Author sparklesparkle Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Well, I apologized, but he hasn't responded. So not sure how your guy is gonna take it. Not that I agree with him or my dude, but the way you and I went off the handle would have given me pause too. It's like even though you and I were right about our instincts, our way of going about it was a bit much. But if I'm correct so far you two smoothed things over and you're waiting to hear from him? If that's the case, wait till you meet again to apologize or just let it go. If you two smoothed it over, then don't bring it up again. Well I decided to be mature about this whole thing and I said sorry and hope we can still chat and go on that date happening this weekend. And I am just going to leave it in his hands now. 2
JewelD Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well you can't undo it now, but it probably would have been better to not say anything else. Sometimes when you mess up with people you don't know that well, it's better to just dust it off and move on. If I were you, I wouldn't be waiting for his call at this point. 2
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Well you can't undo it now, but it probably would have been better to not say anything else. Sometimes when you mess up with people you don't know that well, it's better to just dust it off and move on. If I were you, I wouldn't be waiting for his call at this point. Well I told him sorry and hope he was feeling better and he replied with "I'm better. Mostly. I was up all night. But I'll be good for Saturday." I replied with "Well thats good your doing better. And thats great I will keep you posted on the info of the event." 1
gorf Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 That's why I asked him, if he still wanted to date me or not. I want him to tell me a straight yes or no answer. I don't care if it hurts my feelings. If he was sick, the whole day why didn't he tell me in the morning when we first spoke? If he did want to see the movie, why didn't he set his alarm to wake him up in time for the date? To me I just find him being "sick" was BS and him napping was BS. Like I just said he could have easily SAID SOMETHING or DONE SOMETHING but no he goes and hurts my feelings by cancelling 15 minutes before, we were suppose to meet up. Why this why that, why anything? Cause he was sick! Why is sickness always an excuse? Maybe he was sick, and sick people lay back in misery all tired and forget. Maybe he was sick, and actually wanted to go, like he told you, and he was hoping if he napped a little, he could nap it off and feel well enough to go out. Aside that, you pushed too far. You should have asked and given very simple yes or no, he said he wanted to see you ... just another day. Big deal. Its no wonder he didn't skype or FB or contact you later on.. you were completely off-putting.
Zippy2000 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Another girl? I have been on a date or two where I just didn't fell well. Really wanted to cancel, but went ahead anyway. Luckily they never resulted in disaster, but he may wanted to stay in for the night. Possible. BUT....he had been sick all day. So, for him to contact you only 15 minutes before is a little odd. I agree with this. Trying to contact someone 15 minutes before is not good etiquette and bordering on bad manners. The main thing he has apologised and counter offered but its not a good sign early on when you are trying to date. He had most of the day to contact you and should have done earlier. 1
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 He had most of the day to contact you and should have done earlier. He was in bed sleeping it off. You've never been sick in a bad moment and hoping it would get better!. I did. I have delayed and cancelled dates because of bad periods. You think I told the guy I can't leave home because my period is too heavy? I came up with some excuse 'I am not feeling well'. For all we know this guy sat on the toilet all day with diarrhea hoping it would get under control for his date and it didn't. 5
Omei Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 (edited) I feel her pain tho why it ticks her off guys don't understand how much a girl readies herself for a date to look beautiful. So to cancel 15 mins too is really inconsiderate also I mean given adequate notice she could of possibly made plans with a friend instead. I think you should of took his hour later offer to have seen if he really would if met up would of been a good sign of honesty instead of saying no then giving him that speech you did. But as you said yall still have plans good luck with round two. When guys back out of dates in the future try to not school them or get upset you hardly know them to even waste that energy it's just gonna make a man feel like he's being held to a boyfriends standards before he's even commited.(because taking you on a date isn't yet a given/required to maintain anything) Edited August 9, 2016 by Omei 2
ASG Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Canceling 15 minutes before a date is unacceptable, however, if it's only happened once, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I understand thinking him canceling on you is his way of saying he's not interested, but it's only the second date. If he wasn't into you, he wouldn't have made plans to reschedule. I agree that leaving him be is your best bet right now. See if he contacts you. Well, he didn't actually cancel. He just said he wouldn't make it in time for the movie. Which, to me suggests he would have been happy doing something else. But she said, almost straight away, that they didn't hae to go out. Him oversleeping is not good. This much is true. However, I do buy his story. It has happened to me before. A date had a nap and overslept. Woke up at about the time he was supposed to pick me up... He called me straight away to say he was late. It happens. However, I do think the OP was a bit OTT with her text. Might have spooked him. 1
