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Is there anyone here who does not have kids and are over 45?

Dork Vader

By Dork Vader
in General Relationship Discussion

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Dork Vader Established Member

Dork Vader

Posted
Posted

I'm curious if there is anyone here who has not or does not have kids. I'm 32 and I sort of want kids, but I sort of don't. The clock is ticking for me, yes I get that I'm only 32 but health issues are going to make it increasingly more difficult for me to have kids as I age.

 

That said, I'm trying to decide if I should look into a surrogate before it's to late or not.

 

I want opinions from people who have NOT had kids and are 45+ years of age, I want to know if you regret not having kids. How do you feel about it?

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

I am now 52 and I *NEVER* wanted kids. Ever.

 

I had a handful of men break-up with me throughout my years of dating because I refused to reconsider having children.

 

For a long time, I stated in my OLD profile that I only wanted to consider dating men whose children were already grown and out of their house as I didn't want to be a surrogate or stepmother.

 

I was pretty surprised when, five years ago, I reconsidered with a guy who had teenagers (I figured at least they were on their way out of the house and more able to be reasoned with). It surprised all of us that we all liked each other and I will be celebrating my third wedding anniversary this year.

 

However, I am still thrilled I never birthed babies myself and have no regrets about not procreating.

  • Like 1
TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

Posted
Posted
I'm curious if there is anyone here who has not or does not have kids. I'm 32 and I sort of want kids, but I sort of don't. The clock is ticking for me, yes I get that I'm only 32 but health issues are going to make it increasingly more difficult for me to have kids as I age.

 

That said, I'm trying to decide if I should look into a surrogate before it's to late or not.

 

I want opinions from people who have NOT had kids and are 45+ years of age, I want to know if you regret not having kids. How do you feel about it?

 

I'm over 45 and don't have kids.

 

I always wanted them ,but I just couldn't imagine doing so in the US legal environment. I'd rather not have kids than to have kids and have them taken away.

 

You are thinking along the right lines with the surrogacy route. In the US, that should run just under $100k. While that seems like a lot, I did the math and for me that works out to be less than three years of statutory child support payments. If I were to have had kids in the US, surrogacy would be the way to go.

 

Even with the surrogacy option, I'm perfectly content to not have kids. So far, I've seen no downside to it. If everything worked out perfectly, maybe having kids might be a bit better than not. But, if any number of things don't go right, not having kids can be much better than having them.

RedBaron2765 Established Member

RedBaron2765

Posted
Posted

We were around that age when our kids arrived (there's a lot more to the story, but want to stay rather vague as our story is unique). I love my kids, but they've damn near ruined our marriage (of course, this isn't their fault as they're still little). Very long story short, I noticed a lot of things about her that I never really saw before (or rather chose not to see). She's been a lot better recently, but the scars from the bad period haven't healed on my end and I really can't stand her now.

BikerAccnt Established Member

BikerAccnt

Posted
Posted

I'm 55 and do not have children.

 

I neither regret, nor don't regret having them. Nor do I begrudge those who happily have many. It just wasn't in the cards for me, and I've learned to roll with the hand life dealt me.

 

When I was younger, I didn't want them. When I was middle aged, I wasn't in a relationship where it could happen. Now, I can't imagine starting a family.

 

If I have any regret, it's because I probably would have been a damn cool father! But other than that, no regrets.

privategal Established Member

privategal

Posted
Posted

I am 41 with tubes tied and my husband and I love our simple life, travel, freedom, less expenses, more dates, and when we watch the news and scary state of the world with all the crazy news stories we are relieved not to be raising kids as we would always worry for them.

Mutual friends have expressed jealousy for not considering remaining childless or are honest about envying our freedom. Other friends seem happy having a family.

It's something only you can answer.

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

No kids, and I'm 63. I don't hate them individually, but anytime I listen to the daily life of a mother with kids, I just can't believe anyone would want to do that. I like my life and don't feel like living kids' lives and being their chauffeur and housekeeper and never have time for myself. My life is very placid and I'm free to do whatever I want within financial means.

Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm curious if there is anyone here who has not or does not have kids. I'm 32 and I sort of want kids, but I sort of don't. The clock is ticking for me, yes I get that I'm only 32 but health issues are going to make it increasingly more difficult for me to have kids as I age.

 

That said, I'm trying to decide if I should look into a surrogate before it's to late or not.

 

I want opinions from people who have NOT had kids and are 45+ years of age, I want to know if you regret not having kids. How do you feel about it?

 

OP, I see you're a guy. I'm 40, I hope it's okay I respond.

 

IMO, it's good that you're thinking about this now.

 

When I was younger (maybe around your age), my thinking was, I'm still trying to take care of myself, how can I bring somebody into this world.

 

Now that I'm 40, I wish I would have never thought that way.

 

I wish I would have tried harder to meet somebody, to not let rejection and negativity rule me so much.

 

I'm tempted also to go the surrogate route. I don't see myself finding a mate of child bearing age anytime soon. Add to that, I don't have relationship experience, so I have to determine my options, if I don't want time to fly by even further.

 

What brings you to ask or post this anyways, aside from the age factor?

