HeBrokeMyHeart Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 So recently my best friends cousin who I've known for 11 years became single yesterday. We're not close at all and I haven't seen him in seven years, he's really my type of guy and my best friend has said he's perfect for me. I messaged him on fb in January due to some travelling advice, as he goes a lot & im looking to do a gap year after uni. He was nice and friendly and I didn't get any bad vibes. I haven't spoke to him since as he got a girlfriend which he just broke up with. He's the first guy since my ex that I actually have a crush on and I've been out of the game too long and have became rusty Just wondering how I should go about this? I don't want to come across desperate or slutty but genuinely I just want to get to know more about him to begin with. Any ideas or help? I can't use the travelling advice again & I feel a bit awkward as its my friends cousin. I think maybe I'm a bit scared of getting rejected again but I know I need to swallow my pride and get back out there again.
salparadise Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 How about, hey cuz - wanna grab a coffee? Being invested in the outcome does make the possibility of rejection more scary, but you just have to ignore or master the fear and push through. Women often talk about the fear of rejection like it's the world's tallest mountain... but it's something guys have to face by default every time. The rationale is, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Do it without thinking. Put fear in a box and close the lid.
smudge21 Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 He's been single for a day and you're wanting to jump in there instantly? Hmm, you sure that's the right move. You say that you yourself have a fear of being rejected again, so think back to that day after you got dumped and try to put yourself in his shoes. Were you in anyway ready to start dating on that second day? Although you may have had an ego boost from someone chasing you straight away, you probably wouldn't have taken it seriously as your heart was no doubt still connected to the ex. Plus, people just out of a relationship are not the best to start a new one with. No matter how over someone we can all say we are, often it's not the case. You can read it here so many times how people run back to their exs after weeks or months, or even years. Now all that said, I'm not saying you should walk away from this. All I'm saying is realise the timing may not be perfect. You want to date him, not be his sholder to cry on. You don't want to be that healer who helps him get better then he starts to see you as a "good friend" before finding someone else. So to avoid that, take it slow. Step back and see what happens with him before jumping in feet first. Maybe contact him as you have before, asking advice and then turning it into a conversation. If he opens up about being single then at least he's seeing you as someone he wants to talk about that stuff, which is a good sign. Just slow and steady here. You fear rejection, well right now, I would imagine so does he. I agree in part with what salparadise says, but just a bit slower. Maybe the coffee invite after a bit more online chat. Just see where he is before you tell him where you are.
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted August 10, 2016 Author Posted August 10, 2016 Oh no, I think you got the wrong impression! I certainly don't want to be the rebound girl and I know that a day is certainly not enough time for him, however I kinda just wanted help being put on his radar and know that I actually exist! And just get to know him better, it may turn out that I don't actually think he'd make a great partner but a great friend.
scooby-philly Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 If you want to be on his radar - does he play a sport? Does he gamble? Does he like to travel, hike, bike, cook, read, video games, etc - have your friend just find a way in for you. Even if you don't like or aren't very good at something - you can try. And......while you don't want to be the rebound girl, be careful he either doesn't get one before you move or you wait too long and he's rebounded and then finds someone else.
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