anotherrandomguy Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 (edited) Just started dating this girl I met online, and getting very mixed signals. First date (a week ago) started really well I thought, much in common, lots of laughing, no silences and she would touch me subtly. Date lasted a good 5 hours, and we got quite drunk towards the end. We ended up kissing quite a lot at the bar we were at. (I initiated first) When we left I got a bit carried away and asked her to come home with me. (Very out of character for me actually) She politely declined, we kissed and parted ways. Generally had the impression she liked me but texts the following days were a bit strange. She would always reply quickly but didn't initiate much conversation. Thought maybe she had been spooked a bit by moving too fast. Sunday I asked her to go on a second date and she said yes, so we went out yesterday. Another really good night that ended up going until 3am (she insisting to go to a 3rd bar at around 12). Again some serious flirting and kissing at that 3rd bar. At one point i said "I think I really like you" or something like that and she kissed me and said "I really like you too". Towards the end she said something about seeing other guys, don't exactly remember the context or phrasing but it took me aback a bit. While it is perfectly normal to date more than one person in the beginning, it just came out at time where it felt really out of place(end of a good night). I reacted a bit too strongly I think. Not angrily but obviously disappointed. We went our separate ways in a bit of a weird state. She called me and said she had to sort out her side. Didn't get to the bottom of what that meant as both in Ubers and was a bit weird conversation. Texted me the same thing (I stupidly didn't respond) and went to bed. Texted her this morning saying making it clear that she wasn't doing anything wrong as we just started dating. And then made a joke about her upcoming day. Responded to the joke but not the other bit and have had a few normal texts since. So really confused about this. I obviously really like this girl and normally it is girls who tend to like me, so I have never really been unsure like this before. Also she is a bit quirky/geeky type, extremely chilled out personality. Anyone with a bit of distance have a idea? Edit: Oh were both grownups - late thirties. Edited August 10, 2016 by anotherrandomguy Age
Larryville Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Towards the end she said something about seeing other guys What “mixed” signals? Have some of you folks ever gone to test drive a new car? While you might be excited, wowed but the acceleration and the handling maybe the stereo system was cool, loved the color made lots of nice comments (if salesperson is in car with you). You get back to dealership, and you say I love the car BUT… That’s freaking dating! The first few meets... Some of you folks seriously overreact to what happens on these first few encounters. Unless you get to know each other in more depth (not the superficial crap) assume they are still car shopping! 1
GemmaUK Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I agree with Larry. So her texts are short - does she spend ages writing long paragraphs on text to people when she is with you? If she either puts her phone away or she just sends short quick texts then there's your answer on that. Texting is not great at all for communication in romantic relationships unless one or another is going to be late. It can be easier to have text convos with friends simply because they know you and won't get antsy/anxious if a conversation ends. Why not just try asking her out again? See how it goes by each date? That's how dating used to be - and still was or so I thought. I think you're trying to read too much at this incredibly early stage. Maybe go for a day date next time and make most of it sober so you can talk and remember what she was talking about properly before you end up going for drinks.
Author anotherrandomguy Posted August 10, 2016 Author Posted August 10, 2016 Cheers guys. Like I said I get the shopping around thing. It just took my by surprise at the time. And I'm worried I acted like an idiot. But you're right I did think I was overly dramatising this. Did actually casually talk to her about doing a Sunday date next time. Point is, I just didn't expect to like someone this much this quickly and I'm worried I've been too full on. Wondering if I should wait a bit before asking her out again, or even texting her? Thoughts?
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 it's obvious to me she is not looking for a relationship but has np just dating you and other guys. It has nothing to do with you coming on too strong, it has to do with her not being interested in anything serious. 1
GemmaUK Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 it's obvious to me she is not looking for a relationship but has np just dating you and other guys. It has nothing to do with you coming on too strong, it has to do with her not being interested in anything serious. That's not obvious to me at all. I think she is getting to know, going on dates, seeing how things go day to day.
Author anotherrandomguy Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 Think you're replying to the wrong person I think I got a bit too excited a bit too quickly. I'll invite her out again and if she says yes, I might casually have a convo with her. And if she doesn't well then I know!
joseb Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 I think I got a bit too excited a bit too quickly. I'll invite her out again and if she says yes, I might casually have a convo with her. And if she doesn't well then I know! What do you mean you got too excited too quickly?
Bialy Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 I think she digs you, but the fact that she felt the need to say that she is dating other men seems like a way of knocking your ego down. Sort of like saying, "ho hum! I have good dates like this often with other guys. This isn't anything special."
Author anotherrandomguy Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 What do you mean you got too excited too quickly? It's rare I meet someone I'm physically, cognitively and emotionally attracted to, so now that I have I seem to leap ahead. I'd already decided I really like her on the first date and forgot to think that she probably weren't on the same page so early. Over excited. You guys have grounded me, thanks. Let's hope I didn't scare her away.
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