Do men really respect a woman who makes them wait a bit before sex?

[JoeSmith357-1]

Would I respect a woman who made me wait for sex more than one that gave up the goods early? Hell no.

 

For one, i'm not waiting around for it. Newsflash to women, your baby maker isn't some scarce resource, you aren't a virgin, you have nothing to gain by holding out, playing games or making a guy wait.

 

It only serves to frustrate the guy and make him look elsewhere.

 

Speaking for myself, I will walk if i'm not in her pants by the 5th date. Unless there is some really extenuating circumstance.

 

Seriously... women play games, play hard to get, and for what? Because you want us to think you aren't a slut? You want us to think you haven't banged like 50 dudes already (i'm already assuming you have, especially if you have a kid).

 

This isn't the 1950's, there is nothing to gain by holding out. I want to get to know you, but I also want to bang. Sexual/physical compatibility is just as important as emotional compatibility. Why prolong the matching process for some arbitrary reasons?

[Redhead14]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

 

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ?? -- Well, it's not necessarily about increasing chances, it just sets a better stage for the future for yourself as a woman who respects herself. A man will respect a woman who respects herself. If a man bails because you weren't intimate with them right away, they simply weren't on the same page as you are in terms of intimacy. Same as if you have sex early and they bail.

 

A better candidate for a serious dating scenario is a man who accepts that the woman doesn't want to have sex early and doesn't push for it and, if he really, really likes her, he will wait.

 

You can't know which men will respect a woman even if she has sex early and so it's better to take the high road and hold off if that's what you want to do.

 

It's about having your dating goals in mind and setting boundaries for yourself not worrying about what a guy thinks or wants or expects. Be in your own head, not the dating partners' heads.

 

tired of always being the " kewl chick " -- You are a mature 40 something woman, not a "kewl" chick . . . it's time to get out of that mind-set.

[kendahke]

Well, the problem with that is a LOT of them lie. .

 

And guess what? A lot of those posting also lie to themselves and try to make some connection out of nothing. So there's that...

 

I'm not so jaded that I can't see that truth. Ovaries don't confer innocence or absolve one from their duty to not lie to themselves about what's falling out in experience right in front of them.

Edited August 9, 2016 by kendahke

[MGX]

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ?? -- Well, it's not necessarily about increasing chances, it just sets a better stage for the future for yourself as a woman who respects herself. A man will respect a woman who respects herself. If a man bails because you weren't intimate with them right away, they simply weren't on the same page as you are in terms of intimacy. Same as if you have sex early and they bail.

 

A better candidate for a serious dating scenario is a man who accepts that the woman doesn't want to have sex early and doesn't push for it and, if he really, really likes her, he will wait.

 

Precisely.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

the men I have slept with on the first or second date usually do leave me. It causes a bit of pain, but not pain that I can't get over. The only thing is, usually I don't sleep with someone unless I really do like them , so if I do sleep with them and it's special to me, but not to them, that's the real kicker.

 

I would prefer to wait for a bit, it's more to know that I am really respected by the person, but for a lot of men and woman these days, sexual chemistry means a lot, and if you can't figure out how well you have it between you two on the first few dates then usually it's over by date four or five.

[central]

For me, short answer: No.

 

I either respect her or not, based on how I perceive her qualities and compatibility. I don't judge based on how soon we have sex, and most of my dating and relationship situations included sex in 2 to 5 dates - usually 2nd. Much more than 5 or so, and I think she's either playing games, or sexually inhibited and thus sexually incompatible. She may be sexually incompatible once we have sex, too - so timing is a minor issue.

[basil67]

I just want to send my love to the guys on this thread. Unlike some other message boards, there is not one hypocrite among you - you're awesome.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I just want to send my love to the guys on this thread. Unlike some other message boards, there is not one hypocrite among you - you're awesome.

 

Sarcasm?:confused:

[Gloria25]

While I "liked" several posts here, I believe that guys are hypocrites.

 

They want a challenge. I've seen over and over again guys get played by women who wait.

