A.bad Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Hello There, i hope you all are good, i am posting this thread to share my experiance and hope you guys can help me. to cut it short, my ex gf broke up with me about 2 months ago, i did all the cliche mistakes of trying to convince her we should be back for about 3 weeks, i sounded weak and i hated it cuz surly it didnot work. i stopped and went into no contact, a couple of weeks pass and she texts me on whatsapp which included a pic of her wearing a black hair wig and said '" i know you said you should make your hair black but now you will change your opinion", i replied casually and direct to the point and ended the conversation. then she goes silent for about 10 days, then texts me about a concert i attended 2 weeks prior, i also replied that it was great and just that. during last week she kept texting me and i am only replying with an upbeat light attitude, until last night. when she download a new IM app and she messaged me on it asking me how she could if someone is online or not. i guess she was trying to make me jealous or get a reaction out of m, but i didnot take the bait... we continued chatting a bit and she kept telling me stuff about herself how she is planning to get a new look, i kept replying casually and made her laugh. we ended the texting by wishing goodnights, then she texts me saying " wish me goodluck ", i asked her in what, she said in everything, i told her gdluck and goodnight. i am confused guys, what does she mean by all of that, what are her intentions, is she meeting someone else.. i want her and i love her, i dont want to ask her back since i dont want to be rejected, i need your help guys in interpreting the situation. Thanks Guys.
Author A.bad Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Praying4Daylight, man i want her bck, not replying to her will convey that i am still hurt, what i wanna know is if she still has feelings for me and if in any case waht should be done to push her emotional buttons until she breaks.
The_Good_Me Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Praying4Daylight, man i want her bck, not replying to her will convey that i am still hurt, what i wanna know is if she still has feelings for me and if in any case waht should be done to push her emotional buttons until she breaks. Hey A.bad I'm really sorry to hear you're going through a painful breakup. I'm gonna start on your last point "What should be done to push her emotional buttons until she breaks" - the answer to this is nothing because there is nothing you can and more importantly there is nothing you should try to do. I don't think you're an evil person judging by what I've read but what you ask could be considered to be manipulative. Like I say, I don't think you're evil or that manipulating her is your intention, I just think you're going through a lot of pain right now and that pain makes us think in different ways. It's our minds way of trying to repair the hurt, or at least thats the way I see it. When my ex of 10 years ended our relationship 5 years ago I bought an e-book that promised to teach me how to get my girl back. It was an act of desperation on my part. The book started off with the usual good advice, ie... 1. stop trying to get your ex back 2. start no contact 3. get yourself eating healthily 4. work out 5. see friends 6. take up new hobbies to occupy your mind and time 7. accept that it is over and that they will have other relationships 8. accept that getting them back may never happen The book then went onto psychological methods to get her back, they were a series of manipulative mind games to train their brain into wanting you back. This is the point I stopped reading the book as I realised that every single person in this world has the right to choose their own partners and they shouldn't be guided by anyone but themselves. For example, if a girl liked you but you didn't like her back in that way, you wouldn't get with her. If you dumped a girl and she wanted you back but you didn't want that, you wouldn't get back with her. It takes 2 people to want each other to make a relationship. You would also be offended if you found out or realised an ex was using mind games to get you back when it wasn't something you wanted. On top of all the above, I can't see how manipulating someone back into your life can work out in the long run because eventually the honey moon period ends and if there hasn't been enough change, the relationship will end again, likely for the same reasons. This isn't going to be what you want to hear but unfortunately there isn't anything you can do to get this girl back right now because it isn't something she wants. If she wants to be with you again, she will come back and she'll make it very, VERY obvious that it is what she wants. As for interpreting why she is still contacting you right now, the likely reason is because she still cares about you and isn't ready to give you up in her life 100% at the moment. Just because she has ended the relationship, it doesn't mean shes evil and has stopped caring about you. The sad reality is she thinks of you as a friend, you were friends during the relationship but she no longer sees you in a romantic way. She, like you, doesn't sound like an evil person and probably doesn't realise the confusion she's causing by messaging you. While you message her back, you are essentially telling her that you are ok with this limited form of contact when it clearly isn't the case. If I were in your position I would start NC right now. If she messages you again with chit chat like she has recently then it is ok for you to reply and tell her that at the moment you are struggling to cope with the breakup and for your own sake, you need time to get over the relationship ending. Politely ask her to not message you again while you are healing and wish her good luck in everything. After that, work on yourself and what will be will be. Maybe one day she will want to get back together with you, and like I've said if that day comes she will move mountains to make it so. If she doesn't want to be with you again, you'll either be healed or well on your way to healing. Sorry this reply isn't what you were hoping to hear my friend. 3
