Charmed22 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I began dating a guy I met on a trip about 2 weeks ago. He seemed to be everything I wanted so I fell quick for him but he wanted to take things slow. He was aware of my enthusiasm. Although concerned, he said he understands the feeling and made it clear that he wants to take things slow which I was okay with. We txted everyday and he is generally good at responding to txt messages in a decent time. At most he would go about 2-3 hours without responding when he would be at work or busy. Friday was a stressful day for me. I asked him if he wanted to hang out since all my friends were busy and he never gave me a yes or no so i expected we would. That evening I was texting him and I sent him a text seeing again if he wanted to hang out and he never responded. About 3 hours later I couldn't control my temper so I sent him a text letting him know I was a tad upset that he left me hanging. I felt like I approached it respectfully and he agreed that I did. I immediately regretted it afterwards though. Turns out he never received the text of me asking to hang out so it was all a stupid misunderstanding on my part I apologized for and he accepted. Everything seemed fine the rest of weekend although his text responses was spaced out more Last night is the first time I saw him since that situation. We went to see a movie with his friend. He held my hand during the movie but back at his place he kept sitting away from me. He did tell me that the situation with the text sent a red flag and he dosent want a girl who has a temper. He said Im getting too ahead of myself and need to relax and go with the flow since we haven't been dating that long. He pretty much said he is giving me the benefit of the doubt but Its a concern. I apologized again told him I am pretty laid back but I do have my moments. He said he understands we all have our moments. I asked him if he still likes me and he said yes. He remained a bit distant the remainder of the evening. We did hug and kiss before I left so I thought everything was back to normal. Today he never texted me good morning so I sent him a good afternoon text. We exchanged a few texts and he hasn't responded in a few hours. I know i completely dropped the ball letting my temper get the best of me. A part of me feels like i completely ruined what could of been a great thing while the other part of me thinks since he hasn't said he is no longer interested (we promised we would let the other know if its not going to work) then I still have a shot to correct myself. I acted out of my character getting upset over that and I'm embarrassed that I showed him a side of me that really isn't how I am when I'm with someone. Now all I want to do is ask him if he still interested but I know It will only drag it on and dig me further into a hole. Can this be salvaged or does it sound like he is pretty much done? 1
DramaInPajamas Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You met someone only 2 weeks ago. On Friday you texted twice and lost your temper when you didnt get a reply. No wonder he is worried. You are not laid back at all. When a guy doesnt reply, you leave it and dont tell him you have no one else to go with on a Friday night: your friends are busy. You just ask and if you dont get a reply, leave it. You might have ruined it. But back off from him.Let him do the asking and if he doesnt you know. 4
Gloria25 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Ok, you guys text like every day, just met like two weeks ago and you go balistic cuz one day he doesn't respond to your texts like does - the other six days out of the week? Oook... For one, texting every day is a bit much for me. Maybe he needed a break. I could understand you being upset if he's dissed you over and over, but this is a one time thing and you didn't even wait to see why before you went off. Well, it does seem a bit sketchy that on a "Friday" he miraculously has celphone trouble, cuz come on, Fridays and Saturdays are prime time for people going out and if he's not doing it with you and/or is available, he's probably out and about with chicks or dudes or both and you're not a priority. But still, you two just started dating, I wouldn't expect him to open up his Fridays and/or Saturdays to someone he just met. So, regardless of this being a bit sketchy, you just met him and he's been cool so far. Yes, you were wrong on having a temper with him. Chill out, stop asking him if things are ok...I'm trying to do the same myself. It's hard. Being away from him - especially after our fight - has felt like the longest week EVER. Stop trying to contact him, stay busy, think about cute My Little Ponies. 1
JewelD Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 He never gave you a yes or no to hanging out so you automatically expected that meant you would be hanging out? How? Are you really acting out of character? From what you've written, you've been overly enthusiastic the entire time you've been talking to him. Enough for him to notice and ask you to slow down. My advice would be to calm down and stop doing so much. You apologized once, there was no need to do it again or ask if he still liked you (yall were on a date, the liking is implied). Do not ask him if he likes you again. Do not expect that he will outright tell you that he is not interested. Watch his actions. If he keeps contacting you and you continue going on dates, he likes you. If he begins to ignore you and never has any free time to hang, he does not like you. He's already told you twice he wants to slow things down, unlikely he will do it a third time. Just act confident. If he likes you, great, if he doesn't, forget about him. 3
CarrieT Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Can this be salvaged or does it sound like he is pretty much done? If I were him, I would be done... You went a little psycho on him, unnecessarily. Take it as a good, hard lesson learned and when you really do want to take it slow with someone, TAKE IT SLOW. 2
Satu Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You have an issue to address. Tantrum: A sudden period of uncontrolled anger like a young child's: Charlie had/threw a tantrum in the shop because I wouldn't buy him any sweets. If she doesn't get her own way she has temper tantrums. Take care. 1
hippychick3 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well, that is how you are....otherwise, you would not have reacted the way you did. Think of texting like tennis. You hit the ball, you wait for him to hit the ball back , and you don't keep hitting new balls. If he doesn't hit back, he doesn't want to play. Don't assume he does. It's generally not a good sign when a guy is not as enthusiastic about us as we are about him. It's better to guard your heart and not show all your cards too early. Let the guy do a bit of the chasing and initiating so you can gauge his interest. It's not usually a good sign when the guy says he wants to take things slowly in the beginning. 5
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Honestly, OP, you kind of did show him your true colors and he was turned off by it. At this point the best thing you can do is let him intiate and chase. He's told you to slow down and take it easy..so do it. Work on not getting so worked up over nothing. At least you can learn from this if it doesn't work out, yes?
