Do most women expect you to drive to their area for a first date?

[longjohn]

I screwed up with going on a date with a woman since neither of us knew each others area at all & weren't willing to drive to the others. I hate to say it but I get bad anxiety driving in areas I'm unfamiliar with but I think with her she was just saying that as an excuse since she wanted me to be the one to drive to her area for the date which I've never been to before. But do most women expect the guy to drive to her area for a date, or are some women willing to travel to the guys location? I feel like such an idiot though that I should have just forced myself somehow to get to where she lives now I missed an opportunity.

 

Personally I always meet the lady at a place of her choosing. If I don't know it I Street View it and drive it that way picking off visual ques so when I drive it e.g. I'll know to take a left at the McDonald's. If you have a smart phone use the phone's navigation to get you from A to B. If you don't you can buy a Garmin for cheap now, cheaper used on eBay. If your really nervous do a dry run on it the day before if you can. It's all about confidence and getting used to the unknown. After a while you get a feel for it. I've been lost in cities all over the place and always found a way out even if I had to pull over and ask.

 

Do not tell a lady you've got "bad anxiety driving in areas unfamiliar" that comes across as either, weak, a lie or a sign you haven't your $hite together. Get your $hite together.

[AMJ]

Ha ha ha. That made me lol! Thank you, I needed that today.

 

I've got a mental picture of this shady character being all cool at a pay phone getting his mac on:laugh:

 

Where I grew up there was nothing around and no public transportation so not having a car sucked bad. Before I was 16, friends and I used to walk to the movies. 2.5 hrs there and 2.5 hrs back. Movies were under two hours back then.

 

Needless to say I didn't get laid until I got a car!

 

I just remembered I met him on a bus. That should have been my first clue! Oh, to be 21 again. But at least he put gas in my car- I remember thinking that was really nice of him. Some people are probably thinking- what's a payphone...haha.

 

 

Yeah, I guess that's true. I think a big problem is I really never have to go anywhere far since my job is only like a 5 minute drive away. And the stores I go to are all local to me. So when I have to drive to some place that's further than normal I just start to freak out about it due to the unfamiliarity of the area. It's like I'm in my own bubble of always just going in areas I'm familiar with when I drive. I also just hate the feeling of feeling like I'm going to get lost especially if I'm by myself.

 

OP I'm not sure how old you are? I may not have the best advice because I've never had anxiety about driving places by myself. By the time I was 18 I'd already driven up and down California a few times- by myself- and flown across country- by myself. Actually even as teenagers, we used to drive to all kinds of places that were several hours away from home (obviously lying to our parents)...anyway I just say this because I think your fear about going farther away from home is a little bit abnormal. That's not a small thing in terms of finding an adult relationship.

Maybe start small- pick a day when you have lots of time and pick a spot on the map (or your iPhone map..) that's 45 minutes away, and just go there. You need to start building confidence that you can do those things and return home safe and sound.

 

If you start dating someone, she's going to want to go places with you, other than places 5 minutes from your house.

Not many people want to live in a bubble....and you'll get a lot more respect if you can handle going to places on your own.

[TXGuy]

Yeah, I guess that's true. I think a big problem is I really never have to go anywhere far since my job is only like a 5 minute drive away. And the stores I go to are all local to me. So when I have to drive to some place that's further than normal I just start to freak out about it due to the unfamiliarity of the area. It's like I'm in my own bubble of always just going in areas I'm familiar with when I drive. I also just hate the feeling of feeling like I'm going to get lost especially if I'm by myself.

 

First, buy a gps for your car, maybe try the cheapest Garmin. Once you program in your home address, with two taps ('Where to" then "home") you will get turn by turn directions home, no matter where you are.

 

Then, when you have some free time, take some of the major roads around where you live and just drive say 15 to 25 miles along that main road. Find an exit and simply turn around and go home. If you stay on the major roads, its hard to get lost. Do this a few times with several of the nearby major roads until you get comfortable with that.

