What does this mean?

[abramov]

I asked a girl out for coffee.

 

"On one of your days off from working here, would you want go for coffee together?"

 

Her reply was the following:

 

"Not sure when because when I am not working here, I am working at a daycare."

 

She had open body language & had a really big smile the whole time.

 

Isn't her response a rejection? I am inclined to think that this is still a rejection

[Patrice]

No, as a woman - and a busy woman - respect her job and her time frame. It doesn't mean she isn't interested. Ask her - when you are free, I would love to take you for coffee.

[kendahke]

"On one of your days off from working here, would you want go for coffee together?"

 

Her reply was the following:

 

"Not sure when because when I am not working here, I am working at a daycare."

 

You asked an open ended, wishy-washy question which didn't indicate any specificity.

 

What you should have asked was "Let's meet for coffee on Saturday at 11am" is far more direct and it doesn't leave it up to her to figure out what day you're talking about.

 

Everyone is busy in their lives most days of the week. She's not waiting around for coffee invitations, by and large. Generally speaking, daycare isn't open on Saturdays because the parents are usually off.

 

If you want to meet her for coffee, then nail down a specific day and time you want to do this and tell her--don't ask her--what day you'd like to meet her.

[abramov]

No, as a woman - and a busy woman - respect her job and her time frame. It doesn't mean she isn't interested. Ask her - when you are free, I would love to take you for coffee.

 

Are you saying that it doesn't mean she isn't interested because she still has receptive body language? Otherwise if she had the same verbal response but the body language was not receptive, then it's a blow-off for sure?

[Erik30]

I think it might be a "maybe" and she possibly has low interest.

You'll get your answer when you try to actually set up that date.

If she's "too busy " all the time, she's not interested.

[TXGuy]

I asked a girl out for coffee.

 

"On one of your days off from working here, would you want go for coffee together?"

 

Her reply was the following:

 

"Not sure when because when I am not working here, I am working at a daycare."

 

She had open body language & had a really big smile the whole time.

 

Isn't her response a rejection? I am inclined to think that this is still a rejection

 

I generally subscribe to the school of thought that anything that isn't a 'yes' (or a specific counteroffer) is a rejection. However, your 'invitation' was such a 'non-invitation' that her response was appropriate without being an acceptance or rejection.

 

I agree with Kendahke that you need to as her out on a specific activity, on a specific day, at a (reasonably) specific time. Make it easy for her to say yes or no. The type of invitation you made can be frustrating and annoying to the people who receive it. You are basically putting the ball into their court to do all of the work. Anyone that is not enthusiastically into you will generally just let those types of invitation die the natural death that they deserve.

[abramov]

Does the fact that I asked her out by surprise change the answers on this thread?

[basil67]

Does the fact that I asked her out by surprise change the answers on this thread?

 

How well do you know her? Had the two of you built a rapport so that she'd know you'd be good to spend time with?

[abramov]

How well do you know her? Had the two of you built a rapport so that she'd know you'd be good to spend time with?

 

I haven't really talked to her much.

[basil67]

I haven't really talked to her much.

 

In that case, it was probably a blow off. If she doesn't know how great a companion you are, she's far less likely to accept you.

[leogirl876]

I think it's a rejection. If I was interested in a guy, I wouldn't give a wishy washy answer, I would say yes if I was interested.

[abramov]

In that case, it was probably a blow off. If she doesn't know how great a companion you are, she's far less likely to accept you.

 

So you're saying that I should never ask a girl out if I barely know her....

[SevenCity]

So you're saying that I should never ask a girl out if I barely know her....

 

No. But try to build an attraction or common interest first.

 

I would take this as a no because if a woman wants to go out with you she will make an effort to do so "I'm busy on my off days but I can get together Friday night"

 

The other part is she may be neutral on you. It's better than friend zoned but requires work to show her what a cool guy you are.

[abramov]

No. But try to build an attraction or common interest first.

 

I would take this as a no because if a woman wants to go out with you she will make an effort to do so "I'm busy on my off days but I can get together Friday night"

 

The other part is she may be neutral on you. It's better than friend zoned but requires work to show her what a cool guy you are.

 

Why would she give a long answer though? She would have just said three words. "I am busy". I think the problem is that I didn't suggest a certain day and time.

