My ex dumped me like i was nothing, now she's got someone new [updated]

August 8, 2016

me an my ex was together for 2 years,

im 23 an she’s 18, there is an age gap.. But

cant help who you meet, we both met at collage an it started from there..

1 year me living in the same city, the other year I worked away... I returned home about 45 days ago, to be with her.. She leaves me after 4-5 days, has met someone new, an appears too be seeing him..

shes only just turned 18 and this guy is 30, even worse he’s her step dads friend, she met him at a festival, just before I returned home... I believe she opened up too him at the festival, because he was buying her loads of booze, so Imagine she told him our good an bad, an he’s manipulated her thinking, with out her knowing...

we had ups an down when we apart, due to stress of me being arsy/snappy, because i was running a hotel/restruant .. I did say some bad things too her when we argued, or when I was being snappy... But i never meant any of it... But when was togther, it was total happiness, joy, love... We would see each other, a good week a month, when I was away, going on trips out, gigs, tattoo sessions, movies, restruants, shopping... It was just perfect, we watch the walking dead 1-6 seasons in a week lol ... We never had any problems at all when we together only when was apart..

she seems to totally hate me now, when she broke up with me she did it over txt, just said the old punch line it’s me, not you.. Then she blamed the past arguments. I spent 20/25 days pleading with her but she wouldn’t have it... She bumped into me two weeks ago, we got talking went too a bar an she told she loved me when she was drunk ... But thats how I found out about that guy, her phone went off serval times an I saw every txt he sent.. just killed me finding out that way.. I looked through the messages when she went too the bathroom, an the earliest msg of filth too him was a week after leaving me ..

a few of her friends have contacted me saying she’s totally changed, all she does is get wasted with this guy, she never talks too her friends anymore etc... And she slags me off too anyome who will listen.. I don’t even think her parents kmow about what’s going on, I did tell her mom, but she thinks I’m lying ... Shes blocked me on every type of social media, an keeps posting crap like “I can finally be myself” or “I have my confidence back” she always told me I’ve boosted her mental strength an confidence an helped her be more positive.. But now shes acting like I’m the devil.. An I’m in the wrong ...

i am now going down the road of NC, I love her too bits an would love her too come back... There’s nothing more id wanna do than splat this guy, he’s an ugly fat bald bum.. I don’t get why she’s left me for him... Hes in a better position regarding having his own place and transport ... But if you loved someone surely a car an flat wouldn’t bother you ....

I’m trying really hard to move forward, I’ve started talking to Girls again, trying to date a few people.. Enjoy myself .. But at the end of the day/night ... She’s on my mind... I just want her to comr back .... so please, help anyway you can ...

August 8, 2016

She's 18 and has no idea what she really wants (proof from the fact she can so easily go from saying she loves you to hating you). You were both very young and as much as it felt perfect, it clearly wasn't. This other guy, he may just be another temporary thing during her younger finding herself years, or he may just have loads of money and spend it all on her. Either way, not your problem and not something you should even try to think about. I've been dumped many times and even though I don't consider myself a catch, I do wonder about the exs when I see them with the guys they left me for. Put simply, the line "girls prefer a bad boy" has often rung true.

All you can do now is focus on you and your healing. Follow the NC guide to the letter. No contact whatsoever. Nothing. Not even hearing about her. You simply don't want to know. Even now, months after losing someone, I recently had a friend say he saw her and I had to remind him to STFU. Although it's been a long time, just hearing that made my heart skip a beat and I thought about her... something I've not done in a long time. So you see what I mean about total no contact. It'll be tough but it's the only way. Eventually you'll take her off that pedestal and be able to realise that there are better, nicer, kinder and more respectful people out there.

August 8, 2016

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

She's young, she's immature, and she is probably going through a phase.

All you can possibly do is drop off the face of the earth for her and go no contact. Delete her from all social media, and pretend she does not exist. If you see her when you're out you walk away and do not engage.

Whether you want her back or want to move on the process is the same. No contact.

If she still loves you and misses you then no contact will drive her crazy. What are you doing in your life? Why are you not still pining over her? If she really wants you in her life she will reach out, and then it's up to you how you handle it. Be careful though, it might just be breadcrumbs, where she reaches out just for assurance that your feelings haven't changed and that you're still there if she wants you.

If she doesn't reach out it doesn't matter, you're on the path to moving on anyway.