 

That will get you a few steps further. It should make it a bit easier when you decide to drive to actual places away from home.

[NJ123]

I really don't know how I'm going to get over this one. We were supposed to meet today & it feels so horrible that we're not due to such an idiotic reason. I haven't heard from her in 2 full days now so it's highly likely she never wants to speak to me again. This is going to sting for awhile.

[carhill]

Do it more and after awhile it won't matter. Billions of people in the world and you'll only run into a handful who care whether you live or die. To plagiarize Ronald Reagan a bit, tear down that pedestal. They're not that important, nor is what they expect. The only reason you're doing this is biology. That's why it stings. Biological drive to reproduce thwarted. Ouch.

[salparadise]

Trust me, I made a mistake. Neither of us knew each others area at all & that's the reason why we're not going on a date lol. How ridiculous is that. I still can't believe this. It's just insane that I screwed it up this bad, it's like something out of a over the top comedy movie or something.

 

 

Eh, I used to subscribe to the gentleman stuff and do the drive, but I learned a lesson the hard way on that. Here's the problem...

 

If she can get you to make the investment then she can sit back with a wait and see attitude. What does that mean? It means some women will get you to do that drive and then not even feel obliged to follow through with the date. I've had that happen twice after doing a three hour drive.

 

I once rode a motorcycle three hours (or more) after having corresponded and talked on the phone. I was sure we were established enough that things would go well. I arrived at her place and then her phone started buzzing. She said it was a text from her son who was at college in a nearby town. She said she was supposed to visit him that evening but got the dates mixed up. So ten minutes after I arrived she coldly showed me the door and that was that... then, a three hour ride back home. Six hours on a motorcycle just to get a rude brushoff.

 

Yes, she was rude and short with me. Whether what she said was true or an excuse or whatever, all I know is that woman didn't give a sh*t that I had expended all of that time and effort. I think she was a nut job, frankly, but regardless... she was able to do that because she had no investment. I cost her nothing whatsoever. She didn't even apologize.

 

Meet'em half way. No heroics until you figure out who they are and what they're made out of.

[Redhead14]

I screwed up with going on a date with a woman since neither of us knew each others area at all & weren't willing to drive to the others. I hate to say it but I get bad anxiety driving in areas I'm unfamiliar with but I think with her she was just saying that as an excuse since she wanted me to be the one to drive to her area for the date which I've never been to before. But do most women expect the guy to drive to her area for a date, or are some women willing to travel to the guys location? I feel like such an idiot though that I should have just forced myself somehow to get to where she lives now I missed an opportunity.

 

Depending on the distance involved, I would offer to meet the man half way at least. But, if it's fairly close, I'd expect them to come to me.

 

If it's quite a distance, a desperate woman might drive to him. I wouldn't even entertain a dating scenario that involves more than 1/2 an hour drive anyway.

[PrettyEmily77]

Forget the point of meeting for a minute.

 

If you already know that you have anxiety (which is ok), try finding dates within walking distance or within your 'safe' drive zone as a priority.

 

Most people would understand your situation, but not many would accept that you put yourself out there and actively and deliberately pursued a woman outside of this safe zone knowing full well you can't get there anyway.

[NJ123]

Eh, I used to subscribe to the gentleman stuff and do the drive, but I learned a lesson the hard way on that. Here's the problem...

 

If she can get you to make the investment then she can sit back with a wait and see attitude. What does that mean? It means some women will get you to do that drive and then not even feel obliged to follow through with the date. I've had that happen twice after doing a three hour drive.

 

I once rode a motorcycle three hours (or more) after having corresponded and talked on the phone. I was sure we were established enough that things would go well. I arrived at her place and then her phone started buzzing. She said it was a text from her son who was at college in a nearby town. She said she was supposed to visit him that evening but got the dates mixed up. So ten minutes after I arrived she coldly showed me the door and that was that... then, a three hour ride back home. Six hours on a motorcycle just to get a rude brushoff.