 

Right now, and again, I'm in a situation where I am having sex without any manipulations, demands, holding back and dude is taking me for granted and is pursuing his ex, whom I'm sure he hasn't had sex with in the longest and she's not gonna put it on the table unless he does X, Y, or Z.

 

Watch Don Jon, the movie. Goes to show how a woman can manipulate a guy who can have any woman he wants and is addicted to porn, simply by holding back sex and giving him a "taste" when he does her bidding.

Edited August 10, 2016 by Gloria25

[basil67]

Sarcasm?:confused:

 

Not at all! I think the posts are great.

[SevenCity]

I look back on the women I've dated and the ones who made me wait I def had more respect for. To me, on average guys are pigs who will bang anything that moves. I'm not looking for that quality in a woman. I want a woman to respect herself enough to hold off on spreading her legs to see if the feelings are mutual. Women pretty much decide when sex takes place, if it were up to guys everyone would be having sex all the time and nothing else would get done.

 

Sure, if she is clear that it's just sex I'm cool with that (note, I'm a guy and therefore I'm a pig). But if she really wants a LTR, the sex should not happen on the first date. To me, that is her sleeping with a stranger.

 

Sex is my first main goal with a woman. Once I have sex, then I will decide if we have emotional compatibility that can lead to a relationship. I think it's important to determine if you have sexual compatibility prior to entering into a RL.

 

My limit has always been 4 weeks. More than that and I tend to lose interest.

[AMJ]

Two thumbs up for honesty! ^

 

But the other thing with timing, sex, dating is how well do you know this person? Is it a random from Tinder or a coworker, mutual friend, or someone you've known in another capacity for some time. That makes a huge difference IMO. I don't think there's a black/white answer to when is the right time, but I do think using sex as manipulation is weak. SevenCity is right, deciding to have sex is pretty much the biggest power card women have in this tango, and I think lots of guys are reluctant to admit that you do respect someone who didn't give it up so easily, because that means admitting that your sex life is out of your control.

 

That said if I look back at guys who treated me with respect versus guys who didn't, it had nothing to do with when or even if we had sex. I think it's a common misconception that there are loads of guys on the prowl who only want to rack up notches on their belt and bounce because a woman decided to have sex with him too soon. Typically they bounce because the woman gets way too attached and freaks him out with neediness. I think it's the woman's neediness/insecurity in those situations that causes guys to leave...or otherwise really terrible awkward sex.

 

I have a very difficult time waiting to have sex with someone I'm that attracted to, mainly because they don't come along as often as I'd like. So when I do wait, it's usually not to gain respect but to get my bearings- as in, I don't want to become the clingy/needy woman who got attached too soon. Or it's because I'm still trying to figure him out.

[PogoStick]

Let's ask the reverse question: Do I lose respect for a girl who sleeps with me too soon?

 

Not at all. However, I will quickly tire of a girl who waits too long. I'm nearing 40 y/o and either you are interested and we move forward, or the attraction isn't there and we go our separate ways.

 

I don't usually push for 1st date sex (today was an exception ). 2nd date sex is somewhat common. Waiting until the 3rd date is reasonable. Beyond that, there better be a good reason for me to stay interested.

[NIGHT1985]

Me and my ex had sex on our first date and dated for 2 1/2 years. I do wish I would of waited a bit longer to show her I respected her more, but I think in grand scheme of things it's not a big deal.

[joseb]

Personally, the longer I wait the weirder it feels when it does happen. It's kind of like a kiss. It gets to be a bit awkward.

The few times Ive waited past a few dates, it's never gone anywhere. All my long term relationships, it happened quickly.

[SwordofFlame]

I think the type of men that won't respect you if you have sex early on are the ones who can get sex easily. Why would they value something they can get easily? On the flipside, the men who struggle to get sex are just probably going to think you're just not into them. After all, that's probably often been their experience.

[AMJ]

Personally, the longer I wait the weirder it feels when it does happen. It's kind of like a kiss. It gets to be a bit awkward.

The few times Ive waited past a few dates, it's never gone anywhere. All my long term relationships, it happened quickly.

 

But Joseb you're a softie! You mean that waiting longer never made it more special?