August 8, 2016

She's 18 and has no idea what she really wants (proof from the fact she can so easily go from saying she loves you to hating you). You were both very young and as much as it felt perfect, it clearly wasn't. This other guy, he may just be another temporary thing during her younger finding herself years, or he may just have loads of money and spend it all on her. Either way, not your problem and not something you should even try to think about. I've been dumped many times and even though I don't consider myself a catch, I do wonder about the exs when I see them with the guys they left me for. Put simply, the line "girls prefer a bad boy" has often rung true.

All you can do now is focus on you and your healing. Follow the NC guide to the letter. No contact whatsoever. Nothing. Not even hearing about her. You simply don't want to know. Even now, months after losing someone, I recently had a friend say he saw her and I had to remind him to STFU. Although it's been a long time, just hearing that made my heart skip a beat and I thought about her... something I've not done in a long time. So you see what I mean about total no contact. It'll be tough but it's the only way. Eventually you'll take her off that pedestal and be able to realise that there are better, nicer, kinder and more respectful people out there.

I wouldn't say he is a bad boy" he's just a party dude, goes out an gets wasted all the time, in the sense of physical strength I have the edge because I'm a semi pro k1 fighter and I've competed in novice powerlifting, I'm not scared at all too face this guy, an he knows what I'm about.. And I have money, I'm far from loaded, but I can afford nice trips out etc, my own place (renting) I've shut down all contact, Facebook, snap chat, even got a new number now.... I'm debating sending a txt after a month, too see if she'll bite, something like this... "Hey people's Jack New number" so it doesn't appear like I've sent it directly too her, a chain txt.. I just want her too come back, because she's changing so much, it's scary, she went from being calm an peaceful enjoying meals out an cossy nights in, too getting wasted beyond belief....

August 8, 2016

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

She's young, she's immature, and she is probably going through a phase.

All you can possibly do is drop off the face of the earth for her and go no contact. Delete her from all social media, and pretend she does not exist. If you see her when you're out you walk away and do not engage.

Whether you want her back or want to move on the process is the same. No contact.

If she still loves you and misses you then no contact will drive her crazy. What are you doing in your life? Why are you not still pining over her? If she really wants you in her life she will reach out, and then it's up to you how you handle it. Be careful though, it might just be breadcrumbs, where she reaches out just for assurance that your feelings haven't changed and that you're still there if she wants you.

If she doesn't reach out it doesn't matter, you're on the path to moving on anyway.

Thank you for your words, I'm currently working as chef, I was chef manager before I moved back.. Just trying too get better, trying too get myself back in the gym, but my self I'm just going out trying too meet girls an Escape it all..

I just keep looking back an thinking why did I act so mean when I was stressed out.. I never said anything about her appearance, just was very snappy an said bad things, which I utterly regret... Even after the bad arguments, we would make up after half hour too a day, with complete forgiveness for each other...

But then I look back an think if I didn't take the managers role, I wouldn't of been able to do so many nice things for her, gifts, movies, all the trips out shopping coffee shops, tattoos, meals out.. So am

I bad guy, or just stupid !?

Edited August 8, 2016 by Jak1392

August 8, 2016

Thank you for your words, I'm currently working as chef, I was chef manager before I moved back.. Just trying too get better, trying too get myself back in the gym, but my self I'm just going out trying too meet girls an Escape it all..
I just keep looking back an thinking why did I act so mean when I was stressed out.. I never said anything about her appearance, just was very snappy an said bad things, which I utterly regret... Even after the bad arguments, we would make up after half hour too a day, with complete forgiveness for each other...
But then I look back an think if I didn't take the managers role, I wouldn't of been able to do so many nice things for her, gifts, movies, all the trips out shopping coffee shops, tattoos, meals out.. So am
I bad guy, or just stupid !?

You're not a bad guy. No-one is perfect all the time, and relationships that end because you didn't shower them with enough gifts are worthless anyway.

The fact is that attraction is unquantifiable. You just "feel". It's without logic or reason.

So the fact she did this wasn't based on a reasoned analysis of your relationship, she just doesn't feel for you anymore.

There is a reason why so many people stay in bad relationships, it's because no matter what happens if feelings are there they just don't want to leave. If she really loved you what ever you feel guilty about would not have mattered, and it only mattered because she didn't care anymore.

So stop beating yourself up, stop looking at other girls when you're clearly not ready, and just focus on yourself for a while. Pretend you're ex doesn't exist and focus on you.

That's the only way to move forward.

August 8, 2016

You're not a bad guy. No-one is perfect all the time, and relationships that end because you didn't shower them with enough gifts are worthless anyway.

The fact is that attraction is unquantifiable. You just "feel". It's without logic or reason.

So the fact she did this wasn't based on a reasoned analysis of your relationship, she just doesn't feel for you anymore.