 

Yes, she was rude and short with me. Whether what she said was true or an excuse or whatever, all I know is that woman didn't give a sh*t that I had expended all of that time and effort. I think she was a nut job, frankly, but regardless... she was able to do that because she had no investment. I cost her nothing whatsoever. She didn't even apologize.

 

Meet'em half way. No heroics until you figure out who they are and what they're made out of.

 

True, I just am not sure if this woman would have wanted to meet half way. It just seemed like she wanted to meet in her area & that's it. This woman told me she dates a lot so I'm assuming every guy is willing to meet up in her area so she's used to the guy meeting up by her & if the guy isn't willing to than the date isn't happening. Not saying it's not my fault since it seems as others are saying the guy should go to her area instead of her going to the guys. I just found this woman to be so attractive though & I enjoyed talking to her so it just sucks that we're not going to meet. We would be meeting probably within an hour or 2 since we were supposed to meet tonight. It's likely affecting me much more than her since she goes on a lot of dates so she's probably already over it.

[NJ123]

Forget the point of meeting for a minute.

 

If you already know that you have anxiety (which is ok), try finding dates within walking distance or within your 'safe' drive zone as a priority.

 

Most people would understand your situation, but not many would accept that you put yourself out there and actively and deliberately pursued a woman outside of this safe zone knowing full well you can't get there anyway.

 

I just thought her interest was a lot more than it really was I guess. So I thought she would have been okay with meeting near me or at least somewhere around my area. But that turned out to backfire on me severely badly.

[TXGuy]

Do you know where she wanted you to meet (general area)?

 

If so, don't call her, but spend the next week or two gradually building up to driving there. One day, take the main road to get you close. Get comfortable with that. Then take the secondary road to get you closer. (Then go back home) (Go back home). Do that until you are comfortable getting to that restaurant.

 

After that (around 2 weeks later), contact her and ask if she wants to meet at (Place close to her).

- if she says yes, you are back in the game.

-if she says no, al least you got some practice getting out and around

 

There is no downside and lots of potential upside.

[NJ123]

Do you know where she wanted you to meet (general area)?

 

If so, don't call her, but spend the next week or two gradually building up to driving there. One day, take the main road to get you close. Get comfortable with that. Then take the secondary road to get you closer. (Then go back home) (Go back home). Do that until you are comfortable getting to that restaurant.

 

After that (around 2 weeks later), contact her and ask if she wants to meet at (Place close to her).

- if she says yes, you are back in the game.

-if she says no, al least you got some practice getting out and around

 

There is no downside and lots of potential upside.

 

The problem is I'm pretty sure she hates my guts right now for wasting her time. And no she didn't suggest a place herself either. She wanted me to do all the work it seemed with the meeting place.

[RecentChange]

Oh come on, you are being a drama lama now. Hates, HATES you because you wussed out?

 

I don't think she hates you. Perhaps annoyed because you wasted her time, but seriously - stop with the self hate here, and realise this is a call to action.

 

You REALLY need to get over this driving phobia thing. It's unattractive on so many levels.

 

Your world is confined to 5 mins from your home? Time to expand that.

 

You are scared of driving far? Time to man up some courage and get out there.

 

Women are drawn to confident, courageous men. Men who have experienced out in the world. And can handle themselves.

 

Everything you have talked about here screams "timid".

 

Have you ever sought help for your anxiety? It sounds fairly extreme if it stifles your life this much.

 

As for driving, as someone who is used to traveling over hill and Dale, I might not have an issue with traveling to him.

 

If I found out it was because he was scared to leave his little radius, all bets off.

 

I was taking solo, 500 mile road trips, before cell phones and Google maps when I was 17 (and hauling rigs full of horses across states at 18!) Scared to leave a bubble? Yeah no - that would never fly.

[AMJ]

The problem is I'm pretty sure she hates my guts right now for wasting her time. And no she didn't suggest a place herself either. She wanted me to do all the work it seemed with the meeting place.

