Jump to content

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Dis

By Dis
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
No he hasnt contacted me...and I dont want him to. I'm done.

 

I'm in a sad place right now...his cheating was the straw that broke the camal's back...I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired

 

I cried...I never cry. I didnt cry because of him...I cried because this was the last straw

 

All my girlfriends tell me to be hopeful...that I'll find the right one at the right time

 

I'm tired of everyone selling me a dream

 

I've had enough of this

 

I hear ya.

 

It'll get better I promise, time heals.

 

((hugs))

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

This is what I am confused about though...a month ago you were dating this guy whom you seemed to really really connect with. Then you were the one who broke it off (because why again?), only to wind back w your ex a couple weeks later--the same guy whom you said you didn't connect w at all.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting, but I do feel that a reason why your dating life isn't as you want it to be is because your decision-making seems so erratic. I suspect that even if you were to meet the guy of your dreams tomorrow, you'd find some crazy reason to end it, only to soon end back up w someone whom you already knew wasn't right for you. That's not bad luck babe, instead that's on you.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This is what I am confused about though...a month ago you were dating this guy whom you seemed to really really connect with. Then you were the one who broke it off (because why again?), only to wind back w your ex a couple weeks later--the same guy whom you said you didn't connect w at all.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting, but I do feel that a reason why your dating life isn't as you want it to be is because your decision-making seems so erratic. I suspect that even if you were to meet the guy of your dreams tomorrow, you'd find some crazy reason to end it, only to soon end back up w someone whom you already knew wasn't right for you. That's not bad luck babe, instead that's on you.

 

Dude...you dont need to tell me that...I already know it

 

While your posting that I'm crying my eyes out

 

I get it

 

Forgive my attitude...but I'm having a s***y night

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

 

This is what I am confused about though...a month ago you were dating this guy whom you seemed to really really connect with[/i][/b].

 

Then you were the one who broke it off (because why again?), only to wind back w your ex a couple weeks later--the same guy whom you said you didn't connect w at all.

 

 

Same guy.

 

Yah a bit confusing, but when it comes to emotions, understandable.

 

Not defending it, just sayin I understand it.

  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Same guy.

 

Yah a bit confusing, but when it comes to emotions, understandable.

 

Not defending it, just sayin I understand it.

 

Ya I'm a hot mess...I know that

 

Thanks for the reiteration

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Ya I'm a hot mess...I know that

 

Thanks for the reiteration

 

Oh come on Dis, that was uncalled for. I'm on your side here.

 

I never said or even implied you were a "hot mess."

 

I said I understand what you're feeling.

  • Like 1
Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

There was the ex she spent her birthday with and soon after broke up with (Guy #1). Then there was someone else she dated briefly in early-mid July--short good-looking Italian guy (Guy #2) whom she did share a powerful connection with. I already knew Dis got back w an ex, but I thought the guy Dis had gotten back with was Guy #1, and that Guy #1 and Guy #2 are not the same guy.

 

Anyway though, I really am sorry Dis, that you are hurting. You do seem like a genuinely sweet girl...

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 1
  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
There was the ex she spent her birthday with and soon after broke up with (Guy #1). Then there was someone else she dated briefly in early-mid July--short good-looking Italian guy (Guy #2) whom she did share a powerful connection with. I already knew Dis got back w an ex, but I thought the guy Dis had gotten back with was Guy #1, and that Guy #1 and Guy #2 are not the same guy.

 

Anyway though, I really am sorry Dis, that you are hurting. You do seem like a genuinely sweet girl...

 

Thank you. I got back with guy #1. Bad choice....I've made alot of bad decisions

  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Oh come on Dis, that was uncalled for. I'm on your side here.

 

I never said or even implied you were a "hot mess."

 

I said I understand what you're feeling.

 

I know. I'm sorry...I'm just not in a good place but thank you...I know you have my back

 

Just feeling like s*ht.

 

I cant get the whole scene out of my head...it was like a bad dream

  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Also want to note some wierd events...

 

#1- On Tuesday night...when I walked in on him...it had been a year to the day that I broke up with my ex of 2 and a half years....my last LTR...wierd timing 8/9/15

 

#2-I used a religious mechanism on Monday 8/8/16... Its part of my religion...wont spell it out. But I asked the god and goddesses that I believe in to tell me if this guy was the right one for me...if my gut was trying to tell me something....if he was worth pursuing....a day later on 8/9/16...I walked in on him cheating...I guess I have my answer now

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Really??? You think he could have planned this??? Geez :eek: Well the only thing I did wrong was act like somewhat of a brat about my birthday...I aplogized for that and went over it many times to assure him that I was in the wrong. We were both wrong when it first ended. I took accountiblity for my wrong doings....I cant imagine him planning this out...wow

 

Eh, if it was that equitable then probably not. But you mentioned he was very hurt by sth and "other reasons" you broke up the first time ....anything there?