There is a reason why so many people stay in bad relationships, it's because no matter what happens if feelings are there they just don't want to leave. If she really loved you what ever you feel guilty about would not have mattered, and it only mattered because she didn't care anymore.

So stop beating yourself up, stop looking at other girls when you're clearly not ready, and just focus on yourself for a while. Pretend you're ex doesn't exist and focus on you.

That's the only way to move forward.

I kinda understand you there, "people staying in bad relationships"

My old friend has been with his partner 5 years, think they met was they was 18 ish, an he told me they argue an fight all time, but they adore each other very much.. Well what do you think To me messaging her after a month, then going back too NC, Do you think it's pointless or do you think it'll help, because say for example she try's contacting my old number an can't get hold of me..

August 8, 2016

I think its pointless.

I think instead of worrying about her you should worry about yourself and focus on your career, friends, family etc.

In a month or so you will start to forget.

Let it happen and let it go.

August 8, 2016

I think its pointless.

I think instead of worrying about her you should worry about yourself and focus on your career, friends, family etc.

In a month or so you will start to forget.

Let it happen and let it go.

I don't think I will tbh, we shared a very a loving relationship, it's hard... But I hope I can over come it

August 8, 2016

I kinda understand you there, "people staying in bad relationships"
My old friend has been with his partner 5 years, think they met was they was 18 ish, an he told me they argue an fight all time, but they adore each other very much.. Well what do you think To me messaging her after a month, then going back too NC, Do you think it's pointless or do you think it'll help, because say for example she try's contacting my old number an can't get hold of me..

Depends on how much self respect you have? I heard nothing after 6 weeks, was still inconsolable and reached out on to be humiliated by an angry rejection.

Trust me, if I could go back in time and not contact her I would in a heartbeat.

Look at your situation logically. You have an ex who doesn't care about you. She doesn't give a **** and is pursuing someone else. You hold no value to her.

The only solution is for her to realise her mistake and come running back to you. Begging her is deeply unattractive. Crying to her is deeply unattractive. Trying to maintain contact is deeply unattractive. Making it look like you can't move on so you will still be there after this guy is done with her makes her feel great and powerful, and will lengthen the time she will even consider contacting you again.

So logically, you lose big if you reach out ever again. I did.

Seriously forget about her and move on. Her opinion of you will improve, you'll have some self respect, and after a while even if she does come running back you'll tell her you're not interested.

This phase you're going through right now is a temporary heartache. Don't do anything stupid while you're high on fear and emotions.

August 8, 2016

Depends on how much self respect you have? I heard nothing after 6 weeks, was still inconsolable and reached out on to be humiliated by an angry rejection.

Trust me, if I could go back in time and not contact her I would in a heartbeat.

Look at your situation logically. You have an ex who doesn't care about you. She doesn't give a **** and is pursuing someone else. You hold no value to her.

The only solution is for her to realise her mistake and come running back to you. Begging her is deeply unattractive. Crying to her is deeply unattractive. Trying to maintain contact is deeply unattractive. Making it look like you can't move on so you will still be there after this guy is done with her makes her feel great and powerful, and will lengthen the time she will even consider contacting you again.

So logically, you lose big if you reach out ever again. I did.

Seriously forget about her and move on. Her opinion of you will improve, you'll have some self respect, and after a while even if she does come running back you'll tell her you're not interested.

This phase you're going through right now is a temporary heartache. Don't do anything stupid while you're high on fear and emotions.

Okay, I'll stay away... It'll be hard, im kinda dealing with this on my own... Haven't really opened up too my family, my friends know, but their girls, there opinions are pretty blunt tell her too f u c k off.. An walk

August 8, 2016

I don't think I will tbh, we shared a very a loving relationship, it's hard... But I hope I can over come it

Doesn't sound like it to me...

Love is a two way street you know...

August 8, 2016

Doesn't sound like it to me...

Love is a two way street you know...

When I moved away up north. We would txt, Skype, face time, snap

Chat Everyday, hour long phone calls, an we when was together it was just pure happiness, there was never any negativity from us when we around each other .. I'd take a week off work each month because the amount of hours I was doing was recruiting so many holidays... So even tho it was long distance it never felt it because there was so much comunaction bwteen us.. She actually said too me after we broke up,

"it's sad, "the only time we had problems was when we was apart, but it's too late now"

We never argued at all in person, was always when I was away over stupid txting ..