[preraph]

She's busy. As someone who's usually had two jobs to juggle, I can only tell you that if I were really interested in the asker, the answer would have been, "Yes, I'd LOVE to! I do have a second job, but call me and we'll find a good time."

[SoThatHappened]

It wasn't wishy-washy. It was an obvious "no."

[kendahke]

Does the fact that I asked her out by surprise change the answers on this thread?

 

what does that mean?

[kendahke]

So you're saying that I should never ask a girl out if I barely know her....

 

No. You should be more specific and tell her what day what time and what you're planning, if you want a specific answer.

 

If you're vague, you're going to get vague.

[abramov]

If she were completely uninterested, she would have just given a very brief answer without elaborating why she's not sure? Agree or disagree?

 

Wouldn't she have just said a short "I am busy." or "I will consider it." instead of giving a long answer?

[thecrucible]

No. But try to build an attraction or common interest first.

 

Yes I agree. Well whenever a man has asked me out whom I don't very well, I feel a little awkward. Since I work in customer service I've had this a few times. When I don't even know the guy's name, I'm not ready to go on a date with him. Now I'm almost 27, and I'd really want to know even more beyond whether I find him attractive - like whether there is a hint of common interests as a starting point for further interaction.

 

I wouldn't lose interest in a guy if he had a few conversations with me before asking me out later. For instance I met one long-term bf while playing pool. Well actually we had met a few days before through a mutual friend. If he had asked me out then I would have been unsure as we had only just been introduced. It was when I bumped into him again unexpectedly (we just happened to be at pool tables next to each other) that he started flirting with me/having conversation. We ended up dating for a year. If you make a good impression initially and she knows your name, you can come back not long after (perhaps a few days later) and see if she's open to going out. If she likes you, she would have thought about you if you made a good impression.

 

I would take this as a no because if a woman wants to go out with you she will make an effort to do so "I'm busy on my off days but I can get together Friday night"

 

I agree with another poster. It could be because the question is a bit vague. She has no idea at this point what OP has in mind so she can't build a picture in her mind. By the way this is another good reason to find common interest. Say you discover she likes jazz music for instance, then you can say "Did you hear about the new jazz bar opening in town? You free Friday to check it out with me?" or something similar, I dunno.

 

The other part is she may be neutral on you. It's better than friend zoned but requires work to show her what a cool guy you are.

 

I don't know much specifics about OP's situation but this could well be the case, especially if she does not know OP at all and it seemed to come out of the blue.

[abramov]

I asked a very shy girl (Jessica) out. We work at different stores inside a shopping mall. We recognize each other, but we don't know each other well and haven't spoken too much. One day, I asked her out.

 

I said:"Do you want to go for coffee together on one of your days off?"

 

She said "Not sure when because when I am not working here, I work at a daycare." Right after, she had a big smile on her face with eye contact.

 

So I took it as a rejection and said 'That's fine.'.

 

About a week later, her co-worker came up to me by herself and told me that this girl will be working on Sunday and asked if I am also working on Sunday. I said I only work from Tues. to Sat. The co-worker then said "Then you guys will see each other on Thursdays." and finally said, "I want you for Jessica! Keep trying!"

The co-worker also told one of my friends that I should talk to Jessica because Jessica and I are both single.

 

Also, about a week after the co-worker approached me, Jessica worked on Saturday. Was that creating an opportunity for me to talk to her?

 

The co-worker wouldn't have done this if Jessica weren't interested at all?

 

I told my friends about it and they all say that this very shy girl is likely too shy to say yes to your invitation.

 

What are your thoughts? Should I keep away from her even though the co-worker seems to be giving hints? I don't want to seem pushy....

[preraph]

Well, ask her again, but ask her "Do you want to sit down real quick and work out a time we're both off so we can go out?"

[HumanMachine]

Don't ask her

 

Just talk to her.. Make her laugh.. Ask her how her day is.. Make her want that date

[HumanMachine]

Well, ask her again, but ask her "Do you want to sit down real quick and work out a time we're both off so we can go out?"

 

Sorry that is awful she's already nervous

[todreaminblue]

i think you should ask her again....i feel she is interested...she is probably asking the co worker to say things to you or talking about you ...obviously the co worker is more than a co worker and a friend to her......deb