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I think you should of took his hour later offer to have seen if he really would if met up would of been a good sign of honesty instead of saying no then giving him that speech you did. Absolutely! Reminds me of this time I was leaving to meet a man for a first date and when I opened the door on my way out I came face to face with a roof contractor I had scheduled for a quote, I had completely forgot about him !! I called my date, who was already at the coffee shop. I explained the situation, I said I understood if he didn't want to wait ....he said no problem! to take my time and he'll be at the coffee waiting for me! In OP's world my date should have accused me of not really wanting to meet him, to be full of false excuses and to forget about it. 2
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well I will try not to make the same mistakes again. And yes I have been hurt a lot and don't want to get hurt again. The thing is...even if you feel they are lying to you, all you have to do is not accept another date and move on, simple as that. Dating is a crap shoot....getting burned or hurt is just part of the process. If you want to avoid it, then don't date. 3
Mystique01 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 I think you pushed too far. His 'napping' excuse sounds like bs. and you surely could have seen a different movie at a later time or done something else instead. After he said "Im sorry, can we try next saturday", you should have said yes or no and kept it moving. But you interjected a whole paragraph pressuring him into telling you if he likes you or not on the spot. and then, even though he said he was 'sick', you asked to skype! why?? You're already making plans for next week and he is 'sick'. The 'napping' thing sounds a bit sketchy but you were doing way too much and came off as desperate and insecure. That may have turned him off. Next time, just be chill. If a man doesnt like you, he won't tell you upfront even if you do ask. Go by his actions, not his words. I agree with ALL of this 100%. The questioning thing is a bit much. If this is the first time he has canceled on the OP, I don't think this line of questioning was necessary. This is the type of questioning you do when you've been stood up twice in a row or more by someone. I'm not trying to make excuses for the guy, but his last-minute cancellation (although kind of rude) actually seems legit to me. I've been in the same situation where I had plans with some friends to do something, and I fall ill the same day, but because I REALLY want to hang out with friends, I wait and wait and hope and pray that I'll feel better later on that evening. So that's why I don't tell them until the last minute. He may have really fallen asleep due to not feeling well and could have been taking a nap to see if he would feel better afterwards. Right now, I don't see any reason to NOT trust the guy. Plus, he offered another day for the date right away. If it was me I would have said "OK I hope you feel better...we can make it another time." And leave it at that. Stewing over a cancellation from someone who you only been on one date with is energy wasted. Keep your options open. You could have just made other plans with someone else, gone out and had a good time anyways. ^^Exactly
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 I agree with ALL of this 100%. The questioning thing is a bit much. If this is the first time he has canceled on the OP, I don't think this line of questioning was necessary. This is the type of questioning you do when you've been stood up twice in a row or more by someone. I'm not trying to make excuses for the guy, but his last-minute cancellation (although kind of rude) actually seems legit to me. I've been in the same situation where I had plans with some friends to do something, and I fall ill the same day, but because I REALLY want to hang out with friends, I wait and wait and hope and pray that I'll feel better later on that evening. So that's why I don't tell them until the last minute. He may have really fallen asleep due to not feeling well and could have been taking a nap to see if he would feel better afterwards. Right now, I don't see any reason to NOT trust the guy. Plus, he offered another day for the date right away. ^^Exactly To me, though I have dated a lot of guys over the years, and I have like many of you probably have heard or even said yourselves, a LOT of excuses. So to me, hearing this happen just made me upset and hurt and sounded like an excuse. Anyway I went and told this guy sorry and he accepted it and says we are still on for this weekend's make up date, so let's see what happens. Again though if he was sick, and did still want to hang out, would YOU want to hang out with someone, and risk getting sick yourself? 3
Redhead14 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 To me, though I have dated a lot of guys over the years, and I have like many of you probably have heard or even said yourselves, a LOT of excuses. So to me, hearing this happen just made me upset and hurt and sounded like an excuse. Anyway I went and told this guy sorry and he accepted it and says we are still on for this weekend's make up date, so let's see what happens. Again though if he was sick, and did still want to hang out, would YOU want to hang out with someone, and risk getting sick yourself? hearing this happen just made me upset and hurt and sounded like an excuse. -- If a guy is using being sick as an excuse, he's not going to be telling you he still wanted to meet but an hour later nor would he be offering to reschedule on a Saturday . . . If he was using it as an excuse, he would have said "I'm sick, let's do something some other time" and leave it at that. Take each dating scenario individually and don't project and apply logic to each situation. If a guy has to cancel, you graciously excuse him the first time and simply observe going forward. If he reschedules, keeps in touch, etc., seems sincere, give him the benefit of the doubt and observe. Don't have your finger on the trigger all the time. It takes away your ability to be objective. 3
