rocketx2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I've been dating this guy for a month now and finally a few days ago I asked him how he feels and where he sees things going. He said he likes me a lot and I'm an amazing person, but that due to stress (new home purchase, which is turning out to be a big mess and he has lots of work to do which will cost a lot of money, his job, family issues, etc.), he doesn't feel that he's fit for a relationship at this time. He did say that he's been wanting one for a while, but he's realized that the level of stress he's enduring is not healthy, especially for a relationship. He said he will probably be stressed for quite some time and is unsure when things will get better. Still, he said that he's loved getting to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. What do I make of this? What would you do? On a side note, he did disable all of his dating profiles after we chatted on the phone.
leogirl876 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Move on, he's not that into you! Never, and I repeat, never wait on a man! If he's not making forth a big effort to be with you, then lose him, because he's not worth your time!!! Don't buy his excuse he's too stressed out, that's only an excuse because he's not being man enough to tell you the truth that he doesn't feel the same way about you. It sucks, but your best bet is to lose him! 8
Gloria25 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 You know, there was a Sex and the City where the girls were talking about men's availability as if they were taxi cabs...so, one minute their light is on, and you're lucky if you run across one when his light is on. I, before my recent dude, went almost three years without sex and really dating. Before him was my FWB. I was under so much stress and having to dedicate my time and energy to family that I was miserable and had nothing to give. I actually found gfs calling me out to hang out as a nuisance and ended two friendships from blowups about my availability. I lost interest in sex. No matter how good my FWB was, I would literally see the faces of my enemies while closing my eyes during sex. I'd have to stare at him and tell myself to snap out of it and concentrate on him. So, that being said, sometimes we are in a place in our lives where our cab light is off. Life isn't the movies where you blow off everything of reason and ride off into the sunset upon meeting "the one". It's up to you if you wanna sacrifice you attention and time to be invested in this person cuz you may become their "rebound"...which means you were enough support for them during these trying times, but they end up with someone else. Or, you may get friendzoned. If this person really, really is worth it, I recommend being friendly" and keep your options open cuz until they come out of the woods and turn on that taxi light, you don't wanna invest too much and/or become o'l faithful - only to be dissed when his taxi light turns on and a new passenger catche his eye.
Sunkissedpatio Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I would walk. His problem is that you cornered him into telling you what he was planning on doing when his plan was to not talk about it but just disappear and claiming he was too busy to:call, text, chat, ask you out on another date. Question is what do you want to do? He may very well have a full plate but it's not going to be forever and though his time to date may be limited right now because of all the things he is currently involved with if he really wanted to be with you he would be with you every chance he gets, no matter how limited that is or at least give you the opportunity to decide if you want to still see him but less frequently due to his current situation. He didn't give you that option because he was just trying to be nice in letting you down easy but doing a crappy job at it using those lame excuses. He said he will probably be stressed for quite some time and is unsure when things will get better. Still, he said that he's loved getting to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. Oh really he already knows he will be "stressed for quite some time"? Mkkkk lol And I wish people would stop using bullsht contradictory statements like the above which just creates more confusion. He tells you he will be super busy and no time for relationship indefinitely but also wants to continued to get to know you. WT.... How does he plan on doing that, telekinesis? I'd wish him good luck with all that "stress" and bon voyage!
summertitparadise Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Move on. You might meet a better guy who cannot bear to see you waiting for him.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Sooo..he just wants a friend with benefits. Got it. LOL..what a lame excuse. "Stress" from his house purchase and the work and expense involved with it prevents him from being in a relationship. That's a new one. 5
deep_night Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 when you hear so many excuses it means he's trying to let you down gently... he told you everything you want to know. if you aren't interested in something casual then there are plenty of fish in the sea....