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Back off and give him space. Let him contact you, when he does be upbeat and positive.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Like HippyChick wrote, texting is like tennis. Your guy doesn't want to play with you right now and the ball is in his court. Stop with the texting. Let him reach out to you. If he doesn't...take the hint.
Popsicle Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I think it can be salvaged if you just chill from now on.
Versacehottie Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Well, that is how you are....otherwise, you would not have reacted the way you did. Think of texting like tennis. You hit the ball, you wait for him to hit the ball back , and you don't keep hitting new balls. If he doesn't hit back, he doesn't want to play. Don't assume he does. It's generally not a good sign when a guy is not as enthusiastic about us as we are about him. It's better to guard your heart and not show all your cards too early. Let the guy do a bit of the chasing and initiating so you can gauge his interest. It's not usually a good sign when the guy says he wants to take things slowly in the beginning. I completely agree with your post hippychick. Well except for the last bolded sentence. Lots of guys will say that. It's not a bad sign necessarily. But yes to the tennis and the chasing/initiating
longjohn Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 It's not sounding good you may have scared him off with your outburst I know I'd be running for the hills. More so running for it after saying I wanted to go slow. This hits a nerve because I've said that before to a lady many years ago and then she went nuts over something stupid one night. I got up walked out of her place and never went back. Don't over text, don't come across as needing a response.. or demanding it. Take it slowly and easy. If he isn't texting back as fast as you'd like you might be wasting your time or maybe you need to meet him in the flesh more often or actually call him see if he answers!
ExpatInItaly Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 If after only two weeks he was already concerned that you were falling very fast and felt the need to tell you he wants to take things slow, it's a pretty clear sign you're coming on too strongly and he's not comfortable. Add to that your quick temper, and most guys will run the other way. It's possible he will get in touch again, but it's more likely that he will be done. He doesn't know you well enough to know if this is out of character for you. All he knows is that you barely know each other yet and he's already seeing red flags.
Author Charmed22 Posted August 10, 2016 Author Posted August 10, 2016 (edited) Thanks for the responses everyone. I honestly agree with everyone of you. I have had instances where guys acted the way I did and it turned me off. Thats why I am embarrassed with myself for the situation. When I say its out of my character to act this way, I mean I have dated before and I haven't had this issue come up where I fall hard that quick. I am usually well guarded with myself to not expect anything. Im confused how this guy brought this out of me So I decided to leave him alone and go out with friends last night and by the end of the night he texted me asking me if I was okay cause he hasn't heard from me (even though he is the one who stopped responding). I told him I was fine just busy and he was really affectionate through the text and actually asked me if I still liked him. I was a bit taken aback but told i did. He texted me good morning today and everything seemed back to normal I guess this is salvageable? At least I learned my lesson on how I need to proceed from here on out. Edited August 10, 2016 by Charmed22 4
Grisho Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 I don't understand why you sent the chasing text. If someone hasn't answered a text message, and you felt there was something pressing awaiting their attention, you should always call. Direct contact is what is needed in such a situation, if their attention is urgently required.
Zippy2000 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Charmed22. Your situation reminds me of a girl I pursued. She wanted to take it slow and at "snails pace". Just like you whenever I asked her out she was never available and too busy. Fast forward 2 years. Yes 2 years! Nothing has developed. I never badgered her or lost my temper when she was never available because I learned when i ws younger that people who want to be with you will do everything to be part of your life and make time for it, This man isnt really insterested in you. He`s not that really into you. For me. Im older now you see and i was also keeping my options open and talking and looking out for other girls. I d not invest too much time in this man. I d give it 6 months and if nothing has developed then its time to move on and focus on someone who wants to spean time with you and not avoid it.