Author A.bad Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 Hey the good me, No my friend, i appreciate your long descriptive answer, i really thank you for your time. i am currently moving on, and i am not counting on her to come back, but i love her and want her, neither one if us is evil and i am not going to use mind games for sure. I just wanna take baby steps back into her life cuz eventually we have to have contact incase she wants to get back. I am actually seeing this girl as my future wife thats why i am gonna stay strong and work my way back into her life, because i trully feel she is worth it and this breakup is not the end. i hope i wont be mistaken but if i am, its not the end of the world... Now, if you guys can help me and tell me any tips or hints that might help me cope with the situation, your answers are making me feel comfortable. Thanks again
privategal Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Hey the good me, No my friend, i appreciate your long descriptive answer, i really thank you for your time. i am currently moving on, and i am not counting on her to come back, but i love her and want her, neither one if us is evil and i am not going to use mind games for sure. I just wanna take baby steps back into her life cuz eventually we have to have contact incase she wants to get back. I am actually seeing this girl as my future wife thats why i am gonna stay strong and work my way back into her life, because i trully feel she is worth it and this breakup is not the end. i hope i wont be mistaken but if i am, its not the end of the world... Now, if you guys can help me and tell me any tips or hints that might help me cope with the situation, your answers are making me feel comfortable. Thanks again Not giving a period of NC will actually hurt your chances of getting back together. How can she miss you or how can you let your emotions settle if you don't take some space? If she was really MEANT to be your wife...no amount to of time and space could stop that. Also one person should not be the soul center of your world. Your happiness can not count on one person. You need to go NC and figure yourself out. Be happy on your own, build friendships and hobbies that are only for you. If you do get back together do you just want to be the same old guy she dated before? Wouldn't it be cool if you brought something new to the table? Girls like guys with ambition that have their own goals and hobbies. It's attractive when you show passion toward something. Don't work to impress her though....impress YOU. Have you rock climbed? Traveled alone on an adventure, learn photography, joined a rowing group, learned guitar, took an art class, sung karaoke, learned a new language? Get somethings together in your life. And if she comes back...keep those new friends or hobbies, don't ever give someone your full life and attention and make them your center because when they leave your whole world is upside down. Build a new life. Then she can join or not but you gotta be happy on your own first, and you need at least 60 days NC. 2
Author A.bad Posted August 14, 2016 Author Posted August 14, 2016 Dear pivategal, I appreciate your support, a major update happened yesterday, she talked to me and bursted in tears, she has been dating someone else and that guy cheated on her she texted and told me about it, i wanted to be the good guy and listened to her, but i made a mistake because i let myself be emotional and let my guard down, i asked her to come bck and another chance, i told her we have been together for two years not even once i made u feel not safe why would u leave that. Now you see what happened to you... I got rejected and told to go away, i told her you have been coming back, her answer was youve let the door open... I feel bad now, i feel ashamed to have been rejected again, i feel my confidence is low. After that i told her i will never see you as a friend only a lover if you can not see me like that then dont come here, she blocked me on whatsapp and walked. I am trying to see the positives here, i showed her that i love her, and will not accept friendship, i will this time different than anytime, go no contact and if she comes am gonna tell her to go away, i am a good person who doesnot like to ignore anyone, i will reply and say go i dont want to move backwards, if she wants me back she has to work her ass off now... I will work on myself during this time i will work my ass off to be a better me, i wont care for her nor anyone but myself. This is time is MY time... Privategal if its possible we could talk via whatsapp i could really use your helo and advice, heres my number 0096171206843. Your thoughts are appreciated..
NopeNah Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 Dear pivategal, I appreciate your support, a major update happened yesterday, she talked to me and bursted in tears, she has been dating someone else and that guy cheated on her she texted and told me about it, i wanted to be the good guy and listened to her, but i made a mistake because i let myself be emotional and let my guard down, i asked her to come bck and another chance, i told her we have been together for two years not even once i made u feel not safe why would u leave that. Now you see what happened to you... I got rejected and told to go away, i told her you have been coming back, her answer was youve let the door open... I feel bad now, i feel ashamed to have been rejected again, i feel my confidence is low. After that i told her i will never see you as a friend only a lover if you can not see me like that then dont come here, she blocked me on whatsapp and walked. I am trying to see the positives here, i showed her that i love her, and will not accept friendship, i will this time different than anytime, go no contact and if she comes am gonna tell her to go away, i am a good person who doesnot like to ignore anyone, i will reply and say go i dont want to move backwards, if she wants me back she has to work her ass off now... I will work on myself during this time i will work my ass off to be a better me, i wont care for her nor anyone but myself. This is time is MY time... Privategal if its possible we could talk via whatsapp i could really use your helo and advice, heres my number 0096171206843. Your thoughts are appreciated.. And this is EXACTLY why I said to stop talking to her.. Not to kick you while you're down. NC is to protect yourself from what happened yesterday. It keeps you(and her) in the dark about what's going on in their lives. I think it was very selfish on her part to call you about her new guy cheating on her! I mean...what rational person would call a recent ex to vent about their replacement? Again...NO CONTACT! 1
privategal Posted August 14, 2016 Posted August 14, 2016 I feel really bad, I don't have what's app and no idea how to use it or ID absolutely be willing to help. I'm so sorry about yesterday awe.
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