sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Yesturday was suppose to be my second date with this new guy I went on a first date with last weekend. During our first date, we discussed this movie double feature happening this past weekend, and he said he wanted to go, and we had it all set and planned out. So the second date day arrives, and him and I talk in the morning between 10AM and 11AM and I give him my address, and movie details and tell him to pick me up by 6PM, since the movie started at 7PM. Everything is set up and him and I can hardly wait, and he even says "It should be a fun time". So after that talk, I go about my day doing things around the house and then start getting ready in the afternoon time, and by 5:30PM I am eating dinner, and around 5:45PM I receive a text and I figure its him saying he was there and ready to go. But I check the text and it's Him telling me this, "You're going to hate me. I've been sick all day. I just woke up from a nap. I can be there in about an hour, but I don't think we're going to make it to the movies". I reply with "Oh I'm sorry to hear that hope you feel better and its ok we don't have to go. Wish you would have told me this earlier though, got ready and was looking forward to seeing you. Hope you feel better." He replied with "I do like you. I would still like to see you. But its too late for the movie. I'm sorry I was napping earlier. Or I would have been on time". I replied with "If your sick I don't want to get sick." He replied with "I'm so sorry". He then replied with "Can we try next Saturday?" I replied with "If you don't wanna see the movie, you could just tell me, I'd like us to be honest with each other. Even if you don't like me and don't want to date me, just tell me. If you still want to date me we could try again next weekend I can think of something. So you tell me, what's going to happen here." He replied with "I'd like to see you next week. I over slept, I wanted to see the movie". I replied with "Ok, there's something happening next weekend, you want to do that?" He replied with "Yeah that would be fun". I replied with "Okay, you want to Skype, I am online". He didn't respond to that or talk to me anymore that night, our chat ending around 6:30PM. But he managed to go on Facebook and update his status's a few times, and was even logged on Skype was "available late at night around 1AM onward. So I don't know what to make of this, does he like me or not? What do you think?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Another girl? I have been on a date or two where I just didn't fell well. Really wanted to cancel, but went ahead anyway. Luckily they never resulted in disaster, but he may wanted to stay in for the night. Possible. BUT....he had been sick all day. So, for him to contact you only 15 minutes before is a little odd. 1
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Yesturday was suppose to be my second date with this new guy I went on a first date with last weekend. During our first date, we discussed this movie double feature happening this past weekend, and he said he wanted to go, and we had it all set and planned out. So the second date day arrives, and him and I talk in the morning between 10AM and 11AM and I give him my address, and movie details and tell him to pick me up by 6PM, since the movie started at 7PM. Everything is set up and him and I can hardly wait, and he even says "It should be a fun time". So after that talk, I go about my day doing things around the house and then start getting ready in the afternoon time, and by 5:30PM I am eating dinner, and around 5:45PM I receive a text and I figure its him saying he was there and ready to go. But I check the text and it's Him telling me this, "You're going to hate me. I've been sick all day. I just woke up from a nap. I can be there in about an hour, but I don't think we're going to make it to the movies". I reply with "Oh I'm sorry to hear that hope you feel better and its ok we don't have to go. Wish you would have told me this earlier though, got ready and was looking forward to seeing you. Hope you feel better." He replied with "I do like you. I would still like to see you. But its too late for the movie. I'm sorry I was napping earlier. Or I would have been on time". I replied with "If your sick I don't want to get sick." He replied with "I'm so sorry". He then replied with "Can we try next Saturday?" I replied with "If you don't wanna see the movie, you could just tell me, I'd like us to be honest with each other. Even if you don't like me and don't want to date me, just tell me. If you still want to date me we could try again next weekend I can think of something. So you tell me, what's going to happen here." He replied with "I'd like to see you next week. I over slept, I wanted to see the movie". I replied with "Ok, there's something happening next weekend, you want to do that?" He replied with "Yeah that would be fun". I replied with "Okay, you want to Skype, I am online". He didn't respond to that or talk to me anymore that night, our chat ending around 6:30PM. But he managed to go on Facebook and update his status's a few times, and was even logged on Skype was "available late at night around 1AM onward. So I don't know what to make of this, does he like me or not? What do you think? I think you pushed too far. His 'napping' excuse sounds like bs. and you surely could have seen a different movie at a later time or done something else instead. After he said "Im sorry, can we try next saturday", you should have said yes or no and kept it moving. But you interjected a whole paragraph pressuring him into telling you if he likes you or not on the spot. and then, even though he said he was 'sick', you asked to skype! why?? You're already making plans for next week and he is 'sick'. The 'napping' thing sounds a bit sketchy but you were doing way too much and came off as desperate and insecure. That may have turned him off. Next time, just be chill. If a man doesnt like you, he won't tell you upfront even if you do ask. Go by his actions, not his words. 11