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 I believe him and have no reason not to. He has never given me a reason to question his honesty. He disabled all of his dating profiles, I think, because he realized he's not in a place for a relationship right now. He did this before I even gave him my decision, which I haven't yet. He also doesn't know that I noticed that he disabled his accounts. Why does this have to be so complicated? Sheesh
deep_night Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I believe him and have no reason not to. He has never given me a reason to question his honesty. He disabled all of his dating profiles, I think, because he realized he's not in a place for a relationship right now. He did this before I even gave him my decision, which I haven't yet. He also doesn't know that I noticed that he disabled his accounts. Why does this have to be so complicated? Sheesh i know im a negative nancy, but what if he took down his profile because he's trying to win some other woman over? and in the meanwhile he's keeping you on the backburner? :/ sorry to be so negative again, i guess im a bit bitter over this stuff 1
stillafool Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I believe him and have no reason not to. He has never given me a reason to question his honesty. He disabled all of his dating profiles, I think, because he realized he's not in a place for a relationship right now. He did this before I even gave him my decision, which I haven't yet. He also doesn't know that I noticed that he disabled his accounts. Why does this have to be so complicated? Sheesh If you believe him why did you come to LS and start this thread? If you believe him then wait you don't need our opinions. 2
Redhead14 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I've been dating this guy for a month now and finally a few days ago I asked him how he feels and where he sees things going. He said he likes me a lot and I'm an amazing person, but that due to stress (new home purchase, which is turning out to be a big mess and he has lots of work to do which will cost a lot of money, his job, family issues, etc.), he doesn't feel that he's fit for a relationship at this time. He did say that he's been wanting one for a while, but he's realized that the level of stress he's enduring is not healthy, especially for a relationship. He said he will probably be stressed for quite some time and is unsure when things will get better. Still, he said that he's loved getting to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. What do I make of this? What would you do? On a side note, he did disable all of his dating profiles after we chatted on the phone. he doesn't feel that he's fit for a relationship at this time -- He's just dating casually and you want to date for a relationship. You're on two different pages in terms of dating goals. You should move on to someone who is prepared for and has all his ducks in a row. Still, he said that he's loved getting to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. -- Sure, he likes you at least and does enjoy spending time with you, he just isn't in a position to be in a committed relationship and is being honest with you so you can make a decision for yourself. He's content with the way things are between you so why would he decide to stop seeing you. On a side note, he did disable all of his dating profiles after we chatted on the phone -- It could mean he's decided to go with someone else or he's going to be at least exclusive with you. I wouldn't read anything into it really. Maybe he's just decided to focus on himself and his situation now and not add anymore stress by dating a whole bunch of people. Who knows? 1
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 OK so yo got your answer from him, he isn't interested in a relationship. There is nothing more to say but bubb'bye! It doesn't matter if he is truthful or feeding you a line, his answer is still the same...no. 1
Erik30 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I would move on. He'll dump you immediately when he thinks he has found someone "better." Don't wait for that moment. A guy who is really into you doesn't need time.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I believe him and have no reason not to. He has never given me a reason to question his honesty. He disabled all of his dating profiles, I think, because he realized he's not in a place for a relationship right now. He did this before I even gave him my decision, which I haven't yet. He also doesn't know that I noticed that he disabled his accounts. Why does this have to be so complicated? Sheesh He might just want an exclusive casual lay. He might not be looking for others to have sex with but that doesnt mean he is serious about you. There is such a thing as an exclusive FWB or and exclusive F-buddy. I just got told the other day: I'm not looking for something serious but I've deleted my dating profiles. So that means what. He isnt looking for someone else but he isnt serious about me either is what it means. That doesn't also mean that they dont have other people they met before they deleted the profile that they still call on to see and have sex with: you just dont know. If you trust him and believe him, come back in 6 months time when his house purchase is sorted and he is stress free and tell us all he has committed to you. If he hasnt: he was lying about the stress.