 

Generally women want the guy to plan a first date, yes. You can ask us where we'd like to meet, what type of food we like, what type of drinks we like or activities we enjoy, to get a sense of where to plan the date. But ultimately we want the guy to do the work on the first date. Some women probably expect the guy to do the work on most dates.

 

But its okay next time to ask the woman for suggestions of places she likes to go by her house. It's not impossible to find a woman willing to meet you halfway- I've done it before. But I can't think of a single time any of those dates went well. The only guys who made it to a second date or more made the effort to come to me. Most want to pick me up at my house. Sometimes I let them, sometimes I don't.

[NJ123]

Oh come on, you are being a drama lama now. Hates, HATES you because you wussed out?

 

I don't think she hates you. Perhaps annoyed because you wasted her time, but seriously - stop with the self hate here, and realise this is a call to action.

 

You REALLY need to get over this driving phobia thing. It's unattractive on so many levels.

 

Your world is confined to 5 mins from your home? Time to expand that.

 

You are scared of driving far? Time to man up some courage and get out there.

 

Women are drawn to confident, courageous men. Men who have experienced out in the world. And can handle themselves.

 

Everything you have talked about here screams "timid".

 

Have you ever sought help for your anxiety? It sounds fairly extreme if it stifles your life this much.

 

As for driving, as someone who is used to traveling over hill and Dale, I might not have an issue with traveling to him.

 

If I found out it was because he was scared to leave his little radius, all bets off.

 

I was taking solo, 500 mile road trips, before cell phones and Google maps when I was 17 (and hauling rigs full of horses across states at 18!) Scared to leave a bubble? Yeah no - that would never fly.

 

Yeah, I'd say maybe using the word hate is a little strong but she hasn't contacted me at all so she obviously doesn't like me very much anymore since we chatted quite a bit. But I guess it is what it is & I have to just move on.

 

And clearly it's unattractive to women since you're obviously extremely turned off by it judging by your post as well as this woman not talking to me anymore over it.

[NJ123]

Generally women want the guy to plan a first date, yes. You can ask us where we'd like to meet, what type of food we like, what type of drinks we like or activities we enjoy, to get a sense of where to plan the date. But ultimately we want the guy to do the work on the first date. Some women probably expect the guy to do the work on most dates.

 

But its okay next time to ask the woman for suggestions of places she likes to go by her house. It's not impossible to find a woman willing to meet you halfway- I've done it before. But I can't think of a single time any of those dates went well. The only guys who made it to a second date or more made the effort to come to me. Most want to pick me up at my house. Sometimes I let them, sometimes I don't.

 

It seems the guys always have to do most of the work with everything while the women get to just sit back & do nothing. I'm not saying this wasn't my fault in this particular case, just it seems everything is put on the guy in terms of having to approach, setting up the time/place of the date, paying for the date, having to be the one to go to her area no matter how far it is etc. I can see why so many guys have trouble when the women want the men to do everything. And as you said if the guy doesn't than it doesn't work out.

[AMJ]

NJ I think it all evens out in the long run. You guys may have to put more effort in the beginning, but women usually end up carrying relationships through the ups and downs in the long run. Anyway I don't make all these rules. How old are you again??

[Els]

I just always get this fear that I'm going to get extremely lost especially if I'm driving on my own.

 

It's called GPS... your phone has it... just get a dock to put it on your dashboard, turn google maps (or whatever your phone map app is) on, put in the address and select 'directions'. If you are nervous, you can do what I do and read through the route beforehand, so that you have a rough idea of where to go. But still keep the GPS on regardless. If you make a wrong turn it will even recalculate the route and show you how to come back. It is the best invention EVER for nervous drivers.

 

You need to stop fixating on this date or whether or not women expect this. Being completely incapable of driving in an unfamiliar area is going to affect your life in FAR more ways than just this one lost date if you don't get it under some sort of control.