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Well I told him sorry and hoped he was feeling better and he replied with "I'm better. Mostly I was up all night. But I'll be good for Saturday." This chat was yesturday, today its 10AM and no word from him, so I am just going to leave him alone, and wait and see what happens between now and Saturday. But again, me leaving him alone and then NOT hearing from him AT ALL between now and this weekend, makes me think he isn't interested, even though he's said this and that. Because isn't that, what it means, when a guy doesn't text or contact you for 2-3 days in a row, it shows they aren't interested in today's standards?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 He doesn't seem interested and you are putting in too much effort by spying on his activities. 3
Redhead14 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Well I told him sorry and hoped he was feeling better and he replied with "I'm better. Mostly I was up all night. But I'll be good for Saturday." This chat was yesturday, today its 10AM and no word from him, so I am just going to leave him alone, and wait and see what happens between now and Saturday. But again, me leaving him alone and then NOT hearing from him AT ALL between now and this weekend, makes me think he isn't interested, even though he's said this and that. Because isn't that, what it means, when a guy doesn't text or contact you for 2-3 days in a row, it shows they aren't interested in today's standards? Yeah, if you don't hear from him between now and Saturday, move on. It's only Tuesday. You talked to him yesterday and now you're fretting at 10 a.m. the next day? You know he's been sick but getting better and is still planning on Saturday. Forget about the "what ifs". Sit back and let it play out. 2-3 days in a row, it shows they aren't interested in today's standards -- Yeah, that's kinda the rule of thumb, but you are projecting again. In the back of your mind you're thinking that's what will happen. You don't know until you know. If that happens, deal with it then. Until then, you doing other things and enjoying your life. Try to apply a little logic too . . . the guy's been sick, he may not feel like calling you today or tomorrow. You've been sick before, yes? Go with what you know until he shows you otherwise.
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 9, 2016 Author Posted August 9, 2016 Yeah, if you don't hear from him between now and Saturday, move on. It's only Tuesday. You talked to him yesterday and now you're fretting at 10 a.m. the next day? You know he's been sick but getting better and is still planning on Saturday. Forget about the "what ifs". Sit back and let it play out. 2-3 days in a row, it shows they aren't interested in today's standards -- Yeah, that's kinda the rule of thumb, but you are projecting again. In the back of your mind you're thinking that's what will happen. You don't know until you know. If that happens, deal with it then. Until then, you doing other things and enjoying your life. Try to apply a little logic too . . . the guy's been sick, he may not feel like calling you today or tomorrow. You've been sick before, yes? Go with what you know until he shows you otherwise. Actually no, I rarely ever get sick and even if I was sick and dating someone, I would contact them and still be up front and all that. And I have to get in touch with this guy to let him know the details about Saturday's event. So if I don't hear from him today through Thursday, I will contact him on Friday with the info and leave it at that. Come Saturday he doesn't show up and lets me down AGAIN then I will cut him off. 2
h0000 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 (edited) It's very normal not to text for a few days after only one date. But also bear in mind He may have very well lost interested after your first conversation. He did reply to your apology but that could be just "being nice". I think your plan is good ( contact him with movie info) but I wouldn't pin too much hope. If you need to move on, remember not make the same mistake again next time Edited August 9, 2016 by h0000
Gloria25 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Actually no, I rarely ever get sick and even if I was sick and dating someone, I would contact them and still be up front and all that. And I have to get in touch with this guy to let him know the details about Saturday's event. So if I don't hear from him today through Thursday, I will contact him on Friday with the info and leave it at that. Come Saturday he doesn't show up and lets me down AGAIN then I will cut him off. Woah, wait... You two agreed on a 2nd date but didn't confirm time and location of said date? Ok, now granted, we women are the "planners"...but still, IMO, he should have given you a time and something like where you two would meet (even if he hasn't decided what/where to go) ***sigh*** Ok, let's wait. If you don't hear from him by Friday, send him a quick text saying like 'Hey, for Saturday I was thinking of the movie at 9'....and, see if he responds. Let us know what happens.
