desperate.88 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Hey I am not ever sure if anyone will read this. It will probably be too long and I think its more for me to just get some stuff off my chest. I dated this girl for over a year and she ended things because she said "something" was missing. that was over a year ago now but we have been in contact ever since. some months more than others. I thought we had a good relationship and always had thoughts of fun and rarely fought. I was very against the breakup and tried many times to get her back, all with no success. there was a fairly long break with no contact and then a couple months ago she comes back into my life. this was the only girl i have ever truly fell in love with and i some how cannot get her out of my head, over since day 1. she was texting and calling me every now and again. just catching up and talking regularly. we went out for dinner a few times and saw a couple movies, i thought it was great, and possibly hoping to reconcile and get back together eventually, but playing it slow as i told her i was still very hurt and she said she she didnt want to give me the wrong impression i was just such an important person to her and that she missed me... who says that to a grieving ex when they know they are still in love with them... just plays with my head. she even went away on a bunch of different vacations with family and was texting me during the entire trip. she then went half way around the world and wanted me to help prepare as comfort her as she was going alone and was nervous. again she txt and even called me fro hostels she was staying in waiting to tell me everything and get my opinion on some things. again saying she misses me. when she got back we went out a couple times and kept it casual. ending things with a hug.. to which later i get a msg saying my hugs are so amazing and she missed them and me more and we should get together again. this went on for a while and then i recently went out west for a wedding and i talked to her on the phone before leaving and she said she wanted to hear all about it. and again the idea of relationships came up and there were no other people in our lives.. to keep things sort, that was the last time i talked to her. she didnt msg me before i left or when i got back.. and now about a month later i find out shes in a relationship.. and i am 99% sure it was with an ex bf she dated before me at school... if there are any girls out there please tell me why she would do all this to me, just to go back with an ex.. she knew how i felt and everything, i even wrote her a long hand written letter last year and then she comes back into my life just to kinda string me along with all this.. i was feeling more confident and getting to feel kinda normal again and now my heart feels like its been ripped out again just like it was when we first broke up. i F*&^$ hate it, this is truly the worst feeling in the world and i have no idea what to do.. did she just need an ego boost, did she truly care, was she just bored, i really dont understand.. any advice would be great, i really just want to get through this again, just feeling desperate and depressed. everything reminds me of her and no matter what i do i cannt get her out of my head. i hate this feeling thank you for anyone who reads this, i know its stupid and long
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 She did it because she wanted to hold onto a security blanket while she searched for a new partner. She knew she did not want you but she missed the intimacy of a relationship so she strung you along until you were no longer needed. You have to also take some responsibility for this. If someone tells you they don't want to be with you, believe them the first time. You kept going out with her because you thought she would change her mind. She was very clear and told you she didn't want to give you the wrong impression but that she missed you. That's all. Definitely go No contact and leave her alone. A person shouldn't break your heart more than once. 2
fromheart Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 I'm sorry for your pain. When a girl breaks up with you, you have to go strictly NC unless she contacts you and wants to get back together. Anything else, you're not interested. You move on, get over your pain and meet other women. Otherwise, an insecure person will doormat you pretty quickly. I speak from experience here. By all means, give someone time to change their mind and come back to you. 24 hrs is sufficient, or the morning after. No need to wait for someone longer than that, its unhealthy. Its all about self respect, only responding to the treatment you know you deserve. Anything less than that gets a big no thank you.
springy Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 Well of course you can't get her out of your head, you've been talking to her for over a year post breakup! Look, I don't know why she did what she did. Sounds like to me that you accepted the friend zone. Your description of the past year of communication with her sounds like she thought of you as a good buddy. In all this time she has not tried to get back with you and you were okay with being pals so maybe she doesn't think anything of it, or believe she did anything wrong? It is up to you to protect your heart. Not everyone is considerate or aware enough to say hey...I know this guy likes me as more of a friend, I should probably not be his "friend" when I know he wants more. What she did seems incredibly selfish, but I don't think all the blame lies on her; it seems like you were okay with the friend zone until now. Maybe you thought that would blossom into a romantic relationship again. What you need to do when someone dumps you is begin to break the addiction to them by going no contact asap. YOU have to be the one to cut ties when someone walks away, and stick to your guns. I hope you will block all possible forms of communication with her so you can get over her. No more letters, no more trying to re establish communication. Never accept demotion to the friend zone after a breakup. I am sorry you have had to learn this the hard way. I hope you feel better soon. 2
Marc878 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 My friend you did this to yourself. She dumped you but you just kept hanging on instead of moving on like you should have. Block her on everything and never contact her again. Move on like she has. It's large of growing up. Quit living in the past and look towards your future. I promise you there are better out there.
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