Is it devious to date multiple people at the same time?

[1Jessie86]

It feels wrong. I'll be 30 this year. I've been dating one guy for about 5 months who claims he doesn't want anything serious right now. That's not what I want so I feel like I should date around. I've also been dating another guy who is open to a serious relationship. Tonight will be the 3rd time we hang out. Is this wrong? What's the best way to explain this to a guy who questions if I'm seeing other people?

[Gloria25]

IMO, until sex happens and/or you're agreeing to be exclusive, you're a single person and what you do with other people is none of their business.

 

So, how to answer this? Say that you're not seeing anyone exclusively right now. And if he asks to elaborate, let him know that until you are having sex with someone or agree to be exclusive, that you are open to other people.

 

I mean we're all adults here. Why can't people just lay their cards on the table?

[Satu]

As Gloria said.

[Gloria25]

As Gloria said.

 

**pfft**

 

But guaranteed that he's gonna get his panties in a tizzy when she says that. Cuz it's a double standard out there.

[ChattyKat]

I wouldn't waste my time casually dating anyone. Few months after of dating, I'd want to be exclusive especially if there's sex involved. That's just me.

[carhill]

Is it devious to date multiple people at the same time?

In my demographic, pretty normal. Some folks also have sex with multiple people, though not always at the same time, rather serially, like one on one day and another on the next. IDK if it's that common now but certainly was when I was of prime mating age a few decades ago.

 

It feels wrong. I'll be 30 this year. I've been dating one guy for about 5 months who claims he doesn't want anything serious right now.

Sounds like he doesn't want an exclusive relationship. That's fine. Enjoy the company of other men.

That's not what I want so I feel like I should date around. I've also been dating another guy who is open to a serious relationship.

Cool, see how that goes. IME, there are a confluence of factors which tilt one towards one person or another. There's no formula or right or wrong, rather how you feel.

Tonight will be the 3rd time we hang out. Is this wrong? What's the best way to explain this to a guy who questions if I'm seeing other people?

I think a MW who's bisexual explained it best: 'I enjoy the company of women, too' when I jokingly asked her if she liked women as much as I do.

 

See, even when people are married things can be fuzzy. It's the people who decide. You're one of them. Do what you like. If one guy questions you, sure, you date around. It's fun. If it wasn't fun, or you felt it to go against your style of dating and mating, you wouldn't do it, right? Easy peasy.

[SevenCity]

I wouldn't waste my time casually dating anyone. Few months after of dating, I'd want to be exclusive especially if there's sex involved. That's just me.

 

Too bad there's not more like you....

[gorf]

Is this wrong? What's the best way to explain this to a guy who questions if I'm seeing other people?

 

Is it wrong to date someone who has your goals of a serious relationship? No. Is it wrong to do it without telling the other guy (or both) yes. He already knows something is up, thats why you ask for how to answer his questioning, not answer him if he questions. Maybe he is not in line withyou, but at least you know it now. Don't lead him on, and dont destroy your chance with the guy with the serious relationship goal. Be direct. Say you want a serious relationship with substance and long term.. you don't see that in him based on X Y and Y... but you met a guy who you do see it in. At that point he will either shape up and fight for it, or he wont. But don't waste your time, he already pretty much made it clear he wants nothing serious, and you do.

[ChattyKat]

Too bad there's not more like you....

 

Thanks. My parents raised me in a somewhat strict religious background. We were to date someone with the prospect of having a future with and that would eventually lead to marriage. So, multiple dating with different people the same time was a no-no.

[carhill]

Thanks. My parents raised me in a somewhat strict religious background. We were to date someone with the prospect of having a future with and that would eventually lead to marriage. So, multiple dating with different people the same time was a no-no.

Yeah, same here. It was only self-preservation in the mating game which impelled the practice. Put all one's eggs in one basket only to have it snatched each time and back to nothing and, well, one learns to spread things around. That was particular to the dating demographic so it was either adapt or die, reproduction-wise. However, that's a man's perspective and our role in dating and mating is necessarily different from that of a woman.

[preraph]

It's not wrong but only if you let each and every one know, "I am dating around." Then they can decide what to do with that info.

[longjohn]

This isn't technically wrong if all parties are aware of whats going on however expect someone somewhere to get pissed if they are not aware and find out your seeing other people too even though your not exclusive. No guy likes the idea of another guy drilling where he's set up his well.

 

Personally I never date ladies that wants to "date around" the translation for that to me is they want to bang a number of people at the same time and I'm not into sword fights.

[JustGettingBy]

If you're not 'exclusive' with anyone, neither you or any of your dates considers the other a SO, and you're taking the proper...health precautions, its okay.

[TheBathWater]

This isn't technically wrong if all parties are aware of whats going on however expect someone somewhere to get pissed if they are not aware and find out your seeing other people too even though your not exclusive. No guy likes the idea of another guy drilling where he's set up his well.

 

Personally I never date ladies that wants to "date around" the translation for that to me is they want to bang a number of people at the same time and I'm not into sword fights.

 

This entire post hits the nail on the head.

 

It's all about communication and people being honest. Things are inevitably going to start falling apart once people start hiding stuff, being sneaky, waiting for the next best thing, using the grey areas to their advantage, etc... basically all the things that Americans do in dating

[Versacehottie]

I think you are within your rights to date around. You are no one's girlfriend.

[takenawayfrom]

It feels wrong. I'll be 30 this year. I've been dating one guy for about 5 months who claims he doesn't want anything serious right now. That's not what I want so I feel like I should date around. I've also been dating another guy who is open to a serious relationship. Tonight will be the 3rd time we hang out. Is this wrong? What's the best way to explain this to a guy who questions if I'm seeing other people?

