LookAtThisPOst Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I saw this dating profile and she mentions how she prefers a gentleman that opens doors (I heard that all the time), but to walk closest to the road next to her and to walk in front of her when walking down a flight of stairs. The last two, I never heard of. Think it's so outdated that people haven't heard of those 2? I mean, ain't hell hath no fury if I forget to do those? lol
basil67 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I'm almost 50. When I was a girl, I used to walk holding dad's arm and he'd be nearer to the road. It was sweet. My hubby gets all awkward offering an arm, let alone walking nearer to the road LOL I haven't heard of walking in front of a woman going downstairs. But if I'm in heels and the ground is uneven, I will ask my husband to support me. As for door opening, I assume we're talking about him going to the door first and opening it for her. I'd be OK with it being done on special occasion. But generally speaking, it would irritate me no end. When it comes to holding a door for the person following you, that's just good manners from either gender. 1
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Street Etiquette | Modern Gentleman Walking in the company of a woman If you are walking down a street in the company of a woman or a man know that the right side is honorary side. You will let a woman walk on the right side of you or a man if he is a senior person. In this way we honor them. This custom dates from the middle ages when knights wore the sword on the left side keeping the right side free, since the right arm was “fighting arm”. In some Scandinavian countries they follow the opposite rule. A woman should walk on the left side, “the side of the heart”. A woman should always walk on the “protected side”, it being left or right, if she is exposed to some unpleasantness. For example if the road is filled with water ponds she might get splashed from passing by cars. This is why you should walk on the outer side of the pavement, no matter if it’s left or right. If you are entering a cab, and plan to sit on the back seat, apologize to the lady and enter first. In this case you will squeeze yourself through and let the lady enter easily after you. In this case you will spare her squeezing through the back seats to sit on the outer side. To avoid this situation you can open the doors for her, let her in, close them, and walk over to the other side and enter inside the cab. When exiting a cab be the first one out and offer your hand to the woman with you. When entering some premises men should enter first, since this premise are unknown territory. When leaving, open the door for the woman and let her out first 2
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 Street Etiquette | Modern Gentleman Hm, I'm sure there are women that aren't even aware of these rules, so it would probably be no harm no fowl if a guy forgets to do one, you know?
todreaminblue Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Hm, I'm sure there are women that aren't even aware of these rules, so it would probably be no harm no fowl if a guy forgets to do one, you know? but.... if a guy knows these rules...he may just end updating someone who does know the rules..who will apppreciate him no end....does it hurt to learn gentlemanly etiquette really... .....that woman he ends up dating maybe exactly looking for old school......i say either way...knowing gentlemanly things...wouldnt ever cause a "right"kind of woman to break up with you...and if they did..they suck anyway...a right kind of woman would be forgiving enough if a guy didnt know all the rules..but exhibited some.would stick around anyway and be honest with what she expected from a guy...deb
Els Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Hm, I'm sure there are women that aren't even aware of these rules, so it would probably be no harm no fowl if a guy forgets to do one, you know? It's not a 'rules' thing IMO, it's part of natural protectiveness. If it's in your nature, you wouldn't 'forget' to do it any more than you'd 'forget' to help someone up if they fell down in front of you. That being said, I don't think it's necessary for a guy to be 100% protective all the time. I wouldn't say my guy adheres to that completely, but if there's a steep staircase or a rough part while hiking he'll always go first if it's downhill, and last if it's uphill. It seems to come naturally to him. The road thing not so much, but we have REALLY wide sidewalks here so there isn't much rationale for that. But this woman wants a guy who does, nothing wrong with that either. Honestly, don't you have better things to do than picking apart the preferences of women you've never met? 2
Toodaloo Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I saw this dating profile and she mentions how she prefers a gentleman that opens doors (I heard that all the time), but to walk closest to the road next to her and to walk in front of her when walking down a flight of stairs. The last two, I never heard of. Think it's so outdated that people haven't heard of those 2? I mean, ain't hell hath no fury if I forget to do those? lol I have several male friends who do this all the time with every woman, from relatives, partners and friends. I know when I am with them I am completely safe because they think of things like this and are not so self absorbed that they have no clue... They did have old fashioned up bringings though... They also refuse to EVER let a lady pay etc... If I pay for them while out I have to do it sneakily. They are thankful and its fine because of the way I do it but they would be highly insulted and upset if I out and out paid. They naturally like and look after women. Its just who they are. Its great to feel that way. Makes you feel special and as a consequence you shine a bit more... I personally like it. In fact I like it a lot. It allows me to be feminine and not have to put up the "I can be conqueror of the world" front. That in turn makes them feel special and loved, even just as friends... So I guess romantically it would be lovely. It is wonderful to have those silly things done for you. To know that someone cares for your well being and safety even if it is to prevent you tripping up a curb or twisting your ankle on a stone while you are wearing silly heals... 3