hippychick3 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Thanks for the responses everyone. I honestly agree with everyone of you. I have had instances where guys acted the way I did and it turned me off. Thats why I am embarrassed with myself for the situation. When I say its out of my character to act this way, I mean I have dated before and I haven't had this issue come up where I fall hard that quick. I am usually well guarded with myself to not expect anything. Im confused how this guy brought this out of me So I decided to leave him alone and go out with friends last night and by the end of the night he texted me asking me if I was okay cause he hasn't heard from me (even though he is the one who stopped responding). I told him I was fine just busy and he was really affectionate through the text and actually asked me if I still liked him. I was a bit taken aback but told i did. He texted me good morning today and everything seemed back to normal I guess this is salvageable? At least I learned my lesson on how I need to proceed from here on out. Just take it really slow with this guy. He already told you he wants to take it slow so may only be interested in "the chase." Stay busy with your life and let him initiate all contact and dates from here on and be in observation mode. Stay chill and good luck!
WhirlwindGuy Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 I think the whole thing can be avoided by calling v texting.
WhirlwindGuy Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Charmed22. Your situation reminds me of a girl I pursued. She wanted to take it slow and at "snails pace". Just like you whenever I asked her out she was never available and too busy. Fast forward 2 years. Yes 2 years! Nothing has developed. I never badgered her or lost my temper when she was never available because I learned when i ws younger that people who want to be with you will do everything to be part of your life and make time for it, This man isnt really insterested in you. He`s not that really into you. For me. Im older now you see and i was also keeping my options open and talking and looking out for other girls. I d not invest too much time in this man. I d give it 6 months and if nothing has developed then its time to move on and focus on someone who wants to spean time with you and not avoid it. This has been my limited experience as well. The two girls I have dated that said they want to "take things slow" weren't interested at all. They wanted to keep me around to take them out when they were bored, or have a go in the sack on occasion, but that's about it. When it started to get a bit more real (a month in or so) they were ready to move on. I would approach with caution. When someone is truly into you, it is pretty obvious. The take thing slow thing seems to be when they are marginally interested, but not enough to make any real effort.
Author Charmed22 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 This has been my limited experience as well. The two girls I have dated that said they want to "take things slow" weren't interested at all. They wanted to keep me around to take them out when they were bored, or have a go in the sack on occasion, but that's about it. When it started to get a bit more real (a month in or so) they were ready to move on. I would approach with caution. When someone is truly into you, it is pretty obvious. The take thing slow thing seems to be when they are marginally interested, but not enough to make any real effort. He explained to me why he wants to take things slow. Apparently he has a history of other girls leaving him for someone else. He says he feels more like a rebound or a for time being guy rather than someone who a girl wants to be with for the long run. He made it seem like he doesn't expect me to stick around. We texted yesterday and he seemed cool but today he is lacking in conversation again (sending dry text) so I ended the conversation and will let him contact me. Sounds like a good idea?
dispatch3d Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 To me this shouldn't be a big deal. If you getting mad at him once breaks the relationship its not gunna last long anyhow. Also you wrote you asked him twice to hang out and he somehow didn't get either of those texts? Anyhow I'm suspicious of that but whatever. I definitely wouldn't bring that up and let it go. Also I think you're texting each other too much for beginning a relationship. Just text to setup dates, otherwise you are getting into this "well he didn't say good morning to me by text, is he mad?" frame of mind which seems awful. Real couples don't text that often.
Author Charmed22 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Posted August 11, 2016 (edited) To me this shouldn't be a big deal. If you getting mad at him once breaks the relationship its not gunna last long anyhow. Also you wrote you asked him twice to hang out and he somehow didn't get either of those texts? Anyhow I'm suspicious of that but whatever. I definitely wouldn't bring that up and let it go. My phone company alerted me the following morning about doing updates on the sms and my text were acting up the remainder of the evening. I believe he didnt get them. So If I lesson the texting myself will that help the chances of him initiating to see me more? Today the texting seemed dry so I ended it telling him to enjoy the rest of his day. Ill see if he texts me this evening. I don't particularly like texting that much I prefer in person/dates to get to know someone but apparently its too soon to be initiating dates and expecting him to make time. Edited August 11, 2016 by Charmed22
dispatch3d Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 My phone company alerted me the following morning about doing updates on the sms and my text were acting up the remainder of the evening. I believe he didnt get them. So If I lesson the texting myself will that help the chances of him initiating to see me more? Today the texting seemed dry so I ended it telling him to enjoy the rest of his day. Ill see if he texts me this evening. I don't particularly like texting that much I prefer in person/dates to get to know someone but apparently its too soon to be initiating dates and expecting him to make time. The advice I was given as a guy is if a girl texts you out of the blue assume she wants to see you and setup a date. If she says no end the conversation and say you'll see her around. Mostly as a guy you're just texting saying hey whats up, setting up a date, then saying goodbye. Its kinda tricky for you because if you don't do the above I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe some girls will chime in with what they commonly do when a guy texts too much?
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