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Yesturday was suppose to be my second date with this new guy I went on a first date with last weekend. During our first date, we discussed this movie double feature happening this past weekend, and he said he wanted to go, and we had it all set and planned out. So the second date day arrives, and him and I talk in the morning between 10AM and 11AM and I give him my address, and movie details and tell him to pick me up by 6PM, since the movie started at 7PM. Everything is set up and him and I can hardly wait, and he even says "It should be a fun time". So after that talk, I go about my day doing things around the house and then start getting ready in the afternoon time, and by 5:30PM I am eating dinner, and around 5:45PM I receive a text and I figure its him saying he was there and ready to go. But I check the text and it's Him telling me this, "You're going to hate me. I've been sick all day. I just woke up from a nap. I can be there in about an hour, but I don't think we're going to make it to the movies". I reply with "Oh I'm sorry to hear that hope you feel better and its ok we don't have to go. Wish you would have told me this earlier though, got ready and was looking forward to seeing you. Hope you feel better." He replied with "I do like you. I would still like to see you. But its too late for the movie. I'm sorry I was napping earlier. Or I would have been on time". I replied with "If your sick I don't want to get sick." He replied with "I'm so sorry". He then replied with "Can we try next Saturday?" I replied with "If you don't wanna see the movie, you could just tell me, I'd like us to be honest with each other. Even if you don't like me and don't want to date me, just tell me. If you still want to date me we could try again next weekend I can think of something. So you tell me, what's going to happen here." He replied with "I'd like to see you next week. I over slept, I wanted to see the movie". I replied with "Ok, there's something happening next weekend, you want to do that?" He replied with "Yeah that would be fun". I replied with "Okay, you want to Skype, I am online". He didn't respond to that or talk to me anymore that night, our chat ending around 6:30PM. But he managed to go on Facebook and update his status's a few times, and was even logged on Skype was "available late at night around 1AM onward. So I don't know what to make of this, does he like me or not? What do you think? I replied with "If you don't wanna see the movie, you could just tell me, I'd like us to be honest with each other. Even if you don't like me and don't want to date me, just tell me. If you still want to date me we could try again next weekend I can think of something. So you tell me, what's going to happen here." -- I don't think this was necessary. He did say he still wanted to see you before you said all this and you could have just gone out for dessert and drinks or something. If I were him, I'd be put off by the girl putting me in a corner and challenging my honesty for making an effort even though I wasn't feeling well. He said he could be there in an hour, so he obviously didn't have other plans and it would still be fairly early to go out for bit. It's not like he called you at midnight to get together. And, he offered a Saturday night next. He'd been sick, took a nap hoping he'd feel a little better and in time for movie, but overslept apparently. Yeah, he could have called earlier, he was just hoping he'd feel better. 9
Gr8fuln2020 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think you pushed too far. His 'napping' excuse sounds like bs. and you surely could have seen a different movie at a later time or done something else instead. After he said "Im sorry, can we try next saturday", you should have said yes or no and kept it moving. But you interjected a whole paragraph pressuring him into telling you if he likes you or not on the spot. and then, even though he said he was 'sick', you asked to skype! why?? You're already making plans for next week and he is 'sick'. The 'napping' thing sounds a bit sketchy but you were doing way too much and came off as desperate and insecure. That may have turned him off. Next time, just be chill. If a man doesnt like you, he won't tell you upfront even if you do ask. Go by his actions, not his words. Except for that single text of questioning, which I believe is okay considering he canceled 15 minutes before and he had been sick all day...other than that text, I don't see what she did wrong. She did not come off as desperate and insecure. She came off as a little up-front and personal. :-) Difference. If men won't tell a girl right out that he doesn't want to date her any more, well, that is a man problem and part of the reason why there is so much mis/non-communication in relationships. 1
