Do most women expect you to drive to their area for a first date?

[NJ123]

Now's your chance to read up and expand your horizons. Learn some areas further away from you, how difficult can it be? She was pissy because you put all the traveling on her. I don't mind meeting someone halfway, but if a guy wanted me to drive to his area? No. He can find a nice spot midway.

 

Yelp, Google, reviews.

 

Do you have anxiety about leaving your immediate area?

 

I already said I do & I need to force myself to break that cycle somehow. I just never really drive far distances.

[MidwestUSA]

And what's those obvious reasons? If you're suggesting to invite me back to her place, that likely wasn't happening since she doesn't live on her own at the moment.

 

Is this the one that found out you're a virgin, then sent the racy pics?

[NJ123]

Is this the one that found out you're a virgin, then sent the racy pics?

 

Yeah, that's the one.

[TXGuy]

I think this one's done. She wanted him near her place for obvious reasons!

 

I'm also curious what Midwest thought was obvious reasons. I can think of three very different reasons: to hook up, she is barely interested, or she has transportation issues. It could be others too, I'm just not sure which one is obvious.

[NJ123]

I'm also curious what Midwest thought was obvious reasons. I can think of three very different reasons: to hook up, she is barely interested, or she has transportation issues. It could be others too, I'm just not sure which one is obvious.

 

She doesn't have transportation issues since she's told me at one point that it usually takes her around an hour to get home from her job if there's a lot of traffic. To hook up is possible, just as I said she doesn't live on her own at the moment though. And not sure how much interest she had. I suppose she had a decent amount of interest, but not substantial where she was extremely excited to want to meet.

[Els]

Would you have been open to meeting in the middle, or would that still have been 'unfamiliar territory'?

 

Look, if you're THIS anxious about driving to unfamiliar areas, you just gotta try and work on that. It's irrelevant whether women expect it on the first date or not, because either way it WILL be expected at some point or another even if she's willing to do 50/50. She can't come to you forever. Plus how will you go for a job interview or travel or anything?

 

I'm saying this as someone with driving anxiety myself - get a good GPS system, and practice.

[MidwestUSA]

I'm also curious what Midwest thought was obvious reasons. I can think of three very different reasons: to hook up, she is barely interested, or she has transportation issues. It could be others too, I'm just not sure which one is obvious.

 

Maybe not 'obvious', I spoke with too much certainty. There was speculation in his other thread about her wanting to snatch his VCard. I was going strictly off of that. I wouldn't have pondered it if it hadn't been brought up.

 

Ya never know.

 

But, OP, yea, gotta get that driving anxiety under control!

[NJ123]

Well I haven't heard from her in a full day now so it's highly likely over with her. I'm going to feel awful about this for a long time I think.

[katiegrl]

 

I hate to say it but I get bad anxiety driving in areas I'm unfamiliar with but I think with her she was just saying that as an excuse since she wanted me to be the one to drive to her area for the date which I've never been to before..

 

My take on this is... it wasn't so much that you didn't want to drive to her area, it was more about the reason why you didn't want to drive to her area.

 

You get anxiety when driving in areas you're unfamiliar with? Don't mean to get down on ya, but you need to fix that.

 

Again no offense but it's a pretty lame excuse IMO. Women want strong men, men who are fearless, who will protect them from this big bad scary world we live in ... LOL

 

Okay being a bit facetious, but hopefully you get what I'm saying.

 

Personally speaking, I would be very turned off if a man I just met told me he didn't want to drive to me because he was unfamiliar with my area and gets anxious.

 

Even if it's true, keep that to yourself. The less said the better about your anxieties and fears, etc. At least in those very early stages when feelings are very precarious.

 

Anyway, work on that.... and going forward, meet her someplace closer to where she lives... and take it from there.

 

Next time she can drive to yours... and so on and so forth.

Edited August 11, 2016 by katiegrl

[NJ123]

My take on this is... it wasn't so much that you didn't want to drive to her area, it was more about the reason why you didn't want to drive to her area.

 

You get anxiety when driving in areas you're unfamiliar with? Don't mean to get down on ya, but you need to fix that.

 

Again no offense but it's a pretty lame excuse IMO. Women want strong men, men who are fearless, who will protect them from this big bad scary world we live in ... LOL

 

Okay being a bit facetious, but hopefully you get what I'm saying.

 

Personally speaking, I would be very turned off if a man I just met told me he didn't want to drive to me because he was unfamiliar with my area and gets anxious.

 

Even if it's true, keep that to yourself. The less said the better about your anxieties and fears, etc. At least in those very early stages when feelings are very precarious.

 

Anyway, work on that.... and going forward, meet her someplace closer to where she lives... and take it from there.

 

Next time she can drive to yours... and so on and so forth.

 

True. But with this particular woman it's completely over. I highly likely will never hear from her again. I'll have to force myself to get used to being in unfamiliar areas or else this will keep happening.

[katiegrl]

True. But with this particular woman it's completely over. I highly likely will never hear from her again.

