smile95 Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 ok here is my question........why is it that I have to answer my phone/text ASAP when my ex/bf/friend-not sure what he is now calls and when I call him, he thinks it is no big deal to respond an hr or two or three later. But, if I do not respond, as always, ASAP, I et messages like "you must be wiht someone", "enjoy him" etc. Or he will get mad and think I have someone there. This could be becasue I ALWAYS have answered the phone ASAP and now that I do not, it is odd, but still, I do not go accusing HIM when he is in a meeting or something and cannot reply! Does this mean he is insecure? Or just a jerk? lol. I guess it is my own fault for alays being there when he calls.
shygurl Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 Beth, I surely mean no offense here and I know it's maybe not been that long since you broke up with this guy (or he dumped you, not sure of the specifics) but you start a lot of threads about him and that's sure fine.....but you sure do expend a lot of energy and stress and worry and obsession with this guy who's really not even your boyfriend. You're obviously having a hard time letting go. Was he your first serious boyfriend or something? Why do you even let yourself get all bent out of shape about him or things he's done in the past or whatever? It's just not healthy to dwell on him like this. Get out there, enjoy the sunshine, hang with some friends, do something for you and nevermind about your ex - he's your ex.
d'Arthez Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 These double standards are there, because you let them be there. The fact that he is outright insinuating that you are sharing yourself with other men, when you don't respond to his calls immediately, only shows that he lacks even basic respect for you. It is also showing a lack of character on his side - and the depths thereof is something you should not even want to explore.
Author smile95 Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 no offense....I ask y'all a lot of quetions since I have no one here that does not have a million problems of their own to deal with. sorry. It gets sticky when we define what we are. We are supposed to be friends but he is acting like more. Saying he loves me and needs me and wants me again. I decided not to call himanymore since it was too hard to be friends and this is when the comments about me being w/ someone else started. I respopnd because I feel I need to defend myself and now realize that he says this stuff to GET me to respond. He is my 2nd major relationship that was over 3 yrs. So it is hard to let go. I am not sure I want to yet. With other guys, I can walk away. He is different. I love him, but I can also see I am not happy and he just is not trying anymore. Ihave to convince myself somehow that someone out there can give me so much more.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 1, 2005 Posted July 1, 2005 I agree with d'Arthez..But on another note You can't be friends with an Ex.. Most of the time never.. But sometimes if enough healing time has passed.. Maybe 6 months to a year of you both leading seperate lives. and you both don't have any romantic feelings towards each other. The fact that he is exercising power over you shows me that he still has feelings for you and the fact that it bothers you enough to post about it shows me you still have feelings towards him. You need to heal...
Author smile95 Posted July 1, 2005 Author Posted July 1, 2005 Is it ok to let go of someone you love and someone that loves you?I mean, is it possible? Seems like as much as we try and go our own ways, we end up back together. Ihave posted this before, but I really (looking back) that I was better off doing NC. I was upset and missed him, but htis friends thing is harder that NC. Ijust get hurt easily I guess. I believe that God has everything planned for me, so I just have to have faith that he will lead me in the right direction.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Beth, Of course it's possible. But you both have to give yourself enough time to detach from each other to refind each other as friends. I have a great friend who I dated seriously for a year. We didn't become great post breakup friends until about 6 months after we broke up. We both let go of each other and moved on.. Then after we moved on we came together to find our friendship. It's been about 3 years and we still have a wonderful friendship. But neither her or I want anything but a friendship
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 so you slpit with the ex and you both still loved each other? Just split for other reasons? Did you stay in contact at all? Did you have any regrets or miss her? Did it help to date others? I am afraid I will compare everyone to him.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 We split because we weren't meant to be together ( you mentioned Gods plan ) I don't think we loved each other enough to go on. We had other destinies.. We would e-mail each other maybe every few weeks or once a month.. We never said anything relationship like in our e-mails. All our e-mails we about how we were getting along.. how are the kids..how's the family.. those kind of things No regrets.. and other than I miss the sex.. No I don't miss her.. We both found others and moved on. I think sometimes after a good deal of time has passed and you haven't dated someone, You need to at least put yourself out there.. You need to find someone to connect with that you don't have a history with
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 Do you think that you Ican feellove and a connection with anyone else? Or do you think there is only one person for each of us? A lot of this hanging on whenI am not happy has to do with me scared of never finding anyone else. I kow that I deserve better. I would do anything to make this work, but he has admitted that he cannot give me what I deserve and need right now. I want to be happy and have that wonderful feeling I had in the beginning with him and I am just not convinced I can feel this way about anyone else. WEll, guess I will not know til I try right? I am starting a new job, so maybe I will meet some new friends and mylife will take a turn for the best. I hope so. I do not want to sound like a wimp, but I love him and it seems so wrong to let go when I love him so much. I guess happiness takes more than loving someone. thanks for listening fly on the wall
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 2, 2005 Posted July 2, 2005 Of course you can feel love with someone else. I believe that that there are alot of "Perfect People" for us in the world. but in order to run into each other you need to put yourslf back on the market.. The fact that you are starting a new job is good.. It's good for your self-esteem and you get to meet a different circle of people.. You get to connect to a new group of people that might not turn out be someone you date, But it's all in the networking..Maybe someone you meet at a company function knows someone you might like.. I know it hurts.. You sound as though you are healing.. **Hug**
Author smile95 Posted July 2, 2005 Author Posted July 2, 2005 thanks.....this company is a very young company and everyone is very friendly. Where Iwork now, I am the youngest and everyone tries to hook me up with their grandchildren.lol I feel as if I am healing and learning a little more each day. It is funny because when I am not with him, I just want to be. Then when I am, I wonder why I want to be with someone who cannot make me happy? Silly huh? But I feel a lot better than I did a month ago. The part that bugs me about being friends is I still woonder where he is and what he is doing and vice versa. It is too hard becasue since we are only friends, I have no right to ask. I just really feel I have to cut all ties or Iwill drive myself crazy and not move on. He gives me a lot of hope with his words and no actions.
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