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 I have several male friends who do this all the time with every woman, from relatives, partners and friends. I know when I am with them I am completely safe because they think of things like this and are not so self absorbed that they have no clue... They did have old fashioned up bringings though... They also refuse to EVER let a lady pay etc... If I pay for them while out I have to do it sneakily. They are thankful and its fine because of the way I do it but they would be highly insulted and upset if I out and out paid. They naturally like and look after women. Its just who they are. Its great to feel that way. Makes you feel special and as a consequence you shine a bit more... I personally like it. In fact I like it a lot. It allows me to be feminine and not have to put up the "I can be conqueror of the world" front. That in turn makes them feel special and loved, even just as friends... So I guess romantically it would be lovely. It is wonderful to have those silly things done for you. To know that someone cares for your well being and safety even if it is to prevent you tripping up a curb or twisting your ankle on a stone while you are wearing silly heals... Well, it's good to know that some women appreciate such things...I know I am old-fashioned as well, just hadn't heard of certain ones. I'm starting to come across a lot of women that don't appreciate it or it makes the uncomfortable if they aren't dating.
elaine567 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Its back to the filter thing again, she doesn't want some guy who slurps his soup, who doesn't know his manners and wouldn't know how to even spell etiquette. She wants a "gentleman". She doesn't want to be embarrassed by an "uncouth lout" who may treat her like a piece of meat or a skivvy or like something the cat's dragged in, she seeks a man who appreciates a woman in an older fashioned way. Manner's maketh man 4
mammax3 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 My current flame does this with me, and my kids. I noticed it because that's the way I was raised (and I do it in a protective way with my kids, and educate my boys on doing it too). It feels considerate and warm and I like it. 2
Toodaloo Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Its sad that these things now have to be taught. While society has moved on in many positive ways the loss of manners was a biggy... So much for helping old ladies cross the street. So much for random acts of kindness... There was a time when if a lady dropped her handkerchief men would notice and pick it up for her. These days they are highly unlikely to pick up on it and will end up just sitting there not knowing what to do or say... Such a shame. Manners and thoughtfulness are such lovely things. 1
ASG Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Its sad that these things now have to be taught. While society has moved on in many positive ways the loss of manners was a biggy... So much for helping old ladies cross the street. So much for random acts of kindness... There was a time when if a lady dropped her handkerchief men would notice and pick it up for her. These days they are highly unlikely to pick up on it and will end up just sitting there not knowing what to do or say... Such a shame. Manners and thoughtfulness are such lovely things. They have always been taught! It's innate! It's less of a thing now because of women's emancipation. We're not considered delicate little flowers anymore, which is nice. However, I do appreciate the gentleman-y gestures. And I had heard of all those. Also, men go behind women when you're going UP the stairs. Quite a few of my friends do those things naturally. It's just ingrained in them. 1
Shining One Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Its sad that these things now have to be taught. While society has moved on in many positive ways the loss of manners was a biggy... So much for helping old ladies cross the street. So much for random acts of kindness... There was a time when if a lady dropped her handkerchief men would notice and pick it up for her. These days they are highly unlikely to pick up on it and will end up just sitting there not knowing what to do or say... Such a shame. Manners and thoughtfulness are such lovely things.You can't have gender equality while continuing gender inequalities. It seems logical that these gender-specific special treatments would slowly die out over time. 2
Shining One Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Also, men go behind women when you're going UP the stairs.Are you sure about this? I thought men walked in front when going up the stairs so you couldn't see up her dress/skirt.
BlueIris Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I saw this dating profile and she mentions how she prefers a gentleman that opens doors (I heard that all the time), but to walk closest to the road next to her and to walk in front of her when walking down a flight of stairs. The last two, I never heard of. Think it's so outdated that people haven't heard of those 2? I mean, ain't hell hath no fury if I forget to do those? lol Yeah, I've dated men who naturally did those things.