Author rocketx2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Posted August 12, 2016 he doesn't feel that he's fit for a relationship at this time -- He's just dating casually and you want to date for a relationship. You're on two different pages in terms of dating goals. You should move on to someone who is prepared for and has all his ducks in a row. Still, he said that he's loved getting to know me and wants to continue to spend time with me. -- Sure, he likes you at least and does enjoy spending time with you, he just isn't in a position to be in a committed relationship and is being honest with you so you can make a decision for yourself. He's content with the way things are between you so why would he decide to stop seeing you. On a side note, he did disable all of his dating profiles after we chatted on the phone -- It could mean he's decided to go with someone else or he's going to be at least exclusive with you. I wouldn't read anything into it really. Maybe he's just decided to focus on himself and his situation now and not add anymore stress by dating a whole bunch of people. Who knows? When we met on the dating app, we both agreed that we were seeking a LTR. He even asked what I was searching for, specifically! So, I believe that over the past few weeks, he has realized that he doesn't really have the extra time to commit to anything serious. Perhaps he is afraid of a committed relationship adding yet another layer of stress to his life. I'm not sure. They definitely do from time to time... As for disabling his accounts, who knows. I've spent every weekend with him over the past month, however, and he hasn't tried to hide anything and leaves his phone around, so I doubt that's the case. Plus, he doesn't get a lot of text messages and when he does, they are from his friends and he shares them with me. This has all been really confusing and upsetting. I am probably going to leave the dating scene.
DramaInPajamas Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 When we met on the dating app, we both agreed that we were seeking a LTR. He even asked what I was searching for, specifically! So, I believe that over the past few weeks, he has realized that he doesn't really have the extra time to commit to anything serious. Perhaps he is afraid of a committed relationship adding yet another layer of stress to his life. I'm not sure. They definitely do from time to time... As for disabling his accounts, who knows. I've spent every weekend with him over the past month, however, and he hasn't tried to hide anything and leaves his phone around, so I doubt that's the case. Plus, he doesn't get a lot of text messages and when he does, they are from his friends and he shares them with me. This has all been really confusing and upsetting. I am probably going to leave the dating scene. He spends time with you and that is very confusing. but if you're leaving the dating scene just be aware that it probably wont be evolve beyond the dating you are already doing.
Redhead14 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 When we met on the dating app, we both agreed that we were seeking a LTR. He even asked what I was searching for, specifically! So, I believe that over the past few weeks, he has realized that he doesn't really have the extra time to commit to anything serious. Perhaps he is afraid of a committed relationship adding yet another layer of stress to his life. I'm not sure. They definitely do from time to time... As for disabling his accounts, who knows. I've spent every weekend with him over the past month, however, and he hasn't tried to hide anything and leaves his phone around, so I doubt that's the case. Plus, he doesn't get a lot of text messages and when he does, they are from his friends and he shares them with me. This has all been really confusing and upsetting. I am probably going to leave the dating scene. When we met on the dating app, we both agreed that we were seeking a LTR -- well if he was being honest at that time, it's more likely that he didn't see that with you for whatever reason after dating you for a bit. This could have happened to you . . . you could have gotten to this point and saw something about him that didn't work for you. It's not you and it's not him, it's just the way it is. The other thing is that guys know that's what most women want, so they might say that to get their foot in the door, so to speak. It's not a good selling point to say "I just want to hang out with a girl and have sex for a while". If things are so stressful now, it's not likely that this "condition" just started happening in a month . . . so I think he's BS'ing you. Perhaps he is afraid of a committed relationship adding yet another layer of stress to his life. -- He was ready for a long term relationship a month ago, it changed all of a sudden? Nah. And, spending every weekend in the first month at his place may have become smothering to him and highlighted that being in a committed relationship would involve having someone around a lot. At a month in, it's usually best to only be seeing each other once or twice a week and spread out a little. Budding relationships need to breathe. I am probably going to leave the dating scene -- It's always a good idea to "regroup" after a failed dating scenario. Pack up this experience and move forward. If you want to have a relationship for yourself, you just need to buckle up and go for a few rides. It's just part of the process. It's only been a month with this guy so you haven't invested much in it. You are hurting and maybe a little too much after only a month, so I'd say you let yourself get carried away too soon anyway. You need to learn how to manage your emotions and expectations for quite a while in a new dating scenario. Enjoy them, be focused but observe carefully and be prepared to simply accept that not all of them are or should go further than they do. I know I sound glib about all this, but it's not glibness, it's having gotten to the point of acceptance that dating for a relationship is a process and not an event and you may have to go through the process a few times . . .
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