But not everyone's situation is the same. What works for you might not work for my situation.

 

2- Do you. You may be dying inside because your ex is out having fun, seeing someone else, or living their life without you. Do the same. Nothing will happen if you stay home feeling sorry for yourself. Don't go out to try and score or date again. Go out and push your comfort level, have fun, and do something you've always wanted to do.

 

3- Improve, improve, improve. Whether you're a teen or 100 years old, there's always room for self improvement. Take a dancing class, go to night school, learn to ride a motorcycle, work out, learn a magic trick... The list is endless. By staying focused on one task you pay less attention to your aching heart.

 

4- See your friends. Your friends are always by you through thick and thin. If you haven't shut them out during the course of your relationship, they'll know you're in pain and be there. Don't drown them in ex talk. Lean on them and know the pain for if they need to lean on you in the future.

 

5- Social Media. No shame in going quiet for a few weeks or months while you recoup. Block your ex immediately, no good comes from spying on them or their family. Once you've healed you can reevaluate being friends with them. Remember, they left you. Now is all about you and forget them.

 

Finally, if you can, change your surroundings. If you're in a bad work environment and you're always feeling bad, change jobs. Or even as simple as changing up your routine or local coffee shop. Change will give you a new perspective on many things.

 

On 8/14/15 my ex left me for the first time, I lost my job a week later, and I couldn't focus on a thing. For almost three months I drank myself into oblivion. In retrospect it was a blessing I left my job. I would have had to see her all time due to her living at my job.

Shortly after, I got a new job with a bigger company and really grew. Despite being drunk most of the time I wasn't working, I travelled for work, went to exotic locations, met great people, and grew. My ex saw this and thrust herself into my life again. I really thought things were great, but I never stopped learning or improving until three months into our dating again. She left shortly after and I regretted compromising myself for someone else again.

After feeling like crap and being in a work rut, I changed it up. I went back to the gym, I finished school, and my old company called me back at a promoted position at a different location. It was only in retrospect did I see that I was responsible for this, not my ex. I don't need her in my life to do well or to be responsible for my happiness.

Do I still miss her? Of course, I'd be silly not to miss the good times. Am I ready to move on and get into a relationship? Not at the time being. I do enjoy casual dating and casual sex from time to time, but right now it's all about me. Make it about yourself and the good will follow, trust me. Staying in all the time just made me loathe myself and my situation.

 

 

TLDR Get out and live, dammit!

Edited August 12, 2016 by Charlie99909

[zuzuspetals]

Hi Charlie. Great stuff. You offer some really valuable advice here that’s backed up by experience and time. When you’ve been betrayed and abandoned it’s so important to maintain your aspirations and if you have to, force yourself to pursue a healthy lifestyle even if the tendency is to sit and stare at the wall. I was with you 100% up until you mentioned the casual sex thing. That can set us up for pain. I used to think like you do, but I’ve revised my thinking on it. There’s something very…. supernatural and sacred that happens when we have sex with someone. I know that my take on it isn’t popular in our anything-goes culture, but if we are going to take our relationships seriously and honor the person we love, waiting until the commitment is official is the only way to go. I guess I really embraced that credo when my two kids got to the age that they were noticing the opposite sex. We began preparing and teaching them about love and how it was designed to work. I used to tell my son, “You should treat a girl like either your mother or your sister until you marry her”. What really seemed to be meaningful to them both was this question, that we would never stop asking: “How much baggage do you really want to bring to your marriage partner from past relationships?” That seemed to strike a chord with them. And now that they are dating, we aren’t afraid to ask them, “Are you honoring each other’s bodies”? They hate it lol. But they answer. Knowing what their parents expect from them may help a little, but unless they are extremely accomplished liars, they are both saving themselves sexually for their future spouses, and claim not only to us but to their friends how important they believe that is. Could this difficult, yet simple thing be the answer to our culture’s broken heart syndrome?