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He's not attracted to me

joyyu22

By joyyu22
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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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I don't think you speak for most guys. A rarely hear guys complaining that their gf is too skinny.

 

It seems to be taboo for a guy to want a thin girl in shape. If women hear this they automatically say he is superficial. Yet it's ok for women to want tall guys with nice hair as opposed to short bald guys.

 

 

Maybe I haven't been paying attention, but I have NEVER known any guy to complain that their gf was TOO SKINNY.

 

Many or most ladies frown on having their physique being an important standard for attraction. So many women make excuses for not being in good shape, but I always ask myself then why are there those who are? I date within the 40+ age range and there are some lovely, healthy ladies out there keeping, remaining in shape. Outside of a medical issue, there's no reason not to stay in reasonable shape. Alas, this applies to men too.

 

I had a woman contact me the other day and tell me that she wished I were taller. That was it...just taller. I responded by saying that I don't have an issue with my height, why do you? I am confident, why do you need someone at least 6-nches taller than yourself? I love the biological/evolutionary explanation...how "primitively" outdated and "de-evolved" to use it. I reminded her that all these guys she's been dating have met her height requirements, but they turned out to be lemons....she was undeterred.

Edited by simpleNfit
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SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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Maybe I haven't been paying attention, but I have NEVER known any guy to complain that their gf was TOO SKINNY.

 

Many or most ladies frown on having their physique being an important standard for attraction. So many women make excuses for not being in good shape, but I always ask myself then why are there those who are? I date within the 40+ age range and there are some lovely, healthy ladies out there keeping, remaining in shape. Outside of a medical issue, there's no reason not to stay in reasonable shape. Alas, this applies to men too.

 

I had a woman contact me the other day and tell me that she wished I were taller. That was it...just taller. I responded by saying that I don't have an issue with my height, why do you? I am confident, why do you need someone at least 6-nches taller than yourself? I love the biological/evolutionary explanation...how "primitively" outdated and "de-evolved" to use it. I reminded her that all these guys she's been dating have met her height requirements, but they turned out to be lemons....she was undeterred.

 

Funny how that works huh? The good news is you can no longer waste time on her.

 

Good to hear that there are still attractive women in that age bracket as that's what I'll be seeking if I start dating again (pending to see how things work out with my ex).

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Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

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Good to hear that there are still attractive women in that age bracket as that's what I'll be seeking if I start dating again (pending to see how things work out with my ex).

 

But they're all looking for 6'0 tall guys with full head of hair, athletic and slim, money to take them on multiple exotic trips and frequent sporting events every weekend...can you meet/afford all that?!:p

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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But they're all looking for 6'0 tall guys with full head of hair, athletic and slim, money to take them on multiple exotic trips and frequent sporting events every weekend...can you meet/afford all that?!:p

 

Not all women are looking for that, and when you find one who doesn't, keep her.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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I know men who were SO head over heels in love with their fiance's, that they were JUST AS ATTRACTED to them after they gained 20 plus LBS.

 

My mate gained 25 ish lbs; her bf acted just as sexually into her as ever!

 

She started at a healthy albeit slim weight prior to the 20 lbs gain.

 

I have had guys tell me that they were so attracted to me, that they would still fck the sht out of me, pardon my language, whether I was bald, fat, skinny, ANYTHING.

 

And I believe them.

 

We had real chemistry both sexually and personally speaking.

 

You and you bf, do not have true chemistry. If you did, weight gain wouldn't matter UNLESS you were MORBIDLY obese, and then it may be an issue.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Ok for all you non-superficial guys on here, is this man going to regain his attraction for the OP if she loses the 20lbs?

 

...and if "love" can look past the wrinkles and the ageing, then why is it not looking past the 20lbs weight gain?

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Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Yep so true

 

I wouldn't care if my bf gained weight and got very fat. I would still want to jump him.

 

For health reasons however, I would tell him that he needs to focus on his heath. For my and our furture kids.

 

But yeah. I am dating a 5 ' 10 bald guy and wouldnt care if he was my height or a bit shorter ( I am 5 ' 5). it is how I feel for him that matters- we all age and get ugly.

 

So when we are still attractive (AKA, not old), I cannot see why anything aside from morbid obesity would kill the spark. And hopefully if that did happen, as with old age, there should hopefully be a deeper love at play; that is just as sweet as the honeymoon phase byt just different.

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
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Ok for all you non-superficial guys on here, is this man going to regain his attraction for the OP if she loses the 20lbs?

 

...and if "love" can look past the wrinkles and the ageing, then why is it not looking past the 20lbs weight gain?

 

Difficult to say. We don't know ALL that is going on in the relationship. It could be that simple. I don't believe wanting your SO to look attractive is superficial. There's a point when it does become unrealistic in terms of expectations. Also, weight gain, at this early stage of their relationship (and being still young) is much more of an immediate issue than future wrinkles and ageing. When we are younger, our physique is more of a contributing factor in how we determine/feel attraction.

 

Again...we don't know the whole story.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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He wants to fix things by bringing the spark back, like dressing up and doing something new. But it's not like we sit at home all the time and not do anything, just last week we did a hike and had a nice dinner far from the city. :(

 

Did you dress up for the dinner?

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Did you dress up for the dinner?

 

We haven't done that yet, but I think we want to make a romantic date night a weekly thing.

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elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Did you dress up for the dinner?

 

 

Maybe he means "dressing up" and not dressing up for dinner...

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Did you dress up for the dinner?

 

And no, we were still in our hiking gears

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Maybe he means "dressing up" and not dressing up for dinner...