 

I'll have to force myself to get used to being in unfamiliar areas or else this will keep happening.

 

Well yeah the best way to conquer a fear is to just do it. Avoiding it just exacerbates the fear until it becomes incapacitating, ruining potential RLs and the like.

 

And well let's face it, unless you want to stay cooped up in your own world for the rest of your life, somehow you need to get past it and venture out.

 

I traveled through Europe all by myself many years ago and thought it was awesome (I live in the U.S.). Headed over with a good friend, but then we separated and traveled solo for a while.

 

Every few days a different country, different city, met tons of new people, one of the best experiences of my life!

 

Yes it was VERY scary at times, but also exhilarating!

 

The world is a big exciting place!

 

Anyway, yeah I agree this girl is probably done. But lesson learned to take with you into your next experience.

 

Meet at hers or close to hers for the first meet... then you can switch back and forth (assuming there's a mutual attraction and you want to continue dating).

Edited August 11, 2016 by katiegrl

[NJ123]

Well yeah the best way to conquer a fear is to just do it. Avoiding it just exacerbates the fear until it becomes incapacitating, ruining potential RLs and the like.

 

And well let's face it, unless you want to stay cooped up in your own world for the rest of your life, somehow you need to get past it and venture out.

 

Just out of curiosity, what's so scary about it?

 

I traveled through Europe all by myself many years ago and thought it was awesome (I live in the U.S.). Headed over with a good friend, but then we separated and traveled solo for a while.

 

Every few days a different country, different city, met tons of new people, one of the best experiences of my life!

 

Yes it was VERY scary at times, but also exhilarating!

 

The world is a big exciting place!

 

Anyway, yeah I agree this girl is probably done. But lesson learned to take with you into your next experience.

 

Meet at hers or close to hers for the first meet... then you can switch back and forth (assuming there's a mutual attraction and you want to continue dating).

 

I just always get this fear that I'm going to get extremely lost especially if I'm driving on my own. And yeah obviously after this I know women want the guy to make the drive near her. This particular woman just seemed to be very turned off by the idea of me even suggesting a place near me. As I said this is going to bother me for awhile since I really enjoyed talking to her now she likely despises me.

[preraph]

Yes, on a normal date where you've already met the person face to face. No on an internet date where you haven't, only because some women would want to have their own car handy in case it turned out to be not the right person or you were scary.

[katiegrl]

I just always get this fear that I'm going to get extremely lost especially if I'm driving on my own. And yeah obviously after this I know women want the guy to make the drive near her. This particular woman just seemed to be very turned off by the idea of me even suggesting a place near me. As I said this is going to bother me for awhile since I really enjoyed talking to her now she likely despises me.

 

Okay so what if you do get lost? Will you die? NO.

 

You find your way again, that's all. Ask someone for directions, whatever you need to do.

 

I recall when my friend and I were in Greece (while traveling through Europe). We took a ferry from Athens to the island of Crete.

 

We wanted to stay in a city known for its tourists and ancient sites, but we got on the wrong bus and ended up in an extremely small little town where the folks rode donkeys to get around, and ate beans and bread as their main meal!

 

The bus only came in once a WEEK to take the local folks to town to stock up on their groceries for the week, so we had to stay there for an entire week!

 

A local family took us in and it was actually very exciting. We slept on the beach overlooking the Mediterranean... did some exploring, tried to communicate with the locals... this experience was one of the best we had on our trip.

 

AND one of the most scariest, but we did it and became stronger, more resilient for having done it.

[phineas]

Who doesn't have a phone these days that doesn't have a GPS app or at least access to google maps?

 

anyways, i pick a place halfway or close to halfway.

I've had women who contacted me first online then expected me to drive 45mins. to them for a first date.

 

The flake.

Then when I stopped talking to them rescheduled, if I drove to them.

 

no thanks.

 

It kinda sucks living in the "stix" on the less populated side of the "big city".

[carhill]

Do most women expect you to drive to their area for a first date?

 

I think my exW was the only woman I ever met 'halfway'. No others were interested in anything other than meeting very close to where they lived or worked. Do they 'expect' it? IDK. Pretty much, in my demographic, if a guy didn't pick her up (yeah, old times) and pay, another guy would. Who would you go out with, all else being equal?

[SevenCity]

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Driving anxiety????

 

I'm sorry for sounding rough but it's time to put on your big boy panties.

 

I met a girl at a club 2.5 hrs away and met her for our first date near her house. We dated for 5 years. My ex was 3 hrs away and we dated for 7 years. 45 min? I can do that standing on my head.

 

This chick sent you dirty pics. Assuming she was real I would have WALKED there if I was a virgin.

 

Any smartphone has free gps apps.

 

Back in the day we used to used actual maps!

[carhill]

Back in the day we used to used actual maps!

 

Yeah, no kidding. I think the longest 'drive to' date was, meh, about seven hours of driving around the back side of the Sierras. At least that map was printed in English. The ones I used in the FSU to get around to dates were printed in Cyrillic. and, nope, FSU ladies, generally, never met a man at his apartment or hotel unaccompanied. At the latter they could be arrested for prostitution.