 

Firstly if it feels wrong, don't do it, even if someone tells you it's fine if it doesn't sit well with you then it's best not to do it, for your own sanity.

 

Personally if it's been 5 months and he still doesn't want something serious then he's never going to want anything serious. I'd cut it with him anyway, you've only got one life no point wasting it with people who don't want the same as you.

 

If the guy asks then just tell the truth, personally I can't handle dating multiple people though, so I'd just stop that before I even thought about seriously thinking about someone else.

 

Also, for the record, if it was me, I would not at all be happy with going out with a girl who was seeing another guy. I'd tell her she needed to drop the other guy if she wanted to carry on seeing me.

Edited August 12, 2016 by takenawayfrom

[morrowrd]

We all make our own rules when dating, just be sure to remember the other people are making their own rules too. I know from experience, dating multiple people can make things complicated, especially to the person who is wanting something serious. In my case, I used dating as the vehicle to find someone who was relationship material. And dating multiple people is an efficient way to save time, although avoiding sex sometimes takes effort, I found that doing so is very much worth it. Once you've been intimate, a bonding process begins, and if you aren't sure about the other person, you are making things complicated especially if "the right one" shows up.

[Toodaloo]

Jessie - if you do not want to multi date then don't.

 

Ditch flakey Guy and just date the other guy.

 

The problem with multi dating is that if you do meet someone you like who is serious and who, like you, isn't comfortable with the idea of multi dating they are more than likely to ditch you from the off set... Meaning you miss out on opportunities with men who do match with your core beliefs...

 

Ditch "casual" guy. He is probably shagging someone else as well anyway. Just stick with what you feel comfortable with.

[phineas]

**pfft**

 

But guaranteed that he's gonna get his panties in a tizzy when she says that. Cuz it's a double standard out there.

 

If they are asking they will always have an issue.

I just assume she has other men in the works until she wants to be exclusive.

 

As far as double standards go my experience is women will get their panties in a twist when one of the many men they are talking to / going out with is seeing other women.

 

seriously, my chick friends will say "well he was out with some woman so he clearly isn't serious about dating me" then I point out they are seeing multiple men so how is that any different?

 

They get SOOOOOO PISSED at me.

Edited August 12, 2016 by phineas

[ChattyKat]

If they are asking they will always have an issue.

I just assume she has other men in the works until she wants to be exclusive.

 

As far as double standards go my experience is women will get their panties in a twist when one of the many men they are talking to / going out with is seeing other women.

 

seriously, my chick friends will say "well he was out with some woman so he clearly isn't serious about dating me" then I point out they are seeing multiple men so how is that any different?

 

They get SOOOOOO PISSED at me.

 

wow! lol

[takenawayfrom]

If they are asking they will always have an issue.

I just assume she has other men in the works until she wants to be exclusive.

 

As far as double standards go my experience is women will get their panties in a twist when one of the many men they are talking to / going out with is seeing other women.

 

seriously, my chick friends will say "well he was out with some woman so he clearly isn't serious about dating me" then I point out they are seeing multiple men so how is that any different?

 

They get SOOOOOO PISSED at me.

 

To be honest I don't get the idea of dating multiple people if you are at all serious with someone. Maybe after one date or something if you have another offer I'd take it but other than that I wouldn't expect either side to do it and if they did I'd assume they weren't looking for anything remotely serious.

 

You can't expect to build a meaningful relationship with someone when you're also thinking about someone else. Multiple dating and looking for something serious is just hedging your bets, which isn't really a very healthy way to deal with relationships if you're looking for something long term.

 

If it's just casual then I think as long as everyone knows what's going on then there's no problems.

[phineas]

To be honest I don't get the idea of dating multiple people if you are at all serious with someone. Maybe after one date or something if you have another offer I'd take it but other than that I wouldn't expect either side to do it and if they did I'd assume they weren't looking for anything remotely serious.

 

You can't expect to build a meaningful relationship with someone when you're also thinking about someone else. Multiple dating and looking for something serious is just hedging your bets, which isn't really a very healthy way to deal with relationships if you're looking for something long term.

 

If it's just casual then I think as long as everyone knows what's going on then there's no problems.

 

Except, people with a lot of options looking for long term do in fact date this way. Older people also take their time to commit.

 

They play the field for weeks or months having sex with hopefully one person, sometimes more before deciding they want to be BF/GF.

[Redhead14]

It feels wrong. I'll be 30 this year. I've been dating one guy for about 5 months who claims he doesn't want anything serious right now. That's not what I want so I feel like I should date around. I've also been dating another guy who is open to a serious relationship. Tonight will be the 3rd time we hang out. Is this wrong? What's the best way to explain this to a guy who questions if I'm seeing other people?

 

Absolutely not wrong to "date" around. If you're not in a committed or at least sexually exclusive relationship, you are free to date others. I would not sleep with multiple people though because then you are sleeping around, not "dating around". If you are being intimate with the 5 month guy, and you think you are getting to the point where you will be intimate with the new guy, you tell the first guy that you have been dating other people without intimacy and now have someone where the potential for having a serious relationship exists and you want to explore that opportunity more deeply and that you are moving on from him because you two aren't on the same page in terms of dating goals.

[kgcolonel]

If you're having sex with them, then you need to be up front with them....there is no guarantees on any protection to be 100% from STD's....you may be putting someone at risk without them knowing.