Do men really respect a woman who makes them wait a bit before sex?

[Sunlight72]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

 

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

Without reading the other replies, as 44 year old man, I'll tell you what I feel.

 

"Will my chances (of finding a long term relationsip) increase if I make a man wait for sex...?".

 

I'd say, yes.

 

You (and he) will more clearly see if your personalities, humor, real world schedules and joy match up or not Before getting sexual.

 

Sex is a fun and bonding experience (for me, and I think for many, many people), and is powerful enough that it blurs the other areas of life and compatibility. Having sex makes it a lot harder to tell if you would enjoy this person's company enough to dedicate more of your life to them aside from sex.

 

It also makes it quite a bit more emotionally difficult to separate from someone you 'know' isn't a good fit for you, if you're having sex, thereby preventing you from moving on to find someone better matched with you.

 

If you really want to build a life with someone, you need to know what life-building things you enjoy, and find someone who enjoys and/or respects those type of things himself. The only way to do that is spend time doing those good things in the world, and when you find a man who likes doing them, and likes you, and likes doing good things in the world with you - ta da! You're there

 

....then drag him into bed

[Sunkissedpatio]

I personally don't enjoy sex with someone I have no emotional connection to. Having sex with them won't make me feel emotionally connected, just empty and sad. If I could really have it my way, I would prefer to get to know someone for at least around 2 months before sex. But I know guys won't wait that long so I compromise.

 

The worst part is when guys think I am rejecting sex to play a good girl or that I am culturally programmed to be ashamed of early sex but secretly enjoy it. Nothing could be further from the truth. The times when I pushed myself into it (just to see if I REALLY didn't like it), I secretly gritted my teeth and wished it was over. Never again.

 

When I connect with someone on all levels, then I want it all night, every night. I am just not going to get there on date number 3 with a complete stranger off the internet.

 

 

Wow it's like you wrote your post with my experiences in mind.

 

This is so true, I work exactly like this as well. There is nothing more unfulfilling and boring than emotionless sex.

 

Oh an the going through the motions...ugh been there done that! Had sex on second date base on physical attraction alone...couldn't wait to get it over with and couldn't wait to never call the guy again...

 

I don't attach through sex alone, I attach through emotion and sex.

 

Some men don't understand that for the most part sex happens for us in the brain before anything starts to feel hot down stairs. The experience for them will be 10x better too to have a really horny woman vs just someone faking it get it over and done with.

[sandylee1]

Interesting thread.

 

I had a BF years ago and on our first date, he wanted me to give him a BJ. I refused as I felt he was a bit cheeky to ask. We had sex probably at the second date, but I can't recall exactly now and went on to have a 2 year relationship.

 

He later said, that he respected me more for not giving him the BJ on our first date.

[mizunomead]

i have never really equated timeline to have sex and respect together. so as a guy i guess i would not respect a woman any more or less based on when we had sex.

 

looking for a relationship i would want to wait at least a few dates to get to know the person a bit more.

 

i dont really have alot of respect for the whole wait a certain number of dates or whatever because i read it on the internet or its some kind of rule i heard. wait because you want to wait, dont wait because you dont want to wait.

 

the woman im currently dating i believe we had sex on the 5th date. why...because it just felt like the right time for both of us.

[carhill]

Im in my mid forties and re-entering the dating game. In the past I have slept with men fairly quickly ,some have stuck and others not so much or i was relegated to FWBs only. I do want a long term relationship and tired of always being the " kewl chick "

IMO, compatibility turns upon how the parties view sex and that view aligning, or not, within the milieu of other relationship viewpoints.

 

Will my chances increase if i make a man wait for sex and just have him date me for a while ??

At your age, relating to a man with options, I doubt it. He can have sex with many other women, both single and attached, and without your knowledge or consent. Will he? Unknown. I've personally seen no correlation.

Men ,id love for you to weigh in on this topic please

 

IMO, date who you like, have sex when you want and are both on the same page and whatever works out works out.

 

FWIW, and especially back when I was dating as a virgin, not being on the same page with more 'free sex' dating partners was cause for ending otherwise productive interactions. Women, IME, don't want to wait; they want what they want when they want it and if they don't get it they move on. Sounds healthy to me. No one person is subservient to another, rather it is a meeting of equal minds.

 

Good luck!

[preraph]

My feeling is if a guy is hung up about how soon you had sex and how many partners, he's not anyone I'm interested in anyway. But if you're a religious virgin or whatever, then yes, you have to get someone closer to your experience level who equates lack of sex with going to heaven.

 

When you have sex shouldn't make or break it, but yes, more guys care about it than should because they are 1) double standard or 2) judgmental or 3) inexperienced and afraid of you!

[Taramere]

Would I respect a woman who made me wait for sex more than one that gave up the goods early? Hell no.

 

For one, i'm not waiting around for it. Newsflash to women, your baby maker isn't some scarce resource, you aren't a virgin, you have nothing to gain by holding out, playing games or making a guy wait.

 

It only serves to frustrate the guy and make him look elsewhere.

 

Speaking for myself, I will walk if i'm not in her pants by the 5th date. Unless there is some really extenuating circumstance.

 

Seriously... women play games, play hard to get, and for what? Because you want us to think you aren't a slut? ?

 

Probably just a genuine lack of interest on their part. Maybe if you tend to be a bit hostile towards women (eg name-calling etc as you're doing about women here) they feel it's best to be a bit cautious in how to say now. That kind of thing could come across as game playing I suppose.