[shortandfiesty]

So you don't want long term but you do want to date without the sex? That's a bit of a contradiction. As a guy that tends to prefer relationships vs short term dating or fwb (that that I haven't done that) I'd suggest making up your mind what you want and communicating that very clearly to whomever you plan to start seeing. I once dated a lady that used sex as a weapon and a means to get what she wanted, I left. I dated another lady that took sex off the table a number of dates in but wanted me to pick her up and take her to dinner? I assumed she wanted a friend and dumped her too as she had no interest in forming a relationship. Plus that woman was cheap as ***.

 

I DO want a long term relationship. As said above

[indeed7]

No making a guy wait doesn't automatically make him respect you more. Either he likes you and respects you because of your personality or he doesn't. You should do whatever feels right and natural to you and the guy you are dating.

[scooby-philly]

I'm glad most people replying have been kind and avoided name bashing in this thread for the most part.

 

I think the whole question about sex depends on the perspective of both parties. I've met women who use sex as a tool as much as men who are shall we say nicely "players".

 

Some people view sex as the ultimate expression of intimacy. Some people find it intimate - other less so all the way down to - "I could never have sex with anyone who wasn't at least an 8/10 and could go on the cover of Maxim". To them it's simply a physical release. You can't judge a person for their values or perspective. The question is finding out both parties true intentions.

 

And let's be honest - plenty of women say they want or are ready for a relationship and they're not. That's why I'm not a big fan of tip-toeing around subjects during the early stages.

 

the one response I love - she said her husband said he had less respect for women who said they didn't sleep with guys on the first date, did, and then went back to saying they wouldn't.

 

OP - the question I have for you is.....are you comfortable with just seeing what happens and are you comfortable broaching the subject early on? Meaning, you don't know what will happen unless you try - and while there's been 2 or 3 times I've waited like 10+ dates before sex, I would not wait for much longer. If that's there view I have no problem with them but it's not mine.

 

And yes, while holding back is fine - there's a difference between teasing or making sure you're compatible and being mean about it - the question is where on the spectrum does the OP lie.

 

And - last thought - I've had awesome sex early on with women I turned out to not be compatible with - and okay sex with people who i was "compatible with" but the sex didn't necessarily get better because we weren't sexually compatible. So - just goes to show - be yourself and be willing to try.

[Tribble]

In response to the thread title, no, waiting for sex does not create respect. I'd say there is little correlation between the two. There is a lot that goes into being respected by someone.

 

 

I guess it comes down to why you're waiting. If you're waiting just to get respect, or to get the upper hand, then that is game playing and a bit manipulative. If you're waiting because you want to build emotional intimacy first, that is perfectly fine. If someone won't wait, well they weren't compatible with you in the wider sense anyway.

 

I find it odd that these arbitrary timeframes on both sides to be odd. Women waiting 3 days, guys walking away after 5 dates etc. If it feels right to go for it, go for it, if it's not right yet, don't. I also don't think these things really indicate anything either. If she wont have sex soon, you aren't sexually compatible? For me, I won't have sex with someone I've just met. I need to get to know someone very well before sex happens. This is probably why all of my encounters have come from the friend pool! I'm not a prude and I love sex. I'd have it all the time if I could. But I can't do it with just anyone. From my point of view, if you see me as a sexual object only, it just isn't going to work for me. My attraction comes from interaction. I don't really find people attractive in a purely physical way. I fall for a person. A really (objectively) attractive person can become ugly in my eyes through a bad personality or a very average person can become the hottest thing ever if I get to know them and like what I find. But that takes time. Not a couple of dates.

 

 

OP, there is no guarantee in dating (or life for that matter). Waiting will not guarantee a long term relationship and having sex early will not guarantee they'll disappear. If you want to wait, do. But don't think, right, I need to wait X amount of time. Do what feels right for you, with the person you're with. If they don't want to wait until you're ready, they aren't for you. Sex should never be used as a tool or manipulation whether that's waiting to keep them hanging or having sex trying to keep them around.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I really don't think it matters. In my own experience, guys that I had sex with earlier on tended to stick around for longer (surprise, surprise).