August 8, 2016

Okay dude. I'm going to hit you with a little dose of reality. She is eighteen. Look at the second syllable, TEEN!!!! She is barely able to call herself an adult, therefore, she is NOT mature enough to handle a relationship. I mean, she went from you to this older guy and all they do is get messed up! I would hardly call that a stable relationship! I don't know if you're from Canada, but in the states, she's not even old enough to drink! And she was bad mouthing you. Do you know why? Because she needed to demonize you in her own head to justify leaving.

My advice, keep doing what you are doing. Get new hobbies. Continue at the gym and then travel! Go see what's out there! Explore new places and meet new people! Make life an adventure! Time to move on dude.

August 8, 2016

Okay dude. I'm going to hit you with a little dose of reality. She is eighteen. Look at the second syllable, TEEN!!!! She is barely able to call herself an adult, therefore, she is NOT mature enough to handle a relationship. I mean, she went from you to this older guy and all they do is get messed up! I would hardly call that a stable relationship! I don't know if you're from Canada, but in the states, she's not even old enough to drink! And she was bad mouthing you. Do you know why? Because she needed to demonize you in her own head to justify leaving.

My advice, keep doing what you are doing. Get new hobbies. Continue at the gym and then travel! Go see what's out there! Explore new places and meet new people! Make life an adventure! Time to move on dude.

I understand, I just thought it would be different for us .. She never wanted too party at all with me, just take it easy an enjoy ourself, go the gym, cinemas, coffee shops ,we'd only drink when we went out for a meal or a special occasion... I never pushed booze or weed on her at all... But all she's doing now is exactly that, with this low life groomer... And I'm from the Uk, legal

Age too drink an smoke tobacco is 18...

August 8, 2016

I understand, I just thought it would be different for us .. She never wanted too party at all with me, just take it easy an enjoy ourself, go the gym, cinemas, coffee shops ,we'd only drink when we went out for a meal or a special occasion... I never pushed booze or weed on her at all... But all she's doing now is exactly that, with this low life groomer... And I'm from the Uk, legal
Age too drink an smoke tobacco is 18...

Wow! I assumed Canada. Because I never heard of a Brit refer to someones Mum as "Mom".

Here's the rub, dude. What we want when were in our teens is a hell of a lot different then what we want in our twenties. And what we want in our thirties is a hell of a lot different then what we had in our twenties. My point being. Is she is a teenager and she doesn't know what the hell she wants. So, she's trying new things and trying to figure out what she wants in life and if she ever figures out it was you, it will probably be too late. HER LOSS!!

Now, it time for you! You need to make positive changes in your life. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life.

August 8, 2016

Eighteen-year-old people are not exactly known for their stability, regardless of how "mature" or "different" they are.

Age gaps matter a bit less as the age of the involved parties gets older, but at 18 and 23, you're talking worlds apart. Let her be 18 while you continue to focus on your endeavors.

August 9, 2016

Wow! I assumed Canada. Because I never heard of a Brit refer to someones Mum as "Mom".

Here's the rub, dude. What we want when were in our teens is a hell of a lot different then what we want in our twenties. And what we want in our thirties is a hell of a lot different then what we had in our twenties. My point being. Is she is a teenager and she doesn't know what the hell she wants. So, she's trying new things and trying to figure out what she wants in life and if she ever figures out it was you, it will probably be too late. HER LOSS!!

Now, it time for you! You need to make positive changes in your life. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good and adventurous life.

Thank you, I'm trying, still keep thinking about, her, I'll be doing something an positive an negative thought will pop up, i woke up an hour ago took a nap from doing house work, an dreamt about her with her new guy, is it normal for me too be having her on my mind so much?! Just seems like I can't escape, thinking about deleting my Instagram too, because her account keeps coming up suggested even tho I've blocked her ..

August 13, 2016

After a painful analysis of the last week of me an my ex being together, I've came too the terms, she cheated an left me for this scumbag....

I still love her an want her back... It eases my pain knowing what she did was one of the actual reasons she left.. An it wasn't my mistakes..

We was togther 2 years, she was a very loving caring girl, so it's very hard too too come too terms why she did it..

The relationship was good, we did have a lot of pointless arguments an some very bad things was said, but we loved each of too bits, lots of days out an experiences gifts an dates etc...

She met this guy at festival, it's actually her step dads friend even worse!

She's 18 an this creep is 30.. Funny thing is she's denying it too everyone, telling everyone I'm lying, an they're friends...but I saw all the evidence on her phone... Thing is they're going too a festival today, it kills me knowing that, because I was saving for this festival myself too take

Her...

I believe she opened up too him at the festival drunk, about our good an bad .. An he's taken full of advantage of it.. And pulled her away from me..