 

OP or All:

  • How do you bring this up to your primary doc?
  • Is a guy seen as loser, if he has to go this route?
  • What would society think about you? I know it shouldn't matter, but somewhere in the back of my mind I think it does. I almost think like it's maybe more okay (mainstream?) for women to go the sperm donor route, than it is for men to go the surrogate route??

Edited by Chris2016
RedBaron2765 Established Member

RedBaron2765

Posted
Posted
No kids, and I'm 63. I don't hate them individually, but anytime I listen to the daily life of a mother with kids, I just can't believe anyone would want to do that. I like my life and don't feel like living kids' lives and being their chauffeur and housekeeper and never have time for myself. My life is very placid and I'm free to do whatever I want within financial means.

 

You're correct about this - our kids are little now, but I dread when they get older and involved with activities like sports, school stuff, etc. Have friends that are always having to run all over the place taking their kids everywhere to their various activities and I wonder how in hell they have any time to themselves. I wonder how my business will fare when I have to be at a kid practice at 4:30 and I have a ton of work to do.

 

As I said before, I love my kids to death, but I've often fantasized about being single and doing what I want (a lot of this is because I can't stand being around my wife most of the time).

  • Like 1
TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

Posted
Posted

 

OP or All:

  • How do you bring this up to your primary doc?
  • Is a guy seen as loser, if he has to go this route?
  • What would society think about you? I know it shouldn't matter, but somewhere in the back of my mind I think it does. I almost think like it's maybe more okay (mainstream?) for women to go the sperm donor route, than it is for men to go the surrogate route??

 

1. I don't see any reason to bring this up to a doctor. You would talk with a lawyer. While some isurance plans might cover this for women, (not many, not likely) they likely won't for men (you do your own research to confirm)

2. No one that matters will see the guy as a loser.

3. Same as 2. 'Society' doesn't really care what you and I do with our lives. You shouldn't worry about that.

 

What you should worry about is the complex, evolving law in this area. It is too long to post details, but some thoughts to get you started:

- us: you are looking at up to $100k all in (assuming you don't make big mistakes). The state you do this in is critical. California is probably one of the safer ones (more legal certainty). Do lots of research before talking with a lawyer. Then do some research into choosing a lawyer.

- foreign: more complicated, a bit more risk, but about half the cost of the U.S. Do your own research, but typical route is source egg from Eastern Europe (assuming you want white baby), surrogate from SE Asia, and doctor from India. Even with additional travel costs, it can be half of US cost. (Thailand used to be the best countries for surrogates, but there were a few western couples that refused to take the baby for one reason or another and the Thai government shut down the practice (at least temporarily).

RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am 38 and have always known I do not want kids. I can't see regretting my decision in the next 7 years!

 

And yes. You speak to an attorney not a doctor. I actually know an attorney who represents a number of women who serve as surrogates.

 

PM me if you need the contact info.

Edited by RecentChange
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted
You're correct about this - our kids are little now, but I dread when they get older and involved with activities like sports, school stuff, etc. Have friends that are always having to run all over the place taking their kids everywhere to their various activities and I wonder how in hell they have any time to themselves. I wonder how my business will fare when I have to be at a kid practice at 4:30 and I have a ton of work to do.

 

As I said before, I love my kids to death, but I've often fantasized about being single and doing what I want (a lot of this is because I can't stand being around my wife most of the time).

 

You know, I'm old, and things have changed in the way parents indulge their kids. When I was young, we lived outside of town and my mom had me ride the bus to school. I usually never took a sick day, so even if my mom had had a job, I wouldn't have made that hard for her. Today, people are reluctant to let their kids ride the bus or walk home. It's no more dangerous today, it's just that we're more educated about it, but not educated enough to know that stranger abuse is very rare and that 85 percent of bad things that happen to your kid happen in the home or with friends, relatives, neighbors, church and school people we happily entrust them with.

 

My friend lets her kids tell her what they're doing today. It's nuts. So if you don't need to be your kids' best friend, then you also don't have to let them totally run your schedule. Put them on a bus or let them walk. Tell them no to random things they want to do or buy. Be a parent, not a friend. It's better for them anyway because it prepares them for adulthood. At some point they have to enter the work force, and they're not going to always get their way there, so . . .

Chris2016 Established Member

Chris2016

Posted
Posted (edited)

Interesting. Google men surrogacy will bring articles on the topic.

 

I hope I can post these links here to share. Financially, it's huge, $150-175K.

 

More Single Guys Are Turning to Surrogacy to Become Dads | Parenting

 

Straight, Single Men, Wanting Kids, Turn to Surrogacy - ABC News

 

How-do-single-men-who-use-surrogate-mothers-to-become-fathers-feel-about-their-choice

Edited by Chris2016
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
I want opinions from people who have NOT had kids and are 45+ years of age, I want to know if you regret not having kids. How do you feel about it?

 

We tried but were unable and for awhile I regretted that lack but since our D have come to accept it. I think the acceptance test comes when surrounded by grandparents or great grandparents oooing and aahhhing over videos on their phones with the latest iteration. It doesn't bug me anymore. Some of that is getting over the kids and reproduction thing and the rest is accepting people for who they are.

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