Hxyz Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 (edited) Me and my boyfriend of 1.5 years had a fight 2 days back over a very stupid issue. And in anger, he said he won't send me a single text or message and will not disturb me in future and asked me to leave him alone. He got very angry over a small fight. Its been 2 days now and he is not replying to my texts. Even though it was not my mistake, still I said sorry but he just read my messages and did not reply. I really love him a lot and ours is a long distance relationship, there are no other issues between us but I am afraid did he really meant what he said? What should I do to cool off his anger? Will he leave me? Does he love me, value me? Edited August 9, 2016 by Hxyz Question not completed
PegNosePete Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 did he really meant what he said? Well he's not replying so it seems he did. What should I do to cool off his anger? There's nothing you can do. Either he will respond and talk to you like a grown adult or he will continue acting like a petulant child. Will he leave me? It seems like he already has? Does he love me, value me? Sorry but no. If he did then he would want to work through the issue, not ignore you.
Author Hxyz Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 But I really love him and cant see this happening with us. Ours is a very happy relation then why all this is happening. How can such a strong relation break over a small thing. And actually it was a very stupid fight. I know he loves me but he has forgotten that he needs to value me also. I dont want him to go. How to make him realise my importance?
elaine567 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Ok so what was the fight about? You may think it is a stupid and small issue, he obviously doesn't.
PegNosePete Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 It takes 2 to tango. There's nothing you can do at this point, except to see if he feels the same. If he doesn't respond then you have your answer. 1
Ami1uwant Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Ok so what was the fight about? You may think it is a stupid and small issue, he obviously doesn't. I agree....Without knowing what the issue was , it's hard to judge. It alone may not explain it because there may be a bigger underlying pattern.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You need to just leave him alone now. Evidently, he was serious when he said he wouldn't reply to you and wanted you to leave him be. You can't make him cool off; he has to do that by himself. If he comes around, you two need to have a serious talk about conflict resolution. If he doesn't, then it's done. What was this argument about?
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 To you it was a little argument, to him apparently it was not. That is called minimizing his feelings. You need to recognize this was important and bad enough for him to want a couple of days away from you. Second, he is not ignoring you, he warned you to leave him alone, again you are not respecting his wishes and you're repeatedly contacting him. So what was that little thing you fought about? His reaction looks like a man tired of getting in the same 'little fight' over and over. 3
Toodaloo Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 But I really love him and cant see this happening with us. Well open your eyes because it has and is happening. Just because you love him doesn't mean he has to love you back... It sucks but thats life for you. Ours is a very happy relation then why all this is happening. How can such a strong relation break over a small thing. And actually it was a very stupid fight. Well obviously it wasn't all that happy or it wouldn't have broken over such a small thing I know he loves me but he has forgotten that he needs to value me Nope he hasn't "forgotten" he has "decided" two different things. also. I dont want him to go. How to make him realise my importance? You can't stop him from going. He is a free man to do as he pleases. You can't make him do anything. Leave him alone or you are in danger of making yourself look like an idiot. I suspect you are young. These things happen. How you behave now is up to you. You can either fall apart and cry and plead and beg. or you can accept that this is the way it is and act with some dignity and class and just leave him alone. Good luck. If this is your first break up then don't panic. You will probably have more before you find "the one"... 1
bachdude Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Sorry OP. I think conflict resolution is an art unto it self. I think part of this is deescalating situations before they get to the point that you describe. I have no idea what your fight was about but I think what so often happens is a person feels a negative feeling (hurt, disappointed, angry, etc) and goes on the offensive and in effect blames the other person for how they feel. Often the partner who is being "blamed" for the emotions of the other goes on the defensive and in effect says, "your feelings are not justified", which makes the other partner more upset. Then the couple goes round and round and the fight escalates leading to more drama etc, etc. One interesting thing i notice on this forum is how many different reactions people have to the same situation. For one person something causes a bunch of hurt for another it's not a big deal. I think good conflict resolution begins with taking responsibility for your own emotions and begins with a simple "report" of, "I felt . . . when you did . . . "
preraph Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You said it's an LDR relationship. Those very rarely work out. Truth is out of sight, out of mind, especially for guys who seem mostly motivated by how you look. Truth is he's probably been wanting out for a long time and just waited for a good excuse. You need to move on. And you need to ask yourself why you want to cling to a relationship with a guy who gets mad over nothing and then won't communicate. Yeah, that would make a GREAT marriage partner, right?
Author Hxyz Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Well the thing that happened is- he was doing something and was unable to talk that time. I asked why. That's all. This was what happened.
central Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You're reached out and been ignored. The best thing to do now is go no contact on him, and see if he gets over this and reaches out to you. If not, you'll eventually have to accept that it is over. If he does, then take it from there, and try to avoid another argument about this whole thing (or risk him making it stick next time).
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well the thing that happened is- he was doing something and was unable to talk that time. I asked why. That's all. This was what happened. Sounds to me he is getting frustrated with the LDR. It's been 1.5 years now...the honeymoon period is over and it's still long distance. See where I'm going with this?
Toodaloo Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well the thing that happened is- he was doing something and was unable to talk that time. I asked why. That's all. This was what happened. Because he was doing something and unable to talk. That is why. He could have been going to the toilet, he could be trying to help his parents out, he could have his mates round... all of which are either highly impolite or really inconvenient to talk to someone else on the phone while doing... I also think he was fed up of the distance. This was just his excuse. Find someone closer to home.
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well the thing that happened is- he was doing something and was unable to talk that time. I asked why. That's all. This was what happened. It depends on a lot of factors. Your tone of voice, do you do that repeatedly, etc. 1
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