Girlfriend on Tinder

[heartbroken6]

About six months ago, I found out my steady girlfriend was on Tinder. Just a note, I didn't discover she was on it because I was on it. I asked her about it and she got angry and said she wasn't. I told her I was sorry and that I was mistaken and felt bad for accusing her of it. I thought I made a mistake. But at that time I told her I trust her, but I did say that being on a Tinder (a social hook up app) is unacceptable for somebody in a relationship.

 

Fast forward to this week, I thought I saw her on it again. I didn't want to make the same mistake, but I had to know if she is on it. I should mention, I was out of town for some time and right when I got back I noticed her on it when I walked in the room. Since we are talking about marriage, I really want to know if she uses this app while I'm away. So I downloaded Tinder to see if I could find her, and I did.

 

So I told her I found her on Tinder and she admitted to it. To me, being on a Tinder is unacceptable. I have forgiven her, but I'm curious if I could get somebody's opinion as we move forward. I have trust issues with her because she lied to me the first time and i don't know if she goes on Tinder when I'm away on business.

[Captivating]

Yes, you are right, this is a problem.

What did she say why she is on it ?? Looking for someone better ?

If she is in a committed relationship, being happy and loves you....she should not be

on any dating/hook-up site. If she is doing this now what will happen in the future when you guys are married with kids?

For how long are you guys dating ?

Is she very young wanting to experiment ?

[LD1990]

Look, she has probably cheated on you, and if not, it's inevitable sooner or later. That's just reality, she has been on a dating app for six months while in a relationship with you, people don't spend six months on Tinder just for ****s and giggles.

 

You don't have trust issues. That makes it sound like it's some problem you have. You can't trust her, and why should you? She lies, you've seen that.

 

This is not the girl you marry. She's being unfaithful and she lies to you. Cut your losses now, you're going to regret forgiving her.

[JewelD]

How many times are you going to forgive her for the same thing? I honestly don't think she's going to stop because you have shown her there are no real consequences. Once, that's messed up, but twice? Now she's taking advantage of you and playing you for a fool.

 

You didn't trust her after the first time so you're definitely not going to trust her now. I think you should stop thinking about marriage and consider how much of her bs you're going to put up with. Someone who wants to marry you, or date you, hell, someone who even respects you would not make the same mistake twice.

 

I'd kick her to the curb honestly. But if you're dead set on trying to make it work, you need to show her you mean business and that if anything like it happens again, you will be done with her. and you need to be prepared to actually keep your word.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did you forgive her, if I may be so blunt?

 

You know she has no problem lying to you. You know she's looking for other guys. This should be all you need to know about her level of commitment to you (Hint: it's zero)

 

She is not girlfriend - let alone wife - material.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Entirely unacceptable. Never EVER accept cheating or the signs of, especially before marriage. Some married people have to make sacrifices for kids, I am not sold on that entirely but accept that in some cases it can be for the better.

 

But if you are not married, do not accept that for yourself no matter what her excuse is. If she is doing it now guaranteed she will do it once the hardships and routine of marriage set in.

[juniorrocha]

Did you ask her why she was on Tinder? I'm curious to know.

 

I wouldn't forgive an ex if I saw them using these apps. They know what they are for.

 

Ask her if you haven't. And consider breaking up. She's a liar and possibly a cheater too. You wouldn't want to continue a relationship like that.

[Giggles666]

Sorry to hear this. Totally sucks, but it's not your problem with trust it's her problem-you can't trust her.

 

Bad as it will be you should move on and maybe one day realize you're going to be glad it happened now rather than when you got married.

 

I had a woman lie to me, I got insecure, she dumped me for being insecure. We recently reunited to repair our long time friendship, I told her I knew she lied to me. She admitted it, but instead of saying "sorry" she told me I should have said something. I told her "no, you should have been honest". This is a woman who harped on me about wanting a real loving relationship and she needed to trust her mate as her ex-husband destroyed her trust. Point being it sucked, I loved this woman and I had to learn red flags with trust and relationships build on a foundation of lying are better off ending than being carried on. It hurts, but the sooner the better.

