COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Anyone think they have been with a narcissist? How did you finally know?
JewelD Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Yes. It was pretty obvious. Everything was always about him. But the real kicker was when I got sick of his lying and cheating and started dating someone new. Even though he was still dating other women, he sent me a photo of him crying and an article about narcissism and how sorry he was for being cruel and manipulative. This, of course, was just more of his narcissism and manipulation. I dumped my new partner and got back with him. About a week later, he said he didn't think we were going to work out and ended it. He never really wanted me back, he just didn't like being rejected. I have not spoken to him since, but he would text and call every few months for about a year, with no response from me. His last text, from a month or so ago, he stated that he felt it was unfair that I wouldn't talk to him and that he should be able to see how my life is going. He also claimed he didn't understand how we got to this point and that he hoped my "animosity" towards him would end one day. Over a year later with no contact and he still thinks it's all about him and what he's entitled to. 1
preraph Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I have an old narcissist friend. She has other issues too, but the part that will floor you is no matter how little their problem is and how big someone else's is, they will still think everyone should be circling the wagons around them because they truly believe the world should cooperate in making their life just like they want it. 2
Larryville Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Wow would be hard for me to understand that someone didn’t actually know they were with a narcissist. Narcissists are so freaking easy to identify. Mix someone with extreme levels of self-esteem, grandiosity, self-focus, and self-importance. Folks who think they are more physically attractive and intelligent than just about everyone, and they would rather be admired than liked. The type that would get pissed if they aren't constantly told that they are beautiful, brilliant, amazing but would not give a crap if told they are jackasses. While charming (why so many who are clueless naive fall for them) they engage in only short-term hook-ups and only desire short term because their ego must be constantly fed. When your usefulness has worn off they move on. You absolutely would know if you were with one after you pulled yourself out of the mental gutter. 3
preraph Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 My post above continued: My narcissist friend has some empathy, but a very short fuse. Example: One of her best friends' teenage only child died tragically a few years ago. My friend rushed out of town to be there for her. The friend assigned her the task of selling the son's car for her while her family helped do other things. Three days into it, my friend went from being sad for her friend and eager to help to, when faced with inconvenience, calling me and griping vividly about how inconsiderate her grieving mother friend was to dump this chore on her. 1
rita123 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 My ex is narcissistic but it took me a long time to admit it. They say you know it when the doubting starts. "How could this amazing guy act like this, I must have done something wrong." And then you would do anything so that he goes back to his charming self. With my ex, everything was about him and how he felt. But he didn't really care about my needs.. although he was really good at faking empathy. Like, he often talked about becoming a nurse because aaall he wants is to help people... but when I got sick? He called me attention seeking and avoided me. Then he started criticizing me for the very things he was guilty of himself. Or he gave me a compliment only to take it back the next day. For example: he gave me a hat and said: "You have to wear this, it looks sooo good on you". Two days later when I wear it he goes like: "Really, that hat? you look like a 10 year old boy" After the confrontation, he denied the compliment altogether. He often pretended to be amnesiac in situations when the story didn't add up... and what's worse, I believed him! I thought I was the crazy one... There were times though when I actually saw through his mind**** attempts and won the battle. But then he got angry and stayed hostile towards me as a form of punishment. As another poster said, they can't deal with rejection. My ex stalked me numerous times the first time we broke up... I met him now, months after the final breakup to exchange our things. He cried and hugged like a baby. And when I didn't, he looked angry and blamed me for it: WHY ARE YOU NOT CRYING? Who does that really. Who wants to see another person cry? He didn't care about my feelings, all he wanted is to see that he still got me... It took me a lot of reading and analyzing to understand this behavior.. but once you know the flags you know when you're dealing with one.
Redhead14 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Anyone think they have been with a narcissist? How did you finally know? If you are dating a narcissist, you will know fairly quickly, unless you're so wrapped up in being with someone as to ignore poor treatment, not being a priority, being made to feel inferior, feeling controlled, questioning everything you say or do around them, being gaslighted, and a declining sense of self-esteem. 1
Weezy1973 Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I was with someone I suspect had Borderline Personality Disorder, and there are many overlapping symptoms with narcicism. Basically they're not capable of caring about you or having empathy. They might care about keeping the relationship intact because it benefits them, but not because they actually love or care about you. It's about getting their needs met more than anything else.
Ontos Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 I was with someone I suspect had Borderline Personality Disorder, and there are many overlapping symptoms with narcicism. Basically they're not capable of caring about you or having empathy. They might care about keeping the relationship intact because it benefits them, but not because they actually love or care about you. It's about getting their needs met more than anything else. Let me bounce these things off of you and you tell me if this falls into Narcissism. 1. I was sick with flu (vomiting). She says, I've got a meeting - can you drop (Daughter) off at daycare? I'm throwing up.... and say "Really"? She replies "Sigh, well I gotta go or I'm going to be late". Door slam. 2. I had ACL/meniscus surgery. Day after, "Are you OK for me to leave now - I have some things to do" in a voice like it's a major pain in the arse. 3. Makes good money, but refuses to pay hardly any of the bills - simply says "I don't have it". Then gets Botox, Nails, clothes and spray tan. 4. If I ask her to do something for me or kids, she "forgets" 90% of the time. If she has a botox appt or something that matters to her she is giddy about making it there on time. 5. When she sets her mind that she wants something she goes super sweet on me, does things I like to do, steps up the sex until I agree to buy it/do it etc. Then immediately goes back to selfish self. 6. She drives the nicer car and if I suggest I need it to take customers out she acts like I'm a huge inconvenience. 7. My mom knitted a wool afghan quilt 30 years ago and it is beautiful. She put it in the dogs bed for them to sleep on. 8. We have a wireless dog fence that must stay plugged in or the dogs will leave the yard and possibly get in the road. She constantly unplugs it to charge her iPhone, rather than use the outlet across the room (the dog fence must be in this location). I repeatedly ask her to please stop doing this b/c I'm afraid the dog will stray and be hit by the car. Does it over and over and over gain. Why!? 9. Lack of empathy for anyone who is hurting. She even says jokingly and even jokes about how she isn't sensitive like that. Is this Narcissist behavior?
Larryville Posted August 12, 2016 Posted August 12, 2016 Ontos those traits are NOT a narcissist, those traits are just someone who is a jackass! Lots of articles but bottom line Nar traits, not necessarily about someone being mean or rude Borderline Personality Disorder, and there are many overlapping symptoms with narcicism. Basically they're not capable of caring about you or having empathy. Nar basics Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it Exaggerating your achievements and talents Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people Requiring constant admiration Having a sense of entitlement Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations Taking advantage of others to get what you want Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others Being envious of others and believing others envy you Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner
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