vansaddict00 Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 (edited) After getting out of a long relationship that resulted from lack of communication towards the end, I found comfort in another guy that was emotionally supportive of me. I found as if he was a distraction from all my problems and I continued to invest time for myself by hanging out with friends and living my own life of happiness. I needed distraction as I was not happy with my ex, running from the truth that we weren't meant for each other. The break-up was amicable at least. I have a lot of time because the current bf is out of town for a couple months. It's already been one month and I've actually had time to confront my ex and find closure and then have time to think about my current situation. I'm seeing something similar happening with my ex and current bf. I'm so used to my extroverted lifestyle of doing what I want to do that I get some anxiety at times when it's just us. We live an hour apart and I see him 1 to 2 days a week so we don't get a lot of time together. I moved quickly into a relationship where I felt emotional supported and there wasn't much similar interests between us. I feel more satisfaction doing what I want to do and he will tag along although he would prefer to stay home. He is able to compromise which I love but it's as if my actions are again distracting me from the truth that we are feasible incompatible. At the same time I remember hearing remarks that I'm the smartest girl he's dated and that I will say words he doesn't understand and has to look up. I graduated college and he was enrolled in college but had to drop out and complete a trade school in auto in order to help support his family on welfare. I notice we don't speak on the same wavelength...he's not as eloquent in speech as he mispronounces words and is a bit slower when he talks. I feel as if we are on a different page in education and speech so communication is unparalleled. Being with him I learned a lot about frugality...he always tells me I'm lucky and more fortunate than him. If we eat out he will say his mom makes better or he knows of a better and cheaper place. He's very frugal, which I understand since he lives off paycheck to paycheck. Money is always apart of every conversation. Being around him makes me feely guilty about hanging with him. Things I enjoyed I don't anymore...like doing any activity with him that involves money because I feel like he should be saving it rather than spending it. I would rather go out and pay for him. I'd rather go out and get a drink than go out for dinner which is more expensive. He wants a vacation but I think he needs to wait until he gets his finances together. He will spend $ on items I don't think is necessary but he finds necessary. He compares himself to my financial situation and my family's financial background and everything I have but it's becoming a huge turn off. For example he wants to eventually buy a house (most likely in another state) and my family owns a house. He says I'm lucky. It's almost as if he sees me as being superior to him and he's making me start to believe it. It's like a inferiority struggle. I found happiness in eating out by hanging with friends and I feel as if I need to redefine my happiness and all my habits. I just don't feel comfortable doing the things I once enjoyed. I always feel guilty. Would salvaging the relationship be a matter of him watching what he says and how he says it? I don't think he even realizes that he makes me feel bad. Edited August 10, 2016 by vansaddict00
Gaeta Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 You have been dating 1 month, there is nothing to salvage. You have not had time to build a history together. He offered you comfort at the end of your other relationship and that's it. You were on the rebound, still are. Yes break up with him. Set him free and let him find a lady that will really appreciate him. He will probably be revealed that you break up, sounds like he feels he's not good enough for you. It's not a way to live. 1
juniorrocha Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Well, when it comes down to education and status, you're indeed at a better spot than him. I suppose he sees what you are as something he would like to be. I don't think he's trying to make you sad or frustrated, but it's exactly what you said: you are both on different levels. Since you're not fine with it, let him go and find someone who suits him better and who will be happy with what he has to offer, which is not your case. Like Gaeta said, there's nothing to salvage. Let him go.
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