What are your dating boundaries?

[Curiousroxy86]

Ok I really want to know what are your boundaries in the dating stages? Not the exlusive relationship stage but before that. Like the dating/courting/getting to know stage? No matter how big or small I want to know. Details are welcome And when I mean boundaries I mean situations you face in dating that make you respond in a way that say you won't participate or allow yourself to be treated that way whether you simply tell them "no thank you" or suggest an alternative or walk away from the person all together etc. Also if you just so happen to think of more scenarios that you feel should be a boundary after already posting feel free to update. I'm really curious about what people consider their boundaries.

 

The following are mines....

Meet at his place for the first date or a non public place. I would suggest an alternative.

Asking me to drive to his town if we don't live in the same town on a first date. I would suggest an alternative maybe say no thank you lol.

Sex before exclusivity. No thank you. Maybe alternatives.

Expecting me to come spend time with him during very inconvenient times. Alternative.

Not going anywhere together just hanging at his place all the time. Say no thank you next time he ask. Maybe suggest alternative if he is interested

Not being nice. Walk away.

Not being respectful. Walk away.

Not choosing to spend time regularly after talking for awhile. Walk away

Not calling me regularly after seeing me for awhile. Like long periods mia. Walk away

Not asking me to be exlusive after seeing me for awhile. Walk away.

Asking me to be exclusive way early when we don't know each other all that well. Alternative.

Not affectionate at all. Walk away.

Asking to pay your way lol. No thank you or Alternative. Maybe walk away lmao.

Asking me to engage in drugs smoking or alcohol. No thank you. Walk away

 

If I think of more I'll update too

[TheBathWater]

Do no harm to others nor thy self

Speak truthfully and with courage

Be a leader

Don't shine your light where it's not welcome

Know what you want

Say what you want

Strengthen connections to those who love you, distance from those who don't

See the best in others first, but don't ignore the worst

Never manipulate the interaction to get a phone number, sex, an LTR, etc...

Let the relationship go where nature wants it to go

Let the relationship go from your hands when the time is right and keep the memories beautiful

Celebrate life with her and every one you encounter

 

That's all I can think of for now.

[Curiousroxy86]

See the best in others first, but don't ignore the worst

.

 

I really like this. I've worn rose colored glasses and when faced with the worst still hang on to someone because of the good even when the bad was reaaaaaally bad lol smh.

[Curiousroxy86]

Have been in prison. I walk away.

Attempts physical and sexual. Walk no run away lol

Substance abuse walk away

Verbal abuse walk away

Tries to make me jealous. Don't engage. Gets too extreme walk away

[smackie9]

smoker/drug user, fail

crazy ex, fail

slob, fail

poor work ethic, fail

loner, fail

narcissistic/rude/negative/abusive, fail

can't have an intellectual conversation. fail

lacks consistency in communication, affection, attention, fail

boring, fail

criminal/been in prison, fail

creepy, fatal attraction, clingy, fail

mental illness, alcoholic, recovering or not, fail

dishonest/liar, fail

discuss sex explicitly, or wants to know when, fail

hates their family, fail

no or very little relationship experience, fail

bi-sexual, fail

plays games, fail

love bombs, fail

insecure/jealous, fail

has no job or has money problems, fail

long distance, fail

talks about what he is going to do, but hasn't accomplished anything, fail

texting only , no calling. FAIL!

cel phone on the table or checking it during date, fail

Edited August 7, 2016 by smackie9

[gypsymess]

Not being respectful of me. Not being chivalrous. Bye.

Ogling and staring at other women. Bye.

Condescending. Bye.

Rude to people in general. Bye.

No stable income? Need to borrow money? Bye.

Taking me to "meet" your friends and then acting like I am not there. Buh bye.

Deadbeat dad to your kids. C-ya.

Using me to brag to your ex. Bye.

 

Ya know, all the things I have dealt with in my past relationships. :p:p

[Curiousroxy86]

cel phone on the table or checking it during date, fail

 

Lol haha you don't play. I assume fail means a complete no go for you, right?

[Curiousroxy86]

Not being respectful of me. Not being chivalrous. Bye.

Ogling and staring at other women. Bye.

Condescending. Bye.

Rude to people in general. Bye.

No stable income? Need to borrow money? Bye.

Taking me to "meet" your friends and then acting like I am not there. Buh bye.

Deadbeat dad to your kids. C-ya.

Using me to brag to your ex. Bye.

 

Ya know, all the things I have dealt with in my past relationships. :p:p

 

Lol I think I experienced the same exact things. That's the funny thing about having boundaries now. You know what you should have had boundaries on now based on a time when you didn't enforce them in the past.

[Curiousroxy86]

Not checking an ex. Walk away

Anything other than single/divorced/widow. Walk away

[smackie9]

Lol haha you don't play. I assume fail means a complete no go for you, right?

Oh I play....MMORPG on pc only. I find RL more interesting than a game. Having the phone on the table, or checking their phone during a conversation is rude. Taking a pic of their meal *roll eyes*........get me out of here! I want to date a man, not a 16 year old girl.

[SevenCity]

Women with lists of deal breakers as long as their arm who wonder why they are single - fail.

[smackie9]

girls put up walls but they melt away when guy is hot

you are off topic. We don't need haters hijacking threads:sick:

[PrettyEmily77]

None before actually meeting the guy. Stupidly, I go in focusing on the positives.

 

I like to tailor these things to the individual anyway.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I like to tailor these things to the individual anyway.

