LoneWolf17 Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 (edited) Not sure if I had placed this in the right thread, however I am caught in a difficult situation where I feel a co-worker in my department is trying to get my attention while she is dating another employee of the same company (in another department) and I am not sure how to approach this. Hopefully this is not one of those TL:DR type of deals. I am 39 years old and my co-worker is three years older. We started working together around 18 months ago (around the beginning of 2015). We both came out of long term relationships around the same time (at the end of 2013). In my case, it was a 9 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend and in her case it was a 20 year marriage with her ex-husband (they had 2 children together). However in her case, she immediately jumped into a new relationship, while I have been single ever since. Since we became co-workers, we have really hit it off and formed a great working relationship and friendship. We have really confided in each other and know about our past and current situations and have provided support when needed. Let’s call her ‘Girl A’. Just to give you a quick background about me (as it ties into this story). My ex-girlfriend of 9 years had 2 children (they were very young when I met them) and I have been more of a father figure in their lives. I had broken things off, when I suspected infidelity (which was confirmed after the relationship ended). We had a house together, but she moved out with the kids. I tried to keep up with the bills, but could not and had to sell the house last summer. My dad insisted that I come home to stay with him and pay off all the bills owed and then move back out (I swallowed my pride and complied). I hit rock bottom at that point, but instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided to change my attitude and live my life the way I saw fit. I started to hit the gym, in which I had dropped over 20 pounds and getting close to a lean physique. I also do biking and Latin dancing, I started caring about the way that I dress and grooming myself and my confidence has boosted ever since. My manager who works out of state, promoted me to run our small department while she is away, so I have never been so blessed in my life and it shows in my attitude. Back to ‘Girl ‘A’, she has done wonderful things for me and I was thinking to myself what a great friend to have. She has seen the transition that I had gone through since I had lost my house, last summer and was very supportive. My ex’s daughter had her 15th birthday party at a hall last Halloween and I was invited by her, I initially did not want to go but did not want to disappoint her. The reason is that despite my ex-girlfriend’s infidelity, she still wanted to work things out, which I wanted no part of. Girl A insisted that I take her along (as a date) to prove to my ex that it is over. I did not do so at the end since I did not want to make a scene at my stepdaughter’s party. Girl A understood, but I had thanked her for the suggestion. She would also go out her way to send me links to apartments, when I had hinted at moving out of my dad’s house. I thought it was very thoughtful of her to think of me. Enter the New Year (2016). Our friendship is still going strong, but now I am noticing a few things. She has complimented me a lot more than ever about everything that I have been doing. From being a great co-worker, to the lost weight, the way I dress, the dancing, the confidence, etc. Once again, I thought she was just being friendly, but then I started to notice the flirting. Quick background about ‘Girl A’, she had jumped into a relationship, immediately following her divorce with a man she had befriended (he was also recently divorced with one child). While she mentions he is emotionally supportive, she feels that she has to run the relationship. Not to mention she feels that he is not a family oriented as she is (as she has yet to meet his family other than his child after 2 years of dating) and kind of a slob. He tried to make things up to her by going on a cruise, in which they ultimately went, but ended up in a bad accident resulting in a broker finger for her (it seemed like a bad omen as far as they relationship is turning out). She confided in me that she wanted to break up for the longest time, as she was very unhappy, but was afraid she would not find another man with the emotional support he provides. She actually broke up with him a couple of months ago and felt relieved, but ultimately went back with him a week later, after he begged her, but she did not looked thrilled. She even told me a month ago that she does it out of pity and was not fully invested in the relationship. A couple of weeks ago they went to a wedding, in which the groom told her BF that he was next to get married, in which ‘Girl A’ said that she had laughed so hard and said ‘Yeah right’. As her friend, I told her to leave the relationship if she was that unhappy, as she could be doing them both a favor and end this madness or try her best to keep it alive if that is what she truly wishes. This past week, she said things seem to be getting better as he promised her that things would change, which I do not believe because…… …..her flirting still continues with me. Aside from the compliments, she would throw some sexual innuendos at me. For example just this past week, another co-worker was going on a long vacation. I had made a joke about babysitting Girl A, in which she said “That’s ok, you can cradle, you can pet me, you can put me to sleep and if you want to lasso me next to you when I misbehave that’s fine too”. It’s not the first time she has done that. She has also invited me to either go Latin dancing or for a drink from time to time. One time she even sent me a picture of her and her parents (who are from out of time) to show me what a great time they had the night before. Personally, I didn’t mind it, but at 7AM? There’s more flirting to tell, but ultimately I had told her that I wanted to start dating again, but at my age, I may need to go to online dating. I told her, that one preference was not to date someone with children (since I had already done that and don’t even have children of my own), she quickly countered “but what if you meet someone who matched all other qualifications, would you still not give her a chance?” (I had figured that she was talking about herself). She even said that she would help me write my profile and even take the pics needed for the profile, which I thought was strange, but ok I thought. She jokingly said that she would like to be the best man if I had even gotten married. Personally, I don’t think she is getting my hints as I am telling her that I would like to date different women, at the same time encouraging her to work out her relationship. But now, I feel like I have to say something to her. I really love the friendship we have, but I am really concerned about the flirting. I am not sure if she does it for the attention or because she has feelings for me and does not want to say. If it’s the former, then I am considering ending our friendship because I don’t think you should use your friend like that. I don’t think she wants to have an affair and I wouldn’t do it anyway. Keep in mind, we are co-workers and that could be a recipe for disaster and awkward (as he current boyfriend works in the same building). I want to confront her about the flirting, but afraid she will try to save face and say that she wasn’t flirting and that I had took it the wrong way. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and did not ask for this, but not sure what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited August 8, 2016 by LoneWolf17
JewelD Posted August 8, 2016 Posted August 8, 2016 All you needed to say was girl flirting with you, bf works in same department. Don't do it. And stop flirting back with her. You don't need to confront her, you just need to keep it platonic for the sake of your job.
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