He doesn't understand that I'm not interested

[batjokes92]

My mom is worried about my "single" status at my age (24) so she set me up with a relative of my step dad. He is 21 years old and lives about an hour away. We have been texting everyday for about a week and as we were doing so I realized right away that we were not a good match. He stopped texting me for about 2 weeks so I assumed he wasn't feeling it either and I moved on. Then suddenly he came back and texted me saying that he broke his phone and he had to buy a new one and he explained that's the reason why he didn't keep in touch. I said "fine" and he started texting me again.

 

As time went on it grew more and more obvious to me that he isn't the one for me. We literally have nothing in common and all of our conversations are tedious and awkward. He texts me all day every day and I seriously dread hearing from him now. I told my mom that I'm not into him but she is forcing me to keep it up telling me that I "never give a chance to good guys who want to date me" (I'm 24 and I've never been in a relationship) but I really don't like this guy.

 

I tried to tell him that I'm more interested in friendship right now and that I've got a lot on my plate so I'd prefer if we just texted as friends, but he didn't get it. He just said "yeah, I think it would be best if we took it slow."

 

So I scheduled a date ASAP so that we could get it over with and so I could tell my mom and myself that I atleast gave it a try before ending things. We were supposed to go out for lunch Sunday afternoon. He agreed at first but a few days later he said that he forgot that he had a picnic at work that day. I took that as a hint that he couldn't make it but then he texted me later and told me "I can miss this one besides I'd rather meet you." Then just yesterday he texted me saying "is it ok if we don't go out for lunch? As much as I want to I'm completely broke right now." At this point I was fed up. I told him "you seem very nervous and I am starting to feel a bit nervous myself, so how bout I let you off the hook? I'm starting to think that things won't work out between us." He once again, didn't understand that I was trying to reject him. He said "I'm not trying to make you feel nervous, let's just take things slow and see where they go from there. I'd like for things to go further eventually, that's what I wanted from the start." But if he wanted to take things slow why does he need to know what I'm up to every minute of every day? This guy makes me feel suffocated.

 

i called off the date for Sunday last night but this morning I woke up to a text from him that said "let me know if you still want to go out Sunday. I've got a little bit left for lunch if you are down." His indecisiveness is pissing me off and making me super anxious/nervous because I hate when dates bail on me the last minute. I don't want to "take it slow" with someone I'm not into. It just a waste of my time and energy. At this point I just want to give up and tell my mom to tell him I'm not interested just so he'd understand. What should I do?

Edited August 6, 2016 by batjokes92

[HumanMachine]

Nobody's forcing you to text him

[batjokes92]

Nobody's forcing you to text him

 

 

My mom is forcing me to

[HumanMachine]

My mom is forcing me to

 

Your mom forcefully makes you text someone? That's abuse - 911

[4x4storm]

Why do you think your not a good match? You haven't even met him yet...

[basil67]

How exactly does your mother force you to text him?

[batjokes92]

Why do you think your not a good match? You haven't even met him yet...

 

We have nothing in common. He's asked me what I like to do for fun, I tell him, he replies telling me that he's not really into anything I'm into. All he talks about is his truck. I have no interest in that. He's not particularly charming, funny or witty, our conversations are dry and tedious. He texts me every minute of the day and when I don't reply right away he sends even more text messages. I have him a chance at one date this weekend because I'm on the fence and he keeps coming up with excuses and this just makes me feel anxious.

[batjokes92]

How exactly does your mother force you to text him?

 

She pressured me into texting him telling me "you're lonely you need a man I'm worried about you." And when I tell her I'm not feeling it she just keeps telling me to give it a chance. I said "ok I'll give him one date but if it's awkward that it" she says "all first dates are awkward give him more than that." If I go against her and give up she will make me feel guilty.

 

She knows that I don't get a lot of dates and she will tell me "well, you had your chance."

[ChickiePops]

How exactly does your mother force you to text him?

 

This. You are an adult..your mom doesn't get to make decisions for you anymore. Stand up to her.

[basil67]

She pressured me into texting him telling me "you're lonely you need a man I'm worried about you." And when I tell her I'm not feeling it she just keeps telling me to give it a chance. I said "ok I'll give him one date but if it's awkward that it" she says "all first dates are awkward give him more than that." If I go against her and give up she will make me feel guilty.

 

She knows that I don't get a lot of dates and she will tell me "well, you had your chance."

 

Tell her that it's your life and she needs to keep her opinions to herself. Leave the room if she starts up at you.

 

Or move out.

[batjokes92]

Tell her that it's your life and she needs to keep her opinions to herself. Leave the room if she starts up at you.

 

Or move out.

 

I am moved out, she still likes to control my life anyway lol

[ChickiePops]

I am moved out, she still likes to control my life anyway lol

 

Just because she wants to doesn't mean you have to comply. Why can't you stand up to her?

[introverted1]

Sounds like the problem here isn't that "he doesn't understand that [you're] not interested" but "how do I emancipate from my mother."

