ZedLuv Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Hey everyone, I've always read forums for advice and help in the past, but never posted one myself. I think by doing this I'll be able to get support and advice with MY problems.. First of all. I'm 19 years old. I'm doing quite good in life, I work full-time in a demanding job. I get £15,000 a year and it goes up when I get taken on to the next step. Basically I have got my career sorted out. 2 years ago I met a girl. She was younger than me, I knew she was but something told me give it a shot.. I never ever went with any girl younger than me before.. EVER. She's 3 years younger than me. I was 17 at the time and she was 14, the age-gap did cause abit of attention.. Few of my friends were shocked but now they're all over it. The age gap did make it abit difficult, we have different friends groups. Somehow she knew all my friends, who they were but not personally. I didn't know none of hers. I've made friends with a few but to be honest.. I don't really like them. I think it's a age thing, they are too immature. I made friends with her family really well, at one point I thought they liked me more than they liked her.. That's for real. She's never really had a good realtionship with her family, she's never had a stable home in the past few years apparently. Her mother kicked her out, her dad did too. I used to get really concerned about her where abouts and her safety. I'll admit, one reason I'm quite attached is because I felt since her family didn't care I had to, I didn't have a choice for who I care for. But I stepped in, I snook her into my mothers house where my mother would be extremely angry about bringing her into our home. I didn't have a choice sometimes, it seriously was either sneak her in or she would have nowhere to go. I tried everything to make her feel normal, I brought her outfits, food, movie dates, I even brought her a phone on contract.. And oh, this is before I ever had a job. I was still getting money of my parents and basically spending it all on her. Anyways, a year of my life just all went in a flash. My prime year of being 18 was staying in the house with her and doing nothing. Yeah sometimes we went out and gone to some parties but for me that was not normal. I missed all my friends birthdays, gatherings. Now I don't get invited NO WHERE. It's been the weekend as I writing this and still not one friend has been in contact with me. I'm used to it now. It sucks, I miss my friends and my bestfriend. My point is, am I wrong for being in love with someone who I question myself about? I've spent so much money on her and I don't get nothing back.. It was my birthday and she brought herself a jacket for £60 and got me nothing. I don't have ANY friends anymore, even my own sister said 'You have no friends' I've recently moved out, I've got my own flat and my girlfriend is living with me. We are arguing everyday, it sucks. We still have sex but.. I don't even enjoy it no more. She doesn't pay rent, or chip in. The rent is £400 a month, she probably only gives £20 a week to me. But then she still gets McDonalds, KFC takeaways of me all the time. The other day she basically forced me into getting her fast food infront of her friend. I don't know how it has came to this. All my hard earned money is litteraly going on her. I've tried to break up with her, but I get jealous. I can't? Well I can but she's my first love.. I'm too attached, I can't. I need advice? Oh and I've stopped all contact with her family they began using me because I had a car. Like seriously taking the piss. Stupid stuff like picking her little brother up from school, taking her sister to the city centre. Buying cigertes for her nana. It was a serious joke. I avoid them now.
joseb Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 This is over You are too young to be in a relationship anyway (not to mention it was illegal until this year) Maybe read some books on how to break up with someone, as it sounds like you have attachment issues if you are staying in a relationship that has no value at all. 1
MissSecret Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 She is your first love, and it sucks to break up. My first love treated me like ****, yet I didn't have the strength to break up with him. He did it after I had an accident and I got couple of scars on my face. He said "you aren't pretty enough for me to want to be with you". It hurt a lot. And even though he treated me badly, he broke up the way he did, I wanted to get back with him. Now I think I am thankful that he broke up with me. With time I started to appreciate myself more, and think how stupid I was to let him do all these thing for me. Since she has a complicated family situation, maybe this is one big reason for you to not break up with her. Try to find someone who could help her, so she wouldn't have to relay only on you. Maybe things will get better once you don't feel used and exploited? And maybe that will give you more freedom to be with your friends?
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Hon, you thought you could save her but it does not work this way. She came from a dysfunctional family and the apple never falls far from the tree. The family are using you, she is using you. They are made of the same fabric. Yes it's hard to let go of a first love but it's necessary for most people. You are evolving into a man and she is and still will be for a long while a teen girl. You need to set each other free. She is weighing you down and keeping you from being the man you are meant to be. On the other hand she is just a kid, she needs to do what twens her age are meant to do and not play relationship and miss the boat on being a teen girl. 2
smackie9 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Once you break free of her, you will feel an enormous weight off your soul. Send her home, cancel her phone, block/delete. Then get in contact with your friends. Tell them you have finally snapped out of it and she is no longer in your life. Invite them to your flat to hang out, have some beers eat a pizza......start all over. 1
Leigh 87 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 it is actually easy to get a job at her age; fast food places like maccas LOVE young teens. I got a job at age 15 despite having high ish earning parents looking after me. And I am a pretty lazy person. So...... yeah. Her family has not made her feel like she needs to work and have pride in herself. She sees you as a meal ticket and she believes that this is normal and ideal. She doesn't know any better. She is a kid.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 So this girl is just 16? She is a child, OP. You are expecting her to behave like an adult. She won't be ready for this type of relationship for many years. It's normal. She needs to be young and carefree and not get caught up playing families yet. You are very young yourself. Don't get tied into something like this, not yet. You have many years ahead of you to date around and have fun. She might be your first love, but she won't be your last. Not by a long shot.
smudge21 Posted August 7, 2016 Posted August 7, 2016 Whether it be a first love or a tenth, it still sucks when that love turns out to be something different to what we want. We fall for people and then love makes us blind, often ignoring the initial problems and just focusing on the good. Once they're up on that pedestal, it's hard to knock them off. I reckon you've discovered that and are now finding it so difficult to accept reality. It's so hard to walk away when you've invested so much - like a gambler, leaving a table with nothing when you've spent all your money and are just thinking that if you stay around one minute longer, then maybe you'll get that win. It never happens. It's going to be hard, but you need to walk away from this. Tell her it's over and ask her to leave. She's using you as a meal ticket and not showing you any respect. I know she's young, and therefore you can't expect her to fully appreciate the meaning of a full on relationship, but that's no excuse for you paying for everything. Sadly you went in there with a mind set of being her saviour, rescuing her from what you saw as something very wrong. You started that way, with the paying for everything and sadly some people get used to it and just let it go on. You may have left it too late for her to change now, so goodbye may be the only option. Also, never turn your back on your friends or family. Lesson learned here and something that I've seen many times when relationships have begun.
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