 

When I think of what it was like to travel back in those days, today is nothing.

 

Hey, at least he got dirty pix

[NJ123]

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Driving anxiety????

 

I'm sorry for sounding rough but it's time to put on your big boy panties.

 

I met a girl at a club 2.5 hrs away and met her for our first date near her house. We dated for 5 years. My ex was 3 hrs away and we dated for 7 years. 45 min? I can do that standing on my head.

 

This chick sent you dirty pics. Assuming she was real I would have WALKED there if I was a virgin.

 

Any smartphone has free gps apps.

 

Back in the day we used to used actual maps!

 

I know I have to just force myself to start driving in unfamiliar areas or else I'm going to keep finding myself in this same position of ruining dates & even potential relationships. I just feel so horrible about what happened since I pretty much just wasted her time.

[AMJ]

I'm sorry NJ but it's true you need to learn how to drive to new places. Especially if you expect to date women who live in new places. If not, maybe you're only comfortable with dating women who live in your immediate area, that's something to consider. It's definitely a turn-off if a guy can't handle driving an hour away. Sorry. Grown women are attracted to men who have life skills, that's a basic requirement I'd say. What good is having a car if you won't drive it somewhere?

 

What causes the anxiety? Other than getting lost...with GPS on our phones it's nearly impossible to get lost even in remote areas in this country. Seriously consider yourself lucky that you weren't trying to learn to drive 15-20 years ago when people needed maps and common sense.

[NJ123]

I'm sorry NJ but it's true you need to learn how to drive to new places. Especially if you expect to date women who live in new places. If not, maybe you're only comfortable with dating women who live in your immediate area, that's something to consider. It's definitely a turn-off if a guy can't handle driving an hour away. Sorry. Grown women are attracted to men who have life skills, that's a basic requirement I'd say. What good is having a car if you won't drive it somewhere?

 

What causes the anxiety? Other than getting lost...with GPS on our phones it's nearly impossible to get lost even in remote areas in this country. Seriously consider yourself lucky that you weren't trying to learn to drive 15-20 years ago when people needed maps and common sense.

 

I get that but how do people that don't even drive at all or have cars get dates & relationships?

[carhill]

Public transport.

 

Walking.

 

Bonus is you can meet other potential dates along the way.

[AMJ]

When living in a city with public transportation, it's not at all a big deal to not have a car. That said, the best way to start off your date giving her a good impression is to suggest a location near where she lives. Trust me, women appreciate that. At the least, like others have suggested, find somewhere halfway. So see it's not so much about having a car as having consideration for your date.

 

I think it's safe to say if you live somewhere without good public transportation, most adults have cars. In college there wasn't good transportation and once I did date a guy without a car. Though I didn't know he didn't have a car until we were on the date. My friends laughed so so hard. He also didn't have a phone and used to call me from payphones. He was a character.

[SevenCity]

When living in a city with public transportation, it's not at all a big deal to not have a car. That said, the best way to start off your date giving her a good impression is to suggest a location near where she lives. Trust me, women appreciate that. At the least, like others have suggested, find somewhere halfway. So see it's not so much about having a car as having consideration for your date.

 

I think it's safe to say if you live somewhere without good public transportation, most adults have cars. In college there wasn't good transportation and once I did date a guy without a car. Though I didn't know he didn't have a car until we were on the date. My friends laughed so so hard. He also didn't have a phone and used to call me from payphones. He was a character.

 

 

Ha ha ha. That made me lol! Thank you, I needed that today.

 

I've got a mental picture of this shady character being all cool at a pay phone getting his mac on:laugh:

 

Where I grew up there was nothing around and no public transportation so not having a car sucked bad. Before I was 16, friends and I used to walk to the movies. 2.5 hrs there and 2.5 hrs back. Movies were under two hours back then.

 

Needless to say I didn't get laid until I got a car!

[NJ123]

When living in a city with public transportation, it's not at all a big deal to not have a car. That said, the best way to start off your date giving her a good impression is to suggest a location near where she lives. Trust me, women appreciate that. At the least, like others have suggested, find somewhere halfway. So see it's not so much about having a car as having consideration for your date.

 

I think it's safe to say if you live somewhere without good public transportation, most adults have cars. In college there wasn't good transportation and once I did date a guy without a car. Though I didn't know he didn't have a car until we were on the date. My friends laughed so so hard. He also didn't have a phone and used to call me from payphones. He was a character.

 

Yeah, I guess that's true. I think a big problem is I really never have to go anywhere far since my job is only like a 5 minute drive away. And the stores I go to are all local to me. So when I have to drive to some place that's further than normal I just start to freak out about it due to the unfamiliarity of the area. It's like I'm in my own bubble of always just going in areas I'm familiar with when I drive. I also just hate the feeling of feeling like I'm going to get lost especially if I'm by myself.