Lovesha Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 To start I'm a relatively mature 18 year old. I know it sounds smart ass-ish to say but I've always seemed quite mature in many respects for my age. I've also always had a stable job since leaving school at 16. Recently I have met a girl (22 years of age). We get on great and seem refreshingly well matched. We like the same food, same humour and generally just clicked (and because she's older and has responsibilities and a job doesn't permanently want to get drunk). She currently lives with her parents. She has a child from a previous relationship and that's the problem. The father isn't around but has a family known in the area. It did come up in conversation and she said it was her single biggest regret involving herself with them. Most of my friends are leaving for University though I do have close friends who I see often and I am quite socially active. As harsh as this may sound I will probably have other chances with other girls (even though I've been single around a year now and Tinder hasn't given me much luck yet). Just what if I don't find anybody as compatible. We just seemed to click so well, so is this something I should pass up on and take further. Everything seemed pretty much perfect. I almost want to but dealing with a child wont make it the most normal of relationships. And I know children become attached. Friends seem mixed and looking around online itself again, some say yes, others say no. I guess I'm also worried what people think So guys, what should I do? Thanks in advance.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Run. Leave this girl alone and you will be doing both of you guys a favor.
morrowrd Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Stop talking to your friends and ask yourself, what do you want. So what she has a child, are you capable of loving a child???? You have a really good life opportunity here, you have a girl you like (love?) Yet you're worried that she has a child. Trust me, life is an investment, what is more worth investing in other than your happiness. Evaluate things...and if this girl makes you happy, go and involve yourself with the whole package. Its WORTH it.
Author Lovesha Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 Stop talking to your friends and ask yourself, what do you want. So what she has a child, are you capable of loving a child???? You have a really good life opportunity here, you have a girl you like (love?) Yet you're worried that she has a child. Trust me, life is an investment, what is more worth investing in other than your happiness. Evaluate things...and if this girl makes you happy, go and involve yourself with the whole package. Its WORTH it. I can handle this yes and she matches me well. Two things are stopping me: It's not the 'done' thing and will it hold me back with my friends and with regards to opportunities in general? And... maybe I need to shake this ideology off but I've always seen girls having children at a young age as those not capable of making reasonable life choices and there must be something wrong. But yes we do get on so well...
SoThatHappened Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 My advice after dating a woman with a child when I was in college as well as dating a woman with a child in my mid-30's: - Make sure you understand that they're a package deal. - As part of that package, if you lose her, you lose the child (who you may have become attached to after a certain amount of time). - She can't do things on a whim. Things will need to be planned ahead of time. That's not easy to get used to when you're single and no one depends on you. - You will not be #1 in her life. That spot was taken before you came along. - The father may always have a way back "in" with her, simply because he's the father. To me, it's not worth the risk unless you want a child right now. It sucks for you and single moms everywhere, but it's what I believe after my experiences. If you don't want a child *right now*, I wouldn't get involved. If you do get involved, I would take things slower than normal.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 To start I'm a relatively mature 18 year old. I know it sounds smart ass-ish to say but I've always seemed quite mature in many respects for my age. LOL. All of us said the same thing about ourselves when we were 18, too. She has a child from a previous relationship and that's the problem. The father isn't around but has a family known in the area. It did come up in conversation and she said it was her single biggest regret involving herself with them. Being honest, I think this is a hot mess you should avoid at ALL costs. You're still a kid whether you realize it or not. You wouldn't be the first teenager who got involved with a slightly older single mother and then screwed up big time, got her pregnant, and became tethered to her at 20. Just don't do it Seriously. Don't. You have your whole life ahead of you. If you were my son, I'd be locking you in the basement. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Stop talking to your friends and ask yourself, what do you want. So what she has a child, are you capable of loving a child???? You have a really good life opportunity here, you have a girl you like (love?) Yet you're worried that she has a child. Trust me, life is an investment, what is more worth investing in other than your happiness. Evaluate things...and if this girl makes you happy, go and involve yourself with the whole package. Its WORTH it. Oh boy do I have to disagree with this. The OP is an 18 year old boy fresh out of high school! He's not a 30 year old guy ready to move on to the next level in life. Good luck whatever you decide OP. I say you go to college and enjoy your youth. You only get it ONCE. Don't blow it.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I can handle this yes and she matches me well. Two things are stopping me: It's not the 'done' thing and will it hold me back with my friends and with regards to opportunities in general? And... maybe I need to shake this ideology off but I've always seen girls having children at a young age as those not capable of making reasonable life choices and there must be something wrong. But yes we do get on so well... The "child", one way or the other, should probably have nothing to do with deciding whether you want to pursue a serious relationship with this woman. And yeah, it is (probably not a far-wrong rule of thumb) that the random persons (lets not limit this to "girls/(women)") having children at a young age are on average worse bets as long-term companions than those who don't have children at a young age. It really is on the verge of crazy that you limited your generalization to "(females) having children at a young age", as it is wrong on so many levels. (wrong in much the same way that we as a society scorn ONLY females who fall pregnant during high school, and NOT everyone who is doing what they did just to get that way) When viewed from this young woman's standpoint, you may represent mostly the (male companionship) that she perhaps-more-than-ever feels she NEEDS in both her own romantic life, AND that of her young child. (suddenly she is effectively 'trapped' in a home life which demands her presence - no more clubbing or catting around - so why not tether somebody to her, vs. the alternative that is to converse only in 'baby talk' without another seeming 'adult' in the mix) She may be looking just to fill those rolls, while not having given full-enough thought to YOU as the individual that you are. It's great if/that you don't discount a woman as a potential mate based on whether or not she has a child, but in the same way the numbers probably say that to invest yourself romantically with somebody who is a young parent is proooooooooooobably inviting more trouble and risk than it is worth, the numbers here say that, more because of the place you are in life, it is more sensible that you not take-up with this young woman, and instead select a path which will have you casually dating other people (perhaps even) nearer to your age, and closer to a shared stage of life (experience). But we know how tough it would be to get out from under this young woman's 'spell'. Good luck.
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