 

It's like guys enjoy bonding through sex too + regular sex, what's not to like? I wish I was like that.

 

I personally don't enjoy sex with someone I have no emotional connection to. Having sex with them won't make me feel emotionally connected, just empty and sad. If I could really have it my way, I would prefer to get to know someone for at least around 2 months before sex. But I know guys won't wait that long so I compromise.

 

The worst part is when guys think I am rejecting sex to play a good girl or that I am culturally programmed to be ashamed of early sex but secretly enjoy it. Nothing could be further from the truth. The times when I pushed myself into it (just to see if I REALLY didn't like it), I secretly gritted my teeth and wished it was over. Never again.

 

When I connect with someone on all levels, then I want it all night, every night. I am just not going to get there on date number 3 with a complete stranger off the internet.

[Redhead14]

This isn't about a gender preference, etc. I mean, there is no way to draw an overall conclusion and paint with a broad stroke. It's about dealing with individuals . . . evaluating each dating partner for who they are . . .

 

It simply doesn't matter whether or not there is a correlation because trying to make a correlation is about being in man's head -- trying to anticipate and plan an approach that attempts to accommodate what that person's attitude might be regarding intimacy and how it affects their respect for you.

 

In other words, be in your own head and be clear in your own head about what it is you want out of your dating journey and setting boundaries for yourself and sticking to them.

 

The fact is that some men respect a woman who waits and some men still respect a woman who has sex early. Since it's really difficult to tell early which kind of man you're dating at a particular time, it's best to take the high road which is to wait. If you really like the guy, why risk damaging his respect for you. If he pushes you for it after you've declined or if he ditches you after you've declined, you know what that guy was about anyway.

 

And, you really need a tough skin to sleep with a man to risk a one-night stand if you're looking for a relationship. I always tell women that it's ok if they decide to sleep with a man early, but she should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows her otherwise by continuing to date her properly. And, be able to maturely accept it and without bitterness or hurt, if it does turn out to be a one-night stand. A woman needs to hold herself accountable as well when this happens instead of getting up in arms about men as a gender and analyzing, spinning, etc.

[AMJ]

 

When I connect with someone on all levels, then I want it all night, every night. I am just not going to get there on date number 3 with a complete stranger off the internet.

 

I'm the same way.

 

I'll admit though, the times I've made a guy wait a long time, it's always been because I wasn't attracted to him enough. I kept thinking eventually attraction would grow but, no. After this thread now I feel guilty about stringing them along. I didn't really realize that's what I was doing at the time, I liked them for other reasons.

 

That said it's probably smart for guys to walk away after a certain amount of time. The thing is that it may take one person 3 months to realize that it's not going to work or it may take someone 3 hours, how do you know?

[ChatroomHero]

I'm the same way.

 

I'll admit though, the times I've made a guy wait a long time, it's always been because I wasn't attracted to him enough. I kept thinking eventually attraction would grow but, no. After this thread now I feel guilty about stringing them along. I didn't really realize that's what I was doing at the time, I liked them for other reasons.

 

That said it's probably smart for guys to walk away after a certain amount of time. The thing is that it may take one person 3 months to realize that it's not going to work or it may take someone 3 hours, how do you know?

 

I'm ok either way, early or waiting... a bit. I don't look at it like if we have sex I am suddenly seriously into her or she me, it's just if we are both comfortable and attracted to each other and on the same page, let' so it.

 

 

I would never lose respect for someone who had sex with me early on because I did the same thing. Now if she had sex with me early on and I knew she was multi-dating, I wouldn't value her much.

 

 

Generally if a woman makes me wait a while, as in we are going out on dates and nothing is escalating after 2,3,4 dates I generally figure she is not interested as I would imagine a lot of them had quicker escalation with other guys. It gets to the point where you know each other well enough on a personal level that if there is no escalation at that point you've been friend zoned and it's pretty easy to tell.

 

 

If a woman made me wait more than 4 or 5 dates in a normal dating time frame over a month or so, I wouldn't really respect her more because she made me wait. I think waiting for the sake of waiting and denying something fun is frustrating and a bit pointless.