[morrowrd]

Yes they do respect you provided you aren't playing games with them. Nowdays, with online dating (which I nickname "microwave dating) the options are so many for both sexes, that you really have to be careful going into it. Know what you want, stick to that, and don't lose yourself which is easy to do. The men (and women) that want sex, are not going to have a whole lot of obstacles getting that online....its so easy to meet people. The trick is the patience game, there are men looking for something specific just like you. Filter filter and filter out the personal messages, answer only the ones who appear to be exactly what you're looking for. (read the profiles, it's easy to see who is taking the time to actually write about themselves) and go on dates with boundaries in mind. You will find what you're looking for...and don't sleep with anyone you haven't established yourself in an exclusive relationship with. And to go further, don't establish even that until you have had enough time invested to have an idea about how they live their life.

[Miss Peach]

OP - I think you need to look at your values. In the end you want to find a match. There's no point to a relationship if you two don't match up (or at least seem to and want to try). So if you want sexual compatibility, kinks, alternative arrangements, etc. it may be best to try that out.

 

I will echo some of the women on here. I love sex and sex horny and it's hard for me to say no. But I do. I respect myself and I don't want to take the risks of sex for guys who aren't worth it (and I really can't tell after a few dates), and I prefer sex with an emotional connection. I don't want to have an oops pregnancy or get stuck with some std on a guy I barely knew who ran off on me and was a crappy guy trolling for sex.

 

The times I've tried to do it without an emotional connection and based purely on chemistry, it really sucked. It physically didn't feel too good. It mentally didn't either.

 

I prefer to wait until the guy expresses interest to being my BF and his actions are backing it up (i.e., recurring dates, consistent dates, calls, etc.). Usually by that point in time there is enough there that I have a sense of the kind of guy he is, what he's willing to offer, what he wants, etc. His actions have told me.

 

Now saying I make the guy wait doesn't mean I am a dead fish. I slowly engage him sexually more and more. I just be upfront that we're not going all the way and that's reserved for BFs. If I really like the guy and he's not willing to within 3 months then I cut him loose.

Edited September 28, 2016 by Miss Peach

[Smoothman]

Here's my take:

Two people are compatible, or not.

How long it takes you to have sex has no bearing on that fact.

Every. Single. Relationship. I've had has started with early sex.

From my 20 year first wife, the two one-year relationships I had back to back after that, and every one since.

If I've ever NOT had sex by the 3rd or 4th date, that relationship never happened.

I dated one woman for 6 months, not even a kiss, and of course that went nowhere.

Part of a good relationship is great sexual chemistry, the type of woman I like are similar in mindset to me regarding this.

Sex is a thing to enjoy, we've established that there is mutual attraction, we are both single, why not just get that over with and see how the rest develops/

At the very least, you're having great sex, and I firmly believe that can only help a relationship grow.

As for respect...I have never disrespected a woman for knowing what she wants, and how to get it.

[Arieswoman]

from Natalie Lue,

 

Search Results sex on first date

[eightytwenty]

My ex husband we waited a bit before we did anything. He asked me how many guys I slept with which was 3. He said good I'm not dating anyone that's had a ton of partners I asked and he said more than 5. Given we were 22, later found out he was a bit of a man hoe sleeping with more than 20 women. I called him out on it and he said its different. Divorced him for a ton of other reasons but that still sticks in my head.

 

My boyfriend that I've been with for almost two years. Given we met at a bar, Exchanged numbers and talked for a month or so. First night we went out we had sex at his apartment and I told him I didn't want to wait since I went awhile without. At the time he was more of a rebound but ended up being the best guy ever. He's never asked but I did tell him what my ex said to me. He said who gives a crap, we both had lives before each other. He did say he was happy I didn't sleep around a lot so he didn't have to worry about me cheating on him.

 

A guy friend that I talked to back in the day even said as long as the girl doesn't act like a hoe and she seems to be a catch why does it matter...

Edited September 30, 2016 by eightytwenty

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

My ex-husband we waited a bit before we did anything. He asked me how many guys I slept with which was 3. He said well I'm not dating anyone that's had a ton of partners I asked, and he said more than 5. Given we were 22, later found out he was a bit of a man hoe sleeping with more than 20 women. I called him out on it, and he said its different. Divorced him for a ton of other reasons but that still sticks in my head.

 

 

Woah-Woah woah-woah woah-woah-woah what a hypocrite of him! not you! So many men pander to this double standard! Makes me angry that a guy would think it's different if a woman hasn't slept with many but he has, I have heard the same thing! It infuriates me!

 

 

My boyfriend that I've been with for almost two years. Given we met at a bar, Exchanged numbers and talked for a month or so. The first night we went out we had sex at his apartment, and I told him I didn't want to wait since I went awhile without. At the time he was more of a rebound but ended up being the best guy ever. He's never asked, but I did tell him what my ex-said to me. He said who gives a crap, we both had lives before each other. He did say he was happy I didn't sleep around a lot, so he didn't have to worry about me cheating on him.

 

Not that I think you defiantly would, but there are plenty of woman out there that would possibly cheat on their boyfriends and only made love to one other man, or possibly only to them and them only. So I think you're boyfriend cannot necessarily say " oh well, you haven't slept around a lot, so I don't have to worry about you cheating on me." There are lots of people who lose their virginity to someone, only to cheat on them a few months later. Happened to my ex-virgin boyfriend and me.

 

A guy friend that I talked to back in the day even said as long as the girl doesn't act like a hoe and she seems to be a catch why does it matter...

 

What if a guy acts like a hoe, though? A lot of men worry more about their potential girlfriends being hoes and excuse their own "hoe-ish behaviour

[eightytwenty]

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What if a guy acts like a hoe, though? A lot of men worry more about their potential girlfriends being hoes and excuse their own "hoe-ish behaviour

 

 

That's why I called out my ex. How can he say that when he cheated and slept with tons of women.

 

The bf said he doesn't care about my past because he wasn't perfect either.