bachdude Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Woah, wait... You two agreed on a 2nd date but didn't confirm time and location of said date? Ok, now granted, we women are the "planners"...but still, IMO, he should have given you a time and something like where you two would meet (even if he hasn't decided what/where to go) ***sigh*** Ok, let's wait. If you don't hear from him by Friday, send him a quick text saying like 'Hey, for Saturday I was thinking of the movie at 9'....and, see if he responds. Let us know what happens. He said he would keep her posted on the date so I would leave it entirely up to him. Although the OP is giving him the benefit of the doubt, he should still realize that he is being cut some slack here and he needs to demonstrate he is truly interested. In other words, he needs to make it up to her a bit. She's been good about it. Let him do the work for date no. 2. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Woah, wait... You two agreed on a 2nd date but didn't confirm time and location of said date? Ok, now granted, we women are the "planners"...but still, IMO, he should have given you a time and something like where you two would meet (even if he hasn't decided what/where to go) ***sigh*** Ok, let's wait. If you don't hear from him by Friday, send him a quick text saying like 'Hey, for Saturday I was thinking of the movie at 9'....and, see if he responds. Let us know what happens. She invited him to go with her to something she already had planned and he accepted. So, technically, she should reach out to him with the specifics and she said she would do that. But, she is kinda waiting it out to see if he "goes there" first as she is looking for signs of sincerity/continued interest from him given she was skeptical about him being sick. And, that's OK, but she should firm up with him by Friday at least herself. She did invite him so she needs to roll the ball still. 2
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 J Because isn't that, what it means, when a guy doesn't text or contact you for 2-3 days in a row, it shows they aren't interested in today's standards? In the best of circumstances but after the way you spoke to him you can't blame him for slowing down a bit. He has to like you a lot to still respond to you. I would not pursue with someone who reacted the way you did. So sit back and wait Friday. Forget about chitchatting with him. You are back at square one. I suspect he will make up his mind about you saturday. Now he is just wondering if he is desling with a drama queen. 2
ASG Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 She invited him to go with her to something she already had planned and he accepted. So, technically, she should reach out to him with the specifics and she said she would do that. But, she is kinda waiting it out to see if he "goes there" first as she is looking for signs of sincerity/continued interest from him given she was skeptical about him being sick. And, that's OK, but she should firm up with him by Friday at least herself. She did invite him so she needs to roll the ball still. Yes, OP is the planner of this date, so regardless of what he does, she should touch base with him on Friday and go from there.
mortensorchid Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Yes, let him contact to reschedule. He's not taking things very seriously, it sounds like to me. Once I was at a restaurant waiting for an OLD and he texts "I can't make it sorry, my son came by earlier today." I was annoyed, it was 20 minutes after we were supposed to meet and he didn't bother to respond earlier. Another time I was supposed to meet someone and he would cancel an hour or so before the appointed time, eventually we drifted and I remained Facebook friends with him. Then one Saturday night he sends me a dick pic to through the IM on Facebook. Through FACEBOOK. I blocked him and he replied with a text a few days later saying he was sorry about that, he was really drunk that night. I never responded. Ha ha ha ...
winny Posted August 10, 2016 Posted August 10, 2016 Hello OP - You did the right thing. I once met a guy on a date and he was all happy and then he will set up a date every week and then flake - sometimes stuck in traffic, sometimes his dog was sick, his mom's birthday, sister issues, work problems.... I would get ready and then he will keep me waiting n then cancel. It was so exhausting.... and then one day he just disappeared.... A responsible guy would have told you as soon as he felt sick that there is a chance he might have to cancel not at such a last moment. And I dont believe he really wanted to see you again that was just some more BS.
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