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 That's why I asked him, if he still wanted to date me or not. I want him to tell me a straight yes or no answer. I don't care if it hurts my feelings. If he was sick, the whole day why didn't he tell me in the morning when we first spoke? If he did want to see the movie, why didn't he set his alarm to wake him up in time for the date? To me I just find him being "sick" was BS and him napping was BS. Like I just said he could have easily SAID SOMETHING or DONE SOMETHING but no he goes and hurts my feelings by cancelling 15 minutes before, we were suppose to meet up. 1
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Except for that single text of questioning, which I believe is okay considering he canceled 15 minutes before and he had been sick all day...other than that text, I don't see what she did wrong. She did not come off as desperate and insecure. She came off as a little up-front and personal. :-) Difference. If men won't tell a girl right out that he doesn't want to date her any more, well, that is a man problem and part of the reason why there is so much mis/non-communication in relationships. If it was acceptable behavior, he wouldn't have left her hanging when she asked to skype. He made it clear he wanted to reschedule so there was no need for her to ask if he wanted to go out with her. Clearly he did. It's not a 'man' problem in this case, it's a problem of OP jumping the gun. He didnt tell her he didn't want to date her anymore because he actually wanted to date her. But if you badger someone like that, it says to them that you are used to being dumped and can't pick up on clues so you have to ask for validation outright, even if its awkward and he's already made it clear he does like you and wants to see you. 4
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 If it was acceptable behavior, he wouldn't have left her hanging when she asked to skype. He made it clear he wanted to reschedule so there was no need for her to ask if he wanted to go out with her. Clearly he did. It's not a 'man' problem in this case, it's a problem of OP jumping the gun. He didnt tell her he didn't want to date her anymore because he actually wanted to date her. But if you badger someone like that, it says to them that you are used to being dumped and can't pick up on clues so you have to ask for validation outright, even if its awkward and he's already made it clear he does like you and wants to see you. I didn't like that he left me hanging when I asked about Skype, if he was truly sick he could have replied back and said no but no he left me hanging. And him and I did set up a new date, for this coming weekend, so we will see if that happens or not. And yeah a lot of guys have screwed me over when it comes to dating. I rather have me and the person I date just be up front and honest about everything, so we don't wonder or waste each other's time.
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea to assume that the guy is a liar. She can suspect it and accept a reschedule if she likes him enough and then sit back and observe whether he picks up the ball going forward. If he "messes" up again, then she'll know or have a better idea of what this guy is about. Right now, it may be a blip. No harm in keeping the ball in play. Now, she's called the guy a liar, basically, and why would he want to skype with her later. I'd be surprised if he did call her again. 2
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 That's why I asked him, if he still wanted to date me or not. I want him to tell me a straight yes or no answer. I don't care if it hurts my feelings. If he was sick, the whole day why didn't he tell me in the morning when we first spoke? If he did want to see the movie, why didn't he set his alarm to wake him up in time for the date? To me I just find him being "sick" was BS and him napping was BS. Like I just said he could have easily SAID SOMETHING or DONE SOMETHING but no he goes and hurts my feelings by cancelling 15 minutes before, we were suppose to meet up. But before you asked, he said "I do like you. I still want to see you". Why is that not enough for you? You're not in a relationship yet so he doesn't owe you anything more than that. The napping was weird, but if he didn't want to see you again, I doubt he would have made plans to reschedule. It's not a major conflict, he didn't say he hated you or call you waaay after the date was supposed to have started. It seems you have a fear of rejection, so much that you are ignoring all of the positives in the situation and instead trying to beat him to the punch so he can hurt you and you can just get it over with. In this instance, it appears to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You were so worried about him not wanting to date you and hurting your feelings that your line of questioning about it made him not want to date you. 4
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 But before you asked, he said "I do like you. I still want to see you". Why is that not enough for you? You're not in a relationship yet so he doesn't owe you anything more than that. The napping was weird, but if he didn't want to see you again, I doubt he would have made plans to reschedule. It's not a major conflict, he didn't say he hated you or call you waaay after the date was supposed to have started. It seems you have a fear of rejection, so much that you are ignoring all of the positives in the situation and instead trying to beat him to the punch so he can hurt you and you can just get it over with. In this instance, it appears to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You were so worried about him not wanting to date you and hurting your feelings that your line of questioning about it made him not want to date you. Well he has not contacted me at all since we last spoke yesturday. So I am just going to leave him alone, and let him contact me. And just wait and see if this weekend's date happens or not. 1