 

Anyway ....want me to beat him up for you? ;)

  • Like 2
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted

 

Anyway ....want me to beat him up for you? ;)

 

Can I take you up on that? :lmao: I have someone..:lmao:

Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

Posted
Posted
Also want to note some wierd events...

 

#1- On Tuesday night...when I walked in on him...it had been a year to the day that I broke up with my ex of 2 and a half years....my last LTR...wierd timing 8/9/15

 

#2-I used a religious mechanism on Monday 8/8/16... Its part of my religion...wont spell it out. But I asked the god and goddesses that I believe in to tell me if this guy was the right one for me...if my gut was trying to tell me something....if he was worth pursuing....a day later on 8/9/16...I walked in on him cheating...I guess I have my answer now

 

Wow that's freaky! And looks like your angels are looking out for you.

Have you asked for things before and got results like this?

  • Like 1
jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Can I take you up on that? :lmao: I have someone..:lmao:

 

Sure. I am the Justice Bringer. :cool::p

  • Like 2
  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Eh, if it was that equitable then probably not. But you mentioned he was very hurt by sth and "other reasons" you broke up the first time ....anything there?

 

Anyway ....want me to beat him up for you? ;)

 

Awww Jen you're the best! We would make a great team! lol ;)

 

The reasons why we broke up were because of mutual faults so I dont think he planned this....but you never know with guys like this

 

Thats what is so shocking about him...I always told my girlfriends what a pure hearted guy he was...I swear I dont think I couldve seen this coming

 

Part of the reason for that (as someone else mentioned) was that I jumped into it without healing

 

I know part of this is my fault...but I didnt place that woman in his bed

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
Posted

To be fair wiring an old kipper to his exhaust isn't *actually* damaging his car... Its just adding...

 

Just saying...

  • Like 1
Grisho Established Member

Grisho

Posted
Posted
I know part of this is my fault...but I didnt place that woman in his bed

 

You hurt yourself prior to this. It doesn't matter if you found him in a bed with someone, or you were the target of bad behaviour, and so on and so on. You wasted your time going back. You hurt yourself by getting involved with someone unsuitable. You were always going to be hurt, however it happened, because this was going nowhere. You're so quick to declare something boyfriend and girlfriend, so quick to call something a relationship... If you were really intent on forming something with this man, you should have been taking baby steps to get back together a month or so down the line. You're not being fair to anyone you meet right now, because you have open wounds that need work, before you can be a good partner. Wishing you lots of calm and happiness. We're all rooting for you in getting through this sad time, Dis.

  • Like 3
Vado Established Member

Vado

Posted
Posted

A man once told me: there has never been a time in my life that one girl was interested in me. It was always zero or more than one.

 

My opinion is: it;s wrong to cheat, but I can imagine that it's becomes a challenge for some guys if the Prom Queen isn't ineterested in him when he's single, but as soon as he has a girlfriend, he becomes much more attractive.

 

Solution: girls, stop finding a guy more attractive when he has a lot of options (I know you won't, but still....)

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

Posted
Posted
Awww Jen you're the best! We would make a great team! lol ;)

 

I like the sound of that. ;)

 

The reasons why we broke up were because of mutual faults so I dont think he planned this....but you never know with guys like this

 

Thats what is so shocking about him...I always told my girlfriends what a pure hearted guy he was...I swear I dont think I couldve seen this coming

 

Part of the reason for that (as someone else mentioned) was that I jumped into it without healing

 

I know part of this is my fault...but I didnt place that woman in his bed

 

If that's the case he's just a turd then. Some ppl are really good at disguises ....like you said, wolf in sheep's clothing, only he's less a predator type and more like ....maybe a dingo or a hyena - scavenger type. :laugh:

  • Like 1
  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You hurt yourself prior to this. It doesn't matter if you found him in a bed with someone, or you were the target of bad behaviour, and so on and so on. You wasted your time going back. You hurt yourself by getting involved with someone unsuitable. You were always going to be hurt, however it happened, because this was going nowhere. You're so quick to declare something boyfriend and girlfriend, so quick to call something a relationship... If you were really intent on forming something with this man, you should have been taking baby steps to get back together a month or so down the line. You're not being fair to anyone you meet right now, because you have open wounds that need work, before you can be a good partner. Wishing you lots of calm and happiness. We're all rooting for you in getting through this sad time, Dis.