[VeveCakes]

This person is not trustworthy. You travel for business? You are going to have to figure out why she did this if there's any hope in rebuilding your trust.

[heartbroken6]

Yes, you are right, this is a problem.

What did she say why she is on it ?? Looking for someone better ?

If she is in a committed relationship, being happy and loves you....she should not be

on any dating/hook-up site. If she is doing this now what will happen in the future when you guys are married with kids?

For how long are you guys dating ?

Is she very young wanting to experiment ?

 

 

She said she was on it to find clients for her business. We have been together for about a year and a half. I've been on real dating websites to find dates, but never Tinder so I'm not sure how it looks. To clarify in my post, I have forgiven her, but also told her I need time to think about our relationship (i.e. it might be ending soon). So, she knows how serious I am about it. She swears she hasn't met up with anybody, but she has already been caught in blatant lies, I don't know what to believe. She keeps writing me messages telling me she can't believe I might break up with her over since a such a little thing like Tinder. That is why I came to this forum. I'm not sure it is a little thing because I really don't know much about the app, but I do know the purpose is to find other people to hook up. That is why I considering breaking up with her over this "little thing" as she puts it. After reading all the responses, I think it solidifies it is time to break up the relationship. I'm alright with it though. I will find somebody better. Thanks for all your replies.

[NIGHT1985]

Lol @ finding clients. What is she a prostitute? Tinder has a rep as a hook up site, but lately is moving more towards daring. Either way, what she's doing is cheating, by either looking for a hook up or someone better. It seems like she's stringing you along until she lines up a replacement. You need to dump her

[Poutrew]

I'll be blunt. You need to send her to the curb. First, she got defensive the first time you caught her, and let you think you were mistaken when in fact you weren't. She knew exactly what she was doing: lying outright to her possible husband. If it was not for nefarious purposes, why did she get so upset? You finally caught her and she knew she couldn't weasel out with a lie - she finally admitted to only what you know: "but don't worry hun, it is only to get potential clients for my business. It's totally harmless and G rated." This is right out of the cheater's handbook. Yes, she has a boyfriend, and no, it isn't you. It is whoever she is talking on Tinder with. Sounds like she is a master player who has you totally snowed over. Just be thankful she gave away her hand now and not after you've been married to her for a few years...

[aussietigerwolf]

There was a discussion in an artists fb group about ways of promotion. Someone mentioned tinder so I said what? Isn't that a hook up app? As it turns out some people really do use it to get business that has nothing to do with sex lol. It works well for the ones good at selling themselves.

[Giggles666]

Seriously. It would be a ton of effort to sell some art. There are actual art sites, and actual sites to find clients. She finally admitted she was on Tindr and still is lying. It's a hookup, dating app. She's also minimizing the seriousness. I don't know her but I bet if he was on Tindr she would have a problem with it.

[keiji]

She said she was on it to find clients for her business.

 

To find clients for her business. On Tinder. Yeah, of course.

 

Man, she's cheating on you. Even if she's only talking to guys or even piling up matches so she can get an ego boost, it's obvious that she's not happy in your relationship and needs validation somewhere else. This is doomed, and sooner or later you'll find out even more painful things. Get out of there asap.

[heartbroken6]

Seriously. It would be a ton of effort to sell some art. There are actual art sites, and actual sites to find clients. She finally admitted she was on Tindr and still is lying. It's a hookup, dating app. She's also minimizing the seriousness. I don't know her but I bet if he was on Tindr she would have a problem with it.

 

I agree, it wasn't for business. I just don't know if she actually met up with anybody. I've done a search online and some people say they use Tinder just for fun or to waste time. For the type of relationship I want, honesty is the most important. If she was using it for business, she should have told me, not sneak around. She could have said, "hey, I'm on Tinder to find some clients. I just want you know so you don't get the wrong idea since it is an app for people to hook up". She could have said something. I have given her tons of freedom and I'm not an insecure boyfriend. I never check her phone and I trust (or should I say trusted) her when she goes out with friends (guys or girls). Anyways, this is a tough week for me. It's tough to let somebody who you spent almost every day with for over a year.

[NIGHT1985]

The fact she lied to you the first time, shows that it's not for "business". You'll never be able to trust this girl again.

