b3ccakx Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 So I have been hanging out with a guy and we both like eachother and want to stay as friends see where things go. In this past month, I got into a FWB with another guy. He doesn't care if I see other guys, and I don't see a future with my FWB. I'm only worried someones feelings are going to get hurt by me and I don't want that. Does this make me a bad person because I'm seeing two guys, what are your thoughts?
central Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 If they know you are not exclusive and are seeing others, and your FWB knows his status, then it is not your responsibility to manage their feelings. You only need to do something if they express feelings that aren't appropriate or compatible with the nature of the relationship you've agreed to have. 4
RecentChange Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 When I had an on going FWB, it was very clear and candidly discussed that we would (and did!) see other people. It was sorta the point of the relationship, steady, dependable source of great sex while we casually dated others. It was also agreed that if either of us met someone we wanted to be exclusive with - that would be the end of the FWB, no questions asked, no hard feelings. Just be honest with the guy you are considering dating that you two aren't yet exclusive. If and when you want to be exclusive, then have that talk, and end things with the FWB. And no, seeing two at once does not make you a "bad person" just be honest and treat people with respect. 2
kendahke Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 So I have been hanging out with a guy and we both like eachother and want to stay as friends see where things go. In this past month, I got into a FWB with another guy. He doesn't care if I see other guys, and I don't see a future with my FWB. I'm only worried someones feelings are going to get hurt by me and I don't want that. Does this make me a bad person because I'm seeing two guys, what are your thoughts? As long as you are transparent in your dealings with each, there should be no problem. The staying friends shouldn't be a problem because it's in the beginning of things--but the second that it makes the turn into romantic/exclusive dating, you need to tell him you're having sex with some other dude you don't see a future with. The guy you're hanging with should be given the opportunity to decide for himself if he wants to invest with someone who is having sex with another guy. That's only fair. Just think how you would want someone to treat with you in this same scenario.
kgcolonel Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 OP your concerns about hurt feelings are well founded....one way you might judge the situation is to ask yourself if the guy you are considering dating learned you were bedding another gentlemen....how would he feel. Would he still be interested? Have you told the dating guy that you are FWB with someone else? To me, this is why I'd have a hard time dating someone sleeping with someone else...either me sleeping with someone else or them sleeping with someone else....just my opinion. If you're interested enough to considering dating, can you put your libido on hold long enough to determine if this guy has what you're looking for? 1
NIGHT1985 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 If you're going on dates with this guy, just cut off the fwb. You're obviously looking for something more than sex at this point in your life. You don't need further complications 3
SevenCity Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 OP your concerns about hurt feelings are well founded....one way you might judge the situation is to ask yourself if the guy you are considering dating learned you were bedding another gentlemen....how would he feel. Would he still be interested? Have you told the dating guy that you are FWB with someone else? To me, this is why I'd have a hard time dating someone sleeping with someone else...either me sleeping with someone else or them sleeping with someone else....just my opinion. If you're interested enough to considering dating, can you put your libido on hold long enough to determine if this guy has what you're looking for? Yea this. I would lose interest real fast in a girl if I went to kiss her knowing another guy's junk was in her mouth a few hours ago. Close up your legs and open your heart.
stillafool Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 I thought this is what FWBs do so why do you think this makes you a bad person?
RecentChange Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Wow. Close your legs? So gals, do you expect that every guy you begin to date has been remaining abstinent in anticipation of dating you? She hasn't even started dating this guy yet, is just considering it. Different strokes for different folks. Some of you obviously must remain abstinent unless in an exclusive relationship. And are able to "put your libido on hold" until that special lady comes along. Good for you. But enough of the slut shaming seriously. As long as people are open and honest, I don't see the problem here. Some guys may take issue, and I can promise there are others that don't. Perhaps it's a filter, get an idea if you two have the same sort of views regarding sex. 4
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 OP are you feeling guilt because it would bother you if this guy you were interested in was continually banging some chick until you decided to be exclusive with him? 4
NIGHT1985 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Isn't the point of a fwb to have casual sex while neither of you are wanting to date or have a relationship though? I mean she's obviously starting to want something more and has been seeing this new guy. So when is the right time to cut off the fwb then? I think it should be when you're in the mindset of wanting to date. But that's just me 6
gorf Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 (edited) both like eachother and want to stay as friends see where things go. I see the conflict ion starting there. The key question is, does this guy you like (not the fwb guy) know you have a fling with some dude behind his back? Thats important. If you were dating a guy, and he had a fwb and you only found out maybe 3 months later "oh, btw, I have this fwb girl don't worry we are just friends" I mean I would really not take him seriously after that. Now lets say he told you up front. Ok, so when do you draw the line. When does the new girl become important enough to end a fwb that is nothing but great sex. Personally I would find it concerning that it was held together by nothing but sex, so why would it not continue behind my back. I say just be up front with him, that will not make you a bad person Edited August 11, 2016 by gorf spelling correction 1
bachdude Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 What happens if you decided to become exclusive with this guy you like, you break off your FWB, and you get into the whole "sexual past" discussion, only for him to find out you were sleeping with this other guy the whole time you were dating? Emotions are not always logical. While it wasn't cheating per se, it could still cause an unpleasant emotional reaction for him and get in the way of the relationship. 1
JustGettingBy Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 If both guys are okay with it, you're not doing anything wrong.
phineas Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 OP, if this guy is ignoring other women because he thinks you two are dating then you either need to bail on the FWB or let this guy know you are still seeing other people. Now, if he knows you are seeing other men (not necessarily having sex with them)and pursuing all other options himself then you are not doing anything wrong.
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