It kills me that she was so weak too resist, she was very loving an carinng an that's what eats me up so much...

I still want us too be together, or if not together her too meet her ultimate karma... I want this guy to betray her an I want this guy, too meet his fate! Dirty evil scumbag.... I want her too reach out too

Me an say sorry, an for me too be in the position of mental strength too make a real decision....

August 13, 2016

You're so full of anger and regret that you're screwing up your own life whilst she's moved on and living hers. Stop it now. Walk away totally and stop finding out stuff about her. She's no longer a part of your life, and from what you say, you're better off for it. Whatever her reasons were for leaving you, were hers and hers alone. You need to stop living in the past and let this one go. Let go of the regrets and anger otherwise they're going to eat you up and you'll never get past this. Right now, if she were to come back, you'd be on your knees worshipping her whilst she treated you like crap with zero respect, and no doubt just leave you again. You need to go find yourself and your inner happiness once again. That same happiness before she came along. Follow that NC guide and stop stalking her life.

August 13, 2016

Being betrayed is very hurtful. I know, I have been there too.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself right now is to cut off your source of information about her. Whether you're hearing about her life through social media or friends, you need to pull the plug on that outlet. Knowing what she is up to and who she is dating is going to delay your healing significantly.

It's normal to hope karma comes back to bite a cheater. Maybe it will, or maybe it won't. My unfaithful ex went on to marry and have a child with the woman he cheated with. But you know what? I'm at a point in my life now where I'm so far removed from him and what we once had that I can honestly say I feel nothing when he crosses my mind these days (We split 4 years ago) I have moved on.

It will take time, but you will too.

August 13, 2016

Hey, get over it.

You're a kid.

She's a kid.

He's a pervy predator who's way more alpha than you.

She will find out the hard way.

August 13, 2016

Hey, get over it.
You're a kid.
She's a kid.
He's a pervy predator who's way more alpha than you.
She will find out the hard way.

I'm 23, he's a ugly fat bald bum, has a cruddy little car an flat...

I could maybe understood the temption if he was really handsome...

But I work out 4-5 days a week, semi pro k1 kickboxer, never pushed drugs or booze on her... An she leaves me for that!? A fat bum, who encourages her get wasted

August 13, 2016

Being betrayed is very hurtful. I know, I have been there too.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself right now is to cut off your source of information about her. Whether you're hearing about her life through social media or friends, you need to pull the plug on that outlet. Knowing what she is up to and who she is dating is going to delay your healing significantly.

It's normal to hope karma comes back to bite a cheater. Maybe it will, or maybe it won't. My unfaithful ex went on to marry and have a child with the woman he cheated with. But you know what? I'm at a point in my life now where I'm so far removed from him and what we once had that I can honestly say I feel nothing when he crosses my mind these days (We split 4 years ago) I have moved on.

It will take time, but you will too.

I love her too bits, there was ups an downs, our 2nd year together I was promoted too manager where I work, an it sent me over the top, I was poorly treated by work, this lead me an her having very bad aguements at times, because I was very upset or snappy ... But I did so many loving and caring things for her, took her shopping, cinemas, trips out, cooking together, taking her an her family out... I would have long talks with her about where she wants too go in life, education an work wise, actually try help her .. Guidance.. But all she cares about now is this fat old looser, an getting wasted.. Don't think she's bothering with college anymore now.. She believes she's going too be a tattoo arists, she's dropped out of art college now, she doesn't do anything... I really love this girl, and want her back... But she's gone now... If she doesn't face karma I hope he does ...he knows what he's doing is wrong, he was telling her too delete their messages ... He knows the age gap is wrong .

August 15, 2016

I'm 23, he's a ugly fat bald bum, has a cruddy little car an flat...
I could maybe understood the temption if he was really handsome...
But I work out 4-5 days a week, semi pro k1 kickboxer, never pushed drugs or booze on her... An she leaves me for that!? A fat bum, who encourages her get wasted

Jak,

DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF ???

Would you read your quotes above?

You put the whole blame on the new guy; however, your relationship was up to you and her only.

There is way more to life than seeing only the material stuff you are describing. Flat, car, hair, no hair, fat, lean etc.

My assumption is that she probably didn't see your personalities being compatible. (not by what you own, or how you look like!)

Did she tell you the reason she broke up with you ?

It is understandable that you are sad and angry .... but the anger part

is out of proportion. For your best interest go NC and focus on your life.

Getting over a breakup is way faster this way.

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My ex dumped me like i was nothing, now she's got someone new [updated]

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