KathL Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Same thing happened to me. My date whom I was supposed to meet for the second time cancelled our date few hours before the date telling me that his distant cousin was in hospital due to car accident thus he needed to rush back to his hometown to visit him. On my Birthday! Worst, I was already at the airport about to board a 2 hours flight to see him. I almost snapped and told him to be a man and stopped stringing me along. But I managed to calm down and replied coolly hoping everything was alright. Luckily he was sounding really apologetically and promised he would make it up to me so I just comforted him. Anyway, this shall only happen once. If it happens again, I would tell him to **** off. Just sharing my recent experience.
sugarpuss Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Canceling 15 minutes before a date is unacceptable, however, if it's only happened once, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I understand thinking him canceling on you is his way of saying he's not interested, but it's only the second date. If he wasn't into you, he wouldn't have made plans to reschedule. I agree that leaving him be is your best bet right now. See if he contacts you.
bachdude Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Hi OP, We can all hypothesize all day about what is his interest, whether it was a lame excuse, etc, etc, etc, It is possible he was so sick he fell asleep for much longer than he thought he would. It is also possible he just didn't feel like going and he came up with a lame excuse (but why at the last minute?) Maybe he's a bit unorganized. So i guess it comes down to your own personality. Are you the type to give people the benefit of the doubt or are you more pessimistic? For me, I would give someone the benefit of the doubt in this situation but probably on the lookout for any other behaviors. 1
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 I am just going to leave him be and let him contact me and wait and see what happens between now and this weekend's date. 4
ThisisIt606 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I don't think OP did anything wrong with her straight forward questioning. Canceling 15 minutes before is a really sh*tty vthing to do. Especially since they confirmed that morning. Did he not feel sick then? Why didn't he bother to give her a heads up? This is just me, but I was supposedto have a date one evening and I let him know at 10am I wasn't feeling well and we may have to change the dinner venue to something easier on my stomach. By 3pm I canceled and said I was so sorry, he said he understood and wasn't shocked/ was expecting it as I let him know so early I felt sick. I think you're starting to see some of this guys true colors OP. How sick can he be to not even send a text? He's not terminally ill, his fingers didn't break, at most he has the flu or a stomach bug. Both are things you drift in and out of sleep with, but it doesn't make you forget plans. I think this guy is somewhat of an indecisive flake. What you said is good OP, just wait and see if he actually contacts you. If not, you didn't miss out on someone stellar. 1
Redhead14 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) Canceling 15 minutes before a date is unacceptable, however, if it's only happened once, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I understand thinking him canceling on you is his way of saying he's not interested, but it's only the second date. If he wasn't into you, he wouldn't have made plans to reschedule. I agree that leaving him be is your best bet right now. See if he contacts you. "Canceling 15 minutes before a date is unacceptable" He didn't cancel the date-- she did, because she didn't want to get sick . . . She cancelled and told him it was because she didn't want to get sick too and then turned around and tried to call him out for lying about being sick ?????? He offered to get together in an hour, so he was still willing to see her . . . just later than he'd hoped. Edited August 8, 2016 by Redhead14 1
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 I don't think OP did anything wrong with her straight forward questioning. Canceling 15 minutes before is a really sh*tty vthing to do. Especially since they confirmed that morning. Did he not feel sick then? Why didn't he bother to give her a heads up? This is just me, but I was supposedto have a date one evening and I let him know at 10am I wasn't feeling well and we may have to change the dinner venue to something easier on my stomach. By 3pm I canceled and said I was so sorry, he said he understood and wasn't shocked/ was expecting it as I let him know so early I felt sick. I think you're starting to see some of this guys true colors OP. How sick can he be to not even send a text? He's not terminally ill, his fingers didn't break, at most he has the flu or a stomach bug. Both are things you drift in and out of sleep with, but it doesn't make you forget plans. I think this guy is somewhat of an indecisive flake. What you said is good OP, just wait and see if he actually contacts you. If not, you didn't miss out on someone stellar. Thanks for understanding, where I am coming from here. I decided to again just leave this guy alone, for the time being, and see if he responds to me, and if this weekends upcoming date happens or not.
