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I find my girlfriend's compliments about my looks really awkward...

takenawayfrom

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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She's forever calling me gorgeous, and sexy and hot and stuff.

 

Thing is I don't believe it, I've got lots of good stuff going for me, and I don't have low self esteem generally, but I'm no model, I'm pretty average looking.

 

She's really beautiful, so obviously I tell her so, and then she nearly always says 'you too', which I guess is ok, but also I feel it devalues what I'm saying because I find it so hard to believe her compliments. This in in addition to just complimenting me multiple times a day.

 

I don't know whether to say to her that it makes me feel uncomfortable, or whether to just try to deal with it myself.

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LaurenP15 Member

LaurenP15

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Sounds like you guys have a great thing going on. Learn to accept these compliments and feel good about them. Even if YOU think you're average looking, to your gf, you might be the best looking person she knows. I honestly don't think she's saying it just for the heck of it. But if it is really bothering you, you might want to talk to her about limiting the number of compliments she gives you a day.

  • Like 2
gorf Established Member

gorf

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Sounds like you guys have a great thing going on. Learn to accept these compliments and feel good about them. Even if YOU think you're average looking, to your gf, you might be the best looking person she knows. I honestly don't think she's saying it just for the heck of it. But if it is really bothering you, you might want to talk to her about limiting the number of compliments she gives you a day.

 

Ill second that. Maybe she is just really into you. Where you see yourself as average, she digs you, so she is into the things you might find to be average. Fill in the blank on what that is. Cause its you. I dunno, I say take what she says and believe it. You say you are average, so you probably arent used to hearing it more than anything. Doesn't mean she does not find you handsome cause you are her lover.

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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Ill second that. Maybe she is just really into you. Where you see yourself as average, she digs you, so she is into the things you might find to be average. Fill in the blank on what that is. Cause its you. I dunno, I say take what she says and believe it. You say you are average, so you probably arent used to hearing it more than anything. Doesn't mean she does not find you handsome cause you are her lover.

 

I genuinely don't think anyone has ever complimented what I look like (aside from my mum :) ) or called me sexy in my life, I cant recall any of my previous girlfriends saying anything, and I think I would remember, because of my reaction now. That's a bit depressing now I think of it.

CollegeKid101 Established Member

CollegeKid101

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I genuinely don't think anyone has ever complimented what I look like (aside from my mum :) ) or called me sexy in my life, I cant recall any of my previous girlfriends saying anything, and I think I would remember, because of my reaction now. That's a bit depressing now I think of it.

 

Seems like you're almost a bit self conscious about it. Accept it and enjoy the relationship dude!

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Yes, keep on self-sabotaging.

 

When I tell a guy he's handsome, good looking, etc. I mean it. I'm no one's charity giver. I'm not gonna falsely pump up some guy out of pity for him.

 

Women aren't as superficial as men. Yes, we need "some" attraction that is based on the outside, but it is strengthened by other stuff a guy has to offer.

 

Look, over the years I've dated guys that friends and family drooled over. I've also dated others that they went like :sick: to. To me, each of those men were attractive to "me", and that's what counts.

 

I mean, not one person's handsome is another's. I love Angelina Jolie to death, but I don't get how/why women find Brad Pitt attractive. He's not ugly, but women swoon over him and George Clooney and I don't know why.

 

So, stop feeling sorry for yourself and learn to accept compliments.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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OMG, c'mon!! She is giving you these compliments with her HEART !! To HER you are gorgeous and sexy!!! Just be happy you rock her world !!! You are killing the moment with your logic.

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Nightwriter Member

Nightwriter

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Are you wondering whether she genuine or patronizing you? Is that what is making you uneasy?

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gorf Established Member

gorf

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OMG, c'mon!! She is giving you these compliments with her HEART !! To HER you are gorgeous and sexy!!! Just be happy you rock her world !!! You are killing the moment with your logic.

I agree with gaeta, theres a good chance she is completely genuine and you are just killing it. You should be relaxed and appreciating her as much as she is of you at this point.

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AMJ Established Member

AMJ

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This actually isn't such a straightforward issue. Some women give compliments because they're fishing to receive compliments. I'm also bothered when people give praise that isn't genuine. If you think it's either of those two things, you have a right to be irritated.

 

If she's genuinely this outwardly adoring of you, however, it's sad that you have such a hard time accepting affection. That would be a you issue, not hers.

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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OP - I am like you. Maybe it is an insecurity, I don't know, but I am generally skeptical about compliments on my looks. I used to be really bad about it, and have been told straight - you need to get better about accepting compliments!

 

I think of myself as a secure, confident person, but never based my self image, and worth on my physical looks. I often have thought that I was confident in spite of my looks!

 

But you know what, I made a resolution to accept compliments graciously (rather than with skepticism), and its changed things.

 

Maybe I believe it a bit more, maybe I wasn't as observant before, perhaps believing it changed the way I carry myself - but now I notice more compliments. Not only from my husband, but from strangers.

 

Hahah I am trying to give less side eyes and more thank yous.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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That's how I feel about people who compliment on a regular basis. I think they're wanting something out of it and don't trust them. I mean, it's not the same as when you dress up and they pick you up to go out, they say "You look nice." That's only polite. But to gush, I feel they are wanting something out of it. If it's a woman doing it, I think she's wanting your money or is herself fishing for compliments. But most good looking people don't feel it necessary to fish for compliments. In fact, real good looking people grow weary about them because makes them feel like a piece of meat, like they only like them for their looks.

 

I agree it is kind of creepy and off.

AlwaysAKL Member

AlwaysAKL

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She is telling you how she sees you and feels toward you, not how you see yourself. Accept the compliments and enjoy her affection for you

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takenawayfrom Member

takenawayfrom

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So I actually decided to sort of bring it up during a bit of pillowtalk. I basically told her that it felt weird her calling me sexy as I didn't really feel very sexy. Her response was firstly to tell me that I was again but also to say that she felt the same when I complimented her. It was quite nice actually, we're a bit closer now because of it and it's quite nice to know that we both have slight insecurities about these things.

 

So yes, good outcome.

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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So I actually decided to sort of bring it up during a bit of pillowtalk. I basically told her that it felt weird her calling me sexy as I didn't really feel very sexy. Her response was firstly to tell me that I was again but also to say that she felt the same when I complimented her. It was quite nice actually, we're a bit closer now because of it and it's quite nice to know that we both have slight insecurities about these things.

 

So yes, good outcome.

Good and this is why you shouldn't be scared of conflict, resolution brings you closer.

 

The thing is though, as a woman when I start having sex with a guy, my brain associates all that pleasure with him and I do see him in a different light. He most definitely becomes sexy despite having irregular facial features for example. It's a lot about how the other person makes you feel.

 

An ex of mine I guess couldn't be described objectively as handsome but I thought he was hot as anything. I loved his strong masculine features, his hair colour, skin tone, scent, etc. That's because we had strong chemistry and clicked in bed very well.

 

It's not all about the pages of women's magazines. I'm sure you've met girls over the years who had that sex appeal, that X factor despite not being conventionally beautiful. Same thing.

  • Like 1
Grisho Established Member

Grisho

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1 thing I'd warn against, because it reeks of insincerity, is the "you too" debacle. If someone gives you a compliment, smile and/or say thanks. Don't bounce the compliment back to them, because it's clearly not genuinely meant. Just bask in the moment, that someone thinks something wonderful about you, and wants you to know they think it.

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