jl27 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I met this guy through one of my sisters friends, wasn't ever interested in him until I started talking to him. We talked back & forth for about 2-3 weeks before we actually hung out. First time we hung out was really good, he seemed into me & we fooled around a bit (didn't go the whole way). The next time I hung out with him, he asked "lets go to my room" so I followed him. The next thing you know..he's telling me he isn't looking for anything serious right now, he just got out of a relationship in December, with a girl who treated him like complete ****. I was shocked & upset. So I told him that I felt like I needed to pull away from him because I obviously don't want to be with someone who can't commit & if I kept hanging out with him I would eventually just end up falling for him even more. So things continued on & we kept hanging out but he kept wanting to cuddle & flirt, go to movies with me..we've even had sex a few times (don't bash me for this, ultimately this was both our decisions & it was great every time - no regrets either). I had to speak with him again about this flirty "friendship" that was going on, I told him I was falling for him a lot faster then what I wanted & I didn't want to end up falling in love with someone who I couldn't be with. I told him I need to cut the cord away from him, because I want to be with someone who wants to commit to me 100%. He seemed a bit hurt by what I told him..to be honest he was coming off extremely selfish. He kept telling me to "push my feelings for him aside", I told him he's either in or he's out, he can't have both. I'm a bit upset because I respected his wishes with not pushing for a relationship with him, but yet he won't respect my wishes of wanting to have space from him. He basically talked me out of leaving his life, I told him I'd try pushing my feelings aside for a week or so, & I've done so, but it's still extremely hard. The night that he told me he wasn't looking for anything serious, he told me "he thinks he needs to be alone for the time being so he can focus on himself & repairing himself from the damage his ex caused towards him" (he gets extremely jealous..he saw another guy talking to me & got extremely jealous over it)... & wanted him & I to continue doing what we are doing & see what happens. He kept saying "who knows..maybe I'll be ready for a relationship in a month, 3 months or maybe 8 months.." He's told his boss at work all about me, & he told his boss that he really likes me but he's scared that he's not quite ready yet & doesn't want to ruin things with me I'm stuck in a rutt. Do I continue seeing him & play everything day-by-day to see if something comes out of it? should I slowly remove myself from his life? do I tell him I need to stop talking with him because it hurts too much? or should I just drop off the face of the earth from his life? Any advice is appreciated.. 1
LostOnes05 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Short answer...tell him to call you when he gets over things and move on. Otherwise you'll be stuck in limbo and he'll get what he wants without being committed to you. Then guess what? He'll meet someone else and cut you off quickly because you weren't in a relationship. Save yourself the heartache. He isn't ready for a relationship but wants to keep you around as a safety net. And he does sound selfish because he doesn't want anyone else to have you but doesn't want to fully be with you. He's giving you a false sense of potential commitment with that bs timeline. Again, save yourself... 4
Mystique01 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I met this guy through one of my sisters friends, wasn't ever interested in him until I started talking to him. We talked back & forth for about 2-3 weeks before we actually hung out. First time we hung out was really good, he seemed into me & we fooled around a bit (didn't go the whole way). The next time I hung out with him, he asked "lets go to my room" so I followed him. The next thing you know..he's telling me he isn't looking for anything serious right now, he just got out of a relationship in December, with a girl who treated him like complete ****. BOOM! This right here should have been all that you heard going through your ears. All the other stuff he's saying/doing doesn't even matter. When a man says right up front he's not looking for a serious relationship right now, he means he's not looking for a serious relationship with YOU.....and usually they MEAN what they say. Hard pill to swallow, but keeping this in the back of your mind will save you from a lot of future heartache. Do I continue seeing him & play everything day-by-day to see if something comes out of it? should I slowly remove myself from his life? do I tell him I need to stop talking with him because it hurts too much? or should I just drop off the face of the earth from his life? Any advice is appreciated.. The short answer??? Tell him that you are both on different pages and that you want something serious, and he doesn't. You can leave the door open for him if he eventually decides in the future to come back to you... But as far as continuing to flirt and have sex with him....no way... I'd stop that in its tracks immediately. I wouldn't even hang out with this guy. It would end up being way too painful for you in the long run. Hanging out with a guy who has told you upfront that he doesn't want anything serious with you, and yet you secretly want more is torture. Why torture yourself? 2
Toodaloo Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Dear Lord no you should not carry on seeing him! All he wants is to get into your knickers and that is really all there is to it! He wants nothing more from you. Just move on and let him have time with his "special sock" instead. Walk away from this one. 2
Satu Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 It's best to just let this go. All you will from this is disappointment. That doesn't mean that he's a bad guy; it just means that he's the wrong guy for you. Take care. 4
stillafool Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You say he likes you and you like him. People who commit usually love each other. You both are still in like. 1
kendahke Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 But there you are, sticking around being available when you already know what you want and have told him what you want. Seriously---he can't make you stay in his life. You cut him out and go on your way. You used to didn't know him, you know? Let him be sad or whatever---that is the price for how he wants to conduct his life. He doesn't get you as a FWB just because he wants sex and you're the most convenient source for that right now. I'm not getting why you're bending over backwards to accommodate him when he refuses to entertain what you want. Tell him "no" and block him. That's how you deal with it. Let him think you're an awful person for not giving him his way. You'll both get over it soon. 1
kendahke Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 You say he likes you and you like him. People who commit usually love each other. You both are still in like. ^^^^^this right here. you're 3 weeks into this and you want commitment from someone you barely even know.
elaine567 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 (he gets extremely jealous..he saw another guy talking to me & got extremely jealous over it) Do not confuse jealousy with caring for you, many guys do not care one iota for their fwb/fb but do not want her seeing other guys. He gets to see and sleep with other women as he refuses to be exclusive and doesn't want to get into a relationship, but she is supposed to remain faithful to him. 1
Mystique01 Posted August 11, 2016 Posted August 11, 2016 Do not confuse jealousy with caring for you, many guys do not care one iota for their fwb/fb but do not want her seeing other guys. He gets to see and sleep with other women as he refuses to be exclusive and doesn't want to get into a relationship, but she is supposed to remain faithful to him. ^^Quoted for emphasis! This is SO true. I got caught up in a situation like this years ago, and would always assume that just because he was jealous whenever other guys or guy friends would show interest in me, that meant that deep down he was secretly harboring stronger secret feelings for me than he was caring to admit. WRONG!!!! He didn't want to claim me as his gf, but he didn't want other guys doing it either. He basically wanted to keep me on the back-burner (just in case), but didn't want me to get in a serious relationship with any other guys who were probably better suited for me. Basically, he liked the attention and loyalty from me, but didn't want to make me his gf. Don't get confused! A guy who IS jealous and definitely does have feelings for you will use that jealousy to confess to you his feelings and will want to nail you down and claim you as his gf. THAT's how you tell the difference.
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