Boyfriend [33M] is closing on his condo today, and I [26F] want to move in with him

[stillafool]

10 months is not too soon for someone who is 33.

 

To me, 10 months is too soon for a 53 year old, maybe not 90.

[stillafool]

I think if living with a partner is something that you want to experience at 26 waiting on a 33 year old man idk he could be near 40 till he's ready and since his friend is moving in he's not gonna rush them out anytime soon.

 

I don't think his intention is to not settle with you.

 

I could be wrong.

Exactly! Why should he?

[h0000]

I think best to talk to him. Open and honest.

I just bought my own place recently and I have a BF of 10 months. He is moving out from his current place in a few months due to lease ending and I didn't invite him to move in either. And i don't plan to make my place "our place" and I don't ever plan to let him help out with mortgage. I want to make it strictly "my place".

 

Why? Definitely not because I want to party and live a single girl's life. I'm very committed and I want a family with him in the future. But I think 10 months - 1.5 years is too early to move in and all the chores and being on each other's face all the time will kill all the romance and sparks in our relationships. I don't want to live with him because i want the fresh feeling in our relationship to last as long as possible. besides I would also want my friends to visit(stay over) every once in a while and I prefer not to have him here.

 

It could be that he is thinking the same. Don't jump to conclusion that he isn't on the same page with you. Talk to him! If he shuts you down then that is a problem. But wouldnt you rather know it sooner than later?

[Gaeta]

As a 38 y/o man, I seriously disagree with the female perspectives regarding his intentions.

 

He's buying his first place and that's a huge milestone. It's his, he earned it, and he doesn't want that disrupted. Just seeing her first thoughts of "helping him decorate it" was a bit horrifying. He doesn't want plastic flowers and fancy candle holders on the wall. He's a man, he's territorial. He wants to enjoy the rewards of his hard work and make it his own. She's in a very classic female mindset, fantasizing about their home, starting a family, and future together. . [/b]

 

I agree 100% with you. I remember when l bought my home at 40 there was no way a BF would have moved in with me. I would have freaked if l had heard things like "we will furniture shop" and i'm a female. My entire pride was in having bought that place "on my own" and it was "mine" and l wanted to make it 100% my own.

 

10 months dating there is no rush at all in moving in together and at any age.

 

OP: now that you have experienced living with him you don't want to go back to being on your own, l get that. Don't you want him to feel the same way? Or you want him to move you in under pressure? Let him enjoy being s new owner. Let him do the room-mate thing. You need to let him miss living with you. I would give this another year before panicking.

[preraph]

The fact is he was looking for a roommate, but didn't ask you, so he obviously does not want you to move in. I think a conversation about it just might end in a breakup because now he's got his own place, he'd probably as soon be single.

[kendahke]

Him living with you and your aunt sounds like it was a means to an end for him---not a prelude to domestic life with you.

 

You need to rein yourself in. You are way far ahead of what your relationship can bear. As someone up-post said if him living with you was foremost on his mind, you two would have had a conversation about making that happen a long time ago.

 

Focus on you getting yourself to the point where you don't have to be at the mercy of anyone for a place to lay your head at night, be it a bad roommate, living with family or living with a boyfriend.

[miranda11]

To me is actually funny to read posts like this.

 

10 months and you dont know where you are with a person you have known for 8 years?

 

10 months or 3 months. Whatever. If you like someone and have a honest thing you wpuldnt be afraid to ask your so called bf where you stand. You d ask us questions how to decorate your bedroom. If in 10 months you are not sure. Then he is not your real bf but some friend who doesnt want future with you.

 

I dont understand why people are so afraid to ask questions?

 

I ask guys if they want kids or live with me or whatever if I feel ready. If i dont ask them direct question its simply an indicator i am not close with them and dont have an honest realationship.

 

He is not 22. He is 33! If he was sure you were the one he d live with you not his roomate.

Sorry but to me it seems he thinks you are like his toy untill he is ready to grow up. Just not with you.

[miranda11]

Dont wait 3 years and waste your life.

 

10 months is enough to know.. so leave him! People who love you want to keep you around and dont make you insecure.

 

Life is too shirt to wait if you feel ready and he doesnt. So... Move on!

[Gaeta]

People are making bold statement without knowing this guy's story. Who knows maybe he met OP when just out of a relationship. Smart people don't jump into living with someone.

 

OP why did you conclude 2 months ago you were not ready to live together?

[Timshel]

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 8 years, but have only been dating for 10 months. During the 8 years though we were never close at all. With that said, he is closing on his very own condo today. It's his first property he has ever owned. I just moved out of a bad roommate situation, and into my aunt's house with him. For the past two months, him and I have been living together there, because we've been trying to find a place to stay. During this time, my grandma was diagnosed again with cancer and we agreed (two months ago) that we weren't ready to move in yet and that I should move back home. However, this was before us living together. Now that we have, I really envision a future with him. I get excited thinking about maybe helping him pick out shelving and decorations, etc. I'd of course want to help out with his mortgage, and I'm not looking for a free ticket any where. It just feels right now---when it didn't feel right two months ago. However, he makes it clear it's his condo, and I'm afraid to even bring up the subject at all. If any of you were in his shoes would you want to settle into your own place? The only thing is that he invited his old roommate who he knew for a year to come and live with him, and yet maybe he's not ready to live with me? I just don't feel like I can bring this up to him though. Please help.

 

Buying a home for the first time is a really big deal....buying a second and third for most people is still a really big deal. This is his first home buying experience and it is quite tremendous for him.

 

Also, you have a family member who is ill and could use any extra care that you are able to give.

 

With your bf buying a condo and concerns for your family member, moving in together is probably the last thing on his mind at the moment.

 

I would suggest slowing the horse and let him enjoy this momentous moment and for yourself to be of any assistance you are able to your family. There is not much to suggest from your initial post any cause for alarm.

Let the dust settle a bit. You may want to discuss/ask him about future plans...but this may not be the proper time.

 

You will probably be over to his place a lot...things may well develop organically without a word.

Long story short, relax. Your relationship is still in relatively early days.

 

Think about a nice housewarming gift for him and putting your special touch in the new bedroom.

[SevenCity]

Only that is not true, he is moving his friend in to come live with him.

 

Trust me, living with a friend is MUCH MUCH different than living wih someone you are dating.

 

I'm sorry for you if you don't know the difference.

[longjohn]

Yeah, I definitely want to pay rent.

 

I let a lady live with me before and she definitely wanted to pay rent too but she didn't LOL

 

I agree with the others.. if he's moved in a roommate that's paying rent and never asked you then it's clear he wants his space without you.