vanilatwilight Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) Hi, I’m new on this website as of today and I joined to possibly get some help on an issue I have. IL post some background info but il try not make it too long I’m 18 years old and I have only ever had one romantic relationship which lasted not longer than one month and nothing apart from kissing was done, however I have tinder (dating site in case anyone doesn’t know) and I speak to a few people from it including Tony. I started speaking to this guy in May (il call him Tony for this post). Anyway me and Tony have been chatting every day since May the conversations are not sexual, i speak to him as if he is my best friend there is no flirting or anything. He invited me to a party back in July not shortly after we had initially started talking before briefly describing how fussy he was with females, so i thought he kinda liked me however i couldnt go to this party. We continued to talk and eventually me and my friend met up with him and his friends and we all went for a night out and this was nothing more than in a friendly way. We got back to his place and i ended up sleeping next to him and my friend was in the other room so we started cuddling which I don’t see in a bad way as cuddling is friendly as well. However we kissed and he pulled away from me and said to me that he didn’t want to lead me on because im a really nice person, so I spoke to him about that and he basically said that relationships have never interested him and hes only ever had one that he totally hated and its just not something he is interested in (he has previously told me that he is a virgin). I asked him about this and he said he had work and college to do and that hed be quite busy so hed find it difficult to spend time with a girlfriend, also we do stay a little bit away from each other (approx. 40 mins on a train/bus) but he also mentioned that i am the only online friend he has ever met up with and there have been instances where i feel he has hinted to me that i have a good personality. Anyway although he said this we still kissed anyway and we ended up doing sexual acts twice (no sex involved) this is the first time I have ever done anything like this so I do think I like him as I am fussy about who I get involved with hence why I have only had one relationship. When we woke up me and tony kinda acted as If nothing had happened and we haven’t spoken about it since however we still do chat everyday but I am really worried that I have been used so ive started paying attention to how often he speaks to me and im not sure If he is speaking less frequently in less depth or not as this isn’t something I previously looked at like sometimes il notice he is online but not replying. I really don’t want to lose friendship with him as I really do enjoy speaking to him and I am not bothered if we end up in a relationship. I just dunno If he would speak to me for nearly 4 months every day - all day just for foreplay?? Another thing, when I was there he was asking me about other guys I speak to and I don’t know if this is a jealousy thing? I'm just wondering if anyone would help me find where I stand with this guy and what he actually wants to keep the friendship going, or if he is maybe interested in having a relationship or whatever, im just really confused and hurt by this and I don’t want to lose him Thank you for any advice it is appreciated!! Edited August 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add some more paragraphs
Terry8889 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 The guy hoped to have sex that night, you were open to foreplay but didnt seem interested in sex so the guy felt frustrated. He probably thought you are a tease, thus he lost some interest and has minimized/cut contact with you. Simple as that! Conclusion he just wanted to hook up, he doesnt want anything serious. Move on!
JewelD Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 No, you were not used for the simple fact that he told you what was up. Not to mention you met him on Tinder, that's basically f*ckbook, people on there are mostly looking to hook up rather than date. He told you he did not want a relationship and you seemed to be okay with that in the moment as you hooked up with him. He doesn't want a relationship. You could possibly be FWB but you'd have to throw it out there. and you can't really be just friends bc you met on tinder and hooked up.
clia Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 It sounds like he lost interest after meeting you in person. Hence his hedging by saying he didn't want to lead you on, wasn't interested in a relationship, etc. Were you used? I don't think so. He told you he didn't want a relationship. The fact that you heard him say that and then continued on to perform sexual acts with him is on you. He was honest. You hoped he didn't mean what he said. You are very young, so here is some advice: when a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, he means he doesn't want a relationship with you. Doing sex stuff with him will not change his mind, although he likely won't turn it down. Also, it's generally a bad idea to invest months talking to someone without meeting in person. It usually turns out to have been a waste of time.
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