dl20000 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Hi, I've been going out with my bf for about 4 months now - he's French and I am from the UK. I do not speak any French yet. I am currently in France with him and he arranged to have a party at his house where all of his friends came. He knows that I am a bit anxious at parties and that I don't like to dance etc - he is the opposite and loves to dance and be social. The party started ok - everyone talked english for me but then about 30 minutes in (when the drink started kicking in!) pretty much everyone stopped talking english and started talking french. I bearly saw my bf the whole evening after that as he was having a great time with his friends in french - and I just tried my best to pick off people to have conversations to in english I'm a little annoyed at him for not putting more effort in to talking to me during the night and making sure I was ok - which i wasn't. I also went in to the room where everyone was dancing and saw him dancing really close with another person looking in to their eyes. I know this is probably meaningless and just the combination of him liking to dance and the drink - but it made me really upset especially after feeling a bit annoyed about the party in general. Do you think i'm being unfair feeling like this? I understand it was his party with french friends he haddnt seen in ages so I havent said anything to him yet - I dont really know what to say to him or how to bring it up that I was upset.....
heartfeltlove Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 how long have you been in France? Are you there for a while, or just visiting on holiday? My brother went over to France to work there as a kitchen hand, while training to be a chef. He didn't speak a word of French, but immersed himself in French life, sitting in cafes, listening to people talking, and occasionally trying to join in, until eventually, he realised he was integrating more and more, and speaking the language better. His colleagues would laugh and joke with him about his efforts, but in a good way. They loved that he was trying, and would playfully tease him, but also help him at the same time. If I know anything about the French, it's that they speak English quite well, but when in France, they expect YOU to make the effort and talk with them, in THEIR language. My advice to you is that, if you want this relationship to last, you begin mixing with the French, and make sure your BF helps you, by speaking to you in French, not English. If you expect a French person to make allowances and efforts for you, you're going to be out of luck. I'm not saying it's necessarily right; but to them, it is. The best way to make them make you feel at home - is to conform with them, not expect or hope they will bend over backwards for you.
Author dl20000 Posted August 6, 2016 Author Posted August 6, 2016 Thanks for your reply - This is my first holiday away with him - I am only here with him for a week. My intention is to learn more french and try my best to integrate as you say
heartfeltlove Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 It's a little early for anyone to tell just how long and steady this is going to be. But if things proceed, and you two become really serious, his family will expect you to integrate. You marry a Frenchman, you take on the whole kit 'n' caboodle... I would ensure you take things very slowly. And remember: His attitude/actions will tell you who he is. If he was flirting with someone else, while you were at the same party....Hmmm... he sounds a bit stereotypically French.....
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Why would it be abnormal or rude for people to speak their native language with each other in their own country? And why would you expect them, while you are in theircountry, to speak to you in your language? Also, those lazy stereotypes about the French are mind boggling (yes, you guessed it, I have a French background). 1
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2016 Posted August 6, 2016 Also, those lazy stereotypes about the French are mind boggling Oh là là .............. 1
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