 

haha I know he would like that too but he did actually mean going on dates in the beginning

Nightwriter Member

Nightwriter

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Outside of sex, or the lack of it, is he still affectionate and romantic to you? And are you romantic toward him? Because if not, it is getting dangerously close to a room-mate situation, and even if it's one where the two care about each other, it will spell trouble eventually. The romance should never disappear. When you see an elderly couple holding hands quietly, the romance for them is still strong.

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
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But they're all looking for 6'0 tall guys with full head of hair, athletic and slim, money to take them on multiple exotic trips and frequent sporting events every weekend...can you meet/afford all that?!:p

 

I can and do. That said, I wouldn't want to be with them so I wouldn't try.

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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Ok for all you non-superficial guys on here, is this man going to regain his attraction for the OP if she loses the 20lbs?

 

...and if "love" can look past the wrinkles and the ageing, then why is it not looking past the 20lbs weight gain?

 

Wrinkles and aging are inevitable (though staying out of the sun helps).

 

Getting fat is completely avoidable.

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Outside of sex, or the lack of it, is he still affectionate and romantic to you? And are you romantic toward him? Because if not, it is getting dangerously close to a room-mate situation, and even if it's one where the two care about each other, it will spell trouble eventually. The romance should never disappear. When you see an elderly couple holding hands quietly, the romance for them is still strong.

 

Yes he is still extremely affectionate and romantic. We cuddle, hold hands and kiss every single day, considering he's not someone who enjoys physical contact, he tries his best everyday. I could say this relationship is perfect for us except for the sex

Gr8fuln2020 Established Member

Gr8fuln2020

Posted
Posted
Yes he is still extremely affectionate and romantic. We cuddle, hold hands and kiss every single day, considering he's not someone who enjoys physical contact, he tries his best everyday. I could say this relationship is perfect for us except for the sex

 

Your sex life has been waning over the years. Think about what has happened since your sex life started to make a free-fall....new job? Gradual weight gain during this time? Other stressors? Depression??? Is he a quiet, reserved kind of person?

Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

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Posted
Ok for all you non-superficial guys on here, is this man going to regain his attraction for the OP if she loses the 20lbs?

 

...and if "love" can look past the wrinkles and the ageing, then why is it not looking past the 20lbs weight gain?

 

I'd say it depends; attraction is a complicated thing. If one of the things that attracts one the most is their partner's physique, then 20 lbs could indeed reduce one's attraction. That being said, if you're in a long term relationship, you're going to have to accept these ebbs and flows in attraction and find ways to continue having a rich sex life even though your partner may not look the way they used to. Maybe for women, this would be their partner having a full head of hair that was really attractive and then going bald as they go older. And if they happened to really find a full head of hair attractive on a man, their attraction to his appearance might go down. Doesn't mean they have to break up or have a worse sex life - it just means they might not be as visually turned on by their partner as they used to be. There are many other ways to get turned on...

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Your sex life has been waning over the years. Think about what has happened since your sex life started to make a free-fall....new job? Gradual weight gain during this time? Other stressors? Depression??? Is he a quiet, reserved kind of person?

 

We've been together for 5 years alot has happened, one of us finished school, started a new job, another one went back to school, finished and got back to work. There were stress along the way for sure and this weight gain has been gradual for the past 4 years. I was at 125lb and now 145.

 

And yes he is the quite and reserved type

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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Lose 20 lbs?

 

Why isn't it an option?

 

.

Is it that simple though? For some reason I don't think he will gain his attraction back even if OP loses weight. I'm afraid he doesn't just feel it anymore after all these years.

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sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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I guess all men are different, because despite any weight I've gained and lost over the years, my husband has always wanted sex.

 

You can't be big at 145 pounds, unless your really short. I suppose he's all fit and muscular then, hence he says this? He obviously doesn't think his own weight gain is an issue.

 

I think you should work on the weight if you want and you should increase your social life without him as well.

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No_Go Established Member

No_Go

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Men are visual but 20 lbs are not much at all unless you are super short. I'm 5'7 and i've been varying between 120 lbs and 140 lbs in the past years, yet wear same dresses. Even pants fit, just tighter towards 140 lbs and looser towards 120 lbs.

 

My gut feeling is that he's just giving you this answer as an excuse. Maybe he met someone else? You fighter a lot? Parents disapprove?

 

Lose the pounds if you want to test my theory, I bet nothing will change.

 

 

We've been together for 5 years alot has happened, one of us finished school, started a new job, another one went back to school, finished and got back to work. There were stress along the way for sure and this weight gain has been gradual for the past 4 years. I was at 125lb and now 145.

 

And yes he is the quite and reserved type

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sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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Yes I do wonder whether the weight is just an excuse.

 

Don't marry him until the sex is satisfactory for you and don't waste time with him. You've already had 5 years with him and I find his comment exceedingly insensitive. Coming from a man who was just a BF (not husband), I'd likely walk in the opposite direction really. Damn cheek!

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joyyu22 Member

joyyu22

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Men are visual but 20 lbs are not much at all unless you are super short. I'm 5'7 and i've been varying between 120 lbs and 140 lbs in the past years, yet wear same dresses. Even pants fit, just tighter towards 140 lbs and looser towards 120 lbs.

 

My gut feeling is that he's just giving you this answer as an excuse. Maybe he met someone else? You fighter a lot? Parents disapprove?

 

Lose the pounds if you want to test my theory, I bet nothing will change.

 

I asked him all that. His parents marriage didn't end well and I hope he's not a bull****er that's one thin I love about him. He is really honest. That's why he could flat out say you don't make me excited anymore even if it will bring your confidence down to the ground

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