Chuff Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 10 weeks NC after our breakup, only dated 3 months. It was an abrupt breakup via text (I was the dumpee) and I'm still not sure wtf happened, but it was for the best in the long run. He was incredibly insecure but tried to hide it behind huge walls and was emotionally unavailable. I'm in a good place now, self esteem is healthy, and I've been casually dating around. So I decided to reach out to him via the only communication path available since I blocked him on fb and phone. It came from a place of strength and I even told him there was no need to reply. I threw pride in the backseat (and said so) in reaching out, but I didn't like being NC out of anger or hurt anymore. It served its purpose, I healed and still am healing, and now I feel a little pity and compassion towards him. Basically, I said that I hoped he was happy and doing well and that I still thought about him. And that I had seen something different in him behind his walls that I had really liked and trusted. I wished him well and said that even though we only dated 3 months, they meant a lot to me. I suppose I was extending an olive branch for him to take without expecting one back. I do feel good about it, but I hope I don't regret it down the road. Thanks for reading. I've learned so much from everyone here. 1
Zahara Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 I threw pride in the backseat (and said so) in reaching out, but I didn't like being NC out of anger or hurt anymore. It served its purpose, I healed and still am healing, and now I feel a little pity and compassion towards him. The best thing to do when you're healing is to stay away from what put you in that position of hurt in the first place. And sometimes we think we're coming from a place of strength when infact it's still coming from a place of desiring validation. It's easy to brainwash ourselves into believing what we want to believe when we're motivated by a certain emotion. I read you past thread about him. He treated you poorly. What about him did you "like and trust" when in that short period of time, he already showed you such undesirable traits? Feel pity and compassion for yourself. It would be a good thing for you to go back and read your past thread about him and all the advice that was given. He doesn't deserve your pity. If anything, you need to focus on yourself. 4
Author Chuff Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 I totally appreciate what you're saying, Zahara. I really do. And I appreciate your concern. I am, and have been, focusing on myself, and I'm in a good place. Yes, he treated me poorly. Other times he treated me very well. The hot and cold really threw me and I'm sure part of it was from his alcohol dependency. Why I pity him is because he has so many walls up because he's so afraid of getting hurt...again. But, who isn't? And it's not my problem, and I can't fix him. I did see something in him, though that I did like and trust...until I didn't. This was a set up my a mutual friend, who I trust and respect greatly, but she hadn't seen him in over 4 years. She spoke so very highly of him and couldn't believe it was the same guy when I shared a few things with her. I know the biggest reason why I felt so much hurt from it ending was because he was the first person I've dated since my separation, and it was too soon. It's all good. I don't expect a response, and if I do get one, I'll be back here I'm sure. Peace
Zahara Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 (edited) Yes, he treated me poorly. Other times he treated me very well. The hot and cold really threw me and I'm sure part of it was from his alcohol dependency. Why I pity him is because he has so many walls up because he's so afraid of getting hurt...again. But, who isn't? And it's not my problem, and I can't fix him. You dated him for 11 weeks. Based on your previous thread about him, there is nothing that could be worthy enough of treating you well based on his bad behavior. Personally, people like him "treat you well" because it stems from motive -- to get what they want. Don't pity him -- he knows what and who he is and as an adult, he has a choice to make. If anything, he's probably comfortable with the way he lives his life. We often project our own beliefs and values on others, but sometimes, people are content with just the way they are and the way they choose to live their lives. I know the biggest reason why I felt so much hurt from it ending was because he was the first person I've dated since my separation, and it was too soon. From your thread you were doing NC from an MM and then you came to know this guy. It's a good time to just stay on your own and work on yourself. It's all good. I don't expect a response, and if I do get one, I'll be back here I'm sure If you get a response, move on from it. You should be blocking him. Nothing can come from someone, who in your own words showed you so many red flags/treated you poorly as well as noting that you might be struggling with co-dependency. In that sense, he's not someone you should have anything to do with. Edited August 11, 2016 by Zahara 1
Author Chuff Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 I actually forgot all about my EA with MM. LOL!!! A good thing.
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