ASG Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Are you sure about this? I thought men walked in front when going up the stairs so you couldn't see up her dress/skirt. No, they go behind, in case the woman falls. Which is also why they go in front going down the stairs, in case, again, they fall. 2
Els Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 You can't have gender equality while continuing gender inequalities. It seems logical that these gender-specific special treatments would slowly die out over time. Gender equality and different dynamics in male-female relationships are not mutually exclusive. Saying that 'gender equality' means nobody should enjoy traditional gentlemanly gestures is like saying that 'gender equality' means it's wrong for men to like dresses on women when they don't wear them themselves.
sugarpuss Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Haven't heard of the stairs one, but learned the walking on the road one from one of the last guys I dated. He'd make a big scene to switch sides with me if I was on the outside. I was always like, "WTF are you doing?" It irritated me, honestly, but maybe that's because he was so showy about it and it seemed out of character. 1
Shining One Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Gender equality and different dynamics in male-female relationships are not mutually exclusive. Saying that 'gender equality' means nobody should enjoy traditional gentlemanly gestures is like saying that 'gender equality' means it's wrong for men to like dresses on women when they don't wear them themselves.I never said it's wrong to appreciate them. A lot people (myself included) appreciate inequalities that benefit them. I was just saying that it's natural for many of those inequalities to die out as we move towards a more equal society. Many of those gestures are a direct product of an unequal society.
Toodaloo Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Are you sure about this? I thought men walked in front when going up the stairs so you couldn't see up her dress/skirt. No its behind so he can "catch her if she falls"... Also a gentleman wouldn't look up her skirt even if he could with out prior encouragement... A lady also wouldn't be purposefully wearing garments that would flash her under carriage... Note the word purposefully here... As for gender equality... Yeah OK... I will go with that when my pay packet is the same as the boys... We are no where even NEAR gender equality at all... No where even near. Bad thing? Good thing? That is another debate and one I can not be bothered to have on these boards, as it always descends into a festival of "bash the sexes". So back to manners.
AMJ Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Hm, I'm sure there are women that aren't even aware of these rules, so it would probably be no harm no fowl if a guy forgets to do one, you know? Every woman I know appreciates chivalry in any form. It's not expected but it is appreciated. Women make mental notes of things we appreciate. So if she doesn't say "OMG that was so sweet of you to open the door for me!" it doesn't mean that she didn't notice it, trust me, she noticed it. 1
jen1447 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I don't know that it's 'gender-instinctive' so to speak, just human. I have to take that role when I'm out w my GFs. (Not so much the street-side stuff but the danger stuff - I'm first to enter parking garages and step out of doorways and just generally scanning for issues and stuff like that.)
NTV Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think there's a huge misconception when it comes to chivalry. In my mind I reserve chivalry for ladies and I don't just mean adult women I mean women with the poise and behavior and attitude of a lady. Ultimately some grown woman squawking and yelling and screaming in the street is not going to earn enough respect for me for me to want to treat her with any type of chivalry. Loud and/or obnoxious and/or ready to tell someone off isn't attractive to me and definitely won't bring out any protective instinct. But that's just my opinion.
todreaminblue Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think there's a huge misconception when it comes to chivalry. In my mind I reserve chivalry for ladies and I don't just mean adult women I mean women with the poise and behavior and attitude of a lady. Ultimately some grown woman squawking and yelling and screaming in the street is not going to earn enough respect for me for me to want to treat her with any type of chivalry. Loud and/or obnoxious and/or ready to tell someone off isn't attractive to me and definitely won't bring out any protective instinct. But that's just my opinion. my grandfather would treat every woman like a lady.....girls....women...even women he didnt really approve of...he didnt change his respect or gentlemanly etiquette for women...or girls...based on how they acted....it wasnt an act for my grandfather...it wasnt based on the women who were around him...his etiquette,his manners...his poise..... was in him..he was old school through and through...deb 4
Shining One Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I think there's a huge misconception when it comes to chivalry. In my mind I reserve chivalry for ladies and I don't just mean adult women I mean women with the poise and behavior and attitude of a lady. Ultimately some grown woman squawking and yelling and screaming in the street is not going to earn enough respect for me for me to want to treat her with any type of chivalry. Loud and/or obnoxious and/or ready to tell someone off isn't attractive to me and definitely won't bring out any protective instinct. But that's just my opinion.I'm like this in a more limited fashion. I'll perform certain chivalrous gestures for my girlfriends and close friends. Random women and early dates don't get that treatment though.
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