Back again.

[Plaster]

I will cut to the chase.

 

Met a girl. We hit it off. I knew she was special since the moment I met her. Not necessarily all the traits of what I wanted but she was/is special, and I was able to accept that.

 

Things go so well, I'm the best thing in her life, making her happy. It was really good. Met family, she always showed me off to her friends etc, like she was proud of me and really happy with me But then

2 months in she ends it. No real reason, other than she needs friends around her, she was in a bad place with work and stress, health issues and just generally doesn't deal with things well and let's them build up on top of her.

 

Things get ****ty between us then a bit better. She didn't want to talk about us, she said she wasn't ready.

When we did talk, she said she needed to work on herself, but she wanted me to stick around, said if I really meant how much she means to me and that I care, that I would be there for her, wait for her and help her through it and then we can get back to where we were. I explained how I felt, and that I won't be a mug and friend zoned etc. She said she understood and it was nothing like that.

 

So we still saw each other, slept together etc.

 

Then she said things got bad with work and her health issues and she wanted me to stand back, that she will be there when she gets out of it.

 

Then when I spoke to her last, she was saying she doesn't know what she wants, and is wierd.

I told her she needs to tell me. That I'm naive to everything and optimistic because of my feelings. That she needs to tell me if she doesn't want me. But she won't.

 

I'm seeing her next week, to give her her stuff and get mine and talk.

 

Now we've been apart the same time we were together.

 

I've had long relationships, I don't understand how or why I fell for her so quickly, and how she can fall out of where she was so quickly. She is just 19 and her uni friends came back and I believe she is torn between wanting best of both worlds, a grown up relationship (I'm 24) and being out with her friends. She's not the most sexual woman, and refuses one night stands etc so I don't think it's that.

 

But any way.

 

I'm miserable. My life's really slipped since we split. Drugs and booze are back in my life, lost a lot of interest in my passions, ive got an injury so can't train in the gym or mma, and I feel ****.

 

I've gone no contact (well only slight contact but enough to not matter too much). No social media pics etc etc.

 

Been on a fair few dates, slept with 4 different girls, even met someone recently who I'm really attracted too, is perfect for me, but I do sometimes find myself wanting her to be my ex.

 

I'm so shocked how I became so attached so quickly. I'm usually cold. Im not a ten but I get a fair bit of female attention and usually I just want one thing. But not with her.

 

But the lack of sleep is becoming a joke. I can keep myself busy, but every night, even if I'm in bed with a different girl, even the new one who I do have some. Feelings for (who is also pretty fresh out of a relationship, similar situations but I'm cool with that) I am awake thinking about my ex.

 

As I write this I have a girl I took on a date and then back home asleep next to me. I wish she was my ex so bad.

 

What do I do?

 

I feel lost. Again.

 

Life was amazing. Then I met my ex and I was so happy.

Now I'm doing worse than when my last ex left. I've really slipped. I'm unhappy more than happy.

Edited August 7, 2016 by Plaster

[mg101]

Dude, you've slept with 5 girls and your ex all in two months? And you're doing drugs and not sleeping to boot? This isn't healthy. I don't even think this is about her tbh. I think you need to look at yourself and see where all this is coming from. What deeper issues did your relationship with your ex trigger in you? Really think about that. It sounds like you're being codependent to some degree and given that you say that's not your usual nature, I suspect you've used sex and drugs to avoid those feelings in the past.

 

Again, put her aside and ask what you're REALLY feeling. Not I miss her, she was great, etc., but the stuff underneath the surface.

[Plaster]

**** me I think you could be on to something there.

 

I think some deep reflection is needed.

 

Thank you.

[TheLawyer]

No girl is special. No one is special. We are all different human beings on this ball of rock and water. There are billions of us, and we're all perfect is some ways, and an abomination in others.

 

If I could search the world I could find thousands of girls perfect for you. So perfect it would seem like divine intervention that you even met, yet it's all just a numbers game.

 

Stop looking to others for your own happiness. Everyone actually is an island, and it's up to us to make our islands awesome.

 

When you are happy and centred then you can look at other peoples islands, then you can see what complements yours and what you have that compliments theirs.