h0000 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think OP you are being a little rude and a littel too uptight . If I were a man I'd be turned off by your attitude Sure 15 min notice is not preferable but you've only met once. He doesn't owe you anything. It's exhausting to be On top of he game all the time and Maybe he's just tad unorganised. Besides he made another offer. Then you said something quite rude "I don't wanna get sick too" and even kinda accusing the man of lying "jut tell me if don't want to see me". It's just a date, just a movie, and You are over reacting to the max. Sorry OP but your attitude will make me think you have been hurt a lot in the past and now became overly protective/aggressive /jaded. It's not attractive of course I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I've just seen lots of women like you and they are failing in relationships. I really wish they had more faith in men 4
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 If it was me I would have said "OK I hope you feel better...we can make it another time." And leave it at that. Stewing over a cancellation from someone who you only been on one date with is energy wasted. Keep your options open. You could have just made other plans with someone else, gone out and had a good time anyways. 5
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 If it was me I would have said "OK I hope you feel better...we can make it another time." And leave it at that. Stewing over a cancellation from someone who you only been on one date with is energy wasted. Keep your options open. You could have just made other plans with someone else, gone out and had a good time anyways. Well I will try not to make the same mistakes again. And yes I have been hurt a lot and don't want to get hurt again.
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I also think you were rude. He warned you he was sick, you made the call of not seeing him, he was willing to go meet you still, so your theory he had a date with someone else does not hold the road. Sh$t happens. He didn't feel good, he went to bed to sleep it off and woke up last minute. He felt bad enough about cancelling that he was willing to leave the comfort of his home to meet you. As for you being hurt, well welcome to life, we all have been hurt. It does not justify you being rude with this man here, he's not the one that hurt you in your past. 1
Gloria25 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Sorry, but I think you jumped the gun. Not jumping the gun in the sense that your instincts were wrong, but how you went about addressing it with him. Like some others said, you should have just took his BS excuse, kept it moving, and watch his future actions. See, two Fridays ago I let my FWB have it. I told him to f-himself. I still believe that my instincts were right about the BS he was trying to shovel me. But after I cooled my heels and had a lengthy talk with a friend, I do admit that I could have handled it better. Eh, but that Friday I was on fire and uuuhggg. 1
Author sparklesparkle Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 I also think you were rude. He warned you he was sick, you made the call of not seeing him, he was willing to go meet you still, so your theory he had a date with someone else does not hold the road. Sh$t happens. He didn't feel good, he went to bed to sleep it off and woke up last minute. He felt bad enough about cancelling that he was willing to leave the comfort of his home to meet you. As for you being hurt, well welcome to life, we all have been hurt. It does not justify you being rude with this man here, he's not the one that hurt you in your past. Then what should I do now, go and say I am sorry? What do you want me to do, since all of you clearly think I was being rude.
Gloria25 Posted August 9, 2016 Posted August 9, 2016 Then what should I do now, go and say I am sorry? What do you want me to do, since all of you clearly think I was being rude. Well, I apologized, but he hasn't responded. So not sure how your guy is gonna take it. Not that I agree with him or my dude, but the way you and I went off the handle would have given me pause too. It's like even though you and I were right about our instincts, our way of going about it was a bit much. But if I'm correct so far you two smoothed things over and you're waiting to hear from him? If that's the case, wait till you meet again to apologize or just let it go. If you two smoothed it over, then don't bring it up again.
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