 

Interesting. Does this not result in you ignoring some red flags out of convenience? Less objective?

 

Anyway...

 

1. Poor finances. Living month to month at the age I date is a serious no-no.

2. Maintaining relationship with exes who continue to be negative influences (this includes ex husbands, of course)

3. Unhealthy lifestyle. Won't date a woman who claims to have begun a new, healthy lifestyle. To me, that is NOT their lifestyle and as much as people make excuses about staying fit, trim, if you don't already LIVE it, you will unlikely maintain it. One obvious characteristic is a physique that actually shouts..."I stay fit and active!"

[Shining One]

• Never offers to contribute to dating expenses - FWB
  
• Exclusivity before Sex - Not Happening, but willing to compromise (both at same time)
  
• Follows strict/traditional gender roles - FWB
  
• Uses sex (or promise of sex) as currency - Walk Away
  
• Has entitled mentality - Walk Away
  

[PrettyEmily77]

Interesting. Does this not result in you ignoring some red flags out of convenience?

 

No. It just means I don't go in thinking of the worse, and attributing false red flags to someone I barely know.

 

Takes time to know someone well enough to either want to know them more, or not, as the case may be.

 

If anything, it makes me more objective and less paranoid, I feel.

[Gr8fuln2020]

...attributing false red flags to someone I barely know.

 

This is kind of my concern. I think it's a good idea to allow somene the chance to "prove" themselves worthy of your affection, but, for me, if I "see" or "suspect" something off, I keep my spidey-senses on. Unfortunate, but most people are not going to come right out and admit they have problems. Anyway, understood.

[todreaminblue]

believing me when i say no.....i mean...no

not trying to force me to do things i dont want to do....

challenge me,inspire me to become a better person

if i am not a better person with him...i am better without

see me as an equal

listen to me and communicate what he wants with honesty

see the good in people....even if it means looking hard

treat all people with respect especially his parents..his family and me

be able to compromise

strength of spirit..

honorable

forthright

gentle at heart

.defend others....and stand beside me when i do

 

you know this doesnt sound like a boundaries list...but if all of the above is there.....the boundaries i have arent crossed..pretty backwards way to write boundaries..but thats me....deb

Edited August 7, 2016 by todreaminblue

[Curiousroxy86]

Oh I play....MMORPG on pc only. I find RL more interesting than a game. Having the phone on the table, or checking their phone during a conversation is rude. Taking a pic of their meal *roll eyes*........get me out of here! I want to date a man, not a 16 year old girl.

 

Lmao I dated a guy who "snapped" everything! It was such a turn off

[Curiousroxy86]

Women with lists of deal breakers as long as their arm who wonder why they are single - fail.

 

I'm curious about which ones on this thread do you think are unreasonable..I really want to know

[Curiousroxy86]

None before actually meeting the guy. Stupidly, I go in focusing on the positives.

 

I like to tailor these things to the individual anyway.

 

what were the ones based on the guys you have met if you don't mind sharing

[Curiousroxy86]

2. Maintaining relationship with exes who continue to be negative influences (this includes ex husbands, of course)

"

 

See I'm talking to a single dad who's the child mom really hurt him. Right now I am maintaining a wait and see attitude to I've been hurt and I am not going to hold it against him on moments when he is vulnerable but if I see anything crazy like unnecessary drama on his end or unchecked drama on her end I'm going to have to walk.

[Curiousroxy86]

No. It just means I don't go in thinking of the worse, and attributing false red flags to someone I barely know.

 

Takes time to know someone well enough to either want to know them more, or not, as the case may be.

 

If anything, it makes me more objective and less paranoid, I feel.

 

This makes sense. I think for me in the past I use to have low boundaries and accepted the unacceptable than after realizing it I kinda over did boundaries. Right now I'm at a place where I'm trying to figure out my happy medium. The ones I've listed so far really was inspired by my past and what I'm pretty sure I don't want to accept from anybody lol. But I highly agree having a positive attitude with each new person you meet. I like to allow the guy to just show me who he is. but man if they give me a reason to put up a boundary I'm not ignoring it this time of my life. Funny thing about relationships is a lot of gray....

[Gr8fuln2020]

See I'm talking to a single dad who's the child mom really hurt him.

 

single dad. the only two words you got right... my child's mom is "in a better place" as the silly euphemism goes.

[Curiousroxy86]

• Never offers to contribute to dating expenses - FWB
  
• Exclusivity before Sex - Not Happening, but willing to compromise (both at same time)
  
• Follows strict/traditional gender roles - FWB
  
• Uses sex (or promise of sex) as currency - Walk Away
  
• Has entitled mentality - Walk Away
  

 

I'm really enjoying this post because I like to know how men and women see boundaries in dating. I don't want to assume that your a man but I will admit that this post made me wonder if you are. If so I would like to ask your opinion about the never offer to pay. If you are asking her out every time you expect her to contribute on those dates or do you consider it a contribution if she ask you to places too? Cause I'm thinking about on dates a guy asks me I am always prepared to go Dutch (I don't believe in leaving my house without enough money for me lol) but if he pays I'm not going to object. However down the road when I am pretty confident he really likes me and not ghosting I would suggest dates where I'm prepared to pay for the date. But I will admit that's down the road cause I'm not asking him out until He has asked me out on a few dates first lol. So I just wondered if your always the one to ask her out you still are looking for her to say "I got it" or no?