[Lois_Griffin]

Google Maps says it's a 29 minute drive. But oh well, it's highly likely over with her now so I just have to move on. She likely really hates me now basing on the tone of her texts towards me before we just stopped talking.

OMG. You made a big freakin' deal about driving for half an hour? Seriously?

It seems the guys always have to do most of the work with everything while the women get to just sit back & do nothing.

Good Christ, you're acting like her wanting you to drive 25 miles is the equivalent of scaling Mt. Everest and bringing her back a mountain lion as a souvenir or something. Stop with the melodrama.

 

The more confident men who aren't afraid to drive for half an hour will have NO problem going out her way to have a drink with her. But not because women 'expect men to do all the heavy lifting,' but because some men are still being raised to be gentleman, thank God.

 

You've obviously got anxiety issues and want to blame all women - those evil, evil vixens - for your inadequacies. Fix yourself and stop blaming everyone else.

[PrettyEmily77]

I just thought her interest was a lot more than it really was I guess. So I thought she would have been okay with meeting near me or at least somewhere around my area. But that turned out to backfire on me severely badly.

 

Dude, you wasted her time. Interested or not, I'd likely not be happy either if after weeks of online flirting, the guy tells me I have to meet him around his area until the end of time. I'd rather know straight up about anxiety issues so I don't feel let down later on.

 

So you need to meet women close by until you get a grip on your anxiety.

[NJ123]

Dude, you wasted her time. Interested or not, I'd likely not be happy either if after weeks of online flirting, the guy tells me I have to meet him around his area until the end of time. I'd rather know straight up about anxiety issues so I don't feel let down later on.

 

So you need to meet women close by until you get a grip on your anxiety.

 

I've said throughout this thread it was all my fault. I just was too blind to see that her interest was just regular normal interest where I'd have to still put in more of the effort at least at first. It still doesn't make it any worse though to me since I really would have liked to have met her but my own problems screwed it up.

[sc0316]

I've said throughout this thread it was all my fault. I just was too blind to see that her interest was just regular normal interest where I'd have to still put in more of the effort at least at first. It still doesn't make it any worse though to me since I really would have liked to have met her but my own problems screwed it up.

 

At least this experience "forced" you to work on your driving anxiety and get out of your comfort zone. One possible way to get over your driving anxiety is to get up early every Sun morning (when the traffic is very light) and drive to a new area and explore a bit. This way, you can also learn something about the new area, in addition to getting more comfortable with driving.

[TXGuy]

At least this experience "forced" you to work on your driving anxiety and get out of your comfort zone. One possible way to get over your driving anxiety is to get up early every Sun morning (when the traffic is very light) and drive to a new area and explore a bit. This way, you can also learn something about the new area, in addition to getting more comfortable with driving.

 

The trouble is that this experience hasn't forced him to do anything. Several people have suggested he take baby steps (or bigger steps) toward getting more comfortable with driving outside of his safe zone. He seems to have ignored all of these suggestions and prefers to concentrate on the fact that this date didn't work out. Until he starts addressing these shortcomings, his results are unlikely to change.

[BluEyeL]

I only read the original post. Yes, back when I was dating I expected a man to drive to me. Someone asking me to drive to them would have been a big turn off. In the beginning its called courtship for me. That's when he shows me he's willing to protect me and be a gentleman. In the first months of the relationship is when the flowers , chocolates and romantic dinners are offered by the man. If t works out, and soon enough after the honeymoon phase the woman nurtures the man and does a lot for him and he usually does less. And that part happens for years.

 

In general wimpy drivers were a turn off for me. A big plus was that my guy never whined about driving any sort of long distances . When I heard other men talk about 2-3h being a long trip I would know we wouldn't be a match. I don't mean driving to me the 2-3 h, talking about trips in general, omg that's sooo far, I took 3 breaks.. I drove 14 h last weekend straight through so yeah it's not manly to come with that type of whining.