Mr. Bond Posted August 15, 2016 Posted August 15, 2016 Your friend has done something terribly bad in some way that her man is finding it hard to forgive her. The child they have is just an excuse. They should do more open talking, ''heart to heart''. If they're religiously inclined they should go counselling. Most relationships having this little crack are often a result of unguided thoughts and acts from either the man or woman. The best solution will be talking out the issue, and better role playing. Love is still breeding in the hearts of these two people. But something is planting a no love seed between them. The TIME is now to talk it out. Apologize. And forgive one another.
iServe Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Thanks for sharing your heart with forum. There are no easy answers or simple solutions to suggest. I will encourage you to keep your head up, finish your education, work hard, be a super mom and love yourself. Expect the better and greatness as you move forward in life. Hopefully you will become contagious and it rubs off on him. If not, pour your best into your pride and joy-your child. Take care and and I hope the best for you.
HillValley Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 Even if she left him, she's still tied to him by that child. He will be able to swing into her life and cause trouble whenever he likes. She needs to prepare for herself to end it and have the resolve to see the consequences through.
Redhead14 Posted August 16, 2016 Posted August 16, 2016 A very good friend of mine is in a relationship with a man who she shares a child with. They have been together for... 4 years or somethin' like that. She puts on a good front and it's easy to think nothing is wrong. He isn't physically abusive, not even really mentally/emotionally, he's just an ass. He doesn't respect her. They share a toddler together. Since that kid was born he's done the bare minimum to help with it. He never got up in the middle of the night, rarely changed diapers, won't help night wean, doesn't go to the park, doesn't help unless she dumps the child with him and leaves. He's never had a full day with the kid. She's working on her PhD, and is otherwise home with their child. He is working on his MBA and works part time (they mostly live off grants, scholarships). In his mind ALL the childrearing falls on her. Any mess the kid makes or is made for him (dinner) is HER mess and therefore her responsibility. No surprise the kid is a mommies boy and doesn't want to spend time with his dad half the time. She comes to me crying a lot, saying she wants out but it's too messy. They have the kid together, live together, lease, can't afford to live apart, she has no family, etc. She says there is no romance anymore, they never go out, he doesn't want to spent time with them, she doesn't know the last time they kissed or said I love you. Apparently he tells her he wouldn't be with her if they didn't have a kid and he doesn't want to marry her. He bought a ring, told her about it - couple years ago - but never gave it to her. She wants to leave - needs to leave - but feels like she can't. And says it's not "that bad" since he doesn't hit her. It is not your place to try to help her out of this bad situation. Most women don't want a man to solve her problems. She just needs a shoulder at times.. This woman is close to having a PhD??? Tell her to use the intellectual power, dedication, fortititude and foresight it's been taking to get as far as she had in her education to do what needs to be done with this relationship. Tell her that emotional abuse is as bad a physical abuse and that her number 1 priority in her life now is her child and to ensure that the home environment being provided is a healthy one for that child. The tension/negative atmosphere in the home must be unbearable and the child will suffer the affects of that atmosphere. On top of that, the example being set by both of these parents is something they need to think about very carefully. She's setting an example that a woman should allow/accept poor treatment from a man and the SO is setting the example that that is how men should treat women. The kid is going to end up just like the parents -- codependent, emotionally stunted and confused. She isn't doing any favors for the kid. Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one. Give her a kick in the ass and a wake up call. Tell her to spend the time she spends blubbering about all this and proactively make a plan for making a new life for her and the child. She owes it to herself and the child.
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