 

Thanks so much :) I hear you Grisho. You're very correct. I wasnt ready for a relationship...and by getting into a relationship with a guy who was wrong for me in the past...well that was a big mistake. I did waste my time. I dont know what I was thinking

 

It wouldnt have mattered if he was right for me or not. I need time to myself. It wouldnt have worked either way. I think I knew that...but I tried to sweep that little fact under the rug

 

He didnt want to take baby steps...he wanted to jump right back in. I cant tell you how cunning he was...I'm not making excuses...I'm just saying that I swore he was a good guy. My parents even met him briefly and my mom thought he was so sweet. No one saw this coming. I was with a guy for 2 and a half years...it was clear he was a bad guy...it was clear he was cheating and lying...he didnt disguise his true self. But this guy...he truly fooled me.

 

Dont get me wrong...I knew he was wrong for me in other ways...we were incompatible in areas like communication and personality....so I wouldve made a mistake going back to him even if he didnt cheat. But I swear his cheating was something I never could have predicted.

 

Again, I agree with your points...and I'm taking time to myself to heal. But do you understand where I'm coming from? I'm not making excuses...just trying to explain things alittle

 

Thanks for your insight...I need to hear it :)

  • Like 1
  • Author
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
  • Author
Posted
To be fair wiring an old kipper to his exhaust isn't *actually* damaging his car... Its just adding...

 

Just saying...

 

Haha :D I like your ideas Toodalo!

 

I might just do that if I didnt have a different way of dealing with him.

 

He's not the only one that has tricks up his sleeve ;)

Grisho Established Member

Grisho

Posted
Posted
Haha :D I like your ideas Toodalo!

 

I might just do that if I didnt have a different way of dealing with him.

 

He's not the only one that has tricks up his sleeve ;)

 

Wishing you every success with finding your feet again. NB any time and energy you devote to revenge detracts from the healing process. Best of luck.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well Dis, your big mistake, as I see it, wasn't that you re-entered the dating market when you weren't ready. It wasn't even that you tried to rekindle things with an ex. OR even that you ended a promising new relationship (I referred to him as Guy #2 in my previous post #57) to give things with your ex (Guy #1) another try. I think about everyone does some or all of the above at some point or another.

 

I think instead it is the erratic decision-making that got you to do all of the above (gushing about how great Guy #2 is, to then suddenly deciding that "you needed to be alone" only a few days later, to a couple weeks later somehow deciding to get back w Guy #1 whom you weren't that into).

 

This may sound nonsensical at first, but do consider this thought: I think that if things went south with someone you were dating who WAS doing it for you all along (maybe Guy #2), you'd actually be hurting LESS. See, in that case you could tell yourself that you took a chance because something wonderful DID seem to be there and in the end he wasn't the guy for you. I think right now you are hurting so much, not just because of the end of your relationship w Guy #1, but also because you are wondering why you put yourself in that situation in the first place (as you didn't really feel a connection with Guy #1, he just seemed "safe", which isn't a great reason to date someone).

 

That said, I WILL give you some credit. You do seem to be taking a lot more responsibility now for how you make decisions when it comes to love and dating, than you did when you first came on this forum. And that is a big win in and of itself.

Edited by Imajerk17
  • Like 2
KuraJay11 New Member

KuraJay11

Posted
Posted
Thats the thing about him...he wasnt overly good looking. He was out of my league in terms of physical attractiveness...so I thought he would feel lucky to have me...

 

and this is why you found yourself being cheated on to be honest. First off, no confident man thinks any woman is "out of his league". A confident man also isn't gonna feel "lucky" to have any woman when there's millions of more attractive ones out there. Seems like you hooked up with a man you deemed "not up to par" and assumed he would be a desperate lap dog. You found out the hard way that one doesn't have to be a male model in order to have multiple options. Hell, I was considered the "cute" one growing up and my much less attractive brother still managed to have not only more girls than I did but better looking ones. He, like millions of other non-model type males, had a flock of good looking women because he understood how to compensate for not being overly attractive. He made sure his game was top notch and never displayed an attitude that he was beneath a woman. Bottom line is this whole "let me get an ugly duckling that will worship me" nonsense is gonna continue to get a great deal of women hurt.

  • Like 2
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...