gymgirl36 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 There's a guy at my gym who I've seen at least 3 or 4 times a week for maybe the last 6 months. He looks to be about 10 years older than I am, not necessarily my 'type', but attractive. He's always smiled and waved and it's been pretty clear that he finds me attractive. I didn't think he was going to say anything to me, but then one day out of the blue he introduced himself to me. I expected a full conversation, but he gave me his name, asked mine and then he sort of awkwardly went back to working out. On my way out of the gym not too long after that, we ran into each other and out of nowhere he told me that he thinks I'm stunning. I was really thrown by it at first, but I pulled myself together and was friendly. Problem is, he didn't ask for my number or ask me out. So now I'm confused. My friend who has seen him interact with me before thinks there are three things that could be going on: a) either he's married and just has a crush and couldn't keep his mouth shut (neither of us has seen a ring, but you never know), b) he doesn't realize I'm older than I look (people tend to guess I'm mid/late 20s rather than mid/late 30s) and doesn't want to pursue someone so much younger or c) he is shy and is gathering up the courage to actually ask me out. So now what do I do? Wait patiently and see if he says something else? Should I try to initiate? Something else altogether?
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 It's been 6 months. He's not that interested or he would have done something by now. Regardless of what the specific reason is behind his behavior, it's pretty clear he's not all that interested in pursuing you on a serious level. Don't do anything. If he makes a move, go for it, but don't sit around waiting for it either. 2
Author gymgirl36 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 It's been 6 months. He's not that interested or he would have done something by now. Regardless of what the specific reason is behind his behavior, it's pretty clear he's not all that interested in pursuing you on a serious level. Don't do anything. If he makes a move, go for it, but don't sit around waiting for it either. Funny you should say that. That's exactly what I've been thinking for 6 months. "If you're interested, SAY SOMETHING!" The sudden uptick in contact, especially the compliment definitely sort of nudged at me a bit.
sugarpuss Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Just from reading this post, he seems kinda socially awkward. If you're super interested, I might try talking to him a bit more/make a move on your own. But you said he's not really your type so in that case, I'd be more inclined to just sit back and see how it plays out. 1
basil67 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Just from reading this post, he seems kinda socially awkward. If you're super interested, I might try talking to him a bit more/make a move on your own. But you said he's not really your type so in that case, I'd be more inclined to just sit back and see how it plays out. I agree with Sugarpuss. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys are comfortable chasing. This guy might be one where you need to lay equal amounts of groundwork.
Author gymgirl36 Posted August 8, 2016 Author Posted August 8, 2016 Update on this: This morning, I ran into him after the gym. He spontaneously paid for my breakfast in line at the coffee shop and then left before I could fully react. I found him in the parking lot and said thank you. He got back out of his car to speak to me, but was still very awkward and I was slightly freaked out by the number of times he told me I was "beautiful to look at". Still didn't ask for my number. He's a nice enough guy, definitely awkward. I'm not interested enough to really chase him, but I'll continue to be nice and see if he'll get comfortable enough to act on what seems to be his interest. There's a part of me that thinks he might be married. Something just feels off to me. I don't date married men, so I have my eyes wide open.
Toodaloo Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Why don't you speak up? Next time he says you are beautiful just respond that while yes you are you are sure his wife is just as gorgeous... Keep a smile on your face and keep it in a light happy tone. This guy is clearly trying to get your attention and working hard at it. He clearly holds you in high regard and clearly wants to ask you out so why not ask the questions that would help you find out all those things you want to know. Guys are not performing monkeys they need bit of a lead to ask you out. Don't forget this guy has probably been rejected 1000's of time so doesn't want to make a pillock of himself... Even more so when he has to see you 3-4 times a week!
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Update on this: This morning, I ran into him after the gym. He spontaneously paid for my breakfast in line at the coffee shop and then left before I could fully react. I found him in the parking lot and said thank you. He got back out of his car to speak to me, but was still very awkward and I was slightly freaked out by the number of times he told me I was "beautiful to look at". Still didn't ask for my number. He's a nice enough guy, definitely awkward. I'm not interested enough to really chase him, but I'll continue to be nice and see if he'll get comfortable enough to act on what seems to be his interest. There's a part of me that thinks he might be married. Something just feels off to me. I don't date married men, so I have my eyes wide open. Something is definitely off if he's doing all that but making no moves to get your number or ask you on a date. It's very possible that he's married or in a relationship and is doing these things to groom you into a 'good' side chick. Or he might have some other issues with women. Regardless, if he's taking this long to get your number, imagine how long it will take for him to ask you on a date, or how long it would take him to ask you to be his gf. If he doesn't have the balls to simply ask for your number but has no problem telling you how beautiful you are over and over, something isn't right. And I don't think pursuing men in general is ever really worth it unless that's the type of person you are. You shouldn't pursue him just because he's not pursuing you.
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