 

 

It's hard to let someone go that you've spent so much time with. If it was easy, would anyone of us be on this message board? You're not alone, we're all dealing with pain or have pushed passed it at some point.

[fromheart]

I agree, it wasn't for business. I just don't know if she actually met up with anybody. I've done a search online and some people say they use Tinder just for fun or to waste time. For the type of relationship I want, honesty is the most important. If she was using it for business, she should have told me, not sneak around. She could have said, "hey, I'm on Tinder to find some clients. I just want you know so you don't get the wrong idea since it is an app for people to hook up". She could have said something. I have given her tons of freedom and I'm not an insecure boyfriend. I never check her phone and I trust (or should I say trusted) her when she goes out with friends (guys or girls). Anyways, this is a tough week for me. It's tough to let somebody who you spent almost every day with for over a year.

 

 

It is tough when you spend a year or so with someone, and they let you down. Especially when you have developed feeling for them and thought you knew them.

 

However, the first few years are still really a time to get to know someone. When the honeymoon period wears off, you're left with the reality of who that person actually is.

 

She's on a dating app now, and lying about it. This is the first sign of things to come, it does get worse from there.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, please.

 

She is not on Tinder to find clients, and you should be insulted she actually thought you were dumb enough to believe that. She got caught red-handed and she knows it.

 

Given that she has already lied about A) Being on Tinder at all, and B) Why she uses it, I would almost guarantee she has met guys on there too. Why would she suddenly be honest about it?

 

She is a liar and almost surely a cheater. Be glad you found out now that she isn't in love with you and doesn't respect you. A woman who loves her man wouldn't be on Tinder to begin with. It really is that simple.

[Latino4Lyfe]

Sorry this is happening to you man, but if this girl is on Tinder for business and clients then all of us here are on Plenty of Fish looking for actual fish...Don't believe it man. She's showing you her true colors ahead of time, probably best to start making your way out now before it gets potentially worse and there's no legit improvement.

[heartbroken6]

Sorry this is happening to you man, but if this girl is on Tinder for business and clients then all of us here are on Plenty of Fish looking for actual fish...Don't believe it man. She's showing you her true colors ahead of time, probably best to start making your way out now before it gets potentially worse and there's no legit improvement.

 

You're right. We have been talking and we are meeting up this weekend to chat. I will be breaking off the relationship. You'd think I'd be angry at her, but I'm not. I sincerely care about her and hope she is OK. She has been crying non stop for days now. She is still trying to convince me she was using it for business. Anyways, thanks for all the advice from everybody.

[Giggles666]

Sorry this is happening. I wish you both the best.

[hestheone66]

I have a profile on a very adult orientated website. I've been with my bf for four years. I have no intention of cheating and there is no one better suited for me.

 

However I just enjoy a bit a tease and attention. I like talking to strangers regarding sexual fantasies, not for kicks but intellectually it interests me. Also a lot of men talk about their heartfelt frustrations and it teaches me more about men's needs etc.

 

I do not hide this side of my life from bf, he's welcome to snoop as he likes. I really appreciate that he's not threatened by strangers online.

[heartbroken6]

I have a profile on a very adult orientated website. I've been with my bf for four years. I have no intention of cheating and there is no one better suited for me.

 

However I just enjoy a bit a tease and attention. I like talking to strangers regarding sexual fantasies, not for kicks but intellectually it interests me. Also a lot of men talk about their heartfelt frustrations and it teaches me more about men's needs etc.

 

I do not hide this side of my life from bf, he's welcome to snoop as he likes. I really appreciate that he's not threatened by strangers online.

 

 

I appreciate your point of view.

 

May I ask though, if you did hide this from your boyfriend and he found out, how do you think he would take it? Also, if you found out he was on Tinder for six months and didn't tell you and lied about it, how would you feel?

 

Also, I believe the purpose of Tinder is to find people who are interested in hooking up. Maybe it is for people who like to talk to strangers about sexual fantasies as well. Honestly, if she just told me, I'd be OK with it all.

 

Thanks again.

[doyathinkso]

Yes, Tinder is for hookups. You know, fwb-seeking no strings attached stuff.