 

I also don't see how someone who is related to you by marriage, is 3 years younger (which can be a lot when the guy is 21 and the girl 24), and lives an hour away can possibly be a good match.

 

OP - it's your life. Live it as you see fit.

[batjokes92]

Sounds like the problem here isn't that "he doesn't understand that [you're] not interested" but "how do I emancipate from my mother."

 

I also don't see how someone who is related to you by marriage, is 3 years younger (which can be a lot when the guy is 21 and the girl 24), and lives an hour away can possibly be a good match.

 

OP - it's your life. Live it as you see fit.

 

I just want to know how can I make it clear to him that I'm not interested without being mean? He really seems like a nice guy I don't want to hurt his feelings but I want him to understand.

 

I'm aware that my mom is emotionally manipulative but no one agrees with me and she's one of the only supports I have in life. If I go against her she withdrawals support.

[BaileyB]

Parents are always well intended, but you are an adult and as an adult, you sometimes have to do hard things and make hard decisions. Unfortunately, you need to communicate directly with your mother and this man and politely tell them that you are not interested/your love life is none of her business. There is nothing wrong with that... I have had this discussion with my parents. If they love you, they will respect your wishes (though, probably not without complaint;). Good luck to you.

[sandylee1]

Stop allowing yourself to be pressurised.

 

Simply say.. I've texted him and we've chatted, but we're not a good match. End of story. If she calls and starts talking about him, just put the phone down and walk away.

 

When I was single, a friend of my mum's knew a guy looking for a wife. She told my mum she thought about me and my mum asked if I was interested in meeting him.

 

I agreed to meet him, we weren't a bit ... well he thought I was, but he wasn't quite what I was looking for ....my mum didn't say another word about it.

 

Stand up for yourself.

[stillafool]

Simply say.. I've texted him and we've chatted, but we're not a good match. End of story. If she calls and starts talking about him, just put the phone down and walk away.

 

 

Definitely say the above to your mom. As for him tell him you are no longer interested, then block him. You're almost 25 and you need to learn to stand up for yourself. Why is your mother your only support. Do you have friends?

[batjokes92]

Definitely say the above to your mom. As for him tell him you are no longer interested, then block him. You're almost 25 and you need to learn to stand up for yourself. Why is your mother your only support. Do you have friends?

 

I have about one or two friends who live near by, we aren't that close though. All my other friend group has recently split up and none of them contact me anymore. A lot of my friends have moved away too.

[JuanDelToro]

If he doesn't get the hints, just be direct with him and say "F off mate, I don't like you, I don't want to date you. Period!". Some guys need to be addressed crudely and direct sometimes.

You'll be doing him a favor as well if you do this. He might learn to be a little less of a mangina next time.

 

I totally miss the "banging head on a brick wall" emoticon. It'd be so relevant in many topics.

[smackie9]

Here's some advice.....stop talking to your mom about your personal life .... If she asks, just say something generic like "I'm workin on it".

 

As for this guy, just tell him BLUNTLY that you are not interested in dating or even talking to him. Then wish him the best of luck. Block/delete.

 

Let this be a lesson. It is best to be honest and up front. Hoping that they get the hint is simply bad manners, and leading them on. You are 24 years old.....time to grow up and be your own person. Once you put your foot down, speak your mind, your mom and others will respect you.

 

Your mother telling you that you NEED a man is a horrible example of advice. Never ask for advice from her again!

[ChickiePops]

I just want to know how can I make it clear to him that I'm not interested without being mean? He really seems like a nice guy I don't want to hurt his feelings but I want him to understand.

 

I'm aware that my mom is emotionally manipulative but no one agrees with me and she's one of the only supports I have in life. If I go against her she withdrawals support.

 

I wish I could give you a hug right now. That's not support, it's emotional blackmail..I hope you find some more support soon.

 

But as you say, you came here to ask about rejecting this guy. As others have said, simply say 'not interested' and then block him. Tell your mom the truth..that he was overly eager to the point of being kind of creepy and you tried.

 

Are you interested in dating? Have you tried online?

[smackie9]

No tell your mother nothing.....unless you go to tell her to go mind her own business.

[ExpatInItaly]

Time to put on your Big Girl Pants and tell you mother it isn't going to happen.

 

Then, in so many words, tell this guy the same. You haven't been very direct with him but you will need to be. Tell him what you told us - you don't feel you would be a good match so it's better not to meet. And stop responding to him. Your mother cannot force you to text anyone.

[introverted1]

I just want to know how can I make it clear to him that I'm not interested without being mean? He really seems like a nice guy I don't want to hurt his feelings but I want him to understand.

 

I'm aware that my mom is emotionally manipulative but no one agrees with me and she's one of the only supports I have in life. If I go against her she withdrawals support.

 

So just tell him. "I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling that we are a good match. Take care!" And then don't reply when he texts. Your plan of arranging a date to "get it over with" sends a signal that you ARE interested, so don't do that.

[NIGHT1985]

Yea.. Drop in. I've had women come off this way and they always end up being more annoying in person