Insights

[Maya0201]

I posted here before (actually since I decided to start seeing this guy who lives 2k miles away). Things have been pretty good but I cannot understand certain behavior and need your advice here to see things clearly.

This time the problem is money (not even a problem but I have to understand).

Some backgrpund: my guy is in his late 20s, lives with his brother (does not pay rent) and has a job (not sure how much he makes but I would say it is a decent salary).

I am an international full time student (my tuition is higher than regular and I dont have loans or grants). I pay rent and I work as a server. My salary barely covers my expenses.

When we met first time, I flew to his city, refused to stay with hos brother and paid for the hotel and plane ticket. He mostly paid for meals and entertainment.

Then, he flew to my city, he paid for the hotel (he cant stay in my place) and we shared everything else 50/50.

Third time we met in Florida, he paid for the hotel and we shared the expenses for meals and everything else. I offered to give him 50% for the hotel (it was a very expensive hotel), he said that I can get the next one.

Then we talked about our relationship and agreed to meet every 2-3 months. I told him that will be a little expensive for me but I will try. He then said that we could find a cheaper option (like visiting him and staying with his brother) or he could sometimes cover everything for me (but not always "because he is not THAT rich"-his words).

 

Problem: we are meeting again and we are staying at all-inclusive hotel. He booked it and I was debating whether to offer to pay for both of us but I decided in the end to offer my part only. He accepted it. Then, he asked me if I wanna do some parks and other entertainments. We found few but the ticket was 150 per person. He just sent me the link but didnt get the tickets. My question is should I offer to get us the tickets? Is it ok if he gets them.

I hate this nit picking but it is hard when ypu are a student on a budget. I sometimes feel like he expects me to pay 50%, which I think is not completely fair. I am used to guys who have some compassion and understanding. And I am not a gold digger looking to get a free vacation, I just have the feeling that he may not care enough about me.

Share your perspective and let me know if I am being stupid now. Thanks

[dpass]

If you are that broke, why are you dating someone who lives across the country? Are there absolutely no men in your city? Or state?

 

IMO, it IS fair for both of you to pay 50/50. However, what is not fair is him expecting expensive outings when you are on a budget. You need to be telling him that you cannot afford these things.

[Maya0201]

If you are that broke, why are you dating someone who lives across the country? Are there absolutely no men in your city? Or state?

 

IMO, it IS fair for both of you to pay 50/50. However, what is not fair is him expecting expensive outings when you are on a budget. You need to be telling him that you cannot afford these things.

Well, he first suggested Hawaii and I was clear that would be too expensive. Then, he was open for pretty much anything. The truth is any place we meet is about the same price. The cheapest option is for me staying in his brother's house. However, I still dont feel comfortable enough to do that.

[summertitparadise]

Agreed with dpass - It's fair for both of you to pay 50/50. He's not that rich like you said. Talk to him about your budget. If he's considerate, he'll pick places which are more affordable and not a burden to you. But I personally do expect my bae to pay for me most of the time (given that he has the condition to do so, LOL).